Monday, November 11, 2013

The Worst of Week Ten Vol.VII

DEAL WITH IT, Prime!
There will be time to talk about how shitty WE ON is tomorrow, but you all want to officially know who won the headphones contest from Friday, don't you?  If you recall, Prime picked Gallon with 1 yard and demanded not to get Price Is Righted by anyone.  Saturday morning, from his honeymoon, Seal did just that!  By picking Nebraska and Gallon 2 yards (he had 49), Troll Genius Seal wins!  Prime was less than pleased as he sent some Incognito-esque texts to me on Saturday night.  But fuck that guy, he was too slow and got outsmarted by a Cleveland sports fan!  Well done, Sealbert, email me your address and I will send you your wedding present (they are excellent for drowning out wives which you will now need).  NFL worsts?  Why not?

Richie Incognito - This "honorary black guy" gave an interview with The Glaze on Sunday and it was so hilarious.  This guy is a sociopath.  I wouldn't call him a liar because he probably believes that he is a good person.  And can we please not put Brian Hartline on TV anymore?  I'm surprised he can even speak while chomping on Grumpy's red oak with those beaver teeth of his.

Arian Foster - Nice year.  Eat red meat and you wouldn't need a backiotomy.  I would feel bad for Foster fantasy owners but they should have seen this coming and it has to be somewhat of a relief to know for sure that he's done instead of constantly hoping that Foster would stop being a gash.

Mike Tomlin and Todd Haley - Uh oh, the battle lines have been drawn.  Big Ben is apparently going to ask for a trade after this season (he should).  The Rooneys need to do what they've never done and clean house of that awful coaching staff.  They have let this get out of control.  You can say that they haven't drafted well and maybe that is true but this coaching staff isn't developing anything.  Get them out.  I'll tell you what: if Big Ben is on the open market, that is the story of the offseason.  Although, to be fair, that's kind of a dick move since the organization stood by him during his darkest hours.  But whatever, fuck this team.  Loving the implosion!

White Supremacist Packers Fans - Yesterday marked the first time in franchise history that GB started a black dude at QB.  That is a lie, of course, because we all know that Don Majkowski was a half n*****.  I am writing this portion at 1:30 so I don't know if it will happen but I want it to.  Will Packer fans scream COOOOOOON if Seneca completes a pass to John Kuhn?  Best sub-plot of the day!

The Atlanta Falcons - Are terrible.  Moving on.

Jay Catler - It was pretty obvious to me that he shouldn't have been out there.  I don't get it.  The team looked ELITE with McCown on Monday night and then 6 days later they go back to the starter who was supposed to miss two more weeks?  And when The Cat couldn't finish the game then he probably should not have started it.  At least GSaul got to watch his Lions win in person.  DOIN' WORK DOGGIE!

Terry Bradshaw - I don't like to use this word a lot because it's not too cool, but Terry Bradshaw is a retard.  On the pregame show, he hillbillied that if he could choose one QB in the NFL, he would take Fat Stafford.  LOLWUT?  He's good, no doubt, but NO ONE is taking Discount Double Chin #1 in some weird scenario where Terry Bradshaw is asked to build a team from the ground up.

Mike Munchak - Oh, you're fired, bro.  Jacksonville has lost 20 of 22 games and those 2 wins are against the Titans.  Well done. 

Trent Richardson - 5 carries for 2 yards!  HE'S DUE TO BREAK OUT!!!  What the fuck happened to the Colts?  Did they forget about ChuckStrong?  It was nice to see Tavon Austin actually contribute.  Where was this all season, jerk?

Andy Dalton - I'm ignoring the Pryor/ELITE DERPfest because it was a shitty game.  I do want to talk about the Bengals.  These assholes need to stop underachieving.  Dalton is just a bad QB.  He really is.  And Jay Gruden's play-calling is such butt.  The Bengals just don't do the small things right which leads to big negative things.  Don't get your hopes up though, Browns fans, because they're going to kill you next week.

Marvin Lewis - He's just a moron when the tension rises.  You can always count on Marvin to lose a challenge, be unnecessarily aggressive when it isn't needed, or not veto a stupid swing pass call on 4th and 2.  KICK THE FIELD GOAL, IDIOT.  Seriously, how do you send a game into overtime on a miracle hail mary (how is no one standing near AJ Green?) and then lose?  Everything that we know about momentum says that they should have won that game.  Whatever, they didn't deserve to win anyway.

Nick Foles - Still sucks.  Don't buy into this OBVZ fluke.  (watches him throw 5 TD passes against the Skins on Sunday)

Colin T. Kaepernick - I thought I heard that he had less than 70 yards passing.  ELITE!  I finally have figured out the Panthers...they are a playoff team because that defense is incredible.  They host the Patriots on Monday Night next week.  That is quite the step up in competition and talent from tonight.

