Thursday, December 05, 2013

It's Like A Sauna In Here

Racist or diehard Skins fans?
I haven’t hosted a baseball day here since the Detroit Tigers failed for the millionth year in a row in mid-October. Well, that just won’t do. There is no doubt that baseball has its problems but one thing that it does right is that it features the best offseason of all sports. More trades! Larger pool of free agency! Stupid money! Outrageous contract demands! I have no idea why this time of the year is called the “Hot Stove” but I do acknowledge how entertaining and wild it can be. This week was no exception. Let’s discuss some of the bigger moves especially since my club was heavily involved in the moving and shaking.

The Yankees sign Jacoby Ellsbury to a whopping 7 year/153 million dollar contract – Well, the financials here are just absurd. There is no chance in Hell that the speedy Native American can live up to those figures. I was TOTES not expecting them to be a player for Ellsbury but it makes sense because our front office is petty and immature and probably finds it adorbs that they stole away Boston’s most talented player. Little do they realize that Boston was letting him walk anyway. Here’s the thing though: I like the signing. I have always felt that Ellsbury was OVERRATED until I had him on my fantasy team this year and he most definitely is not. He is a really good player (albeit a tad brittle). I like that we are shifting from a team reliant on home runs to one that is fast as fuck and plays killer defense. So while I think that they overpaid by 40 million or so (par for the course with this bunch), you can’t deny that the Yankees are better today with Ellsbury and McCann (both still in their prime) over Granderson and Chris Stewart. And as Jermaine Dupri likes to say “Money ain’t a thang”. Now if they would just address 2B, 3B, SP, and RP then we’d be a LOCK for the title!!!

Quit fucking around, Cano – I’m starting to get a little concerned with the Cano talks though. By the time of this being posted, the Yankees could have already signed Kelly Johnson and with the McCann/Ellsbury deals out there plus the near lock of winning the bid on Nip fireballer, Tanaka, there might not be anything left for Robbie. And you know what, I think that I might be OK with that. He’s a great player and I want him around still, but he’s 32 and wants 250 million dollars. That’s just bad business and we REALLY need to stop doing bad business. If Seattle wants him, they can have him at that price. You will never hear from him again. I’m sure that the Yankees would do 7/175 on him but I’m starting to feel like his days in NY are over. And that’s a shame but the lesson is that if you like where you are then don’t be unreasonably greedy. Everyone is replaceable.

This one doesn’t make sense – I get trading Prince Fielder. I don’t get giving away Doug Fister—a proven playoff pitcher and innings eater—away for a bag of water-logged baseballs. Drew Smyly better work out in the rotation otherwise this is a massive failure. Good for Fister, though, he got to escape Hell/Detroit and join the best rotation in baseball. It sounds like the Tigers are closing in on a deal with Joe Nathan which is about two years and a billion blown saves too late. He would be a good signing but his balls are getting pretty old. Anyway, since all of you rubes like to suck off Dombrowski and you can defend the Kinsler move to death, but you can’t deny that this latest trade makes you worse in 2014.

Billy Beane is crazy – Prime may be able to add more to this but what the hell has gotten into the A’s? They’re wheeling and dealing like Riverboat Ron. I like the trade for Jim Johnson since Balfour is out the door. But 22 million for Scott Kazmir? Scott Kazmir is SHIT. Eh, what the hell do I know…it seems like everyone Beane signs ends up fitting in perfectly out there.

The Red Sox are doomed – Only shitbag loser teams sign AJ Pierzynski AKA the biggest shithead in the game. Good to know that they aren’t serious about repearing as champions. On the other hand, Salty signed a 3 year 20+ million dollar deal with the Marlins. Why would he want to go there? And what about Rob Brantly? The Marlins should just hang up every time the Tigers call because they ALWAYS get fleeced.

Finally, Grandy – It sounds like the former Yankee will either sign with the Cubs or Mets which is about the saddest choices you could have outside of Houston. Poor guy. I really like him but his skills have just eroded so much over the past few years that it is basically home run or nothing and below average OF defense. Which makes him a perfect fit in either Chicago or Queens. Speaking of ex-Yankees, I REALLY like the Twins signing Phil Hughes. That park is perfect for him. He should thrive in Minnesota.

