Thursday, November 07, 2013

The Money Shot Plays "Just The Tip-Off"

I ON!
Every year about this time, you’re just sitting in your recliner every night and enjoying some MACtion and then it’s like “HOLY SHIT, college basketball starts this week”. This is that week and it always sneaks up on us unless you live in Kentucky or North Carolina. I didn’t even realize until the other day that The Other John Cooper opens his season on Friday night at Notre Dame. I hope to “holy hell” that none of our guys get murdered by Brian Kelly while in South Bend. He has yet to fulfill his yearly quota (I’m going to count Lennay Kukua for his tally because LOL that’s three now!). A week or so ago, Old Sealford asked when we were going to get a college basketball preview. How about today to give us a distraction before we get bogged down with ELITE college football (go undefeated teams!), Bravehearts football (MUST WIN), and Rick Nash’s homecoming happening this evening (we fucking suck again!)?

First things first, I know very little about college basketball at this moment (as usual at this time of year). I’m basically just going to look at the preseason top 25 and give some cold takes. Last year, I invited Drooler and Seal to the battlefield as a means to teach us all something. NEVER AGAIN since both of them had their seasons ended by mid to low majors last year. They can throw shade at each other in the comments like normal. This should be fun and uninformative but at least you’re opening your mind up.

*The preseason All-Americans are Doug McDermott, Andrew Wiggins, Russ Smiff, Marcus Smart, and Mitch McGary. This is a pretty damn good group and I have no complaints with the five. But, then again, how fair is it to put McDermott as a first teamer when he’s been playing college basketball since 1974? Dude has been at Creighton FOREVER. Wiggins has everything you want in a player, yet I get the feeling that he won’t live up to our impossibly high expectations. I think that Jabari Parker (pretty sure that is his name) will have a better one-and-done season for Coach Devil Rat. MITCH MCGARY!!! Hoffman and Ross Durham’s son should dominate the paint throughout the Midwest. He got off to a backboard-breakingly slow start but his March run was fairly ELITE. Marcus Smart is the best player in country. FACT.

*Kentucky is #1 in both polls to start the season. This feels like a mistake. This is the same group (not really) that took all of their talent to Robert Morris and lost in the NIT last year. I’m sure that they will be better than last year but I would not be betting on them to cut down the nets. Hopefully, Seal can give us more info on this illiterate bunch.

*Sparty is #2, WE ON is #7, and Ohio is #11. I’m a huge fan of Gary Harris and always will be. Michigan sure did lose a lot to warrant this high of a ranking. Ohio is going to struggle to score in my personal opinion. If you expect Moron Ross to replicate what Buckets gave the team, you’ve got another thing coming. But Thad should have these homos playing insane defense. All three of these teams should be top ten for most of the year.

*Aaron Craft pulled a Johnny Diebs and got engaged while in college. WHITE PEOPLE BE DUMB. They’re probably marrying each other because faggots. In what will be the least surprising event of the year, Craft will do his usual rape defense and actually penetrate Spike Albrecht. OBVZ on purpose.

*Oklahoma State will win the Big 12 over favorite Kansas. Smart is a stud. I’ll also pick them for the Final Four with Sparty, Duke, and VCU (got to throw in a surprise). Izzo reigns supreme at the end.

*#11 Florida is the most OVERRATED team because Billy Widow’s Peak has already suspended half of his goddamn team. Bunch of Urban Meyer guys!

*Indiana isn’t ranked? Wow, I know that they lost a lot but Yogi and Sheehy along with a monster recruiting class should be enough for a top 25 spot ahead of shitball teams like Virginia and shitheads like new UCLA coach Steve Alford. Even without being ranked, I’m sure that Crean Pie will find a way to underachieve.

Uh yeah, that might be all that I have to say on this. Today’s topic is definitely going to be commenter driven due to my ignorance. I apologize for the rare lack of intelligence and insight that I’m famous for. Fortunately, you don’t deserve better. As the great Bo Ryan would say, DEAL WITH IT.

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

Marcus Smart is indeed the best player in the country. He gon ball this year.

We've seen UK win a title with these ckasses and lose to Bob Mo with these classes. Im not blowing Calipari because of his one title in 20+ years of sick recruiting.

