Friday, November 08, 2013

Open Forum: Sports Last Night + A Giveaway!

Never forget.
I’m not messing around with any of my usual ELITE intros today. We’re all just going to talk about Baylor, Oregon, the CBJ, and the Bravehearts anyway. In lieu of a dynamite opener, how about A CONTEST (not like The Contest from Seinfeld either because none of us would make it through this post)?

Last year about this time, the fine people at Sol Republic sent me a pair of sick headphones to give away. Iceman won the contest which was something about the MAC Championship game. I hope that he likes them because they are pretty awesome for drowning out the lawn mower and, more importantly, the wife. Well, they gave me another pair to give away this year. Here is the promo for what you can win:

SOL REPUBLIC Tracks: A total steal at only $99, our virtually indestructible (they bend all the way backwards, frontwards and every which direction!) on-ear Tracks headphones start at $99 and deliver incredible sound quality at a great value. Perfect for all those seeking to spend $100 and under on a gift.

If you don’t think that you need or want headphones, bro, Christmas is coming up and I’m sure that you know someone who could use $100 headphones (that you spent nothing on). Feel free to check out some of Sol’s other products here, here, or maybe even here. How do you win?

Let’s see…Nebraska is at Michigan tomorrow so if you want the headphones from this fine site, all you have to do is nail the line:
1. Nebraska +7 or Michigan -7
2. Then nail the tie-breaker: Total yards by Jeremy Gallon (can not go over) That’s it. Post in the comments and I’ll announce the winner on Monday.

I had a nice and profitable weekend last week and I would like to keep it going. As a reminder, I don’t bet all of what I list here but they are numbers that look intriguing on Thursday morning.
Iowa -15 @ Purdue – This opened at -16.5 and is down to -15. I have no idea why. Is Drew Brees playing this week?
Minnesota -2.5 vs. Penn State – I am ALL IN on #KILLSTRONG
BYU +7.5 @ Wisconsin – I find this to be the most interesting game tomorrow (yes, even more so than ROLL DAMN TIDE vs. Toilet Chug). BYU is rolling right now. I’ll take those points all day.
Texas -6.5 @ West Virginia – The last I checked, Texas has their shit relatively together and WV is awful.
Notre Dame -4 @ Pittsburgh – As Drooler said that other day, Pitt interviewed FagNasty Fickell once so you know that they’re dumb and bad. I’m shocked that this line isn’t a touchdown plus.
Houston +11 @ Central Florida – This is a real nice game in a conference that no one cares about now that Louisville lost. This should be closer than Lee Corso’s experts think.

Tampa Bay +1 vs. Miami – This is my lock of the century. The Schiano Men vs. The Half N******! The winless Bucs get their first win.
Carolina +7 @ San Francisco – I don’t know if I buy the Panthers but their defense is great and should keep this one close.
Cincinnati PK @ Baltimore – We all saw last week that the Ravens are horrible.

MAC Glory Hole of the Week (6-2!!!) Western Michigan -2.5 @ Eastern Michigan – Unfortunately, this is the only MACtion of the weekend and, by rule, I have to make a pick. I would never pick Ron English unless I owned a cotton farm (no offense...count it). What’s Mr. Ace got for us?

Mr. Ace’s Hammers of the Week (now at 8-12 on the season!)
Making rookies pay for your ski trip? Richie Incognito is awfully niggardly.
NCAA: Auburn -7. I understand that Tennessee plays better at home, but that doesn't take away the fact that Mizzou and Bama outscored them 76-13 the last two weeks. Tennessee also happens to be down to their 3rd string QB.
NFL: Broncos -6.5(-120). A little extra vig on this one, but it's worth it. Broncos are coming off a bye and have had time to get ready for life without John Fox's heart valve. I don't believe in San Diego. Neither should you.
Moneyline: Tulane +255. I know G$ loves what UTSA is selling, but Tulane is the better team. I like Houston +335 as well.

That will do it for this week. There should be plenty to discuss today (the Hearts better not have fucking lost last night) AND I’m being generous. It doesn’t get much better than this.


Anonymous said...

Bye Ducks!

In an interview this week, UFM said style points are all they can do. Expect 50+ on every tem. 70 on UM.


Nate said...

