Monday, November 04, 2013

The Worst of Week Nine Vol.VII

Ryan Boys or Boys BRAH...WHO YA GOT?  I'm leaning Ryans.
Usually, I leave the college football heavy lifting to our shitbag Tuesday writer but he never once mentioned the hilarious Grambling story so I doubt that he will discuss Florida Atlantic.  So I will.  As you all probably know by now, FAU coach Carl Pelini (Bo's bro) and DC Pete Rekstis (formerly of Miami U!) were fired after smoking weed and blowing coke in public like all great leaders.  I predicted that Bo would get fired this year (and he will) but I'm taking partial credit for his idiot BRAH getting canned over cocaine.  The best part about this story...ST coach Matt Edwards was the narc.  I KNOW HIM!  We graduated in the same class and had more than a dozen conversations over our years in Oxford (he hung out in the equipment room a lot which is where I worked).  Nice guy...but apparently he's also a DARE agent now.  Don't worry, I am not a narc.  Feel free to whip out your bath salts here.  It will make this site better.  On with the football!

Richie Incognito - What a strange story in Miami with OT Jonathan Martin disappearing from the team because he was sick of being bullied.  Apparently, Incognito was the man behind most of it which should come as no surprise because Richie is always near the top of those most hated players lists.  This site is a staunch anti-bullying supporter but this seems to fall out of our jurisdiction.  I don't think it's possible for an ELITE athlete and millionaire to get my sympathy.  Fuck everyone involved.  You know what, fuck this...

Jonathan Martin - Bro, you're 325 pounds, black, and played football for the criminally insane Jim Harbaugh.  PUNCH THE GUY IN THE NOSE if he won't stop calling you a queer.  BREAKING NEWS THAT I AM MAKING UP: Martin is gay.

Justin Blackmon - HEY!  Speaking of drugs!  I mean, come on, what a _______.

Andy Reid - First of all, this is the worst 9-0 team ever.  If they win the West, they will be a touchdown dog at home to the Broncos in the Divisional Round.  They only beat Tuel Time because Tuel sucks.  Alex Smith was abysmal.  In the FOURF quarter, Andy Reid had a play call ratio of 7 runs and 24 passes.  Just like his failure Eagles days!  This is the biggest fraud team in the league.

Dez Bryant - Another meltdown!  I don't buy that garbage from last week that he was being positive.  If you are trying to fire up the team then don't show up your QB or clap when you talk (a weird move that only black women do).  This week it was taking his helmet off in the field of play which knocked Dallas out of field goal range.  Fortunately, the Cowboys are fucking lucky as well.  How the fuck does Blair Walsh miss an XP?

Christian Ponder - Throws a hail mary from midfield...lands at the 6.  That's about the most Ponder thing ever.  Although his wife is absolutely adorable so it's all good.

Rob Ryan - Lost to brother Rex.  I love this family.  By the way, the Jets have an ELITE DL. The Saints have got to start figuring out how to run the ball though.  You have to do more on offense than "force ball to James Graham".

Matty Ice - More like Matty Room Temperature!  Count it.  Atlanta blows.  They might not win another game.  And I have no idea if Carolina is worth a shit or not.  I have yet to figure out the Lions, Panthers, or Chargers.

Danny Woodhead - I hate this guy.  He looks like a skateboard fucker that everyone rightfully looks down on.  The reason why he makes the list is because he failed to get in on the pass that would have won the game and then, for some dumb reason, they gave him a carry on first and goal from the 1.  Woodhead is many things but "short yardage back" is not one of them.  I'm glad that the Chargers are stupid though because BRAVEHEARTS WIN!!!  THREE fullback touchdowns!  It's 1970 all over again!  Kai had 2 FGs blocked!  3-5!  We ain't quittin'!  NFC East didn't lose yesterday.  Best division in football!!!

Mr. Ace - Oh, great call on your Eagles, bro!  You must have forgotten about Nick Foles flipping his homo hair and (spear)chucking bombs to Riley Cooper and the rest of his "weapons".  Your team may be bad (and they are), but that is no excuse to recommend betting on the Raiders. Apologize to everyone.

Whoever calls plays for the Seahawks - I'm not just saying this as a Lynch fantasy owner, but is there anything more annoying than a team who has first and goal from the 1 and then continually runs some dipshit bootleg?  There is not.  It's BAD play-calling.  The Seahawks do this all the time now.  They keep acting like Rusty is Peyton or Brady.  He isn't.  He sort of sucks.  You have the second best RB in the league.  Fucking use him.  Seattle is TOTES a fraud by the way.  I'm just glad to see that all of these garbage wins that the Hawks, Chiefs, and Cowboys are racking up will even out later in the season.