Wade Phillips - I kind of forgot that he was the interim head coach.  If I would have remembered that, I would've bet the Cards big because Wade is a loser.  Also, Rashard Mendenhall is a terrible football player.

Wes Welker - Go figure that the week I trade for you, you do nothing.  Go where some Depends, honky.

FANTASY! - A decent night from Breesus will lead me to a win over the Duts in the G$FL.  I destroyed MSFL newbie, Nate, and showed him how a real man plays a fantasy sport.  That will teach you to not have your team initials as TWIX as they should be.  And I'm going to win my 7th in a row in the D/LFL because I'm the best.  Lost my OTHER LEAGUE like usual because I'm 1-9 even though I have the 6th most points in the league.  Sometimes, fantasy football is a real shit weasel.

That will do it for the NFL recap this week.  I am not ashamed to admit that I can't wait for tonight's Dolphins/Bucs game.  It's going to be a delightful train wreck of awful human beings.  What a nice way to celebrate Veterans Day.  Hey, past and present military personnel, enjoy this piece of shit!

34 comments:

Grumpy said...

Power Play in Pittsburgh. Ben wins, Haley goes. Runs on 1st and 2nd down nearly every time in the red zone, leaving 3rd and long and settling for field goals.

Never fuck with Omar.

Anonymous said...

Collusion on the headphonez. But, Im cool with Prime getting shafted on the deal.

LOLZ Bengals! Browns coming to town for the division on the line! In November! Jason Campbell!

3-0 in gambling this week. After a heart attack game with Texas/WVU I was able to walk away a champion. Good call on that Wiscy game bro. You dumb.

Iceman tasted dick this weekend in MSFL after Demarco mushroom stamped him. Never forget. Buke felt the lash from Riley Cooper who has earned a full time spot on my team.

Great weekend for both of my teams on byes.

Ide

GMoney said...

BYU coach was so dumb. He was in FG range down 10 with a minute left and kept running plays. Kick the FG and cover!

Fucking A, the terrible Eagles are going to win the East after beating no one good and then get beat by 400 by the Niners. Fuck you, Ace.

Mr. Ace said...

Nick Foles be ballin YO! The D has given up, on average, less than 17 ppg the last 4 games...and that's while getting dominated in TOP. The East is OURS!

Bungals bad. Too much talent to lose the games that they do. That division is ass.

That Incognito interview was hilarious...and meant absolutely nothing. Without hearing from Martin directly everything else is just noise. Incognito did come off looking much better than I thought he would. Did you see the meme that Martin sent that said he would kill Incognito's whole family? I think they are both d bags.

Prime is very displeased with missing out on his head phones. Especially because Seal (1-9 in MSFL) hung dong on him this week.

Prime99 said...

Hey, remember when everyone called Jay Cutler a pussy? He's not, so give it a rest. In fact, he should not have played yesterday, but toughed it out when he should have rested an extra week. Disappointing loss as the Lions kept trying to hand the game to the Bears via dumb penalties. Whatever.

Getting PIR'ed sucks but not as much as getting anal blasted in the MSFL by an awful team.

The Bengals were damn hilarious yesterday. I'm pretty sure that Marvin Lewis believes that field goals on the first possession of OT do not count.

GMoney said...

Seal did hang a proud and bald dong on Prime. Plus, Prime is inferior to all Skins AND Lions fans. Bad weekend for the guy taking care of a Cousins Kid.

My favorite part of the Richie/Glaze Bro-fest was him saying that anyone calling him racist is just flat out wrong and the nothing else. Well, other than saying that Martin has also used the n-word before which makes it OK for him apparently. "Everyone else does it"...he might as well have just said "I'm not racist, I have a color TV".

Ireland and Philbin should be fired over this. Once they lose to The Schiano Men tonight, that shouldn't be a problem.

The Bengals aren't bad. They just play dumb.

GMoney said...

Jesus, what is it with you idiots and your idea that no one can ever change an opinion? The Cat WAS a pussycat in whatever year they lost the NFC Title Game to the Pack. Then he became adorable through internet memes, NFL Shop commercials, and his sitcom acting so I fell in love like K-Cavs. Things change, BRAH.

Prime99 said...

Oooh- so entertainment via girlfriend and commercials equals on field toughness! Got it!

I'm saying he was tough in 2010 much as he is now.

Mr. Ace said...

Regarding Catler's cuntiness; DOOOOOOOOOOOOON'T CAAAAAAAAAAAARE.

I went to a wedding Saturday. There were maybe 8 white people there. I couldn't stop thinking about how Ide would be in that room. I bet he would have kilt it in the soul train line.

Watching the Cowboys shit down their legs was really enjoyable. I hope Romo can somehow remain a Cowboy forever.

Anonymous said...

2013 G$ is the exact opposite of 2011 G$ in almost every HOT TAEK. Its a recurring theme finding out what opinion G$ has changed each week.