Michigan 35
Nebraska 17

Gallon - 125 yards

I mentioned a while ago that OSU would match up much better against Oregon than Alabama. Last night is why. Too many folks get caught up with high octane offenses, that they neglect to take into consideration what constant pressure does to a QB to disrupt the tempo.

I'm sure Brady's going to catch some hell for his 'Bama comments today.

Jeff said...

Michigan 27
Nebraska 21

Gallon - 86 yds

The Vikings have beat 2 teams. Never forget who your equals are!

Apparently the Jackets like bombing the first half of the season to try and make a miraculous playoff push after the break. They are all sorts of poop right now.

GMoney said...

Well, last night was terrible.

The CBJ lost to the Nash-less Rangers because fucking Letestu scored the GWG against us since he has been shit all season. 5 losses in a row. Apparently we learned nothing from last year.

Oregon loses which doesn't bother me but does bother me because BradyCakes is the most ANNOYING PERSON EVER. "Did you know that the state bird of Ohio is the cardinal". Where do you get this dumb shit? FUCK YOU CAKES.

And there are the up 34 points to CCH Ponder's lupus and John Carlson. What a fucking horrible defense. This is so goddamn frustrating. We haven't had one single injury this year and yet we're 3-6 and should probably be worse.

My stupid wife came downstairs at halftime after watching The Voice and just laid on the couch for some reason. She immediately fell asleep which makes the move even more pointless. We went from 24-14 to down 28-27 in a matter of seconds. "GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, MUSH!" She did but it was too late. My wife is the worst. She's always ruining football games.

Looks like I'll just be rooting for my fantasy teams now that my real team can't beat the Vikings (UGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!). Still better than the Bears.

GMoney said...

Stop predicting the score. Just say UM -7 or NU +7.

And get the fuck out, London Fletcher, you can't play anymore.

Anonymous said...

I totally thought you were giving away your newly acquired DVD set.

I like Nebraska on the points, and we will go with Gallon at 100.

Those headphones will make a great regift. I only wear Beats around my neck, and those don't have the brand recognition that blacks can respect. Actually, I use Bose in-ears that will rip your fucking ears off of your head before they fall out. Earbuds falling out of my ears were always a huge annoyance, but little did I think the alternative would be excruciating pain.

Onto the betting.

My bookie (I finally found a reliable in person one. Fuck online betting, I want my money NOW)has Iowa at -14. I was all in then, and after your analysis, I am ALL IN now (hashtag).

No clue what you are going for on this BYU spread, I am TOTES taking Wiscy at home on this one. The 47th ranked offense going up against a 5th ranked defense at home? Clay Davis says, "SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT".

The last one was going to be UCLA +1 at Arizona, but I am intrigued by this ND line and the Texas line. Which am I better off with?


GMoney said...

Thank you for recognizing my ELITE Uproxx skills. God bless. I also made this week's KSK Komments of the Week. Been a great week (if you can ignore the Pigdicks).

Last night just shows that the spread and "get the ball in space" is fun and exciting but it is "pussyball" and eventually someone will come around and punch you in the mouth and you will fail.

Anonymous said...

Also, in regards to last night, a hearty fuck you to Iceman. That was some low grade trolling you were trying to accomplish.

I realize that your team has been irrelevant for the past 15 years, so you may be jaded on what cheering for a good football team my feel like, but you ALWAYS cheer for your undefeated team to play for a NCG. Spewing autistic level HOT TAKES on how we should be thankful we are ranked 4th and should hope to never play in the NCG was just awful.

I'd rather get blown out in the NCG then go undefeated in the Rose Bowl. Anyone who says otherwise is a fucking turd and sucks dick by choice.

HOT TAKE: Michigan Wolverines are the Dallas Cowboys of the NCAA. Relevant in the 90's, shitbag fans (many of whom cheer by proxy and NOT because they belong (Walmart Woverines)), and they still think they belong in the national landscape (they don't).

I was going to save that HOT TAEK for a later date, but piling shit on Iceman feels right.


GMoney said...

Good point on buds. The fine people at Sol sent me buds and they stay where they belong now. Having to constantly jam inferior buds into your sweaty ear canal is worse than death. A good pair of buds, which I have now, is worth more than what Antonio Henton offered an undercover cop for a beej. So $19.

Sometimes, Iceman gets into these obvious troll states that everyone sees through and he just looks bad. It is very unbecoming of one of my employees. Then again, it's not nearly as bad as bringing Cakes into our world. THAT is a deportable offense.