Then again, there could be 100 moves made between the time I write this and the time that it posts so who knows. Obviously, feel free to discuss any offseason move or rumor today. One thing is certain: the Indians won’t do anything because they seem to be back in the Dolan’s Discounts mindset. Good luck putting a pitching staff together off the clearance rack. I’ve heard great things about Derek Lowe! You suck. Deal with it.

55 comments:

Anonymous said...

TL:DR

How about UNC/OSU?!

UNC will beat all the top ten teams then drop shit against Belmont (at home). That is absurd, and god knows what they are capable of. Duke/UNC will be a blast this year.

OSU is playing out of their minds. Again, this seems to be another year where their game rests on their FG percentage, but Im really happy that everyone is stepping up after Buckets. Black name Ross is sick.

Expected loss for WE WORK the other night, but at least you get a warmup before Arizone completely shuts the door on your ranking. Kudos to you guys for scheduling all your hard games on the road. Takes balls, I guess.

Ide

GMoney said...

^^^TL; DR because pointless

Mr. Ace said...

GAYsball.

Jeff said...

LOLZ at the Red Sox being doomed. Just pick them last in the bEAST again like you did last year.

You are TOTES Iceman bitter about the Sox.

GMoney said...

Mr. GAYce!

You have to admit that signing AJ Pierzynski (a Schiano Man if there ever was one) is not the best start to the offseason.

Jeff said...

AJ is def not my favorite move, but paying him for one as opposed to Salty for 3, I'm in favor of. A long term option at catcher is a big need, but Cherrington out smarted everyone by signing proven vets to short term deals over long term deals with others.

I hear they're in the mix for Grandy or Beltran. Don't know how I feel about that, but after last year I'm a believer in anything he does.

Mr. Ace said...

AJ P is great a fit in Baaaaston. Scrappy, ass holeish white guy with a ring.

Don't forget to make your picks in the MSFL! Holy fuck am I the best commish ever. Just to show everyone who isn't a part of this league(4 of you?) how awesome I am, here is the MSFL playoff challenge:

As a way of keeping everyone involved until the bitter end, we are going to have a little competition throughout the playoffs. We all enjoy gambling, or enjoy making fun of people who don't gamble, so we are going to be gambling on Fantasy Football. I will use the spreads that are posted in the matchup previews and start a thread for you clowns to pick the winner ATS.

My Moms Fucking Hot(-13) vs Ide Blows Bi Guys
Senator Suchafag vs The Peoples Champ(-12)

The winner at the end of the year will get a special surprise from my private stash of incredible sports memorabilia. Because I am the best fucking commissioner Fantasy Football has ever known.

#Greatness

Mr. Ace said...

HBD to the Original Grogsta! According to FB.

GMoney said...

I assume that AJ is also racist which makes him an even better fit in Sully's neighborhood.

Grogsta sucks. I wish him nothing.

Prime99 said...

I honestly have idea what Billy is doing with Kazmir. I know they believe he's healthy enough to fill Bartolo's Andre the Giant sized shoes, but the question is, why not throw that money at Tim Hudson and bring him home (signed by the Giants, no less)? Answer? He doesn't think Huddy is healthy and Kashmir is much warmer to wrap himself in. Maybe? Like I said- no idea.

GMoney said...

Don't forget that the Cubs will always be terrible.

Anonymous said...

I hope G$ doesn't mind...but, I'm gonna touch on three sports today since we were told to talk college ball whenevs...and NBA is never really a topic.

Baseball --

*I think you perfectly summed up the Ellsbury deal. Yankees paid too much....he's brittle....but, whatevs. He's a great player and I think he'll regain some of his power in the Bronx. Good signing.

*I didn't like the Sister Fister deal. I realize they wanted to get Smyly in the rotation....and that they were shopping Fister or Porcello...but, we didn't get back what Fister was worth. Supposedly, the Tigers are in love with the pitcher Ray that they got back...but, they still could have gotten more. That being said...with Prince gone...Kinsler added...Miggy back at 1st...Nathan in to close deals...I think the Tigers are better right now than they were in October, so I'm happy with the off-season. We'll see if they go after the Choo Choo Train.

*I don't think Cano is going anywhere.

*Grandy is pretty terrible nowadays....whoever ends up signing him will have wasted some money.

College Basketball --

*LOLZ @ Michigan State...way to get ran off your home floor by an unranked team when you are #1.

*I watched the Michigan game and GRob....WOOF. That guy is invisible. I'll hold back judgement of Mitch "I'm a 33 yr old Sophomore that can count to potato" McGary until he rounds into shape after missing basically all of camp.

