Friday, November 15, 2013

GOTTA SEE IT DIE!!! I mean, LIVE!!!

Tonight, I am making my first appearance inside Nationwide Arena to carry the flag. After last season’s insane sprint to a failed finish, expectations were OBVZ high for these perennial league doormats as the battle moved east. The good thing is that the Metro Division is terrible. The bad news is that we are bringing up the rear in said horrible division. WTF? What is going on here? We were supposed to build on last year; not revert to the same old same old. Brick By Brick and so on and so forth. With the season almost a quarter completed, it’s about time that we flaggers admit that they fooled us again. And that BLOWS. About the only positives of this underachieving season thus far are that Ryans Johansen and Murray look like superstars. Other than that, I’m getting fed up. But before we embark on a western Canadian death march that almost always ends poorly, it is up to me to inspire the un-inspirable and get a big W tonight on home ice against those French Canadian separatist bastards from Montreal. At least I’ll get to hear Leo (LEO!) sing O Canada. Nothing wrong with that. Plus, watching hockey in person is just the best. CARRY IT!

One of these days, I’m going to get around to charting how well my gambling picks have done this year. My guess is that it won’t be pretty. The college football slate this weekend looks pretty poor on paper but hopefully these games will surprise us with some entertainment. As a reminder, these are all recommendations and not locks with the lines coming from Mobile Football Spreads.

Ohio (State) -33 @ Illinois – We all know the reality of the situation and so does UFM3. They’re going for kill shots the rest of the way. I just hope that Nathan Scheelhaase’s old man doesn’t get kicked out of the stadium again tomorrow.
Florida Atlantic -17 @ Southern Mississippi – The Golden Eagles are abysmal.
Michigan +3 @ Northwestern – It’s do or die for both of these programs. The Cats don’t have the kind of defense that would give Michigan fits (a physical one) so I like grabbing them points. WE ON rights the ship while Pat Fitzgerald starts making plans for a golf trip in December.
USC +4 vs. Stanford – Who would have ever thought that a team would get much better once they fired Lane Kiffin? The Trojans have actually been nearly ELITE over the past 6 weeks (outside of the close loss in South Bend). The Cardinal have a letdown and win by a FG in LA.

MAC Glory Hole of the Week #2 (now 7-2.5 so we’re doubling down!) Central Michigan -2.5 @ Western Michigan – The Broncos just lost to Eastern Michigan and you don’t even have to give a full field goal to them. You should be doing the Denard “keep feeding me” gesture toward this line. I also like Akron -7 but not enough to Glory Hole it. Light prediction week for me on the college side but I’ll make up for it with the NFL. Just know that there is no better and more profitable gambling “system” on the planet than my weekly MAC Glory Hole.

Detroit -1 @ Pittsburgh – If the Lions are for real (and I’m leaning that way), then they should have no problem at all winning this game. Think about it: siding with the Steelers means that you believe that their OL will defeat Suh. Not happening, BRAH.
Washington +3 @ Philadelphia – The Eagles are 5-1 on the road this year and 0-4 at home. Bravehearts win by a million while I hang dong on Ape.
Oakland +7.5 @ Houston – The Texans are 2-7. They shouldn’t be more than a touchdown favorite over anyone.
New York Giants -4.5 vs. Green Bay – This line started at a whopping NYG -8. That's a whole pants-load of movement in favor of a third string QB.  The Giants suck but probably less so than Scott Tolzein.
Carolina -1 vs. New England – I love this bet. The Patriots are always OVERRATED and will get bullied on Monday night. Time for our weekly dose of Mr. Ace’s Hammer of the Week which somehow went 2-0 last week (10-12 for the year):

2-0 last week. Keepin it one hunnit.
NCAA: There are actually 3 games that I like this week. If I am just picking one, it is Sparty -6. Sparty is coming off a bye. Nebraska beat a terrible Michigan team. This line should be above 10. The other games I like is SDSU -5(Hawaii is total ass) and Houston +16.5(They should have beat UCF last week). My system play has a huge boner for Baylor -27. The O/U is 85. That's fucking outrageous. (Editor note: SDSU is a lock)
NFL: NYJ +1. Buffalo just lost to Pittsburgh. NYJ just beat the Saints. I know they have rotated W/L this entire year, but they aren't losing to Buffalo.
Moneyline: Houston +540...I know it's unlikely, but those odds are worth a small bet. Louisville isn't THAT much better than Houston.
And here is some Seal jerk off fuel for your weekend...poor wife

