Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Open Forum: Craft Beer!

I’m not going to lie: I have no idea what constitutes a craft beer. None. And I really don’t care to find out. In my opinion, there is no one in this world worse than a beer snob. Anyone who has ever said something along the lines of “I don’t like it; it’s too hoppy” deserves to do unlimited power sit-ups in Warren Sapp’s crack. To me, a craft beer has two traits: a ridiculous price tag and the ability to not be chugged. I know that we have talked about beer here before but we’re going to do it again because beer is great and fuck you I will run this site how I damn well please.

The reason for this topic hit me over the last week when pictures were popping up all over the internet of people buying up Great Lakes Christmas Ale from local stores because it has arrived on the shelves. I like Christmas Ale myself, but I don’t love it (it is way better out of the tap than it is a bottle). Yet there are people around here who will burn down ten orphanages to get their hands on a 12 pack (for $25!). But I was walking the dog on Saturday morning and I developed a taste for it. This was at 10 AM, mind you, but whatever. At least I didn’t get the shakes. So on the way back from the park, I made the dog sit in the car while I went on a beer run and got myself some of that sweet Great Lakes holiday cheer. He didn’t seem to mind because a drunk dad is a happy dad. And I stayed home Saturday night, flipping back and forth between the Jackets beating the Islanders and the Double OT Sixers/Cavs classic, just savoring the flavor of the season out of my NY Rangers in pint glass (whatever, we’re pretty much the same team). It was delicious. I regret nothing.

I do “home drinking” maybe five times a year. You would think that a person with as many personal demons as I have would be pounding beers nightly. That is not the case though. But now that I have good beer in the house (and the belated birthday present from my sister of a giant bottle of Grey Goose coming this weekend), that could all change.

Kind of unrelated, but while in Dallas, I wanted to act like a true Texan (which was kind of impossible due to being educated past fifth grade) and I ordered a Lone Star (just like Tim Riggins drinks! TEXAS FOREVER!). It was the worst. It nearly ruined my morning ribs. Lone Star tastes like if Larry Hagman pissed in a bottle of Maumee River water. I know from experience, dude. Anyway…

Now that the weather is changing and the sweaters and wool coats are coming back (BOO!), that usually means that the watery piss beers are going to hibernate for a while. Summer is for chugging. The winter? Not so much—more of a sipping season filled with rich flavor. I’ll put it another way, you aren’t showing up to Thanksgiving pounding Coors Light (or “COURCE LIGHT” if you are Magnus ver Magnusson) unless you are a goddamn savage. Grow up already. With the holidays approaching, it is a time to showcase the sophisticated beer-drinking side that hides inside all of us. I’m always open to recommendations when it comes to good beer. Personally, I just like a heavier beer this time of year. I’m sure that every doctor in the world would say that “YOU SO DUMB FO REAL” for thinking like that but fuck them. What do they know?

I’ll always enjoy a good Christmas Ale (and all other Great Lakes products). Bell’s out of Kalamazoo and New Belgium know how to brew. I don’t care much for IPAs though. But I have no problem at all taking advice from any of you weirdos when it comes to something new that I may have never known existed before today. So let’s share some good craft beer talk that way we can go back to our families and office holiday parties looking like professionals and not amateurs. As moronic meatheads would say…CHEERS!

54 comments:

Anonymous said...

"I don’t like it; it’s too hoppy"

"I don’t care much for IPAs though"

Hehe.

Craft beer is a true delight, and this is certainly the type of year for it. Im a huge fan of vanilla bean porters and spiced ales for xmas. I also had my buddy buy me a case of Great Lakes to smuggle back.

Anything by Stone and Dogfish.

Ide

Nate said...

Putting ketchup on your hotdog is on the same level as continuing to drink "chugging" beer past your twenties.

At some point, you've got to grow up.

Drinking "sipping" beers is a sign of maturity and shows you're there for the taste and not the buzz.

Great Lakes Dortmunder Gold
Dogfish IPA
312 Urban Wheat Ale
Samuel Adams (take your pick)

I guess that makes me a beer snob, but with this post, you asked for it.

MuDawgfan said...

Maybe it's because I was introduced to it during my first Octoberfest in downtown Cincinnati - but I much prefer the early fall "Octoberfest" beers to the Xmas Ales.