*Buckeyes looked GREAT last night. Anyone that thought the enforcement of these rules would all of a sudden make Craft some regular defender....LOLZ @ how stupid you are. We are a really tough team to beat when Q is shooting like he should.

NBA --

*Only comment I want to make is that Andre Drummond is INCREDIBLE.

If you went through the last three NBA Drafts and put all of the players in one...and then let everyone pick from scratch. It would go like this....

1.) Anthony Davis
2.) Andre Drummond
3.) Kyrie Irving

I'm sure Slow Seal will whine about above...but, Kyrie is now known as a injury prone and he hasn't been that good this year either. Drummond is 20 yrs old and just dominating everywhere but the free throw stripe. How in the fucking world did he drop to 9 in his draft? Not gonna let Iceman live down thinking it was a bad pick....even if he's way better than even I expected.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Who else is excited for the Jameis Winston ruling at 2 pm today? My guess is he doesn't get charged. I mean, if he is getting charged (and thus arrested), why would you wait until a Thursday afternoon to do it? Unless you are some sort of GLORY COP.

GMoney said...

Drooler, I assume Anthony Bennett would go #4? He did score 5 points last night!

The notion that Ellsbury is injury prone is kind of misguided considering the bulk of his time lost is from two incidents where he ran into his teammate in the OF. He needs to work on his communication skills OBVZ.

The best part about signing Ellsbury is that the first round pick we would have had to give Boston was already taken by Atlanta. Plus, we're going to get it back from whoever is dumb enough to give Granderson 40-50 million dollars.

FUCK YOU RED SOX.

GMoney said...

Wait a minute, BRAH--there isn't one moron out there who would start their team with Mr. Drummond over Kyrie. Pump yo brakes, son.

Anonymous said...

Uhhh...yes....teams still draft great Centers over great PG's. That is how the NBA works. Drummond is a freak out there at 20 years old. Currently ranked # 6 overall in the NBA as a fantasy basketballer too. Teams would be absolutely drooling over the chances of getting a 20 yr old big man that they now know has endless potential.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Yeah because you've got to lock up that top 6 fantasy basketball player.

If the Cavs called the Stones today and said we want Drummond and we'll give you Kyrie, Dumars would accept that in a second. Turn it around and even an idiot like Chris Grant hangs up the phone immediately. DEAL WITH IT. You wrong here.

Anonymous said...

OBVZ the fantasy basketball comment was to show how dominant statistically across the board (except FT's) he's been.

It's cute that you have forgotten how in love with Centers the NBA is tho. I don't think either GM would give up their young star. Dumars has a Shaq-like 20 yr old....you don't give that up.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I don't see charges coming for Winston. Being charged with a felony basically demands your immediate arrest. The only reason for doing this press conference would be to notify Winston early enough to get his affairs in order and turn himself in under the cover of night, so as to avoid a media circus surrounding his arrest. If he is not in custody at the time of the press conference, he is not being charged.

Mr. Ace said...

I think Drooler's NBA comments are pretty accurate. 2 names who I think could get thrown into that conversation are Kawhi Leonard(MY GUY) and Damian Lillard. Really like those two players.

I have said the same thing about GR3 for the longest. Completely fucking invisible. Offseason reports had him tearing up camps and scouts drooling, he looks like that same dude to me...except worse without TreyBurkeSick to facilitate.

McGary is getting hurt by our PG play. McGary has been open a lot off pick n rolls and they just aren't getting him the ball. The offense needs to start running through him a little more because he is an ELITE passer for a big in college.

Stauskas is still sick. He needs to get that ankle better though. He just didn't have it against Duke.

LQ Ross just can't be trusted. That is the biggest concern for the Fuckeyes. Did he even see the weight room in the offseason? His could be so much more if he put on weight like he could have. As far as the new rules, we will see come tourney time. The refs always blow more whistles in the tourney and that has hurt the Fuckeyes in the past. Craft is still a great defender because of his feet. That kid should have played football.

Jameis isn't getting charged.

Anonymous said...

*The only reason to do the press conference and press charges, I should say.

Anonymous said...

If they charge Winston today, then they should also arrest the State Attorney for letting someone they think is a rapist roam around for an additional 24 hours. So, yeah....no fucking way he's getting charged.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

I was with Drooler until he threw out SHAQ. GTFO. And I think PG's are valued more than C's in general, mostly because athletic true C's are so hard to come by. PG's just have more influence on the game.