MuDawgfan said...

Michigan -7
Total Yards by Gallon: 71

Anonymous said...

Michigan -7
Gallon - 149

Big day for Gallon if we are going to win. I will also be there in person for the first time in 11 years. Good thing I haven't missed much (Been to more Michigan games at OSU stadium in the last 12 years than Ann Arbor).

But that makes sense because I can't be a real fan, I didn't graduate from UM and pay 30k/year for a peice of paper undergrad.

I took the SKINS -2.5 last nighti in my pickem pool. I will never again bet on any team G$ roots for. They constantly underachieve.

- J Saul

Anonymous said...

Michigan -7
Gallon 161

Sounds like Iceman provided reason 1,347,890 that I'm not on Facebook last night.


GMoney said...

Why would you even consider betting on teams that I root for? As Colin T would queef, "that's a YOU problem."

Although you should bet on my fantasy teams. I'm primed to crush The Candy Lineup this week since All Day is only slightly better than Jordan Reed. Damman will go down in the LFL since he starts Santana Moss for some strange reason. And after my deal with Burke in the G$FL yesterday, I doubt that I lose in that league again. You tell me how you beat a playoff lineup of Brees-Spictor Cruz-DeSean-Welker-CJ2K-Gio B-Jordache Reed-Harvin. Go on, I'll wait.

The Iceman said...

Never said you should be thankful you're ranked 4th. Nice lie. Please point out where I told you that you shouldn't cheer for your team to go undefeated or play for a title, Ide. You can't because you were too busy reading your own comments and high fiving yourself on how awesome you thought they were.

I was simply saying instead of ALWAYS relying on teams in front of you to lose in order to back door your way in, just schedule better and control your own know, since apparently Ohio can beat anyone in the country according to Cakes. Especially that very beatable #1 Alabama team.

What will be hilarious is if Baylor jumps Ohio in the BCS standings. These Ohio faggots might break the internet.

The Iceman said...

Michigan -7

Gallon yards - 90

GMoney said...

And Baylor may since they have two more ranked opponents coming up. We'll see.

I don't think that you understand what "back door" means. You aren't backdooring shit if you run the table. A back door is a 2 loss LSU team somehow being rewarded with an NC because everyone else ahead of them (including RichRod!) failed miserably. Or Saban's Bama team that didn't win their division but won a title anyway. This will not matter if they just lose.

I finally figured out who Cakes is. He is the exact replica of Mark May but without a Super Bowl title and the exact opposite stupid opinions. Nailed it.

Anonymous said...

Retard Supercut Incoming!

"We're not the ones trying to back door the national championship game. Keep the focus of what's going on here and stop trying to deflect to Michigan like you always do."

"The benefit of playing in the SEC, Brady. Honestly believing Ohio should be in the title game with that schedule is a very Utah/Boise St. way to think."

"You sound like the Utah athletic director, Cakes. "Harf harf harf UNDEFEATED...doesn't matter how weak the schedule was...UNDEFEATED!" Besides...we've all seen what happens to Ohio teams that don't belong in national championship games."

"Unstoppable offense? Isn't that what you said before Florida blew your tits off? Yeah. You did."

"So the offense in 07 was super high powered...just not super duper high powered like this years team? The "DUPER" makes all the difference apparently."

So, this is you basically trashing us for wanting to play in the NCG and trolling us for cheering against Oregon. Now, do you explicitly say those exact words? No. But the implication is as strong as you standing in front of an 8 year old boy with a pack of Sweet Tarts and a roll of duct tape.

Going on a 4 hour spree of how we shouldn't be in the championship game in response for a Stanford cheer indicates just that. Nevermind the fact that you apparently think Tressel is still our coach and keep harping on a 2007 NCG game where we faced OUR CURRENT FUCKING COACH.

So yeah, by your logic, we are destined to lose every NCG game, regardless of coach, because Jim Tressel coached a team that lost us one against Florida in 2007 with a super hyped team.



GMoney said...

To his credit, the duper does make the difference. Always has. Always will.

Anonymous said...

Michigan -7
Gallon +136 yards

After last weeks UM game, some on here might want to clarify if that is a dash in front of their yardage for Gallon or indicating negative yards.


The Iceman said...

Thank you for telling me what my exact intentions were through implications and inferring. Yet another fine talent from Ide. Knowing EXACTLY what I'm thinking at all times.

