Wednesday, December 04, 2013

Chuck Will Fix Everything (And Other Stuff)

I told you all that we would hire a vest, BRAH!
Here’s a quick trivia question for you: retired Mount Union football coach, Larry Kehres is the all-time leader in winning percentage (it’s something like 93% which is ungodly high) throughout all levels of college football (min. 50 games). Do you know who is second?

That’s right, it is NEW Miami University head coach, Chuck Martin! After finishing up the 2013 season as the fourth worst offense of the past 25 years, change was needed and, from what I can see, change is a-comin’. All along, I had heard that we were going after a guy with FCS head coaching experience which sounds good in theory but pretty much means that you won’t be making a splash hire. We all know that I was on Team Jim Tressel but, I must say, Martin is a pretty goddamn good hire. If you know anything about college football, you know that Grand Valley State is one of the finest programs in the country at the DII level. Martin went 74-7 there as the head coach. He left that job 4 years ago to join Brian Kelly’s staff at Notre Dame. Murders aside, I think we can all say that Kelly knows how to coach and I’m not concerned at all about grabbing someone near the top of his coaching tree.

Combing through Irish message boards, their opinions on Martin are primarily all positive. There are even some that would like for Martin to spend a few years in Oxford only to come back and take over if or when Kelly leaves or steps down (due to murder count, I imagine). The most often discussed features of Chuck are his fiery demeanor, commitment to discipline, and recruiting. For a mid-major school coming off of a winless campaign with a robotic, emotionless moron at the helm, I am down with all of these traits. It’s not going to change overnight because the talent level is so poor, but I feel confident that the dark clouds are scattering over SW Ohio. This will get better. I can think of way worse programs to model yourself after than GVSU and Notre Dame.

Needless to say, the next few year’s tailGREATS just got an injection of CHUCKSTRONG. BEAT MICHIGAN (our first game next season)!!! The coaching carousel is starting to churn so let’s talk about that today.

Steve Sarkisian to USC – Ugh, will the Trojans ever let go of the Pete Carroll Era? This hire is so uninspiring. Fire Lane Kiffin—hire his buddy! I give him a bit of a pass because Ty Willingham killed Washington before Sark took over, but he has had 5 years up there and hasn’t accomplished anything. So now he’s good enough for a promotion to one of the five best jobs in the sport? Fuck that. Much like Andy Enfield for the USC hoops job, Pat Haden failed again.

Ed Orgeron quits USC effective immediately – Now I never thought that DACOACHO should get the head job but he is just as good of a coach as Sark is. I lost a lot of respect here for Orgeron. He recruited almost all of these kids and he just leaves them to pursue other jobs. There is no dignity in that. This reeks of immaturity and low class. Ed always talked about loving his players and then he doesn’t get his way (which was a long shot to begin with) and he bolts. He must love them like a deadbeat dad loves his kids. That being said, Florida Atlantic should hire him today instead of dicking around with a certain moron DC from Ohio.

Who’s going to EMU? – GUARANSHEED that you haven’t thought about this opening but the only reason that I mention it is because JERRY GLANVILLE has expressed interest in the position. HOLY SHIT THIS WOULD BE THE BEST. I bet that he would still leave two tickets at will call for Elvis. How do you make MACtion even better? Duh, the old Oilers Run And Shoot, BRAH!

Votes of confidence! – Bo Pelini and Wil Muschamp each got one from their AD after the weekend even after Pelini dared Nebraska to fire him. Call his bluff, corn cobs, and shit can his ass! My prediction is that both of these assholes get fired because they deserve to be. Who won’t be getting fired, though, is Mack Brown…unless Baylor beats them by 30 this weekend then maybe.

You’re stuck with FagNasty Fickell – I hope you’re happy with an underachieving defense that can’t read screens because you’re going to get the same thing next year. Fickell isn’t going anywhere which is great because his bitch wife won’t let him anyway.  Hey Mrs. Fickell, you are a twat.

Who got baseball in my football coaching post? – I can understand why the Tigers traded Prince Fielder but I’m not really sure why they dumped Doug Fister for nothing (Lombardozzi is TERRIBLE).  You know what, let's fire up the stove tomorrow and talk about all of the wheelings and dealings because I need at least another day to digest this Ellsbury stuff.

So there we go…plenty to talk about today. Just know that yesterday was the first time that I’ve thought about my alma mater and nodded approvingly in about two years. I’m so used to SMDH. CHUCKSTRONG!

45 comments:

Anonymous said...

Martin would be nothing without Touchdown Tommy Rees

Larry

GMoney said...

Martin only took the Miami job to keep an eye on Rees' rage-filled and punch drunk sister.

Anonymous said...

I don't blame Orgeron for leaving. He did a great job with a fucked up program.Kind of a slap to the face to go and hire someone else.
I agree with you on Bo. Even though it is always entertaining to hear the shit spewing from his mouth at news conferences, he has outstayed his welcome.

Mr. Ace said...

I am interested to hear how the USC thing all went down. Did Coach O even get to interview? Or was it Sark all the way? USC didnt owe him the job, but that hire was pretty weak.

Miami will always be the NW of the MAC. NICE GPA BRAH!

EMU has to be the worst job in college football.

I am convinced Pelini just wants to be fired and have his contract bought out. He gives no fucks.

Grumpy said...

Fuckeye Nation better pay attention to #CHUCKSTRONG. After going 47-16 over the next five years in Oxford, he will replace Urbz after he gets caught cheating/fakes a heart attack.

Jeff said...

#CHUCKSTRONG? You hired a coach with cancer?

The Iceman said...

Touchdown Tommy Rees would be nothing without underage drinking and cop punching.

I would argue that Eastern is a pretty desirable job. As long as you're not calling your players faggots, the expectation there is so fucking low you could win 5 games a year and have a job forever. The only thing that sucks is have to spend a lot of time in Ypsilanti. Which is the shit hole of shit holes.

Grumpy...it's Dildo Nation. Get it right.

GMoney said...

We hired a coach who can bench press a tank. CHUCKSTRONG! He is so great that he inspired our basketball team actually win last night. The man can do anything.

Saw this last night about Martin:
*In 2011, ESPN listed him as one of the top 25 recruiters in the nation (which is great because we have no talent)
*Rivals ranked him as a second teamer on their All Dream Team Asst Coach whatever

That's pretty high praise when you also factor in that he is more of a winner as a head coach than Urban Meyer. CHAMPIONSHIPS!

I don't blame Coach O for leaving either, but how he did it comes off like the biggest baby ever.

Sark is a turd though. They barely beat my Cougs last week!

The Iceman said...

Don't use anything from ESPN to support a point you're trying to make, G$. They are not a credible source of sports information and just report poppycock for ratings and to make the world hate the Ohio Buckeyes.

GMoney said...

Great point. They just need to focus on ESPN reporting and not get bogged down trying to play Stanford Football.

Anonymous said...

haha, Iceman uses Skip Bayless as a credible source and gets mad when people berate him. Hoke going for two and failing has had some profound effects on Iceman. He may never come back from this.

Ide

Anonymous said...

He's a great recruiter and the players love him. This was his first year calling plays and he would be frustrating at times but that might have to do with having a qb with a noodle for an arm and is about as mobile as wheels

Larry

Anonymous said...

Jesus.....Iceman's in a bad place right now, so I'll just let it be. Sad to see tho.

The Miami hire definitely seems real good. It will be interesting to see what type of immediate work he can do there....since G$ basically acts like the football program is in a Chrenobyl type state right meow.

Ape....Sarkisian, Chris Petersen and Jack Del Rio interviewed for the job. Sumlin was in discussions with USC and told them he would interview after the season...but, he signed an extension a few days ago which pushed them to Sarkisian. According to a USC site....Petersen was really bad in the interview (s). Not sure how believable that is, but that's what they are sellin'. They went with Sarkisian because he was supposedly the best and Del Rio has basically zero college experience. Oregeron was never really a candidate because he's a well known slime ball and has a very good chance of embarrassing/getting the program in trouble if he were running it.

I don't think Sark is a very good choice and Washington people were not too upset about losing him. But, everyone should be able to recruit well at USC....so, he will have talent. It will be interesting to see if Mora Jr. continues to chip away at them tho....I was impressed that he told his alma mater (Washington) yesterday that he was sticking at UCLA. Dude's sticking with what he's building...good for him.

I do think Orgeron is kind of a cunt for just getting up and quitting on those players....and it goes with the image that he supposedly has behind the scenes.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Wouldn't 0-12 and being almost,if not, the worst college football team be in a Chernobyl state?

GMoney said...

It is a bad scene, no doubt. Treadwell recruited like shit for three years. There isn't much actual D1 talent on the roster now that Haywood's guys are graduating. But I'm very optomistic that he will change that. It won't be overnight because it can't be, but I think the attitude and intensity will change immediately.

And we're going to BEAT MICHIGAN.

If Chris Peterson actually took that interview, it shouldn't matter what he said. You hire that man. Seven Win Sark is a turd.

Mr. Ace said...

I am just glad Franklin is staying at Vandy. That way if Hoke fails miserably next year(50/50 shot) then Franklin will be there waiting for us.

Is Boise ever going to be good again? I don't pay any attention to their recruiting but I would think there had to be a pretty large uptick during their success. Those kids should be/becoming upperclassmen now.

Prime99 said...

Go Chernobyl State! CSU FTW!

UCD played Grand Valley State back in their peak and that program was ballin'. Should be a great hire.

Chris Petersen (UCD coaching tree) may have overplayed his hand. Doesn't seem as hot of a name these days. Maybe I'm wrong, but if he can't beat Sark in an interview, then he's not that hot right now. He's no Hansel is what I'm saying.

If Ohio wins, they are in. I'm not breaking any news, but let's not deny facts, math, science, and free tats. It's the way it is.

GMoney said...

Peterson's only mistake was giving the reins to that Southwick kid who is a terrible QB. But you might be right about him not striking while he was hottest.

LOL James Franklin. You've got to be fucking kidding me. As if Michigan would ever hire a colored boy.

Brady said...

I have no thoughts on Mac coaching hires. All I know is my alma mater about to shcok the world in the MAC title game (probably not)!

Some of the weather models are calling for some good snow down in C-Bus this upcoming week. This ends your Moneyshot weather report.

Anonymous said...

If Michigan hires Franklin then I look forward to discussions about his Vandy players love of rape.

Cakes...what type of snow are your models showing?

--Drew

The Iceman said...

I just think it's hilarious you Ohio fans treat ESPN like it's the National Enquirer.

Anonymous said...

Well, yesterday on the College Football "Experts" show...one guy did talk about how Carlos Hyde was suspended earlier in the year for "sexual assault" and tried to compare it to why Marcus Hall should be suspended. You were also completely wrong about your NCG statement...so, maybe you should dig a little deeper than what Mike Greenberg, Mark May and others are telling you. In the words of Cakes...not a good look bro.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

So what's the new twitter handle G$? @therealshooksson?

Anonymous said...

Unless the BCS committee added HOT TAKES as part of their formula, ESPN is not a worthy source.

Ide

GMoney said...

Mike Greenberg has never given a hot take on anything.

LOL Drew watches "Experts".

Anonymous said...

LOLZ that G$ thinks I watch Experts. It's called the internet brah.

I think G$ should take over Ape's twitter handle, so it would accurately portray the real views of The Money Shot....but, too much damage has probably already been done by Ape to that handle...so, he needs a fresh one. Don't have any good suggestions at the moment.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

It's crazy how the National Enquirer of the sports world has managed to be the #1 rated sports show on TV for the last 20 years. (Cue Colin Cowherd ratings jab). People are still watching despite getting bad sports information every step of the way. Relax a little, John Feinstein. I'm sure there's some credible information that gets passed along.

Again...if you could READ! I said I heard Auburn jumping Ohio on ESPN. Not that I believed it on ESPN. It was a theory they were discussing. It wasn't something they were saying was TOTES for sure happening.

Brady said...

Well you "heard" wrong, asshat. WIN AND WE IN!!!!

The models are saying that there could be a few storms rolling over mid-southern Ohio next week. Could be some fairly good snow for this early in the season. You guys have to worry about that potential ice storm first. That should be arriving this weekend.

Anonymous said...

I have now altered my night of drinking with Cakes plan. I now want to make sure it's the night of some wild storm somewhere...so, we can watch weather radars and he can get drunkenly excited....while we tweet at the new G$ Twitter account from our lap-tops as well.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Drooler, you should also know that Cakes is closing on his house today (or something). You and him could christen it with some intense butt sex.

We can complain all we want to about ESPN but they shape the sports landscape because they yell the loudest when they EMBRACE DEBATE. And until someone ever replaces GameDay as the ELITE college football show, then ESPN will always be #1 for content surrounding the sport.

By the way, thanks for not mentioning a certain QB deciding to stay another year. I feel like I should talk about that on Friday. You guys are all right sometimes.

Anonymous said...

Grumpy has been quiet this week... he must have finally come to the realization that he cheers for a team of rapists who are coached by cheaters... poor guy.

Seal

Brady said...

There is nothing better than getting drunk and watching a storm approcach on radar. I'm half-chubbed just thinking about the possibility.

I don't want to christen my new house with butt sex. I'm going to christen it with an OSU victory on Saturday which sends the Bucks to the national title.

I'm going to have drinks and food there on Saturday night. Everyone is invited! Iceman will be there. It's going to be awesome to see his reaction in person.

The Iceman said...

And it's going to be great watching Cakes pout in his bedroom alone like he did when LSU spanked that ass in the last title game Ohio LOL'ed their way through.

Anonymous said...

@markmoselysleg

Anonymous said...

LOLZ @ Iceman...so fucking bitter. It's great.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Brady...I'm gonna be in Indy turning that city into Columbus West all weekend long. Party on tho brah.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Hey Seal, did you get your prize yet? Drooler is going to get his when Cakes squirts his man-batter all over his back.

Anonymous said...

G$...when that happens that will be my first ever Instagram photo to the world.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I did - thanks G$!

And a special thanks to Prime...

Seal

GMoney said...

Thank YOU for your continued support of this fine website. God bless.

Brady said...

Drew and I are only friends until opening day.

GMoney said...

Al Central rivalries trump Fuckeye Faggotry? That's an upset.

Anonymous said...

Bitter Iceman is the best Iceman.

Ide

Prime99 said...

Seal, it's cool. You helped me get a bye in the MSFL, so we are good.

GMoney said...

Between Drool/Cakes, Seal/Prime, and probably Ide/Ice, there is too much commenter on commenter penetration going on here.