|DEAL WITH IT, Prime!|
Richie Incognito - This "honorary black guy" gave an interview with The Glaze on Sunday and it was so hilarious. This guy is a sociopath. I wouldn't call him a liar because he probably believes that he is a good person. And can we please not put Brian Hartline on TV anymore? I'm surprised he can even speak while chomping on Grumpy's red oak with those beaver teeth of his.
Arian Foster - Nice year. Eat red meat and you wouldn't need a backiotomy. I would feel bad for Foster fantasy owners but they should have seen this coming and it has to be somewhat of a relief to know for sure that he's done instead of constantly hoping that Foster would stop being a gash.
Mike Tomlin and Todd Haley - Uh oh, the battle lines have been drawn. Big Ben is apparently going to ask for a trade after this season (he should). The Rooneys need to do what they've never done and clean house of that awful coaching staff. They have let this get out of control. You can say that they haven't drafted well and maybe that is true but this coaching staff isn't developing anything. Get them out. I'll tell you what: if Big Ben is on the open market, that is the story of the offseason. Although, to be fair, that's kind of a dick move since the organization stood by him during his darkest hours. But whatever, fuck this team. Loving the implosion!
White Supremacist Packers Fans - Yesterday marked the first time in franchise history that GB started a black dude at QB. That is a lie, of course, because we all know that Don Majkowski was a half n*****. I am writing this portion at 1:30 so I don't know if it will happen but I want it to. Will Packer fans scream COOOOOOON if Seneca completes a pass to John Kuhn? Best sub-plot of the day!
The Atlanta Falcons - Are terrible. Moving on.
Jay Catler - It was pretty obvious to me that he shouldn't have been out there. I don't get it. The team looked ELITE with McCown on Monday night and then 6 days later they go back to the starter who was supposed to miss two more weeks? And when The Cat couldn't finish the game then he probably should not have started it. At least GSaul got to watch his Lions win in person. DOIN' WORK DOGGIE!
Terry Bradshaw - I don't like to use this word a lot because it's not too cool, but Terry Bradshaw is a retard. On the pregame show, he hillbillied that if he could choose one QB in the NFL, he would take Fat Stafford. LOLWUT? He's good, no doubt, but NO ONE is taking Discount Double Chin #1 in some weird scenario where Terry Bradshaw is asked to build a team from the ground up.
Mike Munchak - Oh, you're fired, bro. Jacksonville has lost 20 of 22 games and those 2 wins are against the Titans. Well done.
Trent Richardson - 5 carries for 2 yards! HE'S DUE TO BREAK OUT!!! What the fuck happened to the Colts? Did they forget about ChuckStrong? It was nice to see Tavon Austin actually contribute. Where was this all season, jerk?
Andy Dalton - I'm ignoring the Pryor/ELITE DERPfest because it was a shitty game. I do want to talk about the Bengals. These assholes need to stop underachieving. Dalton is just a bad QB. He really is. And Jay Gruden's play-calling is such butt. The Bengals just don't do the small things right which leads to big negative things. Don't get your hopes up though, Browns fans, because they're going to kill you next week.
Marvin Lewis - He's just a moron when the tension rises. You can always count on Marvin to lose a challenge, be unnecessarily aggressive when it isn't needed, or not veto a stupid swing pass call on 4th and 2. KICK THE FIELD GOAL, IDIOT. Seriously, how do you send a game into overtime on a miracle hail mary (how is no one standing near AJ Green?) and then lose? Everything that we know about momentum says that they should have won that game. Whatever, they didn't deserve to win anyway.
Nick Foles - Still sucks. Don't buy into this OBVZ fluke. (watches him throw 5 TD passes against the Skins on Sunday)
Colin T. Kaepernick - I thought I heard that he had less than 70 yards passing. ELITE! I finally have figured out the Panthers...they are a playoff team because that defense is incredible. They host the Patriots on Monday Night next week. That is quite the step up in competition and talent from tonight.
Wade Phillips - I kind of forgot that he was the interim head coach. If I would have remembered that, I would've bet the Cards big because Wade is a loser. Also, Rashard Mendenhall is a terrible football player.
Wes Welker - Go figure that the week I trade for you, you do nothing. Go where some Depends, honky.
FANTASY! - A decent night from Breesus will lead me to a win over the Duts in the G$FL. I destroyed MSFL newbie, Nate, and showed him how a real man plays a fantasy sport. That will teach you to not have your team initials as TWIX as they should be. And I'm going to win my 7th in a row in the D/LFL because I'm the best. Lost my OTHER LEAGUE like usual because I'm 1-9 even though I have the 6th most points in the league. Sometimes, fantasy football is a real shit weasel.
That will do it for the NFL recap this week. I am not ashamed to admit that I can't wait for tonight's Dolphins/Bucs game. It's going to be a delightful train wreck of awful human beings. What a nice way to celebrate Veterans Day. Hey, past and present military personnel, enjoy this piece of shit!