That will do it for this week. I’m being told that my in-laws might be coming down on Sunday (but not staying over thank God) as they won’t be stopping by on their trip to Florida this year (YES but I’ll believe it when I see it). It will likely ruin my Sunday NFL watching but that is a small price to pay for not running a free hotel at a later. Plus, MAYBE it sets the tone that they should arrive and leave on the same day all the time. Doubtful. Go Tim Beckman!

41 comments:

GMoney said...

Remember when Burke made wild claims like "Clemson will probably lose to GT"? Guess not.

At least the Jackets are back to taking every game into OT.

Mr. Ace said...

Took 3rd place in sports trivia last night. Probably could have won it all of G$ didn't vag out on us. Im sure u have record books memorized and deep knowledge of aba/ahl/ufl/whatever other random old shit they asked.

ACC=POWERHOUSE

I am torn on how I want the Michigan game to go. Obvs as a fan I want them to win. And I don't want piling up losses to hurt with the recruits we currently have committed. But I really fucking hate everything about our offense and want that staff gone. We should be able to have our way with them, but we should have done that with Nebraska. I wouldn't advise putting money on M the rest of the year.

Eagles are clicking right now on both sides of the ball. We have sucked at home, but that's also a product of the timing of the qb injuries. Iggles win.

GMoney said...

I will admit that I love reading about/watching the ABA. Insane league!

How is it vag-ing out to not want to spend time with Dut? You cool and so is Adam, but Dut? Fuck him.

Anonymous said...

I'm a blades man, myself.

I am going all in for MSU -6, Vandy -13, and Auburn -4.

Ide

GMoney said...

Jeremy Jamm is the best. You want some of this marg?

Here's something that I never want to look up so I will ask you all instead: What the hell is the deal with that Keep Calm stuff? Like, where did it start? Who started it? What the fuck does Chive On mean? I guarantee that I don't want to know but I'm curious none the less. I bet that Ide chives on all the time.

Anonymous said...

It started with Keep Calm and Carry On. Some British bitch (queen possibly?) came up with it. I have zero idea where this resurgence came into play, but I don't care, its gay.

Chive is a bro site. I get linked to it every now and again, but it's too douchey for my tastes. If I wanted dooked on my chest, I'd read the ample amount of drivel posted here daily.

Ide

Anonymous said...

The Poo Jackets are still poo...shocking. You shall still have fun this evening tho.

Did anyone see the clip of Toronto's Mayor talking about eating his wife's pussy to the press yesterday? It was one of the funniest things I've seen on the internetz in a long time. That guy is amazing.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Rob Ford is really trying to win Man of the Year this year. That guy is the best. We need him here in 'merica. When he came public with his crack admission while wearing a tie with 80's NFL logos on it I nearly died from LULZ.

I will have very much fun tonight. I hope that Montreal brings a lot of fans and I can ask them about the Expos and tell them that French is a faggot language.

Anonymous said...

There are some great YouTube clips of Rob Ford out there. I like that when he made the pussy eating comment yesterday, he was walking into work wearing a Toronto Argonauts jersey.

One of the YouTube clips is when a reporter calls him a "fat fuck"...and he all of a sudden just gets this big smile on his face because he realizes he can start playing the victim role and just won't let the reporter get on an elevator until he explains why he called him a fat fuck.

Toronto people must be cool as fuck.

--Drew

Nate said...

G$,

Don't taek this the wrong way, but you are a dead ringer for an underweight Rob Ford

Mr. Ace said...

Mayor Ford ia full of win. I would vote for him for any office.

Ide's more of a BroBible kind of guy. And -13 is steep for Vandy. I can see Kentucky getting some garbage pointa at the end to get within 10. I have seen the line at -11 some places.