Clubhouse favorites are 50 West Dead Armadillo out of Cincinnati, Pyramid Apricot Ale out of Portland, and anything Terrapin our of Athens, GA (GO DAWGS!)

Anonymous said...

To be fair, I am quite a beer snob. Fuck that, if I am going to pay upwards of 10 bucks for a beer, you're goddamned right I am going to be particular. Now, I don't get all pious on people about it, nor do I set back and comment on the citrusy notes that a beer may have. But, I do drink a fair amount of craft beer, so I will be snobbish about it.

Oktoberfests were where I cut my teeth on craft beers too. I turn 21 in September right as they all came out, so there is a special place in my heart for those bad boys. Summer ale is THE WORST. I've really grown to love pumpkin ales recently, and drank an excessive amount of Pumpkinheads this year. Delightful stuff.

Anyone who reads Peter King knows he blows his load over Allagash. It's a good beer to be sure, but, he makes me hate it.

If I am at new bar or a restaurant, I usually go all in on IPA's. I have drank enough of them to where I can recognize almost any brewer, and if there is one I haven't heard of, bonus!

Ide

GMoney said...

There are times and places for butt chugging beers. I would say that "all football games" are a good place for chugging (any sporting event for that matter). You aren't going to sit in the bleachers at Wrigley and work on a Guinness or whatever. You want something light and POUNDABLE, BRAH!

I think that Leinenkugel's does good work. Probably not a craft brewery but their Oktoberfest is a solid sip.

GMoney said...

Oh great, I picked a topic that Ide is apparently an expert. Go figure!

Jeff said...

If you don't like IPAs, you probably don't have hair on your balls or chest yet and like your steaks well done. It's OK you will come around.

All Sam Adams Beers are great. Bells (Two Hearted is one of the best around) and Great Lakes have a nice line of products as well. I like a lot of the ROGUE products as well. Dead Guy Ale is good stuff. It has been said here before, but Southern Tier Pumpking is the shit.

Word in the street is that the Original Great Lakes Christmas Ale recipe is used by Thirsty Dog (12 Dogs of Christmas). I guess an original owner of Great Lakes left over some dispute awhile back and took the recipe with him. 12 Dogs of Christmas is good, but whatever Great Lakes has been using since is still better.

Anonymous said...

Jeff, you are correct. Thirsty Dog = Great Lakes guy. You are also right at G$ being a pubescent child when it comes to IPA's. His example of people bitching about hops then going on to say he doesn't care for IPA's is TOTES LOLZ.

To be fair, I believe that I always talk about drinking good alcohol. And I drank only craft beer at Ribfest, and prefer SCHLITZ at the Stube. That's your bad.

Ide

Brady said...

I like to go to "The Andersons" and stand in their five beer aisles for hours. It's seriously the happiest place on earth. I'm not a beer snob in any way but I will pick stuff that I've never heard of or that has cool bottles (like shaking keys in front of a baby). I'm easily amused.

The Pumkinhead is fucking outstanding! The local muck muck in BG had a whole display for it this year and I gave it a whirl. It changed my life. Now if I can only come up with $120 to buy that case of 16 ouncers.

I also agree that Great Lakes has some fantastic beers. I also enjoy the IPA's. Anything Magic Hat is worth a try as well. They be doing work son.

The Iceman said...

Beer snobs are uppity cock sucking fuck bags. The ones that get on their high horse about it anyway. Like my brother. He just recently got into the wonderful world of the snobby craft beer society. And he's been a complete twat about it ever since. Regularly and noticeably turns his nose up to people who drink "regular" beers. I have more than one Facebook friend that often chastises the Internet world for wasting their time with the ditch piss of products like Anheuser Busch. Blow me. Go have Blaine fuck your butt with a polo mallet while you sip on whatever craft beer happens to be trendy at the moment.

I'm not saying don't drink craft beer. I have. I'm not even saying don't enjoy craft beer. I do. And I'm certainly not saying that I don't prefer a specific beer or that some beers have a better taste than others do. Because they do. But fuck, man...drink what makes you happy and get plowed on Miller Lite if that's what your happy is. Who the fuck are you to judge what someone else prefers? Everyone has different taste buds and because yours prefer something a little more high brow, in your nobody cares opinion, that doesn't make you better. It makes you an asshole.

