Perfect Christmas gift for that special Buckeye fan in your life
SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKERS! Bet you didn't expect to get the Iceman today. Strap in, tit sacks. Today is gonna be fuuuuuuun. No pussy footing around with an intro. Let's get down to fucking business.
EVERYONE SING ALONG!
On the banks of the Red Cedar, there's a school that's known to all;
Its specialty is winning and those Spartans play good ball;
Spartan teams are never beaten, all through the game they fight;
Fight for the only colors, Green and White.
Go right through for MSU, watch the points keep growing;
Spartan teams are bound to win, they're fighting with a vim!
RAH! RAH! RAH!
See their team is weakening, We're going to win this game;
FIGHT! FIGHT! RAH! TEAM, FIGHT!
Victory for MSU!
So I guess Urban Meyer IS capable of losing football games. After all of the BROhio chest pounding and misplaced confidence, Ohio just turned out to be limp dicked premature ejaculators in the end. Oh man did G$ ever Cakes the shit out of you fuck bags! Top troll of 2013, my friends. Social media was the most peaceful it's ever been after all of you God damn cowards went the way of Notre Dame fans circa last year's national championship game and disappeared back into your own vaginas. You didn't even have the STREMPH to troll on my Facebook status like you're normally so quick to do. Just complete silence. What's the matter?? Not much to say after being insufferable cock wads for the last 2 years? You faggots did this to yourselves and you deserve every last ounce of shit that comes your way. I can't even single one person out, as much as I could love to do that. All of you have been the worst. The weird thing is every last one of you will probably revel in all of the backlash because Dildo Nation gets off on everyone hating them and shit talking them. It's like some gay fucking boy scout badge you proudly wear.
Saturday was such a beautiful thing and I wish I would have hung around Cakes' place long enough to watch him lock himself in the bedroom for the rest of the night. It's going to be awesome and hilarious to see all of the dick shining you shit stains toss Dantonio's way in an attempt to gloss over this embarrassment because he used to be a Buckeye. And I CAN'T WAIT! to hear the excuses flow. Because that's what you fucking losers do best. Make excuses. Well, that and cry tears from your pussies. The fact is that despite the smoke and mirrors and that fraudulent #2 ranking, you were never a legitimate championship caliber team and that was finally proven Saturday. A very average offensive team...and that's being generous...blasted your sorry asses for 34 big ones. Imagine what Jameis "RapeEscape" Winston would have tuned you up for. Nice defense, Rich Rod. Start handing the skirts out. You guys are Oregon lite. Soft and turd-like. Hey! Remember how Minnesota held Sparty to 14 points last week? Jerry Kill > Urban Meyer. Seizures > Fake Heart Attacks. Ohio is officially everything that you hated about other teams that were "unfairly" ranked ahead of you. So in the end...I guess you CAN'T hang with anyone in the country if you can't even win your own garbage conference. Glad we finally buried that nasty rumor that Ohio fans have been incorrectly broadcasting for months. Go crawl back into your fucking holes and wait to choke again next year. Now...cue up the deflection to Michigan and how poor of a season they had and/or how bitter their fans are in a sad attempt to take the focus off of absolutely shitting the bed on Saturday. Something else you guys are really, really good at.
Believe it or not, there were other games this past weekend too. Florida State predictably waxed Duke's ass Saturday. It was a close one for a little while...then the second quarter started and RapeEscape Winston decided to put a death grip on the Heisman trophy race. Still the dumbest trophy in all of sports.
ROLL ALONG! YOU BG WARRIORS! ROLL ALONG AND FIGHT FOR B! G! S! U! Talk about some MACTION! Eh, whatever. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend to know shit about Bowling Green football. I don't. All I know is that now the Northern IlliNOISE head coach can shut his fucking toilet about Jordan Lynch being in the Heisman talk. I will say it was pretty cool to see my Alma Mater win the MAC...but I'm not going to celebrate it like I'm this humongous fan of their sports teams. I bet some STDs were spread like wildfire that night though!
So much for defense in the ESS EEE SEE championship game. Looked like two fucking Arena Football league teams slugging it out. While Wheelz and I were eating our dinner at this shit hole known as Paddy Jacks, I overheard some cunt faced Ohio fan pissing and moaning about how they should just call the national championship the SEC championship game. And how there's this big conspiracy going on to get an SEC team in the national championship game every year. Take the fucking tin foil hat off, lunatic. Anyway, Auburn vs. FSU should be a good one.
Baylor should be kicking themselves in the dick right about now. One bad game away from playing for the national championship. I didn't watch any of this game but I see they played Texas. And since Texas can't decide from week to week if they want to be ranked or not, I imagine it wasn't a very tough game for the Bears. I also bet Case McCoy tried feeling up some of the Baylor players. He just reminds me of that gay Prince Edward dude from Braveheart.
I see Oklahoma State really capitalized on the momentum of blasting Baylor last week. Way to piss in your faces against your instate rival. I bet Justin BlackMAN was so angry over this loss he ripped through a case of Olde English. Lesbehonest...like Justin BlackMAN really needs a reason to get gassed on 40s of OE. It being Monday is a good enough reason for him to get cranked.
Stanford FINALLY went back to playing Stanford football to cap off an undefeated season of playing Stanford football. Somehow they're getting over looked for a chance to play the only other unbeaten college football team, Florida State. I would be outraged if I were a Stanford Cardinal fan right now. I mean...what else do you have to do, outside of playing Stanford football, to get a chance to scrap it out in a national championship game?! I guess just a regular ol' BCS game will have to do. That BCS system...buncha fuckin monsters I tell ya.
That will do it for this special Monday edition of college football. The comments should be extra periody and whiny today so bring your maxi pads and rain coats. There's nothing quite as entertaining as the butt hurt Fuckeye fan. An extra hearty FUCK YOU CAKES!!!!