|I seen him...which is to say, I saw him. Count it.|
She$ and I started in on it Wednesday night. I did my usual yelling at her for being in my light and demanding that she get me a chair to sit on. I did a lot of complaining as I am wont to do. She actually had the nerve to say “You know, it was YOUR idea to save $800 and fix this”. Yeah, the parts needed cost $37 which is a much better idea than unnecessarily buying a new washer and dryer (FYI, the dryer works fine but she thinks that we should by them as a pair because question mark). Seems like I nailed that decision, idiot wife. Never get married. Anyway, I fought through poor lighting and sausage fingers and fixed that bitch up good and proper. It’s running like a beaut, Clark, again and I have only me to thank. Again, I suck at DIY projects but it’s good to know that every once in a while, I can dig up the STREMPH to complete some appliance repair. I SICK.
(drops toolbox on the floor because it was not even remotely closed…blames wife for it)
Let’s get to the gambling advice for the weekend. Obviously, the big games of the weekend are Baylor/OK State and Les/Football. I’m not touching either of these games but I get the feeling that the Bears lose and Lester pulls off another one of his miracle wins. I hope that I’m wrong. Anyway, we’ve seen enough football this season to pretty much know what is going to happen. There is no need to bet toss-ups when there are a ton of perfectly cromulent lay-ups every week. Why take a risk on, say, Tennessee when you have a perfectly good Purdue/Cal/Southern Miss/UConn/South Florida that you could be picking against every week and winning 80% of the time. You don’t get extra money for being daring and suave…just pick the fucking winners.
Illinois -7 @ Purdue – Worst BCS conference game of the year? Beckman knows that if he loses this, he is done. Plus, Purdue is shit.
Michigan State -7 @ Northwestern – This line should be at least -12.5 for Sparty.
Duke -5 @ Wake Forest – I BELIEVE IN YOU, GSAUL!
Michigan +6 @ Iowa – Whoa! That can’t possibly be right. I have a feeling that Michigan got a little bit of confidence back after last week’s thrilla.
Minnesota +16.5 vs. Wisconsin - #KILLSTRONG…ride the epileptic lightning! Bert would have blown this game.
Middle Tennessee State -23 @ Southern Mississippi – Don’t ask questions; just make this bet.
MAC Glory Hole of the Week (now 9-2.5 on the year!) NONE! I don’t like either game this weekend (UMass +10 @ CMU and BG -24.5 @ EMU). I might bet the Falcons but I won’t GH it. You already got your winner this week anyway.
Miami +4.5 vs. Carolina – Letdown game for the Panthers. They are due for one of these.
Pittsburgh PK @ Cleveland – Steelers didn’t forget about that loss last year.
New York Jets +3.5 @ Baltimore – God, I hate betting the Jets but it is their week to win so I’ll grab them points. Hey everyone, Mr. Ace is back to .500 (12-12!) with his Hammers of the Week!!! You want some obscure advice? Get a load of this!
#KiltIt last week. Continue to follow me on our journey for money, strippers, and (VEGAN)blow.
NCAA: New Mexico State/FAU OVER 55.5. NMS gives up 46 ppg. FAU has been on a tear, averaging 40 ppg over the last 3 games. NMS has averaged 32 ppg over the last 3. Is there a typhoon scheduled to hit Florida Saturday? Because I have no idea why this line is so low. I would take FAU -22 as well. I like Temple -8 as well, PJ Walker has been killing it lately. System plays are Fuckeyes -34, Ok St +10, and LSU-4.5(Not a big fan of any of these).
NFL: Tampa Bay +9. The NFL is just fucking impossible to bet on right now. Tampa has looked like a good NFL team the last 3 weeks, Detroit barely won against Dallas and Chicago and lost by 10 to Pitt. I will take the points.
Moneyline: Cincy +145 @ Houston. Minny +565.
This weekend also marks a potential division clinch for me in the LFL (already accomplished in the MSFL because I’m great). The only faggots standing in my way are the Rodgers-less Burke and Ide. They gay. Even though half of my normal starting lineup is on a bye this week, I will crush them (hopefully, Breesus Christ got me 30+ last night). By the way, I am considering filing a formal complaint to The Rules Committee, which still exists and always will (fuck your asshole with Shook's Son), because I believe that some owners convinced Doormat Daniel to waiver Bobby Rainey in front of me this week. Dut has done this shit before (with Moden). It’s cool. You two assbutts will be dealt with in time. Somebody better than Rainey will be mine soon enough. And I will secure my third in a row. GO HOOSIERS!