OSU might be a Sweet 16 team at our most optimistic. The Lenzelles and Shannons of the bunch better play up to their recruited potential.

UNC has a pretty sick group as well. McAdoo will be a beast at center this year and Im assuming some more injuries will pile on. The Tarheels have been abnormally shallow in the depf chart so that could hamper them.

Fuck Duke and Jabari.

MSU will win the title this year. Christ that is a cohesive unit. They will likely be the Buckeyes everytime this year.

UL looking nice again. Good to see Kevin Ware drain his first shot back from that awful injury.

Ide

MuDawgfan said...

They’re probably marrying each other because faggots


The above is the reason for the internet being invented.

GMoney said...

Damn, the day I unload this post is the day that Seal goes on his honeymoon. The nerve of that asshole!

GO BRAVEHEARTS!

Jeff said...

"I apologize for the rare lack of intelligence and insight that I’m famous for."

Your college basketball preview is about as fact based as every Tuesday with Iceman. Well done.

Mr. Ace said...

I have already made a Twitter proclamation that Walton (FR PG for M) will be the B1G Frosh of the year. Spike will get more minutes than he got last year, but I don't Beilein will be able to keep this kid on the bench. True PG, nice outside shot, tenacious d. I really like the kid.

McGary's back is really worrying me. I hope M keeps him out as long as he needs because we will be alright without him.

The Fuckeyes will play ugly hoops and be a Top 10/15 team. Then the tourney will come around and they will get bounced in the second round because refs won't let them hump opponents up and down the court. They need major help on offense.

I really wish Gary Harris would have went pro.

Toledo has been picked to win the West division in the MAC by a couple places. They must not know that we love money more than titles.

Jeff said...

UK will be good, but will def have some growing pains.

Sparty is sick, but Luke Appling is still there.

The Brownell era at Clemson will likely end after a 20 loss season. We want BOALS!!!!

A Clemson Basketball recruit named Ibrahim Djambo (LOL) graded out to a 40 (LOLOLOLZ). A fucking 40?!? How is that even possible? There are kids who graded out higher playing at Columbus State.

GMoney said...

With Djambo, the Dj is pronounced S.

Luke Appling and Doug McDermott remember the Crimean War.

I don't get the Toledo love but then again I'm old enough to remember that UT hasn't been shit since Craig Thames was there. RedHawks should be much improved since we stole ELITE Blake McLimans from WE ON. Apparently, he has never seen a three point shot that he didn't love. Keith Dambrot can still get raped forever.

ANTHONY BENNETT MADE A JUMP SHOT LAST NIGHT!!!

Jeff said...

Oh shit, Sparty plays Kentucky on Tuesday!

Anonymous said...

1"I have already made a Twitter proclamation that Walton (FR PG for M) will be the B1G Frosh of the year."

I love that you learn nothing from your All B1G picks. Keep them up. #causedbyace could soon be a thing when your players careers come crashing hilariously down.

Ide

GMoney said...

Hey Prime, how is UC Davis looking this year? What's new on the Pac-12 beat?

RedHawks, behind Oregon transfer/stud Willie Moore, are going to beat the Irish tomorrow. BOOK THAT SHIT. (You probably should not book that shit).

Prime99 said...

UC Davis gay. PAC-12 gay. Preview over.

Actually, UCD is probably going to be alright in the Big West. Jim Les seems to be doing a good job building the program and they looked pretty good at the end of the year last year.

PAC-12 still gay.

Anonymous said...

Bullet-style points.....

*Kentucky will be fun to watch due to their insane recruiting class, but I don't think they will even make it to the Final 4 due to not having an Anthony Davis type #1 overall freak on the team.

*Marcus Smart is da TRUF...told ya that last year when I listed him last year as the breakout freshman in my preview.

*McGary shouldn't have been 1st Team All-American, because he hasn't even played in a basketball game in months...all they have him due is run on underwater treadmills. I'm no doctor nor did I stay in a holiday inn express last night, but it sounds to me like he's got a disc issue much like Sullinger tried to play through with the Celtics last year. It wouldn't surprise me if he has to call it quits for surgery sometime during the season.

*Noah Vanleh of the Hoosiers will be the B1G Frosh of the Year.

