|The reason for the season...never forget|
2010: Arthur Moats and Corey Wooton – These fine mine combined to rid the football world of Brett Lorenzo Favre. We thought that we would never get rid of him until these legends took matters into their own hands.
2011: Steve Shubin – 2011 was the year of the Fleshlight. It only made sense to honor the inventor. Who wants to bet that Lange doesn’t buy himself a light trophy? Bitch.
2012: G$ - Some saw this as controversial. I did not. This was a Louis Green slam dunk. I had an absolutely ELITE and filthy year. 2013 was not as ELITE unfortunately.
How do we score this, you ask? It’s pretty easy actually. We ask two simple questions which must result in a NO and then a resounding YES.
1. Are you OVERRATED?
2. Are you ELITE?
Now let’s get to this year’s nominees!
Richie Earl – I wrote a post about bullying or injuries earlier in the year and Cakes commented about Mr. Earl from their high school days. I forget all the details except that Richie enjoyed picking on Cakes and knocked him unconscious during gym class or football practice or something. He must have had great pad level. You knock out Cakes and you’re getting nominated for Man of the Year, bruh.
Drew – He won Commenter of the Year so he’s getting an invite to the varsity show. Basically, he’s just getting everyone’s drinks for them with no tip. He is not allowed to talk which means that he has to keep his takes to himself.
The BRAHS – One sad thing about football season is that we don’t get to check in on this site’s favorite brothers that much since they spend so much time grinding tape. The year started off right with John besting Jim in the Super Bowl. If memory serves, John and Jim were named co-MVPs of the game. That was followed up by more hijinks like Jim wearing a gimp suit at Friday’s, ruining The Masters, Jim racing in the Indy 500, a fantasy football draft from Hell, and the formation of CUNT. And going into the final week of the NFL season, both BRAHs are still in the hunt. Just as God intended!
Kevin Ware – I don’t know about you guys, but that was the most disgusting injury that I’ve ever seen. The FACT that it happened against Duke tells me that Coach K had a big hand in Ware’s leg snapping in half. Ware is back playing again although he is just getting about 6 minutes per game and averaging less than 2 points. Still, it’s really cool that he is back playing ball. Kevin Ware is the sentimental nominee.
Aaron Hernandez – Talk about a guy who gets things done! I was prepared to give the nomination of a current NFL player to either Richie Incognito or Riley Cooper but Hernandez just keeps getting better. Oh sure, he has multiple murders to beat but his GF keeps lying to the Feds and witnesses keep on dying long after he’s been incarcerated. The man is still making plays. URBAN MEYER GUY!
That Fan Who Walked On The Court To Get LeBron To Come Back Home – This is a man who takes NBA free agency into his own terrorist hands. We’ve all seen enough of Alonzo Gee. And to the stupid fucking kid who did the same thing for Kyrie and obviously doesn’t understand how restricted free agency works, I hope you die.
PFTCommenter – If you aren’t following this lover of professional football or understand his shtick, then I can’t help you. He is the absolute best thing about the internet right now. The man always plays through the whistle and has the hottest of HOT SPROTS TAEKS.
Mark Dantonio – I mean, come on. He is OBVZ and TOTES the best coach in the B1G and proves it every day of the year. What he lacks in basic human emotion, he makes up for with brilliant game plans and destruction of inferior programs. The rest of the conference better step it up or else they will always be staring up at Sparty. I heard that Michigan State is going to start selling PSLs at The Rose Bowl.
And now…The 2013 Money Shot Man of the Year is…
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford! This guy embodies everything great about life except for being a foreigner which is OK because he clearly loves football/Fred Jackson. Let’s briefly list some of his Man of the Year qualities:
*smoked crack on video
*blamed smoking crack on being too drunk
*addressed the crack allegations while wearing a tie with NFL team logos on it
*denied eating a staffer’s pussy on TV
*claimed he gets enough pussy to eat at home
*is grotesquely fat
*ran over some woman at a city council meeting (ELITE GIF)
*pops up on American radio stations to make NFL picks from time to time
*has no problem with the Redskins name
*likely eats chicken wings at all meals
*cannot be removed from office due to question mark reasons which is just the best thing ever
There was no other choice. This was not a tough decision at all. Rob Ford has earned his spot as Money Shot Man of the Year. Wootton/Moats. Shubin. Money. Ford. Move the fuck over, Ric Flair, because a new Four Horsemen are ready to ride!