Dick LeBeau - The Steelers would NEVER fire this guy, but he should retire before the plane takes off.  610 yards to a team that has been held under 300 four times already?  Pittsburgh needs to rebuild in the worst way.  Everything about that team is as stale as Dan Rooney's farts.  Even the QB.  They had a good run with multiple titles but it's over and it needs to be blown up.

Joe Flacco - Dude bro, how many times are you going to force passes to Torrey Smiff, only to see them broken up constantly by Haden, before you realize that you should go elsewhere? Dude sucks.  Last year was a total fluke.  NOT ELITE. I take it all back.  Still better than Peyton Manning though.

Brandon Weeden - As one of the few analysts out there who picked the Browns to make the playoffs, I would feel a lot more confident about that pick had the team started Hoyer/Campbell all season.  Those two are 4-1 as starters.  And all of you homos ripping Davone Bess are sucking his knob this week.  Hypocrites!

FANTASY! - Good week for me.  Killed -Rex in the G$FL (and Drooler loses again putting me 1+ back!).  Sticking it to Moden in the LFL.  I hope that The Wig Master was cranking up the Iron Maiden with his kid because when it comes to MSFL action, "bring your daughter to the slaughter".  No Peyton?  No problem.

In conclusion, the Steelers are terrible and worse than the Browns.  By the way, you may have heard about the massive Thursday night slate of college football games this week.  It's cool.  I'll be watching Bravehearts/Vikings because that is clearly Must See TV and (unfortunately) that means way more to me than Oregon and Baylor possibly going undefeated in their toughest tests to date.  Christ, they're going to break my heart on Thursday with a horrible loss to a 1-7 team, aren't they? 

37 comments:

The Iceman said...

Richie Incognito is such a clown. All this coming after an ESPN special a few weeks ago about how he's matured as a player. Good story, bro. He probably still tries to give guys swirlies.

Greg Little needs to die. Seriously. Never before has a player been so worthless and celebrated his own mediocrity more. Except maybe Freddie Mitchell. Now here comes Cakes to defend the HONOR of Little since he wears a Browns uniform. Before Cakes even says anything...yes, the taunting rule is stupid. But that doesn't change the fact that it it a rule and Little knows it's a rule yet acted like a tampon anyway. He's 100% at fault for both personal fouls called on him yesterday. Oh...and get fucked for throwing McGahee's helmet. Who the fuck does that?

LOL Matt Schaub. HE GONE! Way to lose your job to an undrafted guy. I loved watching the Facebook posts last night by the 2 Texan fans I'm friends with. They were big fans of Wade Phillips taking over after Kubs had his not heart attack. I wonder if they also loved the 3 points of offense that happened after Wade took over.

Tom Brady is #1

Grumpy said...

Steelers were already blown up and the replacements suck. Yeah, the QB gave up 600 yds.

The Iceman said...

Raperberger's play hasn't changed. It's just now everyone is seeing the average QB he is now that the one thing that has carried him his entire career is no longer good. The defense.

Jeff said...

Steelers suck. Ben's game has regressed some, but the rest of the team is way worse in every other facet. Dline gets no pass rush, LBs are mediocre, secondary sucks, Oline sucks, don't have any size at WR just a bunch of little speed guys who can only get open on fly routes occasionally. The special teams suck too. Sparty Bell is their RB by far and probably best player on offense. I'm all for signing Richie Incognito to come an bully the whole team.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, the QB gave up 600 yds.

I think the Patriots defense had almost as many receiving yards as the Steelers offense did.

I should be happy over the Browns victory, but for some reason, I'm more depressed about it. I'm depressed that we are 0-4 with a fucking cunt qb. I don't think it's far fetched to think we would be leading our division with actual playoff hopes. It's a good thing our defense is really young.

Jonathan Martin is a twat. I hope no other team picks him up and he spends the rest of his life working as a life insurance salesman. What kind of gash quits a team and blames bullying. WHAT KIND OF GROWN BLACK OFFENSIVE LINEMAN DOES THAT?!?!

And fuck the Saints. I won off of the Clemson Jeffs and Colts game, but I could have turned a sweet parlay into major bucks if Brees used any one of his other receivers. That is the second time the Saints have burned me out of hitting. They could be 1 point favorites at home to the Jaguars and still fuck it up for me.

Tomorrow promises to be a fun day.

Ide

GMoney said...