*Sparty is dammmmmmmmmn good. But, Ide is wrong about the Buckeyes not beating them this year. No way that OSU loses to them on Aaron Craft Senior Day.

*Buckeyes will be a 2 or 3 seed in the tourney and another final four threat. Craft and Scott will be the best defensive pair in the nation. I think Scott is going to be a star this year. Frosh Marc Loving looks like he's going to be able to add some to the team as well.

*My pick to win it all is Louisville for a back to back run.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Never mind...Willie Moore is suspended for the first 9 games because of LOL Oregon. We're going to get killed tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

True story: My very first basketball card (out of my first pack) was Jim Les. He is probably the most obscure player that I know because of that fact.

Drew, without a dynamic scorer and leaning on a bunch of streaky shooters, I don't think we will have a sunny outlook. I pray that I am wrong, and I do think we will hit 20 wins, because Thad, but I don't have lofty expectations over this squad.

We will beat UM, maybe even sweep them, however. Mitch McGLOLy is made of vaginas, and Ape just cursed their PG. Though, I bet he will still play better than TBS, since it is known that TBS was Crafts bottom bitch for lyfe.

Let's see if Craft was able to develop a wet jumper now that he locked down some permanent pussy.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Ide...I think Ross will finish top 3 in the B1G in scoring.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Let's hope it doesn't take a sub .400 percentage to get that recognition.

Dolphins going scorched earf on that black pussy is TOTES hilarious. Once Hartline gets involved, you know its all facts. That guy has a whole locker room gunning for him. Let's hope he has a backup plan for a career since his playing days and soon to be suing days will pan out awfully.

Ide

Grumpy said...

"Your college basketball preview is about as fact based as every Tuesday with Iceman. Well done."

Commenter of the Year material right there.

GMoney said...

Grump, I've taken notice of the quality of Jeff's comments this year. Don't you worry about that.

Trey Burke Sucks. Never forget. They probably call him "Iceman" in the Utah training room.

To drive home the point that I am an expert, I had no idea that McGary-Hoffman-Durham was even hurt. ELITE!

Brady said...

Go Stanford. That's all I got today.

The Iceman said...

Indiana being unranked is pretty awesome. I hate Indiana almost as much as Seal does.

I think Michigan is about where they should be. Losing TREY BURKE SICK and Hardaway stings a little, but Beilein recruits talent. Zak Irvin and Derrick Walton will have to grow up pretty fast and I think they will. Both are sick talents. We also have one star recruit Andrew Dakich...who I will automatically assume is offspring of Dan.

HOW IS JORDAN MORGAN STILL ON THIS TEAM?! Look for him to shatter the NCAA record for most missed wide open layups.

"They probably call him "Iceman" in the Utah training room"

Because he can drain 3's from anywhere. Just like me.

I saw Loving play live several times considering Wheelz alma mater is a rival of St. John's. I'm not sure what all the hype is about. I watched him get pushed around by some guys who aren't even playing college basketball this year. I'm not convinced he's ready to produce in his Freshman year. Every time I was there Nigel Hayes > Marc Loving.

Anonymous said...

Iceman....I like Nigel Hayes a lot, but he had Loving are much different physically at this point. Matta has been raving about what they have been getting out of Loving and he's not one to really blow smoke about true frosh. I don't think he's going to be a force or anything, but it sounds like he will provide some nice offense off the bench.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Also, don't leave me out of the hating Indiana group again. That's rude and the one thing that I agree with Slow Seal on.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Crean isn't even a real BRAH. People forget that.

Iceman is a Michigan HS Basketball expert now? The man is a jack (off) of all trades!

Cakes, you are still a moron but you should at least remind everyone that you know nothing about college basketball as Ice likes to point out constantly.

The Iceman said...

I think Hayes has a chance to be a really good player at Wisconsin. He has always looked the part of college basketball player.

I think Loving has a chance to be a nice player down the road. He just needs to bulk up and not turn into a 3 point shooter...which he mistakenly thought he was in high school.

My bad, Drew. We need to cherish these rare moments where we all actually agree on something.

GMoney said...

No one loves to drool over athletic 18 year old black kids like our Drooler!

Anonymous said...

G$....I start earlier than that....usually around 16 years of age.

--Drew

GMoney said...

BRING 'EM YOUNG