Wednesday, December 18, 2013

G$ Names The Ohio Sportsman of the Year

Agree with this.
At this time of year, it seems like every John Q. Blogger out there tries to come up with some sort of year end award extravaganza that no one gives a shit about. Well, I’m not going to big time the others and will fall in line with the masses. As a reminder, The Commies are this Friday and the reveal of Money Shot Man of the Year is next Friday. Those are the awards that matter, folks. By the way, I’m stealing this post idea from a Bobby Carpenter radio segment so you KNOW it’s legit.

This week, Sports Illustrated named Peyton Manning their Sportsman of the Year. I’m 33 years old and I have never once thought about this distinction. It means nothing to me. It shouldn’t mean anything to you. The only people who care about this work for SI or are over 60 years old and have fond memories of print journalism. I have no idea why Peyton was given this “honor”. He won nothing. He shilled everything. The SI Guy said that it was basically a lifetime achievement award. If that is the case, then—uh—Mr. Mariano Rivera should have gotten it. I would have had no issue with Big Papi being this year’s Sportsman though. Anyone but Manning who, again, accomplished nothing but endorsements. Dammit, if I don't care then why do I have an opinion?

Let’s localize that idea today though. Most of us live in “The Heart of It All” or whatever the state catchphrase is these days (or have at some point so you understand the landscape and the importance of sports here). If Ohio named a Sportsman of the Year, who would it be? Great question, G$! This is my unbiased top 5. You will notice that no one from the Ohio Buckeyes Football program appears here because they proved to be failures and a huge embarrassment to this great state.

Dead Last. The Football Coach at Steubenville – You sir, are the fucking worst.

5. Jack Nicklaus – He should always be in the top 5 but he did bring The President’s Cup to Dublin this year as well as dropping the first puck for the 2013-14 CBJ season. Plus, his grandson is about to win a national championship.

4. Terry Francona – He did the impossible. He almost got the Indians to the playoffs. Granted, no one knew about this because LOL empty seats, but that is no small achievement. This is a horrible franchise that is openly looking at “guys coming off of arm issues”. Who does that? Plus, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say that they didn’t respect or like Tito.

3. G$ - I mean, come on. 2012 Money Shot Man of the Year and a favorite to repeat. ELITE athlete (ask Iceman). Numerous fantasy football titles. Snappy dresser and self-described Huguenot. It is an impressive resume. Plus, his troll job on Ohio Football will be discussed for generations.

2. Sergei Bobrovsky – I would have put him #1 but it wouldn’t be fair and balanced. It is no small task for a goalie on the least accomplished franchise in all of pro sports to win one of the biggest awards and come within a pubic hair of sweeping the Blackhawks in the first round. The city loves this guy. Please come back soon, Bob, we miss your Russian musk.

1. Aaron Craft – There is no doubt in my mind that he is the most celebrated and respected athlete in the state and no one comes close. I may not like him because he gets away with a lot, BUT the dude busts his ass and I respect that. You won’t see him take plays off unlike some of his more pigment-ed teammates no offense.

There is my list for Ohio Sportsman of the Year. It will hopefully lead to some decent debate. I honestly could not think of anyone from Cincinnati which makes sense because Kentucky can have that shithole. I’m positive that there will be a knuckle-dragging ground swell of support for Urban Frank Meyer III but I just can’t respect a guy who needs a golf cart to eat shitty pizza. And there will also probably be a big push for G$ to be #1. I mean, OBVZ.

37 comments:

Grumpy said...

As one who remembers when the SI Sportsman of the Year was a big deal, the Peyton pick cheapens the whole franchise. What did he do?

I spit my coffee through my nose when I read the "snappy dresser" line.

Anonymous said...

Nice Simpsons reference.

I think Anonymous should be somewhere in one of the lists of this site.

GMoney said...

It was a Family Guy reference, not a Simpsons. Or maybe I just have so many Simpsons references in my mind grapes that I don't even realize that I'm using them anymore.

Damn good game between the Cavs and Blazers last night.

MuDawgfan said...

I'm a firm believer that absolutely nobody enjoys the taste of cock more than Urban Meyer.
But going 24-1 deserves placement on the Top 5.

GMoney said...

He was a complete and abject failure. No national titles. No Big Ten titles. Fan of Papa John's. No players that can read. He's closer to the Steubenville coach than he is me, BRAH!

Mr. Ace said...

Ohio really does suck.

I was in my car listening to that segment. Bobby Carpenter made a nice Pacman Jones call out. That show fucking sucks just about as much as T Bone.

GMoney said...

Oh! I want to mention that while I like Bobby Carpenter as an on-air personality, he has the worst hair ever. He chopped off his girl locks and now sports the Phil Simms weirdo fluffy part. He looks bizarre. Who goes to a barber and says "GIVE ME THE PHIL SIMMS!"?

Beau Bishop is terrible. I think that we should all join forces and harass T-Bone on Twitter like Marshall Henderson as a means of getting him to quit/die.

Mr. Ace said...

Agreed.

GMoney said...

Clearly, I've blown everyone's mind today with my acknowledgement of Aaron Craft's faggot ass.

How about a food post tomorrow?

Anonymous said...

This list is invalid due to the exclusion of the Stuebenville football team.