Cue up the rumplemintz jokes...

Mr. Ace said...

I'm a beer snob...but I also have PBR and Yeungling in my fridge right now to go along with a sixer of GL Xmas Ale. I'm a balanced beer snob.

That said, I don't think GL Xmas Ale is that great. I like it and think it is a good beer, but I have had better Xmas Ale. Hell, Hoppin Frog out of Akron has a Xmas Ale(all their stuff is great). The best Xmas Ale I have had is Barley's Winter Warmer. Fantastic with smoked wings.

I like IPA's but they have to be well done. Some just jam as much hops as possible and call it IPA. Not a fan of those. Hopslam is my favorite IPA.

I am also with Ide on the vanilla bean porter's. Bourbon Barrel Aged Vanilla Bean Dark Lord from Three FLoyds is the best. Strongly recommend.

312 is for females.

Nate said...

"312 is for females."

And vegan diets are not?

GMoney said...

I don't see what's wrong with saying that beer snobs are shitheads and then admitting that IPAs are not my favorite. That isn't being hypocritical at all. I'll take a porter or a stout or a Stroh's any day over it but I won't turn down an IPA either. Deal with it.

GMoney said...

I will say this: Henry County's own Flatrock Brewing Company has something called Mitternach or whatever and it is a delight. Finest thing to come out of Henry Co since me.

Anonymous said...

The reason you don't like IPA's is because of all the hops. It was just amusing that was the example you chose to harp on.

I did stop drinking PBR. In NYC the fucking Brooklyn hipsters have made it craft beer pricing. I will NOT spend more than $4 on a PBR and many places sell them for $8. Go fuck yourself, I will have a Genesee.

Stroh's is good stuff.

Anonymous said...

Definitely not a beer snob here, but I do drink a ton of craft beer.....while always keeping some Natty Light in my fridge as well (NEVER GIVE UP).

A few thoughts...

*Nate...for being a "beer snob" the four breweries you listed are about as big of mainstream craft beer breweries as you could go after in Ohio. I don't even consider Sam Adam's craft beer. Walk yourself into a craft beer store sometime and indulge.

*My favorite seasonal beers are the Oktoberfests. The best one I had this Fall was the Ichabod Pumpkin Ale from New Holland Brewing Company.

*Agree with most of you that while Great Lakes X-Mas Ale (currently $ 5 a pint at Harrison's) is very tasty....it is not the liquid gold that Cleveland people try to treat it as. My favorite X-Mas ale is actually right here out of Columbus.......Columbus Brewing Company Winter Warmer. It's delicious and will only cost you $ 8.99 a sixer...at least that's what it was last year. It's not out yet though.

*With winter coming it's also stout season. I'm finding that I'm enjoying stouts more and more. I think that it's due to the fact that even though IPA's, Pale Ales, etc are way different than a Miller Lite...they still taste like a beer. There is something empowering about sitting down and drinking some heavy stouts as it's a much different than all other categories. I threw down a few Founder's Imperial Stouts the other night and I could just feel the hair growing on my chest. Bourbon Barrel Stouts are also delicious and will result in hair chest growth.

Favorite craft beer that is sold all year long...

Founder's Red Rye PA

Favorite summer beer...

Anderson Valley Summer Solstice ....it's a cream ale and I find it to be delicious.

Good topic, G$.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Flatrock definitely has some good brews coming out.

Nate B demands his beers be served with an orange slice.

I refuse to support Anheuser Busch because they are fake Muricans. Same with Miller. I want my beers made in the US of A.

If you haven't been to Hal & Als yet and are in Cbus then you are dumb.

The Iceman said...

"312 is for females."

And vegan diets are not?


http://weknowgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/black-guys-reaction-gif.gif

GMoney said...

We don't allow gif-ing in the comments here. It's because I have no idea how to allow it.

I must admit that I don't know dick about beer. Well, other than it tastes good, it makes me feel invincible, and it allows me to be super sexy of course.

I have a hard time remembering the good beers that I drink because alcohol makes you forget things and I like to drink a lot of it when I do imbibe.

Anonymous said...

G$...what does "house drinking" mean? Like you get shitfaced on your own 5 times a year at home...or you only drink a beer or two five times a year at home?

Thanks..I'll hang up and listen.

--Drew

Jeff said...