Anonymous said...

Ape....I was thinking last night that Craft would be the best Safety on the Ohio State football team. That thought made me a little angry for a variety of reasons.

I forgot to mention Stauskas....he's been awesome so far this year with the exception of the Duke game.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Ape...the stat lines he puts up at his age haven't been done since Shaq. When people try to compare the stat lines to past history....they always have to go back to Shaq. That is why he was used as the comparison.

As for the PG/C thing...fucking Enes Kanter was a # 3 pick. NBA teams are desperate as hell to find a high quality Center. There are more ELITE PG's in the NBA than there are ELITE Centers.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I refuse to join a conversation with someone that says Andre Drummond is comparable to one of the top 3 most dominant centers in the history of the game.

Seal

Anonymous said...

And if Drummond is comparible to Shaq, then why isnt he number one in your rankings? Are you saying that Davis is better than Shaq? You are a fucking idiot. Stop trolling with your homer Pistons shit.

Seal

Anonymous said...

No center talk can be had without Byron James and Kosta Koufos. This is not speculation, this is FACT.

Is anon LS? I think it's LS.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Slow Seal...not sure if you read what I wrote, since you are real dumb. But, I'm not the one making the comparisons. NBA writers here...like here for an example from ESPN NBA Insider's stats guy...this is from last year...

"But the rest of his stat line compares favorably to O'Neal's rookie season -- when Shaq was a year and a half older and had two additional seasons of NCAA experience to polish his game.

As his role grows, Drummond must chart his own path. Maybe he won't get there. But the way he's played so far calls for comparisons to some of the best centers in the NBA over the past three decades. That's heady stuff for a 19-year-old, especially one coming off the bench."

Now look what he's doing this year as a starter. You have to go all the way back to Shaq to find someone comparable at this junction of their NBA career. I don't see why that is some sort of big deal....it's not like his stats are make believe.

Also, I'd pick Davis ahead of him because I'm not really sure we have a good comparison for Davis. He's a freaky combination...like a better Kevin Garnett. Drummond is still more raw than Davis, so I'd say he's more of sure thing.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Ide makes a great point about KoKo and Byron James being better than Drummond.

Oh so now we're quoting ESPN writers? When will the hypocrisy end?

The center is being phased out of the game so if you've got a good one, that is a real asset. Let's just slow down on the Shaq comparisons until we get a bit more of a body of work. Also, I would like to see what he can do in the playoffs. Anyone can tear it up in front of 5K screaming Pistons fans. Right now, he is more Boogie Cousins than Dwight Howard.

And everyone in the world would still rather have Kyrie over Conrad Bain.

Anonymous said...

How old is Slow Seal? 30ish? I like that he thinks it's totally absurd that writers are comparing someone's rookie year...to that of someone else's when he was roughly 10 years old. It wouldn't surprise me if you were still sucking on your Mommy's titty at that age...let alone forming excellent memories of Shaq's rookie year that allows you to scoff at the notion anyone could compare something to it.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Kanter may have went #3, but who was the next PG in that draft? Brandon Knight. Ass. That draft was turrble.

Anon is totes LS. He can't help but show off his prestigious UT Law school chops.

Anonymous said...

Hey fun fact. Drummond grabbed 18+ rebounds for the third game in a row last night. Only other player in NBA history to do that feat at 20 yrs or younger? Shaq...but, fuck everyone for seeing who the last person would have been to do that....especially, since it was Shaq and that makes the stat sound real dumb now.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Gary Trent was once called "The Shaq of the MAC" which means that he is OBVZ Shaq's brother and equal and Gold Bond Medicated Powder spokesman.

Anonymous said...

G$....What is your opinion on Shin Shoo Choo if the Tigers were to sign him?

--Drew

GMoney said...

He'll still be a chinaman. Next question.

Anonymous said...

If the Tigers sign Max Scherzer to an extension. How long of an extension would be "too long"?

--Drew

The Iceman said...

"NBA writers here...like here for an example from ESPN NBA Insider's stats guy...this is from last year..."

Why are you using tabloid websites to prove points, Drew? Please address G$'s hypocrisy comment. Blasting ESPN yesterday then using them for support today will not be glossed over.

Anonymous said...

