|I would have hired Mr. Fuji to manage me over this nerd but whatever.|
Not me on the lanes - Went bowling for Z's birthday on Saturday night. I had the highest overall score and broke 160 in two of three games with my legendary straight ball. They don't call me Admiral ELITE for nothing folks.
Buddy Ryan - I watched that Football Life on the 1993 Houston Oilers this week. Man, Buddy was such a cocksucker. Ernest Givins should have punched his lights out. Kevin Gilbride would have beat Buddy's ass. I miss the Oilers. BRING THEM BACK. For as dysfunctional as this year's Skins team is, they've got nothing on that Oilers team.
Tom Brady - "Plenty of shitty plays" was the reason why the Patriots lost in Miami yesterday and now are looking at not getting a bye let alone the one seed. Way to throw everyone else under the bus. So he's not allowed to audible?
Joe Haden - Died on the field after getting abused all game by the terrific Bears receivers. At least he still has that game against Calvin Johnson. It was good to see my boy, The Cat, shake off the rust and look solid. I don't want some sort of controversy with him and Todd Collins Junior anymore.
T-Rich H8RZ - Over 100 total yards and a touchdown! COLTS WIN THE TRADE! The Colts are going to get crushed by the Chiefs in the first round of the playoffs. Unless they hire Andy Dwyer OBVZ.
Chip Kelly - Even with no decent RBs, I had a good feeling that the Eagles were do to shit all over themselves. And boy did they! Matt Cassel had nearly 400 yards and Asiago Cheese scored thrice for the final win in the Metrodome. I don't care. NICK FOLES STILL BLOWS.
ELITE Manning - The last QB to throw 0 touchdowns with five interceptions and less than 200 yards passing? Mark "El Shitbox" Sanchez! Eli fucking sucks. Tom Coughlin crushing his team in the postgame for quitting was very amusing. I find it hard to believe that anyone was trying though.
Kyle Shanahan - He seems to think that he didn't get his current job because of his dad. OK. I'm glad to hear that you will be pursuing other jobs in the offseason because I've seen enough of your garbage shit-ass play-calling.
Mike Shanahan - Now, I was fine with The Hokester going for two against Ohio. I was NOT OK with the Redskins doing it yesterday. I get that we're 3-10 but so is the goddamn team you are playing. Why are you worried about going to overtime against them? That was really dumb but it's nice to see that Mike is upping the ante in this week's effort to get fired. He was simply just tired of coaching in that game and wanted to get it over with. I hate Mike Shanahan. We turned the ball over six times (thank AlfMo and Santana!) and probably should have won. What a season! I am so sick and tired of this fucking circus. I'm glad that Cousins played well because he deserves to get out of this landfill of an organization.
Rob Ryan - Is there a more Rob Ryan story than leaving his job interview in STL to get a few Big Macs and then never showing back up again? This family gives no fucks.
Everyone who is not Jamaal Charles - Wow. It's not often to see a RB get stuffed for 20 yards rushing to the goddamn Raiders but then say NBD, I got this. Charles is the TROOF. MVP? Don't answer that because no one cares about football awards.
Fitzmagic! - Ryan Fitzpatrick went to Harvard. People forget this. Only this bearded homo could lead an insane comeback and then shit out a loss just as quickly in overtime. We need to get to this though...
TONY ROMO - Holy shit! He just keeps getting better and better with his chokes. I'm sure that dumb fucks like Colin T will blame the receiver or whatever today but the common denominator to ALL of these chokes is one man. T-BONE! Two interceptions in the last three minutes at home to a garbage team! This could be the best Romonobyl yet. Dallas choking in December is more consistent on the calendar than Christmas. And I fucking LOVE IT. Can't get enough of this. Dallas is in DC next Sunday. SOMETHING HAS GOT TO GIVE!!!
FANTASY! - Well, unless Megatron and Pitta combine for negative billion points tonight, I will not execute the coveted three-peat in the LFL. Lange put up a monster like Mike McD at KGB's place and I got killed because Drew Brees sucked dicks. I want to wish him well because he beat the best but he cheated to get here so I won't. You see, we have two handicapped owners in the league and Lange fleeced them both in trades earlier this year. He picks on the mentally challenged. That's why I'm rooting for Jeff to win the LFL title next week while I kill Dut for third. In the MSFL, I SHOULD be OK to make the Super Bowl unless my Bengals do nothing and Tron kills that idiot who called him old. Again, I SHOULD be OK to face Lil Strut for the Super Bowl there. We'll see.
That was a good day of football. What we haven't mentioned yet is that there is a ZERO chance that the Broncos win the Super Bowl this year. NONE. I would bet on the Jags to win it all over Denver. They may win one cold game, but they won't win three. Just as a reminder, I can not wait to see next week's Cowboys/Redskins game. First guy to not DERP should get benched on sight. What's the record for most turnovers in a game? HAIL! FUCK DALLAS AKA The Brady of the NFL!