I'm just saying that he should go simply to finish on a high note somewhere else (Houston?). Because it's not going to get much better in PIT.

Incognito would make a great Steeler. Guaranteed more stabbings of Mike Adams.

Correction, Iceman, that is the RECENTLY INCARCERATED Freddie "Fred Ex" Mitchell!

Nick Foles is #1. Deal with it.

Jackets and Cavs...also the worst. Nice weekends, shitheads.

Mr. Ace said...

Ya, I did give out some great advice on that one. On Monday when I said bet your life on Oak +2.5 it was because Bonerz Barkley was going to get the start. Obvs that line flipped in a hurry and Foles was announced as the starter. I still thought Philly on the west coast was a bad news for us. I was wrong. Nick Foles is putting together a pretty impressive resume, I just don't know what the fuck happened in that Dallas game.

Iceman hung 190 on Fagnasty's abortion. I should screenshot him the results.

Ide/Burke, suck mine, Luck, and Hilton's scrotes. We turnt up in the second half.

I was reading a little bit about the Phins shit yesterday. Apparently they are making rookies foot the bill for 30k dinner bills and drop 15k on trips that they aren't even going on. Pretty shitty. And from everything I have gathered on Incognito he is quite the douche.

Nick Foles destroys all pirate themed teams.

GMoney said...

Bro, if they want you to dump 30K on lobsters and you only make 405K, break the biggest guy's nose and tell him to fuck off. NO ONE is going to step in for Richie Incognito.

The good news is that I am betting against the Dolphins no matter what this week. This really helped that decision.

The Iceman said...

I agree with G$. Incognito sounds like a real shit bag that no one likes. I promise no one would stop anyone from cutting loose on Incognito's face.

I would be lying if I said putting 190 up on FagNasty didn't feel great. The team is really starting to come together.

Mr. Ace said...

My guess is that it's an entire locker room thing, Incognito is just the goon at the front of it. We are talking about a roster full of mostly knuckle draggers and neanderthals. I can easily see everybody just going along with this. I agree Martin could have stopped it immediately by just telling them to fuck off, but that obvs didn't happen.

G$, how the fuck did you back into 3-0 in your NFL picks? Chiefs get Tuel time miracles, Chargers give small white guy goal line carries, and the fucking Texans coach has a not heart attack. You're a gay.

Big showdown tonight between Lange and I in the MSFL tonight. He has a 30 pt lead on me with Forte and Nelson to go. I have Rodgers, Boykin, Marshall and Bennett. If Boykin can somehow outpoint Nelson then I think I have it.

GMoney said...

My NFL picks are always rock solid! But yes, those were miracles. I had a damn fine gambling weekend which will only improve when I bet against the RedHawks tomorrow night.

If I were Martin, I would have went to the source of the issue and beat the shit out of Brian Hartline. Look at that piece of shit. He is just begging to get punched.

GMoney said...

Oh God, the Dolphins are at Tampa for MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL next week. At least Miami is adding some juice to the game with their Schiano-like behavior.

Anonymous said...

Poor Bret Hartline. I will never forgive McMahon for the Montreal Screwjob.

NEVER

Mr. Ace said...

Apparently Incognito's dad is posting on MIA message boards that Martin uses drugs and attempted suicide...apples and trees.

GMoney said...

Oh man, don't get me started on the Montreal Screwjob. I watched that bullshit live. FUCK HBK! He was in on it!

Anonymous said...

Ape....I just read that on Deadspin...HOLY SHIT. That's one of the better things I've ever seen on the internet. I like how he basically says the Dolphins should do away with Martin because he fails at suicide multiple times. What a family.

Another STELLAR game out of Trent Richardson. You guys were so WRONG about him. He fucking sucks. The Browns would have won that trade if it was a FIFTH round pick.

That pass Tuel threw to the Chiefs for a pick six was amazingly horrible.

So, yesterday going into the Sunday Night Football game...Yahoo! gave me a 0% chance of winning the matchup. Then Andre Johnson went HAM and now I'm winning going into tonight, but still likely to lose with a 30% chance. But, why the fuck woudl it say someone has a 0% chance of winning when they still have four players left? Fuck you Yahoo!...there was at least 1% there. Also, fuck you Alex Smiff for being my bye week pickup.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

The early games were boring until the very end when they became mildly exciting.

I, too benefited from Andre Johnson in MY OTHER LEAGUE. Dude went nuts.

The Raiders are a confusing team. Definitely not good but show up here and there, then take it up the pooper to Nick Foles.

Damman, better luck next year... You got beat by over 30 while Alex SMIFF was my QB and Foster got me a 0. Ouch.