I can play that game too. Ide talks about blacks being inferior all the time. So based on my ELITE deduction skills, I know that he actually loves blacks and is embarrassed for the rest of us to know. That's why he comes off as racist. To throw the scent off of how much he loves blacks. Especially the men.

Did I nail it? No? Man...I guess I'm just as terrible at reading into things as you are.

Anonymous said...

Which begs the question. We aren't considered super and certainly not even duper, so why is he drawing these comparisons? Huffing cat piss seems to cause murky HOT TAEKS.


Anonymous said...

What else are we supposed to take down from those comments? Let's make a list, then you can share your true intentions. This should be fun!

A. You lost a game 7 seasons ago with a previous coach, therefor, you shouldn't play in anymore championship games even if you are undefeated.

B. Your schedule is weak this year, so here are a bunch of totally related points from several years past where you played three separate 1v2 games.

C. You are experiencing success, so here is a lot of random thought provoking comments, such as, "back door national championships [while being undefeated]"

D. Harf

E. You guys totally deserve to be happy, and I am glad for you, but my fandom with the University of Michigan only allows me to express my sincerity through these well thought out comments!


G. I told some people years ago at a bar that I knew a lot about sprots (intentionally misspelled, because I imagine thats how you talk) and I have to take to facebook to prove my moxie.

Let me know what you really meant.


GMoney said...

Just fuck already, you two. Or better yet: give it a rest.

The only thing that matters is that no matter how "unstoppable" Ohio's offense (which there is no such thing as an unstoppable offense but whatever) is, as long as Alabeatable and FSU do what their supposed to, it doesn't matter at all. FACT. If they stumble, then we can talk but it is absolutely pointless at the moment.

And I need more updates on state birds.

Prime99 said...

Just so we are all clear, it's the Stanford Cardinal. No birds involved, just the color.

Nebraska +7, Gallon yards - 1 (if any of you fuckers pick 2 yards, I'm going to slap your mom in the face and run train on your sister. Well, I won't, but Richie Incognito will.)

Anonymous said...

I didn't read all of the um/nebraska & gallon predictions so I'm not trying to "price is right" anyone on the yardage prediction...
Nebraska +7/gallon 79 yards.


The Iceman said...

Christ, I'm done with this conversation.

Grumpy said...

Michigan -7; Gallon 2 yds.

Anonymous said...

Geaux tigers! Tiger bait!

Gallon 93 yards


Mr. Ace said...


Gallon 101.

Ide/Iceman=2 fags.

Mr. Ace said...


Gallon 101.

Ide/Iceman=2 fags.

The Iceman said...

Nice double post, queer.

Anonymous said...

Kudos to Dut for edging out Jeff on the rushing yards yet putting it 7 yards behind me, that's some solid gamblin' right there.

I went with Texas since, on gambling day, not one of you dipshits gave advice.


Nate said...

"Geaux tigers! Tiger bait!"

I think what you meant to say was "TAH BAH!".

Buncha heauxmeaux's in New Orleans!

GMoney said...

Having heard a bunch of Billy Bobs yell this at me in person, I can tell you that it is actually


OK so far we have:
Nate: UM 125
Jeff: NEB 86
Ide: NEB 100
Dawg: UM 71
JSaul: UM 149
Iceman: UM 90
GSaul: UM 136
Prime: NEB 1!!!
Burke: NEB 79
Grump: UM 2!!!
Dut: NEB 93
Ape: UM 101
Drooler: UM 161

FIXED! You are all locked in. No changes. No guff.

GMoney said...

So Cakes is just going to not show up today. He is not a Schiano Man.

Prime99 said...

Cakes does want to put in his entry, tho:

UM -56.5 (because they are going to roll!!!!!!!!!!)
Gallon yards: 5,632 (OBVS)
Side prediction for the game: 2 Ryan Rayburn jacks!

Anonymous said...

Way to do a giveaway when I am out of town on my honeymoon. Luckily the resort has wi-fi and I logged in during my morning shit.

Gallon 2 yards


fbjunkie53 said...

Michigan -7. Gallon 80 yards. The only thing keeping Gallon from getting more is that Michigan won't have to throw. They can run at will against that awful defense. And I'm a Husker fan and have to watch this crap. Should I gouge my eyes out now and get it over with?

GMoney said...


Prime99 said...