Iceman....you dolt. Yesterday was a discussion about college football. ESPN was spewing a terrible/wrong talking poin/story line about Auburn jumping OSU. Anyone with a brain that researched it any further/actually listened to ESPN's BCS expert...not their talking heads...would know that Auburn's chance of jumping OSU if both win is about as good as Devin Gardner being the #1 QB in the 2013 NFL Draft.

There is no such thing as hypocrisy when I cited a NBA stats writer...who is comparing STATS. This is not a storyline...this is not an opinion...it's a comparison of stats. Real..tangible..numbers. Therefore your attempt at making this some sort of hypocrisy, ends up making you look even dumber than you were when you spoke about Auburn.

*drops mic*

--Drew

GMoney said...

WHO GAVE DREW A MIC? ANSWER ME!

Not knowing how old Crazy Eyes is, I would say that 6 years is fine considering he keeps getting better. 7? BAD. Next question.

And, yes, it does seem like Cano is back to being the top priority again and now that they are showing a commitment to get back to titles and titties, he would be a damn fool to sign with the Mets or Mariners. Suck it up and take your 175-180, broheeeeeeem.

The Iceman said...

Drew. You, Ide, Cakes and John Feinstein trash ESPN as a whole more than anyone else I know. You can't say "the college football guys are shit but the NBA guys sure have it together". Well...I guess you CAN. It just makes you look stupid.

The mic Drew had and dropped was attached to a Fisher Price plastic amp.

Anonymous said...

My next question....

If the Yankees were about to play in the Game 7 of a World Series...BUT, they had to put either Matt Nokes or Jim Leyritz (in their current ages and being over a decade removed from the game) in as Catcher for all 9 innings. Who do you choose to be your catcher?

--Drew

Anonymous said...

What kind of faggot says "drops mic"?

God you are the worst.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Iceman....you still aren't being able to separate FACTS from STORY-LINES. As I said earlier....ESPN BCS Expert Brad Edwards was direct and spot on with hsi breakdown of Auburn's minimal chances. It's the idiots that you listened to that are making noise, that are the morons. Not Brad Edwards who put numbers down as facts....and not this ESPN NBA Stats guy that did teh same. Two completely different things.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Quotes from Tallahassee Prosecutor Willie Meggs:

"We think we have exhausted all investigative tools,"

"When you all look at this, when the dust all settles, you'll say, 'Man, there were some things that could have been done back in December of '12 that could have cleared this up a whole lot easier than November of 2013,'

These quotes turn me from 90% sure to 99% sure Jameis Winston will not be charged.

Mr. Ace said...

Drew >>> better than the rest of you. What he says is perfectly clear. If you get your info from the talking heads, the people you see on TV and with a job to produce ratings, on ESPN then you're probably a tard. If you get your info from people who actually write and post analysis and stats, at ESPN or wherever, then you are probably a generally well-informed sports fan. I was the first person to call Iceman out Tuesday for saying what he said about "what he was hearing" and I'm the same guy who said my BCS wet dream was for Auburn to jump the Fuckeyes!!!

Seal is an angry internet elf.

**Hangs Dong**
**Drops Mic**

Anonymous said...

Thanks Ape!

--Drew

GMoney said...

GREAT QUESTION! Leyritz killed someone drunk driving so you know that he lacks focus but his killer instinct can not be denied. Nokes is an old Tiger though. I'm going to take Leyritz because his three run homer off of Mark Wohlers in the 1996 Series was ELITE. And as a Yankees fan, we always reward our own for their past performances.

Yeah, what Drool is saying is that it's OK to get your info from John Hollinger or whoever but not Stephen A. Makes sense. He still gay though.

FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST! THANK GOD ALMIGHTY JAMEIS IS FREE AT LAST!

Anonymous said...

How am I angry (and and elf?) when I said i disagree with Drew's ranking of Drummond? Am I not allowed to disagree with someone?

Seal

GMoney said...

EDWARD MUJICA TO THE RED SOX! JEFF IS THE WORST!

Jeff said...

Best bullpen in baseball.

Jeff said...

I know you had your sights on him replacing MO.

Mr. Ace said...

Seal, I just envision you reading Drews comments while cursing under your breath threw gritted teeth. Your use of "fuck" and "faggot" goes up exponentially when Drooler is involved. I only call you an elf because I am in the holiday spirit.

Anonymous said...

Because it baffles me that people agree with him...

GMoney said...

I think we should bring back Kyle Farnsworth.