Join us next week when he talks about how great of a player Michael Beasley is.

Ide

GMoney said...

Nope. As wrong as your Jeremy Gallon yardage predictions. He became tough once he started acting. FACT!

GMoney said...

Was I anti-Beasley ever? I can't remember ever having a take on him. Maybe a toke, but not a take.

Here's one that I will never change...Romo will always suck.

Brady said...

The Bungals are going to kill us next week? Because they look so good? Didn't we beat them already? The TOP FIVE Browns defense is licking their fucking chops when thinking about this game. As long as Weeds doesn't get close to the field, I'm quite confident at the Browns chances.

I'm trying not to get too carried away but the Browns have a legit shot to make some noise. I have tickets to the steeler game and a hotel reservation downtown in two weeks. If Cleveland can pull out a victory, i will die of alcohol poisoning at that game. What a turn of events! I bought those tickets two days before the Richardson trade when the season was all but lost. Now I could be watching the Browns take possesion of first place.

I'm sure god (LOL) will stomp on Cleveland in some way to ruin my trip but maybe, just maybe, things are turning around on the lakefront.

MAJOR LULZ at the Bengals being gifted overtime and then still losing.

Note to Romo: Throw at least one pass to Dez. I lost a fantasy matchup by one point.

Anonymous said...

Prime...how does that Detroit Lions ding dong taste?!??! LOLZ! Sweep of the Bears on the year is beautiful.

G$...You listed the Lions last week as a team that you hadn't figured out yet...and you said you figured Carolina out yesterday. Do the Lions still confuse you? Alone in 1st place and controlling our own destiny in the NFC Norf...love it.

Brees was unbelievable last night.

I wonder if Grumpy would quit following the Steelers if they traded Ben?

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Drooler getting excited is cute. After all, the Bears have beat the Lions more than any team has beat another team in the history of the NFL. It must be an unusual feeling for you, so make the most of it.

Anonymous said...

Awwww.....poor baby Prime. It's OK buddy....just like losing out on the sunglasses....the Lions are just the better team this year....DEAL WITH IT.

--Drew

GMoney said...

That's why, Cakes, because when was the last time that the Browns beat anyone twice in one season let alone a team that has been to the playoffs the last two years and has the best talent in the division? They aren't going to lose and it probably won't ever be close (over a touchdown).

Drooler, thanks for your request and dedication. The Lions are taking advantage of a division with no healthy or good QBs other than their own. Hey, nothing wrong with that. I just don't know if I see them beating the Panthers or Niners if they host a first round playoff game. The Lions are a more talented Bengals. They do a lot of dumb things that you can't possible believe that anyone with a brain would do BUT they somehow find a way to get around that. Probably because Fatty S is way better than The Red Rocket.

I would like to hear Tonya's thoughts on the Bengals. I bet that they are hilarious because a woman talking about football is just so cute.

Grumpy's arm-ink has him as a Steeler fan 4 lyfe.

Anonymous said...

sunglasses...headphones...LOLZ @ me...whatever.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Who is giving away sunglasses? Was their a promo here that I am not aware of? ANSWER ME!

BREAKING NEWS: After losing to Seal and being a worse fan than me and all of our Lions Lunatics, Prime has likely been eliminated from Commenter of the Year award. There is still time though.

Anonymous said...

Prime....HE GONE!

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Shit on Prime Day feels right. Being a Cubs fan will permeate into other aspects of life, like a virus.

Beating a dead horse or minimally, farm equipment, I have never had Foster on my team because he is soft. He always seems to injure something every season. I attribute it to his lack of eating meat. The other vegetarian pro I can think of is Prince Fielder and he plays for a perennially bad organization. For further proof, see Ape. Vegetarians are the worst.

The Eagles have a real for shit schedule. NFC East is worse than the AFC Norf, count it. On the plus side, KKKooper should be getting some more quality looks because Foles is apparently racist too and loves throwing the ball to his Aryan brother.

That Incognito interview wasn't ground breaking, but it did show what a gash Martin is. He wants to continue to play after throwing the Dolphins under the bus. Get fucked, and use your Stanford education to be a grief counselor. I bet he cries at pictures of puppies.

Ide

GMoney said...

ZOMBIES!!!

*Jesus Christ, the first 30 minutes took for fucking ever. We all know where this is going, TWD, so get to the goddamn fireworks factory already.

*Once we got to that point...ELITE! Hershel is a tough old fucker or whatever he called himself. He's going to unwind by crushing some Michonne ass out on the zombie trailer.

*That Lizzie girl is trouble. Never trust anyone in cowboy boots.

*Damn! We were so close to Glenn dying and then me showing up for some reason and sweeping Sweet Angel Maggie off her feet to a life of watching football and eating a lot of cheese and meat.