Jeff said...

Was Dut "all-time writer and take the answer slip up to the Emcee" guy? That's always been his best role.

Yea good call on Clemson, Burke. Beat the Coots!

Jackets love the worst to first climb. That being said, we've never even made the worst to eighth climb. Fuck it, improbable 10 game win streak starts tonight!!

GMoney said...

"Underweight"! That is the nicest thing that anyone has ever said about me. Why would I take that the wrong way?

Ford is a more insane version of every Chris Farley SNL character combined.

Yeah, be careful with Vandy. They aren't used to be a double digit favorite in conference play.

GMoney said...

I said in my ELITE CBJ preview that if Marian Gaborik doesn't lead the team in scoring then we will be in trouble. Fucking Gaborik...START PLAYING LIKE A SUPERSTAR AND NOT LIKE AN UMBERGER.

Jeff said...

Nathan Horton will save us!!!!!

Mr. Ace said...

Duts only useful knowledge came when it involved some random 60's world series that the Tigers made. Adam had some pretty solid ABA and AFL knowledge. Really impressed with his effort.

Anonymous said...

It's funny that the Toronto city council can't force Ford to resign. Today they did vote 39-3 to "limit his powers". I'd like to have beers with those three hold outs.

--Drew

GMoney said...

There isn't a finer Tigers historian than old Dut. His secretarial skills are also unmatched.

Brady said...

Swanson talking about his chairs on Bloosh was fantastic.

So nice that Parks came back with a full hour last night. It was solid TV watching.

Even though G$ won me money last time I bet, I'm going against this weekend. The Cardinal wins by at least 10.

I do like the Lions pick but Nick Foles and co. continue the magic against the Skins.

Legit question. How do you guys see the Browns v. Bengals game playing out? This is the biggest game CLE has played in years so that usually means they fall flat on their face. I just think this team might be different though. Thoughts?

GMoney said...

I said it on Monday and nothing has changed. The Bengals (I think it's -5.5) cover easily since they are pissed off after the last two weeks and Jason Campbell on the road LOLZ.

Mr. Ace said...

I actually like the Browns +6...as long as Weeden doesn't see the field. I have no reason to believe that Dalton will turn it around. They will make somebody other than Green beat them. Which means Dalton is going to have to find his 2nd and 3rd options. J Camp won't make mistakes and give the Browns a chance late. I wouldn't be surprised at all is the Browns win. Def don't see a blowout.

Anonymous said...

I did not say clemson would probably lose. I said maybe in both comments. They did not. Maybe they are better than I think, but beating ga tech by a lot at home does not exactly say "strong conferecnce." It says the acc has a bunch of average teams, 1 really good team, & another good team that still MIGHT lose another game.

The argument was that when you look OBJECTIVELY at the conferences there is not a great enough difference that the Buckeyes should be that far behind fsu.

IF sparty & wisconsin win out & the Buckeyes beat msu by 2 tds or so & clemson loses again...there is at least an argument to made for Ohio State.

This will fall on deaf ears to a good majority, especially the B10 haters, but its not, or shouldn't be a forgone conclusion YET...reasonable people should at least have a chance to change their minds if the situation looks anything like the possibilities stated above...or

Go Bucks!!

Burke

The Iceman said...

Bet everything you have on Norfwestern. I'm sure all the shit talking I've done about them will no doubt come back to bite me in the testies.

97.1 played that Ford guy's interview over and over and over the day after it happened. It was pretty hilarious shit...especially the part where Ford said that it would never, ever, ever happen AGAAAAAAIN. Canadians talk funny.

I'm so glad you brought up the whole "Keep Calm" era, G$. Much like everything else in this world, Americans have latched their greasy mitts onto this bullshit and humped it into submission. It's dumb, overused and can be applied to anything. "Keep calm and eat food" "Keep calm and scratch your balls" "Keep calm and go fuck yourself. So stupid.

Prime99 said...

Keep calm and GIVE IT A REST.

If FSU and Bama win out, no voters will change their minds. And based on the statements FSU and Bama have made, they shouldn't.

