Thursday, December 12, 2013

Still Talking About Nicky SabeCakes To Texas

Cooourse Light!
While I am knee-deep in Weisman Trophy votes before tomorrow’s big reveal, I feel like we can spend the day talking more about Mr. Moose Knuckle himself, Nick Saban, and his future. I know that this isn’t exciting, but it is a little interesting. I mean, this story isn’t as “sexually appealing” to us as the Big Ten Championship Game was to Nicky SabeCakes, but then again, what is? I hope that you all heard that on GameDay because that was a really weird thing to say. I guess that sitting next to Chris Fowler will get even the most frigid man all hot and bothered.

For the record, I don’t think that these “SabeCakes to Texas” rumors are worth shit. Then again, I’m not much of an egomaniac despite my insistence that a statue of my likeness be commissioned and displayed outside of DFL/LFL HQ. If someone is willing to build a statue of you, then you stay with them forever. At the time of this writing, nothing official has been done about Mack Brown. He is still “poised to leave” whatever that means, Brett McMurphy. But it’s always more fun when dudes get fired and the speculation runs rampant. Speculation and baseless rumors are the cornerstones of this site.

Like I said, I’m not buying these rumors but there are some benefits that need to be considered. Like it or not, Texas is THEEEEE program. Texas has their own TV network for fuck’s sake. While owning the SEC for most of a decade is great, it would be way easier to own the Big 12. The fans are probably equally moronic. It would likely be a little easier to make the title playoff at Texas than it would be at Alabama. Winning national titles at LSU, Alabama, and Texas would make him the GOAT if he isn’t considered that already.

But I doubt that it happens. The funny thing is that the Texas coaching wish list (from that Orange Blood site which is usually pretty accurate) is equally delightful.
1. Nicky SabeCakes
2. Urban Frank Meyer III
3. Mike Tomlin
Now there is some potential solid comedy and would draw unlimited LOLZ from butt-hurt fans if any of these three came true. I highly doubt that Urban would even return a phone call to the Texas AD but maybe he’s already grown tired of failing miserably in the Midwest and wants to go back south where he has had his only successes? Maybe he truly detests this god awful fan base? This would be the greatest troll move of all time for Urban to stay here for two years and then shit all over this JV program. It won’t happen ever but, man, that would be some great stuff. I think that Tomlin would be a terrific college coach actually and I doubt that Steelers fans would be all that upset if he left.

But back to Saban, Captain Booger Eater, Paul Feinbaum, is reporting that a contract extension has been on Saban’s desk for a week and is still unsigned so maybe there should be more made of this by me after all. Meh, whatever, Chuck Martin is still better. So let’s spend today wildly speculating and passing off rumors both approved and unapproved by Drooler as credible reports. Who knows—maybe by the time this posts all of this will have already been decided thus making all of my gorgeous writing obsolete and pointless. It’s always a risk that I take in the dangerous lifestyle of blogging. Make sure you tune in tomorrow when the Weisman Award (now in trophy form!) is given to Stanford Football. Whoops—SPOILER ALERT!

30 comments:

GMoney said...

Anybody see what has happened at Arkansas State? I can't tell if their AD has the worst job or is doing an ELITE job. He's on his FIF coaching search in five years.

Guy he fired initially - Mr. Freeze - Gus Malzahn - Bryan Harsin - new guy

That's damn impressive.

Anonymous said...

The rumor that seems to be gaining some momentum is Jim Harbaugh heading to Texas!. Herbstreit mentioned it yesterday and now it seems to be a popular notion. I just seem him folding under the pressure and losing his shit. It's the Mecca of college coaching, but those rowdy fucking Texans want results.

NC Nate

GMoney said...

We might have to have another dinner with the BRAHs to find out if this rumor has any legs. I think it would be much easier for Jimmy to scream at kids for 24 hours a day than it is with pros.

Herbie also gave a shout out on SportsCenter to the Jackets the other night because he is a great man.

Can you imagine if SabeCakes coached Stanford Football? It would be too unfair. Everyone would be playing for runner-up (including the Super Bowl champion).

Mr. Ace said...

Herbstreit is not to be trusted. I am still waiting for Les Miles and Tenuta to show up at Michigan circa 2007. If Harbough goes to Texas after stiffing Michigan we will no longer be BRAHS.

URBZ would be great lolz. Can't see it happening though.

The more the Saban stuff stays out there the me I believe it. #HeGone

Prime99 said...

SabeCakes doesn't coach Stanford Football!

Harbaugh isn't going anywhere. He will be the coach when the Niners open their new stadium next year. Maybe he will use the info as contract leverage that he doesn't need.

GMoney said...

Boom. NC Nate just got served by our Pac-12 and NFC West correspondent/liaison.

But could you imagine if SabeCakes married Stanford Football???

Jeff said...

I think Saban is gone.

TEXAS > Bama
Austin >>>>>>> Tuscaloosa
UT fans > Bama fans
(I'm basing this on the fact that UT fans have not killed each other over a loss or killed any trees, to my knowledge)
And I'm sure Colin T would back me up on this last point

Texas does not have a state income tax!!!

I think Tomlin would be a good college coach also. I would also like that to happen so the Steelers could then hire Bill O'Brien.

GMoney said...

GREAT point about NO STATE TAX. But what of their school systems? Are they great? Gonna need to turn on The Herd today to find out.

Apparently, UConn offered their job to Pat Narduzzi AKA Assistant of the Year and he said HELLS NAH BRAH. So they gave the job to ND DC Bob Diaco. Brian Kelly is losing all sorts of quality coaches which is fine by me.

GMoney said...