*Daryl is going to beat Rick's ass next week. At least he better.

*So the walkers are breaking down the walls and thus Carl gets an assault rifle. Makes sense. The Grimes Boys are the worst.

*Oh, guess who's back and just lurking out by the gate for some reason...PHILLIP Q. GUV'NAH! As Jim Ross would scream, BUSINESS IS ABOUT TO PICK UP.

That's about it. If I was grading last night's episode:
First half - Q+
Second half - Solid B

GMoney said...

And because it needs to be said, Boardwalk Empire has been INCREDIBLE this season. Also Homeland is shit.

Prime99 said...

Drooler- the only person who was gone was you, for a week, when your hockey team lost to the superior Stanley Cup Champions.

Anonymous said...

Prime....I'm sorry if you didn't realize this, but Monday at the Money Shot is for discussions about NFL Fooball....not NHL Hockey. So, of course this would be about the Bears and Lions. That was also a self-imposed week ban after I had the balls to put that on the line....something you obviously don't have for your Bears. Get the brooms out......the Lions just SWEPT the Bears this year! SUHHHHHHHHHHH!

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I have relegated to binge watching Boardwalk Empire. The seasons are all the same: painfully trudge through the first half and then watch shit get crazy the second half. I did this last season and was better for it.

I gave up Homeland completely. Fuck that show.

I loved last nights episode. Just so much shit going down at once.

Industrial size laundry bin filled with assault rifles, outside! Smart! Not smart? NOT USING THE FUCKING THINGS ON THEM BEFORE HAND. Yeah, I get the sound thing, but shits sake, it's a lot easier to use them again then rebuild a fence.

Damn it, Glenn.

Lizzie is cool in my book. Good choice of words, because she HATES books. And she would totally kill Carl and wear his skin while playing with his guts like they were a toy.

Maggie being the best continues. That was a pretty gangster head shot she gave that one zombie. Carol gone? Zero fucks given. Daryl has many fucks to give on that subject. CANT WAIT.

Dad stays to watch over sick son, sick son bites dad, dad shoots girl who is in the middle of handicapping a zombie trying to eat Hershel. That was the best turn of events in the show. You could almost hear the bassoon in the back ground playing a Looney Tunes style womp womp.

Really enjoying this season. Let's hope that the Guvnah can take out Glenn next week. GO BIG GUVNAH.

Ide

Prime99 said...

Ah yes, the convenient bet that allowed you to disappear after your team choked. You shot your mouf off about the Red Wings being better. I didn't because the Bears aren't better. At least not without Briggs, Melton, Cutler's groin, and a decent pass rush. Point is, I didn't throw out a convenient bet because I know I can't just Cakes my team into winning.

By the way, G$ is actually right about the Lions' playoff chances.

How come Hershel didn't give Rick the unlimited ammo code from Season 2?

No one will be happy about Rick sending Carol off. Daryl will be mad she's gone. Tyrese will be mad he doesn't get vengeance. Lizzie will be mad because she dumb. And the Guv will be mad because there is one less person the rape.

Hershel was pretty ELITE last night, but he was dumb about letting the dad stay in the cell with the obviously dead son who eventually are the dad.

Overall, very strong episode.

Anonymous said...

"A convenient bet"...LOLZ @ how stupid you are. Also, LOLZ @ your laundry list of excuses.

I'm happy to know that you "don't know" if the Lions could beat the Panthers or 49ers during a home playoff game. Great thing to agree with! What a take!

This might be Prime's WOAT day at the Shot. Almost giving me flashbacks to Slow Seal's day when he tried to take over College Football day with some retarded Megatron/Haden debate....no, it's not that bad. But, apparently realizing that the Lions are better than your NFL team makes people have some real bad days here.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

New team? New tat. I got plenty of space.

GMoney said...

That dad was a real idiot. It's probably what Prime would do with Li'l Boogie. Damn, Prime is getting it good today. EAST COAST BIAS!

Deputy Dipshit has been the hall monitor for the last three weeks. LOLZ! That kid sucks something fierce.

The sad thing is that now that they have made Hershel into this ELITE hero, he probably gonna die at the end of this half season.

Saw this at Uproxx so I'm going to steal it: Lizzie is the daughter that Da Guv wishes he still had. LOL!

GMoney said...

Back to Cakes, the Browns beating the Bengals would also be a huge slap in the face of history because I'm 100% positive that mah boy, J-Camp, has never won two games in a row.

I would be willing to bet you a rib dinner on that game but I don't want to eat a meal with you.

The Iceman said...

That's a convenience bet, G$. Don't fall into the trap of convenience betting.

Anonymous said...

This is the guy who bet on BYU and lets Ape post tips here. He is all for convenience betting.

Drew wisely didn't take my bet on fantasy.

Ide

GMoney said...

Ape went 2-0 this past week! HAWT!