"house drinking" not be confused with "housed drinking", the favorite pastime of Ide and Michigan football fans?

Brady said...

I was also confused by the "house drinking". I love getting shitfaced by myself. It makes me a better offensive coordinator when playing Madden.

The Iceman said...

I feel that beer snobs are a lot like music snobs. Even if something they've been told is amazing tastes shitty to them, they'll pretend to like it because they don't want to look inferior to the rest of the group.

"I love getting shitfaced by myself. It makes me a better offensive coordinator when playing Madden."

offensive coordinator when playing Madden = picture taker with dogs on the couch.

GMoney said...

House drinking for me means just sitting on the couch and watching a game with a few beers. I don't do that very often. A real amateur I am.

Next caller...as a reminder, have a take; do not suck.

Prime99 said...

My beer taste has been guided largely by the places that give me free beer when I have shows there. The Pyramid Breweries serve fine seasonals to along with their Hef. I like their Oktoberfest the best.

There was a Fairfield, CA brewer on the beer train we recently played called Heretic. Their beer was strong and delicious.

Anonymous said...

You should probably look into doing that more often. Not to the level that Cakes and myself go...as I think we are way far on the other end. But, it's definitely helps the week go faster when you spend an evening with some booze and sports. #DrunkDroolerAdvice

Iceman...I know some beer snobs that aren't snobs. My little brother is one. He knows more about craft beer than anyone I know and has turned into an EXCELLENT home brewer. But, he's not above sitting down at a table and destroying some Natty's with me....and he'll say if he doesn't like a beer and why even if it's supposedly rated high and well thought of in the beer community. I know the types you are referring to tho...they do blow.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

Iceman is my hero. Just give me a Corona and I'm happy.

Cakes' wife must be the most miserable person in the world.

Brady said...

"Cakes' wife must be the most miserable person in the world."

Negative. She likes to drink wine or straight vodka all the time. We usually start the night by hanging out together and watching TV until she inevitably gets buzzed and retires to our room to watch some awful network cop show.

That's when I crack open the tall boys to play darts or light up the scoreboard in Madden. I'm an awesome husband.

GMoney said...

Mrs. Cakes has the worst job ever...being married to that thing.

Li'l Drooler is a faggot. At least I assume so knowing his big bro.

The problem with me is that I don't care to just have a beer or two. If I'm going to have one, you better give me all of them. I'm an all or nothing kind of stud. So it's almost always nothing. I need to work on that.

The Iceman said...

I should say MOST beer snobs Drew. Not everyone is a condescending douche.

I'm with G$. Drink with a purpose. If you don't have people pissed at you the next day you're not doing it right.

Anonymous said...

Sam Adam's is not craft beer
Anything from New Belgium is excellent. While living in Denver I tried all of them and still buy anything new they release. Their 1554 is an excellent winter sipper.
Another brewery bar outside of Denver is Oskar Blue's and has some great beers as well: Dale's Pale Ale and Old Chub
Stop being a pussy and drink IPA.

-NC Nate

Anonymous said...

I keep a bottle of scotch handy in case I want to unwind after a happy hour. Happy hours, by the way, are ELTIE. Get a rock solid buzz in and be done by 830 on a weekday and in bed at a very reasonable time.

I'd keep more beer at home, but if I have one, the others are soon to follow. I do, however, keep a case of cans (typically pbr) on the bottom shelf just cause. I am less inclined to go HAM on some cans rather than a sixer of some good brew.

There is nothing wrong at all with drinking at home. Drunk HOT TAKES are the best on twitter. However, envisioning Cakes and SheCakes drinking straight vodka (!!) until they separate for the night is pure gold.

I bet She$ has a drinking rule around the house. Pussy.

Ide

The Iceman said...

I got your back, Grump. You enjoy that Corona in your speedo on the front porch.

Mr. Ace said...

I was once in the all or nothing crowd. If I was drinking it was for a purpose, which was to blackout and be surprised by where I wake up. Thankfully I left those days behind in Toledo. Bad decisions abounded.

I don't think I'm a huge beer snob, but when somebody tells me their favorite beer is or they only drink Bud/Miller/Coors/Yeungling/(American light beer) I find it hard not to lose respect for those people just a little. I have friend who is one of those beer snobs that say they have tried every beer you bring up and thought it was awesome. NO YOU FUCKING DIDN'T TRY XINGU!!! Just stop.

Nate said...

Commentator Daniel is known to buy large batches of Christmas Ale this time of the year.

I'm surprised he hasn't chimed in. I don't believe he's running for political office, so he should be OK to post.

Brady said...

I'm also in the all or nothing crowd. I can't have just one or two. Does that make me a mild alcoholic? I hope so.

DRUNK HOT TWITTER TAKES are amazing. Sometimes I regret the stuff I say in the morning but I've learned to not look at my timeline. If you can't see it, you never said it.

I also have the same beer fridge that I had in college. The temp is kept just above freezing so the beer is extra cold. There is nothing worse than lukewarm beer... unless you're eurotrash.

The Iceman said...

I'll never understand the whole "lose respect" aspect when finding out someone doesn't share the same alcohol palate as you do. Seems like an awfully fucking stupid reason to not respect a person...because they prefer a Bud Light when unwinding for the day.

Anonymous said...

Says the guy who drinks Rumplemintz.

Ide

GMoney said...

The only reason to lose respect for someone is if they don't drink. Recovering alcoholics are just quitters.

NC Nate! Haven't heard from you in a long time. Congrats on not having to go to Canada anymore. I'm sure that the beer up there is choice though, hoser. You introduced me to Fat Tire (and others) many moons ago so you will always hold a special place in my liver.

If Burke doesn't acknowledge that Magnus ver Magnusson reference then I am shutting down the site for good.

The real reason that Cakes is moving out to the sticks is because it will be easier for him and Mrs. Cakes to get into drunken domestic brawls.

The Iceman said...

"Says the guy who drinks Rumplemintz"

When it's bought for everyone in a round. I guess next time I should just do the Ide thing and dump it on the floor and spit in the guys face.

GMoney said...

Spits? Jizzes? Same thing.

Anonymous said...

Fantastic reference & I've been in stitches since I read it about 5 hours ago. Classic commercial!

GMoney said...

Yes! The site lives yet another day! COURCE LIGHT!

Anonymous said...

I'd click on a "Cakes Cam" each night to watch him and his bride boozing with each other before they separate from each other for the evening.

--Drew

Brady said...

Unfortunately, the Mrs. and I are no longer destined to be LAND BARONS. The appraisal came in way under the asking price and I put the kibosh on the deal. Don't fret though. We are closing on our new house on Dec. 6. Although it's within the city limits and doesn't have the acreage of the last house, it does have vaulted ceilings and a wood burning fireplace. I now get to fulfill a lifelong dream which is buying a "cord" of wood. I imagine haggling with a lumberjack type and settling on a deal only after a log-spinning battle.

Anonymous said...

Cakes....G$ may not want to eat a rib dinner with you, but I'd like to get shitty with you on a Tuesday night while we sit there on your couch...the Mrs. has already had enuf to drink and has retired to her room...and just watch Buckeye hoops. If that doesn't get you sexually excited, I don't know what will.

--Drew

Brady said...

That sounds awesome, Drew! Can we wait until the Buckeyes enter the Big Ten season though? Madden and darts are far more entertaining than OSU/Ohio on a Tuesday night.

I personally like drinking a couple times during the week. TV shows, video games and basic conversation are all better with alcohol.

I seem to be nicer at work when I'm slightly hungover from the previous night as well. It's really just a win win for everybody.

Anonymous said...

I don't play video games, but I completely agree with you that TV shows and basic internetting is more fun with alcohol involved....much, much more fun.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Drinking during college hoops this year could lead to alcohol poisoning since the rules changes are going to lead to 4 hour games and ten billion free throws. In other words, you two go for it! Enjoy your homo date! Leave the dogs alone.

Anonymous said...

Smoke weed everyday.

Anonymous said...

If Cakes and I get together to get shit-faced on a weekday, Iceman would have to come over with Rupplemintz and live blog the event.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

A post like that could shut this site down for good.

Anonymous said...

Maybe I missed something, but what was the MACtion Lock of the Week?

GMoney said...

Oh shit! What happened to that? Anyway, I like Northern Illinois -7.5 tonight. Something like 41-31.

Glory Hole record is 6-2.5 as I am not taking a full loss on EMU last week. I make the rules around here.