For the record, I don’t think that these “SabeCakes to Texas” rumors are worth shit. Then again, I’m not much of an egomaniac despite my insistence that a statue of my likeness be commissioned and displayed outside of DFL/LFL HQ. If someone is willing to build a statue of you, then you stay with them forever. At the time of this writing, nothing official has been done about Mack Brown. He is still “poised to leave” whatever that means, Brett McMurphy. But it’s always more fun when dudes get fired and the speculation runs rampant. Speculation and baseless rumors are the cornerstones of this site.
Like I said, I’m not buying these rumors but there are some benefits that need to be considered. Like it or not, Texas is THEEEEE program. Texas has their own TV network for fuck’s sake. While owning the SEC for most of a decade is great, it would be way easier to own the Big 12. The fans are probably equally moronic. It would likely be a little easier to make the title playoff at Texas than it would be at Alabama. Winning national titles at LSU, Alabama, and Texas would make him the GOAT if he isn’t considered that already.
But I doubt that it happens. The funny thing is that the Texas coaching wish list (from that Orange Blood site which is usually pretty accurate) is equally delightful.
1. Nicky SabeCakes
2. Urban Frank Meyer III
3. Mike Tomlin
Now there is some potential solid comedy and would draw unlimited LOLZ from butt-hurt fans if any of these three came true. I highly doubt that Urban would even return a phone call to the Texas AD but maybe he’s already grown tired of failing miserably in the Midwest and wants to go back south where he has had his only successes? Maybe he truly detests this god awful fan base? This would be the greatest troll move of all time for Urban to stay here for two years and then shit all over this JV program. It won’t happen ever but, man, that would be some great stuff. I think that Tomlin would be a terrific college coach actually and I doubt that Steelers fans would be all that upset if he left.
But back to Saban, Captain Booger Eater, Paul Feinbaum, is reporting that a contract extension has been on Saban’s desk for a week and is still unsigned so maybe there should be more made of this by me after all. Meh, whatever, Chuck Martin is still better. So let’s spend today wildly speculating and passing off rumors both approved and unapproved by Drooler as credible reports. Who knows—maybe by the time this posts all of this will have already been decided thus making all of my gorgeous writing obsolete and pointless. It’s always a risk that I take in the dangerous lifestyle of blogging. Make sure you tune in tomorrow when the Weisman Award (now in trophy form!) is given to Stanford Football. Whoops—SPOILER ALERT!