I went to Melt when I was in Columbus last. Make a food post about that place of horror. I am still having problems shitting after all that cheese.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Love me some Aaron Craft. Urban would be up there too. Great call!

Ide...I popped my Melt cherry just yesterday. I found it to be...dare I say....a tad OVERRATED.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Whoa, slow down, food hot takes need to be saved for tomorrow, bruhs!

Anonymous said...

Anyone else mildly excited for Paul George and company going to AA Arena and buttfucking the Heat tonight? Even though the Pacers are drastically less likable without Psycho T dusting up some shines, I still root for them, because Pawnee.

Did that story about the dog saving the blind guy falling in the train tracks in Harlem get much play outside of NYC? That story is pretty much awesome. Good to see that fat cunt Dana Jacobson's dad raise almost $20k so that guy can keep the dog.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Actually, yes, Ide. Saw it on the Cleveland morning news, today.

You liked OSU a little too much in this post today...

Seal

Grumpy said...

Ide, the blind guy is black and so is his dog. Surprised you haven't stolen the seeing eye dog.

Prime99 said...

Were Aaron Craft's extra Cat Jacks so impressive that you gave him this award? G$ secretly likes extra Cat Jacks.

Food post tomorrow? Does it have anything to do with the various types of free ribs Ice will be buying for Ide due to the Ohio Sportsman of the Year?

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I saw that he was black, it was a win win either way, but the dog saving the day was pretty sweet, and most likely the better outcome. Though, he stated that the reward to the loyal pup would be A TREAT AND A SCRATCH BEHIND THE EAR. The fuck? Dog just saved your life, and you offer him a Beggin' Strip? Rude.

I don't discriminate hair colors of dogs (though, mine have all been cream colored, come to think of it). A super dog who is days away from retirement saving a black guy from certain death, is pretty neat.

Ide``

Anonymous said...

Shocker... there is another story headlining something illegal that the Steelers did. Nice hit on the punter, pussy. Classy group of players AND coaches over there in shittsburgh.

Seal

GMoney said...

Aaron Craft volunteers to lead up-downs. He does NOT initiate Cat Jacks. Get your FACTS right.

Black dog saving black man? DEAD GIVEAWAY! Never forget that guy.

Seal, give it a rest. Why wouldn't I support my #1 team?

Jeff said...

Seal is just mad the Joe Haden got no love on this list. He did shut down Megatron afterall.

Brady said...

Oh yeah, I remember commenting here! Good times.

I've been traveling to different stores for work lately and I also had an employee resign from her position yesterday so it's been pretty hectic and almost impossible for me to comment.

Why did she resign? She says health issues. I say that she couldn't work in such close quarters with a beefcake such as myself. Her husband probably made her quit after seeing what he was up against every day.

I would argue that Urban deserved to be on this list BEFORE he choked away our shot at the national title. I'm OK with him being left out now. I'm still not over it.

GMoney said...

KEWL STORY BRO!

But I see what you're saying. The dudes I work with are constantly telling me how hard I make them. They call me HBK around the office.

Nice work, Jeff. Nice work indeed. By the way, got offered a free suite ticket to the CBJ killing Sid Crosby on 12/29. Took me about two seconds to accept. It's in the Dispatch suite so I will probably be rubbing elbows with Tim May. Carry it.

Jeff said...

Two seconds to accept is two seconds too long. I bet you will get to hang out with Portzline also! Hopefully we give Sid the Brooks Orpik treatment.

The Iceman said...

Cakes real reason for taking such a long leave of absence is he was still crying Sparty tears as of yesterday.

The Iceman said...

Oh...and G$'s Pacers intramural basketball skills > his straight toe kicking skills.

GMoney said...

I would say that those two skills are equally ELITE. I can't say which was better because nothing really compares.

Jeff, it took two seconds simply because I would be missing some of week 17 football. Then I remembered that my team fucking blows and the decision was very easy.

Anonymous said...

Never even heard of #2... and he's number 2? Queer.

While soccer and grumpy are the absolute worst, hockey is right on its heels.

Seal

Mr. Ace said...

Braxton Miller On The NFL: “I Think I’m Ready” But Not Leaning One Way Or The Other

HE GONE.

Anonymous said...

Pacers 98-99>napoleon wildcats 98-99. 5-0!!

Walt B

GMoney said...

Seal, if I wanted to hear your lips I'd pull down your pants and smack your pussy. GIVE IT A REST.

Broxton is TOTES leaving.

Walt speaks the TROOF.

The Iceman said...

Pacers 98-99 were probably better than Napoleon Varsity 98-99...because in '99 I was at Defiance College dropping wet 3 balls in the yellow jackets hive.

I was Walt's favorite player. FACT! Just kidding...he hated me.

Anonymous said...

I was at Defiance College dropping wet 3 balls in the yellow jackets hive.

Well, almost 30% of the time at least.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

BOOM #FACTCHECKED

GMoney said...

Ape, yesterday you left a comment that just said BRONSON. What the fuck were you bragging about? I hope it was your excitement toward the late, great Charles Bronson.

Mr. Ace said...

The Charles Bronson I was referring to is still alive.

GMoney said...

Get fucked.

Mr. Ace said...

You suck at food posts. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH