Monday, November 25, 2013
Before we get to the Worst Of the week, a little site news: we'll be dark on Thursday and Friday this week as we spend our Thanksgiving with Terrelle Pryor (he better play to justify why the fucking Raiders are on). Tomorrow will be business as usual with Iceman talking college ball and explaining that Baylor only lost because they didn't play Baylor Football. WE WILL NOT BE TALKING ABOUT "THE GAME" TOMORROW. Wednesday, however, we will as I have enlisted the services of JSaul and BradyCakes to explain why they hate the other team. That should be fun as long as they actually do some writin'. Gambling picks will also be tacked on Wednesday. God bless. Now let's talk about shitty players from yesterday...
The Last Man Standing - Well, well, well...after being benched twice and replaced with awful arms, Brandon Weeden is the cheese that stands alone. Jason Campbell was killed twice yesterday and now your favorite punching bag remains to lob interceptions and rack up garbage time yards. You deserve it. I'm glad that Cakes got to watch this in person. He especially deserves that. Are you still ahead of the Steelers? No, you are not (although I didn't look it up so maybe that is wrong). The world feels right again.
Fatty Fat Fat - LOLOLOLOL way to lose to The Schiano Men in your own building! I guess I'm back to not knowing what the hell the Lions are. I'll tell you, that tardbilly Mike Glennon looks like he might have a place in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. He's way better than I thought he would be. It's pretty much a guarantee that he has fucked an animal though.
Calvin Johnson - Not holding onto that final ball is TOTES a Puff Daddy play. I don't know if the Lions score from the 5 but I know that they would have had a better shot than what they got after bumping an easy pick to Team MRSA.
Tie Games! - Donovan McNabb still probably doesn't understand that a game can end in a tie. After Scott Tolzein got benched even after showing off his ELITE spin moves, Flynn-sanity re-emerged from out of nowhere and the Packers mustered a miraculous tie. This was a really good game as these two teams are known for. I'll say it because no one else does: I think that Christian Ponder is OK. He isn't ELITE, but I don't think he's bad. He can move around and has a pretty good arm and his wife is adorbs. I'm on Team Ponder. Thursday's Packers/Lions game is freaking huge.
That ELITE Chiefs Defense - I guess not, eh? This was another incredible game that was highlighted by Philip Rivers miming sodomy on Andy Reid for some strange reason and some insane Rivers celebrations after that game-winning touchdown pass. I'll tell you what, over-exuberant Rivers is the LOL that keeps on LOL-ing.
Marc Trestman - I hated the call to go for on it on 4th and a little longer than one when the Bears were down 10. That was dumb as fuck. People like to rip the NFC East for being bad AND IT IS but the NFC North is pretty shitty itself. Hell, no team won yesterday and two of the teams played each other.
Kyle Long - You are the inferior Long Bro, bro! That was cute when Kyle was playing dirty and Chris had to come out and tell him to quit being a homo. By the way, Mama Long is not unattractive. Well done, Howie, keep burying that Broken Arrow of yours. ELITE Howie Long movie/assumed crooked penis reference.
Gary Kubiak - It's going to be great when Houston has no other choice but to fire this guy even though he had an on-field stroke (or whatever). And if you lose a home game to the Jaguars, you deserve to be unemployed. The Dolphins and Jets also lost but no one cares about them. Although my recommendation of Miami beating the line was fairly smart.
FRIENDSGIVING - The big reveal in the LFL chat yesterday was that Dut hosted whatever a Friendsgiving is last night. This sounds so lame. None of us were invited because he is a jerk and I assume that only sex offenders were given the green light (to eat turkey and fuck kids). Dut is weird.
Victor Cruz - Well, the Giants fluke run is over. It would be nice if salsa boy would actually do something. I'm tired of seeing shitbags like Reuben Randle catch touchdowns even though he blows huge Les Miles cock. The Cowboys are still bad.
Chuck Pagano - Yeeeeeeeesh, they need to stop falling behind by three scores before they wake up. It seems like beating Peyton Manning was their Super Bowl and everything else is just going to be a mail-in. It is pretty clear to me that Bruce Arians was the real mastermind behind CHUCKSTRONG. Did you know that the Cardinals are 7-4? I had no idea! HONEY BADGAHHHHHHHH!!!
FANTASY! - I rectified my only MSFL loss by sticking it to politician LS. I clinched a bye in the LFL for the millionth year in a row by kicking two fags for the price of one queer (Ide and Burke). I may even win my other two league matchups this week as well but need some help.
That will do it for this week's installment. Feel free to laugh at how bad the Redskins are tonight. I'm sure that they will get BRAH'd out of their own building. And if somehow they win (they won't), a guaranteed Jimmy BRAH blow up is nice to see. But the only thing that matters now is Terrelle Pryor's health so that he can save Thanksgiving for all of us.