Mr. Ace said...

Everybody saw Toledo face fuck Buffalo this week #MACtion. The same Buffalo that gave the Fuckeyes all sorts of trouble. Florida State has ZERO of those kinds of games. Their closest game was a 14 pt victory at BC. Fuckeyes are 9-0 and havent been impressive in 5 of those victories. FACT. Its not just conference strength that is separating FSU and Fuckeyes, its FSU merking people every week.

GMoney said...

The only people who think that FSU and Ohio are comparable wear Ohio State-colored glasses from the Dut Collection.

Pump your brakes, though, because your Rockets did give up 41 second half points to those Bulls.

Keep Calm and GIVE IT A REST is my favorite.

The Iceman said...

Then Keep Calm and FUCK YOU CAKES has to be second.

This will all be a moot point if Baylor wins out, Burke. Beating #10 and #12 along with if Texas can manage to stay ranked is a far more impressive resume than Ohio's victories over potentially 12th to 15th ranked MSU and Wisconsin in the 20s somewhere.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ @ a team giving another team "all sorts of trouble" by losing 40-20. Good Lord...I see the point you are trying to make, but you just sound stupid when you try to exaggerate the point like that.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Why would Wisconsin be in the 20's if they win out? They are already # 17. Stop being dumb.

--Drew

GMoney said...

There is no way that the Badgers win out because they still have Bert-stink on them and also have to face KILLSTRONG. Nothing can defeat Jerry Kill outside of epilepsy and even that only slows him down.

The Iceman said...

"Why would Wisconsin be in the 20's if they win out?"

Because they probably won't win out. And Wisconsin is 22nd in the BCS standings. Not 17th.

Anonymous said...

They probably won't beat Indiana, Minnesota and Penn State? Uhh...I'll take that bet. Where do I sign up? They are a legit good team, that should only have one loss if it wasn't for those PAC-12 officials. Also, for some reason you want to use what Oklahoma was ranked when they won...when they are now #18 in the BCS and will most likely fall out of the top 25 when they lose to KSU or OSU.

--Drew

GMoney said...

How about you both admit that you have no idea how the remainder of the season plays out AND know dick about the future rankings? Now please stop shooting your Wayne Chisms all over each other. It's not attractive.

Anonymous said...

We do NOT know how the remainder of the season plays out so saying that there is NO CHANCE for reasonable people to change their minds IF/when presented (potentially) with new facts is ridiculous. Before the national media (G$ included) tell us how this plays out....let's see what happens before eliminating even the discussion of someone else. I really appreciate the ammo to win this argument by using your words. NOBODY knows how it plays out so let's not "jump to conclusions" before its over...

Burke

GMoney said...

Point taken but Wisconsin has a much better chance of losing to the twitcher than FSU does losing to Idaho or Florida (equal teams).

It still doesn't change things that should the top 3 or 4 run the table, the BCS Title Game participants are already known.

If you're going to drop a jump to conclusions reference then you better go get hit by a car first.

The Iceman said...

I like Oklahoma and Oklahoma State to finish higher in the rankings than at least Wisconsin and maybe even Michigan State. Is that fair?

"They are a legit good team, that should only have one loss if it wasn't for those PAC-12 officials"

They probably would have won that game if they were playing Wisconsin football that day. Good analysis, Jesse Palmer.

GMoney said...

My guess is that Drooler wouldn't be making excuses for the Badgers weird kneel down plays if Bert was still there looking all dumb.

Prime99 said...

Jumping to conclusions is a staple of college football fans everywhere. I'm pretty sure dumb arguments are a large reason it is so popular.

Drew does know the future, though. We have seen examples of that time and again.

GMoney said...

Looks like the great PFTCommenter is on TEAM TRADE. This is the best.

http://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2013/11/15/5107472/running-backs-the-walking-dead

Mr. Ace said...

Buffalo was within 10 points towards the end of the 3rd quarter. I didn't say they took them to the wire. But to act like you just breezed through to a 20 point win doesn't really say what happened.

Get AIDS. Now.

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