GMoney said...

Fun FACT: Ide started Aaron Hernandez in the G$FL and (I think) left Riley Cooper on his bench or cut him. Good times!

OK, while the Browns appear to have won that trade now, let's hold off on crowning their asses before we see who they pick. If they draft Weeden's son (probably a college senior) then they don't win either.

Anonymous said...

I cut Cooper a while back when I had a stable of black affletes. Lesson learned.

Ide

Brady said...

I'm not trying to defend Little for the first flag. You can't get up out of the pile and fling the opponents helmet 40 yards. It was definitely funny but everyone knew that flag was being thrown.

The second one was fucking ridiculous. He was pushed in the back four yards out of bounds. So he turns around and motions to "come on" and that's worth 15 yards? It didn't end up mattering because of our ELITE QB play but this is a violent sport played by crazy dudes. You're going to have some trash talking. Get the fuck over it, NFL refs.

Besides his stupid penalties, Little played an amazing game. Maybe the light finally turned on.

The reaction from the crowd when Weeden was warming up was hilarious. I don't see how he can leave his house in Cleveland anymore. Just quit, bro.

Anonymous said...

"I don't see how he can leave his house in Cleveland anymore"...I can think of over 750,000 reasons he wakes up every morning ready to leave his house and go to work.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Grumpy didn't act like a butthole when he paid for RibFest. Grump, teach Martin to not be a pussy! What I'm saying is that in this comparison, G$ is Incognito.

The Iceman said...

"Besides his stupid penalties, Little played an amazing game. Maybe the light finally turned on."

I can assure you it hasn't. It's okay to hate a Cleveland Brown, Cakes. Especially one as shitty as Little.

So just shutting his mouth and running back to the huddle wasn't an option then? His only move after getting shoved out of bounds after a huge play was the typical black guy reaction? Got it.

GMoney said...

ZOMBIE TIME!!!

*Before we get started on a comment that I will get grilled over, let me just say that I really like when they focus episodes on "runs" as opposed to prison life. It adds a nice sense of danger that just isn't readily available at the prison outside of Tyreese impromtu brawls.

*So Stookey is a drunk because it gives him feels. Whatever, Daryl should've not passively headbutted him but thrown him down to the horde (not Leroy Hoard...have we seen Hoard amongst the horde yet?). He is worthless and you know it now.

*Poor tattoo leg...we just met you and you were cute. Could have been a nice addition to the prison. Instead, you are food.

*Someone needs to get Ty's mind right. Either die or fix yo head.

*OK, so Carol...hoo boy, they FINALLY turn her into a character worth noticing and then kick her out. Why? Beats the shit out of me. She was right to do what she did. It was probably a little cruel but they had no medicine and a potential killer of everyone harvesting inside those two bodies.

*Carol is a member of the council and an original of the group. Rick is a dipshit farmer who has NO SAY within the prison anymore. All of a sudden he is taking back all the power that he didn't want any more and booting a solid contributor for doing something that he himself has done before (kill the living who threatened their lives)? HOW DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?

*Was it the right call? Perhaps. I mean, Ty would have went apeshit on her but I still don't think that it was his call to make. Was what she did THAT bad? I get that she was growing a little too detached but she IS the mother of the entire group. You don't run off the mom because U MAD BRO.

*I can't wait to see how Rick explains to the Council what he did and why he did it and they're all like "that was dumb as fuck; go back to farming you faggot".

*Rick is a moron. Nothing that he does is right. Hell, even his trusty pigs ended up killing everyone with their flu. He has done WAY more damage to the group than Carol.

#TeamCarol

GMoney said...

G$ is Incognito.

This is why Prime gets paid by the big commenting bucks.

I have no idea what Little did but did he clap his hands like your run of the mill sassy black chick?

Anonymous said...

What a fucking piece of trash this dude is....

More light has been shed on the nature of Miami Dolphins lineman Richie Incognito's harassment of his teammate, Jonathan Martin, and it's just as ugly as you expected.

According to CBS Sports' Jason La Canfora, Incognito sent Martin a number of threatening text messages and voice mails, one of which referred to Martin as a "half-nigger." It doesn't end there:

There are several instances of threats as well, the sources said, and overall disturbing exchanges, including one in which Incognito refers to defecating in Martin's mouth.
Incognito also made reference to tracking down members of Martin's family and harming them in the texts as well, according to a source.

