|Ryan Boys or Boys BRAH...WHO YA GOT? I'm leaning Ryans.|
Richie Incognito - What a strange story in Miami with OT Jonathan Martin disappearing from the team because he was sick of being bullied. Apparently, Incognito was the man behind most of it which should come as no surprise because Richie is always near the top of those most hated players lists. This site is a staunch anti-bullying supporter but this seems to fall out of our jurisdiction. I don't think it's possible for an ELITE athlete and millionaire to get my sympathy. Fuck everyone involved. You know what, fuck this...
Jonathan Martin - Bro, you're 325 pounds, black, and played football for the criminally insane Jim Harbaugh. PUNCH THE GUY IN THE NOSE if he won't stop calling you a queer. BREAKING NEWS THAT I AM MAKING UP: Martin is gay.
Justin Blackmon - HEY! Speaking of drugs! I mean, come on, what a _______.
Andy Reid - First of all, this is the worst 9-0 team ever. If they win the West, they will be a touchdown dog at home to the Broncos in the Divisional Round. They only beat Tuel Time because Tuel sucks. Alex Smith was abysmal. In the FOURF quarter, Andy Reid had a play call ratio of 7 runs and 24 passes. Just like his failure Eagles days! This is the biggest fraud team in the league.
Dez Bryant - Another meltdown! I don't buy that garbage from last week that he was being positive. If you are trying to fire up the team then don't show up your QB or clap when you talk (a weird move that only black women do). This week it was taking his helmet off in the field of play which knocked Dallas out of field goal range. Fortunately, the Cowboys are fucking lucky as well. How the fuck does Blair Walsh miss an XP?
Christian Ponder - Throws a hail mary from midfield...lands at the 6. That's about the most Ponder thing ever. Although his wife is absolutely adorable so it's all good.
Rob Ryan - Lost to brother Rex. I love this family. By the way, the Jets have an ELITE DL. The Saints have got to start figuring out how to run the ball though. You have to do more on offense than "force ball to James Graham".
Matty Ice - More like Matty Room Temperature! Count it. Atlanta blows. They might not win another game. And I have no idea if Carolina is worth a shit or not. I have yet to figure out the Lions, Panthers, or Chargers.
Danny Woodhead - I hate this guy. He looks like a skateboard fucker that everyone rightfully looks down on. The reason why he makes the list is because he failed to get in on the pass that would have won the game and then, for some dumb reason, they gave him a carry on first and goal from the 1. Woodhead is many things but "short yardage back" is not one of them. I'm glad that the Chargers are stupid though because BRAVEHEARTS WIN!!! THREE fullback touchdowns! It's 1970 all over again! Kai had 2 FGs blocked! 3-5! We ain't quittin'! NFC East didn't lose yesterday. Best division in football!!!
Mr. Ace - Oh, great call on your Eagles, bro! You must have forgotten about Nick Foles flipping his homo hair and (spear)chucking bombs to Riley Cooper and the rest of his "weapons". Your team may be bad (and they are), but that is no excuse to recommend betting on the Raiders. Apologize to everyone.
Whoever calls plays for the Seahawks - I'm not just saying this as a Lynch fantasy owner, but is there anything more annoying than a team who has first and goal from the 1 and then continually runs some dipshit bootleg? There is not. It's BAD play-calling. The Seahawks do this all the time now. They keep acting like Rusty is Peyton or Brady. He isn't. He sort of sucks. You have the second best RB in the league. Fucking use him. Seattle is TOTES a fraud by the way. I'm just glad to see that all of these garbage wins that the Hawks, Chiefs, and Cowboys are racking up will even out later in the season.
Dick LeBeau - The Steelers would NEVER fire this guy, but he should retire before the plane takes off. 610 yards to a team that has been held under 300 four times already? Pittsburgh needs to rebuild in the worst way. Everything about that team is as stale as Dan Rooney's farts. Even the QB. They had a good run with multiple titles but it's over and it needs to be blown up.
Joe Flacco - Dude bro, how many times are you going to force passes to Torrey Smiff, only to see them broken up constantly by Haden, before you realize that you should go elsewhere? Dude sucks. Last year was a total fluke. NOT ELITE. I take it all back. Still better than Peyton Manning though.
Brandon Weeden - As one of the few analysts out there who picked the Browns to make the playoffs, I would feel a lot more confident about that pick had the team started Hoyer/Campbell all season. Those two are 4-1 as starters. And all of you homos ripping Davone Bess are sucking his knob this week. Hypocrites!
FANTASY! - Good week for me. Killed -Rex in the G$FL (and Drooler loses again putting me 1+ back!). Sticking it to Moden in the LFL. I hope that The Wig Master was cranking up the Iron Maiden with his kid because when it comes to MSFL action, "bring your daughter to the slaughter". No Peyton? No problem.
In conclusion, the Steelers are terrible and worse than the Browns. By the way, you may have heard about the massive Thursday night slate of college football games this week. It's cool. I'll be watching Bravehearts/Vikings because that is clearly Must See TV and (unfortunately) that means way more to me than Oregon and Baylor possibly going undefeated in their toughest tests to date. Christ, they're going to break my heart on Thursday with a horrible loss to a 1-7 team, aren't they?