First things first, I know very little about college basketball at this moment (as usual at this time of year). I’m basically just going to look at the preseason top 25 and give some cold takes. Last year, I invited Drooler and Seal to the battlefield as a means to teach us all something. NEVER AGAIN since both of them had their seasons ended by mid to low majors last year. They can throw shade at each other in the comments like normal. This should be fun and uninformative but at least you’re opening your mind up.
*The preseason All-Americans are Doug McDermott, Andrew Wiggins, Russ Smiff, Marcus Smart, and Mitch McGary. This is a pretty damn good group and I have no complaints with the five. But, then again, how fair is it to put McDermott as a first teamer when he’s been playing college basketball since 1974? Dude has been at Creighton FOREVER. Wiggins has everything you want in a player, yet I get the feeling that he won’t live up to our impossibly high expectations. I think that Jabari Parker (pretty sure that is his name) will have a better one-and-done season for Coach Devil Rat. MITCH MCGARY!!! Hoffman and Ross Durham’s son should dominate the paint throughout the Midwest. He got off to a backboard-breakingly slow start but his March run was fairly ELITE. Marcus Smart is the best player in country. FACT.
*Kentucky is #1 in both polls to start the season. This feels like a mistake. This is the same group (not really) that took all of their talent to Robert Morris and lost in the NIT last year. I’m sure that they will be better than last year but I would not be betting on them to cut down the nets. Hopefully, Seal can give us more info on this illiterate bunch.
*Sparty is #2, WE ON is #7, and Ohio is #11. I’m a huge fan of Gary Harris and always will be. Michigan sure did lose a lot to warrant this high of a ranking. Ohio is going to struggle to score in my personal opinion. If you expect Moron Ross to replicate what Buckets gave the team, you’ve got another thing coming. But Thad should have these homos playing insane defense. All three of these teams should be top ten for most of the year.
*Aaron Craft pulled a Johnny Diebs and got engaged while in college. WHITE PEOPLE BE DUMB. They’re probably marrying each other because faggots. In what will be the least surprising event of the year, Craft will do his usual rape defense and actually penetrate Spike Albrecht. OBVZ on purpose.
*Oklahoma State will win the Big 12 over favorite Kansas. Smart is a stud. I’ll also pick them for the Final Four with Sparty, Duke, and VCU (got to throw in a surprise). Izzo reigns supreme at the end.
*#11 Florida is the most OVERRATED team because Billy Widow’s Peak has already suspended half of his goddamn team. Bunch of Urban Meyer guys!
*Indiana isn’t ranked? Wow, I know that they lost a lot but Yogi and Sheehy along with a monster recruiting class should be enough for a top 25 spot ahead of shitball teams like Virginia and shitheads like new UCLA coach Steve Alford. Even without being ranked, I’m sure that Crean Pie will find a way to underachieve.
Uh yeah, that might be all that I have to say on this. Today’s topic is definitely going to be commenter driven due to my ignorance. I apologize for the rare lack of intelligence and insight that I’m famous for. Fortunately, you don’t deserve better. As the great Bo Ryan would say, DEAL WITH IT.