Reds offered up Brandon Phillips for Brett Gardner straight up and the Yankees said no. That is a bit of a surprise. My guess is that we want Homer Bailey, too.

Gardner would be a solid replacement for Big League Choo and Phillips would be good Cano replacement. Makes sense to me.

Nate said...

Colin already covered this yesterday to know end.

He kept bringing up some real estate deal that may have gone very poorly for Nick in Alabama. Apparently, Texas is willing to help bail him out of it. Not sure about the entire story there.

There are also talks about Saban receiving a small percentage of ownership of the Longhorn Network.

Nate said...

*no end

Grumpy said...

If the message boards are any indicators, Steeler fans would be happy to see Tomlin go. They think Cowher will come back.

Jeff, no college coaches, please.

Anonymous said...

I like that Mack looks like he's going down swinging....he's going to make them fire him.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I see. Colin T. has inside sources about the housing market in Alabama. Makes sense that he is the only person with this knowledge and that a Mark Brunell-like mistake would lead to Saban leaving his job. How does that make any sense? Why Saban need a bail out when he prints money? Colin T is a faggot.

Right now, Mack and Mike Shanahan are having a contest on who gets fired first and they are trying to one-up each other. Mack is going to start recruiting kids in a body suit.

Mr. Ace said...

"An OB source has confirmed that Nick Saban has initiated the vetting process of trying to see what a staff at Texas might look like."

Shits getting real.

Anonymous said...

I agree with what LS said yesterday. Saber enjoys building a program rather than just sustaining one so I believe he is more than likely to bolt.

Jimmy Harbaugh going to Texas after turning down the Michigan job would be hilarious. Maybe their next hire can be from the Dantonio coaching tree.

Not that anyone cares here but Diaco leaving after Martin left is now going to be a race to for the next head coaching job for ND. Whoever has the most success over th next five years will get the job.

Larry

GMoney said...

I guess we should never discount how big of a shithead and scumbag SabeCakes can be. The man just gives no fucks about anything but his moose knuckle.

The Iceman said...

I'm not sure if I see SaberCakes going to TexASS. He's already said he's too old to start over...whatever the fuck that means. And he also said that saying he was staying and leaving before really made him look like a fuck (my words, not his). So if he says he isn't going anywhere...I gotta believe Ol Mooseknucks. Now watch him bolt.

"Texas does not have a state income tax!!!"

Good point, Jeff. Cowherd would be proud.

Texas needs more aviator sunglasses. Tomlin 2014!!

I also like how Mack Daddy Brown is not slinking off into the shadows like TexASS wants him to. You're going to have to fire his ass, boys!

Nate said...

Just read about this real estate deal. Apparently, Saban is currently on the hook for a $25 million debt still leftover from this. The note was recently purchased by a group of Texas boosters.

Mr. Ace said...

http://www.elevenwarriors.com/forum/football/2013/12/the-most-outragous-saban-to-texas-rumor-yet

GMoney said...

SabeCakes needs to stop taking investment advice from Antoine Walker.

If you ever link to Eleven Warriors again, I will cut you. Or maybe I'll just become a Michigan fan and you can watch your beloved Wolverines lose big for a decade.

Anonymous said...

G$...that wouldn't be much of a change for these Michigan guys.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

I didn't want to, but it was linked on some LSU twitter page. And Ramzy from 11W is a pretty good follow on the Twitters.

You've been a Michigan fan for years.

GMoney said...

Hogwash! Only on ND and Ohio Saturdays!

I'm not giving them web traffic so just give me the nuts and bolts and another pair of nuts of the story.

Mr. Ace said...

Saban is in the red $20 million due to bad commercial real estate investments made LSU and then Alabama alums.

The following paragraph is from an Inside Texas contributor who goes by the handle of "Jesus Shuttleworth."

In talking to various sources plugged into the Alabama and Texas sides, it seems Nick Saban is roughly $20 million in the hole due to investments with LSU and Alabama alums. These investments are predominantly in the commercial real estate space. For his trouble, Nick Saban is not a happy camper with these two alumni bases and has a hole in his retirement plan that Mark Ingram could run through. Additionally, I'm told Texas and the Longhorn Foundation have "passed the hat" to provide a dollar amount up front that nearly makes Nick Saban whole after these defunct investments. Call it the Lamarr Houston/Roy Miller investment strategy. The mechanism used to fund this "bonus" will be off the books in order to make the total compensation package more politically palatable when it's officially announced. Texas does not want to be perceived as the Yankees and again, I don't want to help negotiations with enemy.
This 'Shuttleworth' guy has been pretty plugged into the goings on with the UT coaching situation for a while. He expects Saban's regular salary to be in the order of $8mil/yr. Still, the above really takes the cake. There's so much smoke though surrounding the Saban --> Texas rumor I'm inclined to believe there's something to it. So let the speculation fireworks begin!

Prime99 said...

I told you Saban doesn't play Stanford Football- especially when making real estate moves.

As Chip would say, "What is more faggoty than Nick Saban? Nothing."

GMoney said...

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL the Tigers just signed Joba Chamberlain!!!

GMoney said...

Prime, I miss your transcribed interviews with Chip. Fuck da Eagles.

Nice Mark Ingram burn in there from Jesus!

Mr. Ace said...

Toledo Mud Hens just got themselves a closer.

Prime99 said...

I miss Chip, too. The NFL has really changed him (or maybe it was the C.U.N.T.?)

Maybe it's time to reach out and see what's up. Bears/Eagles did just get FLEXED to Sunday night in two weeks.

Cutler for the Browns. Can Haden stop Marshall and Deceptashon? Doubtful.