According to La Canfora, both the Dolphins and the NFL have seen these threatening text messages.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Rick had to leave Carol if he plans on outing her to Tyreese (he does- and that is a whole other debate.) Tyreese would go bonkers and divide the prison. Rick is doing this because he's trying to protect this false safe lifestyle at the prison. He is making bad decisions to try to hold on to a non-sustainable life for he and his kids.

Carol seemed not mad at all. She'll be the Guv's bottom bitch in no time.

Daryl's angry head thing was scary. He did all he could to resist the urge to make Reading Rainbow zombie lunch.

The disease is a distraction at this point. Move the story to the next thing.

The Iceman said...

Carol. YOU GONE! I hope she goes completely mental on her own the same way Morgan did. It was TOTES the right move to boot Carol, too. And I'm a Carol fan! That cold hearted bitch just walked around dead and emotionless, and I loved it. Zombie apocalypse or not...there still has to be rules. You can't just decide to murder people and expect there to be no repercussions. Let her get away with this move and who knows? Maybe one day she decides Tyrese needs to die because he's too black. Or Carl needs to die because he's too gay.

What's humerous is in the TV show Carol murders Tyrese's girlfriend. In the comic Carol IS Tyrese's girlfriend and ends up committing suicide by zombie when she walks in on Michonne slobbing Tyrese's night stick.

I can't take the blond haired kid seriously after watching the movie Accepted.

I have a feeling Daryl and Michonne are about to get it on.

Anonymous said...

Michone getting ample beheading time pleases me.

Get fucked Carol. Hope she comes back with a vengeance but 2 good episodes doesnt erase over 3 seasons of uselessness.

Dunno if you guys watch Eastbound and Down, but, "Gays are the new blacks." Made me LOLZ.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

This episode was way better than last week. Glad they are committed to keeping shit moving more than they were in past seasons.

I get where Rick is coming from, but Carol does FUCKING EVERYTHING at the prison. She's a killer, a doctor/nurse, the childrens caretaker, and still performs all womanly duties like cooking and cleaning. Carol built herself up into a real power player and asset...and then you just dump all that over two people who nobody even knew. If Rick wasn't scared fucking shitless of Tyreese then this would have been a non-issue. If little wimpy white guys chick gets mercd nobody cares.

Agree with Prime, the sick people either need to die or get better. That fucking story line better be dead after next week.

I'm glad this show is actually good again.

GMoney said...

I just don't get what Farmer Rick is thinking. You don't HAVE to tell Tyreese anything. Or you can blame someone that died already like somebody who turned from the swine flu (not sure if that works chronologically though). Carol should have just told them that they already died and were turning and then there is no problem so she is at fault for the ousting.

It just bothers me that he completely ignored the chain of command that he wanted because he didn't want to lead anymore.

If this means that the Ricktatorship is back then BOOOOOO because that was an awful regime.

Richie Incognito is a terrible person. Get this guy with Schiano immediately.

Mr. Ace said...

I can't believe Rob Parker hasn't came out to call Martin a cornball brotha yet.

GMoney said...

What happened on TWD is similar to A Few Good Men. Dawson and the hick couldn't just kill Santiago on their own. They needed permission from their superiors. Rick Grimes is not allowed to order Code Reds. We want Carol on that wall. We NEED Carol on that wall.

Carol should have TOTES dumped a "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH" on the Land Baron.

Prime99 said...

Rick is ABOVE THE LAW! OBVS.

There is a certain amount of dillusion that Rick witnessed to lead him to his decision. He reasoned that Carol went completely untethered from her previous life. Since Rick ALMOST got there, he knows how dangerous that can be (murder, light the bodies on fire, etc.) Howevah, it's pretty hypocritical of him.

The Iceman said...

"I just don't get what Farmer Rick is thinking. You don't HAVE to tell Tyreese anything"

Bullshit. Let's say Rick covers this up and lets Carol come back with him. Then let's say that somehow Carol is busted later by someone. Be it an unknown witness, evidence left behind, etc. Or she murders again and gets caught and confesses to everything. I'm sure at that point Carol rats out Rick telling everyone he knew and told no one. Boom. Both are done and back on the streets. Rick has to tell Tyrese so he can keep his ass clean in case the lid was blown off this thing.

GMoney said...

Not true. Here's how this should go down:

Ty: Yo yo yo, Slick Rick, you ax around about who murdered my girl, blood?
Rick: I was a sheriff; not a detective. I wasn't even good at it. I was just going to blame you since you're black and this is the South.
Ty: AWWWW HELL NAH!
Rick: Come take a look at these tomaters!

I should write for this show.

Prime99 said...

G$'s TWD fan fiction should be a thing.