Tuesday, November 19, 2013

College Football Week 12

End of Georgia vs. Auburn or end of black family Extreme Makeover Home Edition?

Big day in the Iceman household tomorrow yesterday!  We finally pick up our new dog Walter (was supposed to be tomorrow when I wrote this.  We were informed we could get him early so we took advantage).  It'll be nice to finally have another man in the house to sit around and do man shit with.  The first order of business...I will teach Walter to make the cat's life a living hell.  That little bitch needs to be knocked down a peg or eleven and I have just the man for the job.  A big, dumb, slobbering, fucking wrecking ball of a lab puppy with the pain tolerance of a tweeker on a 3 day meth binge.  Christ, this is going to be glorious.  Anyway...football stuff.

Cakes was right!  Norfwestern IS a tough out!!  Just kidding...they're fucking rotten and it was a largely pathetic showing once again for Michigan's offense.  The one thing that really stood out for me in this game other than the massive offensive struggle against a zero win Big Ten team, was Brendan Gibbons comments at the end of the game.  He called Drew Dileo the "best holder in the country".  Hmmmm.  Is that so?  I'm just sitting here wondering how in theee fuck you're able to belt that out with such confidence.  What evidence do you have to support that wild claim?  Do you sit in the film room and study the game film of every other holder in the country?  Do you have a holder scouting report you analyze that reveals different holder's tendencies?  Drew Dileo for the Holding Heisman!  Jesus...what a fat turd.  Thanks for helping us win Saturday and fuck you and your short pants for the Penn State loss.

Saturday isn't exactly what Ohio fans had in mind, I'm sure.  As G$ bluntly and correctly texted me Saturday afternoon...FSU would have beat that IlliNOISE team 70-0.  Yes...they would have.  Yes, Cakes...THEY WOULD HAVE.  Sure.  Ohio won and did so convincingly when it was all said and done.  But letting IlliNOISE hang 35 on your ass isn't a good look for a team begging for national respect.  If 10th year Senior Nathan Scheelhaase can orchestrate what happened Saturday, imagine what 2 time National Champion and southern gent A.J. McCarron would do.  But I'm sure we'll see loads of menstruating in the comment section anyway about how no one respects a team that hasn't lost in 2 seasons and how it's a God damn Greek tragedy Ohio isn't ranked higher.  Christ...you guys are a bunch of fuckin women.  I've never seen a fan base bitch so much about their 3rd ranked college football team.  GIVE IT A REST, already.  That paragraph should get you Fuckeyes going today.

This just in:  Baylor jumped Ohio in the AP poll.  This is news because A) LULZ at no one respecting Ohio and for good reason.  B) Drew cares so much about AP rankings since last week he pointed out Wisconsin's AP rank and not their BSC rank while trying to defend Ohio's ass schedule.  And C) This will no doubt produce infinite Cakes tears.

Man.  I'm really starting to feel bad for Aaron Murray.  I take back every last bad thing I said about this guy.  Dude is a fucking warrior and has been really impressive even after losing every receiving weapon this year.  The way Georgia lost to Auburn is the absolute fucking pits and I have zero judgement for what kind of shit MuDawg got himself into Saturday night because of it.  Hope it was a good one, brother.  Even though I really do feel terrible for Murray, watching him violently spike his ball cap into the ground after that 73 yard impossible TD catch was quite hilarious and worth watching over about 20 times.  A+ camera work.  That should be the GIF of the week.

We don't talk a lot of American Athletic Conference here and for good reason.  THEY BAD.  But that catch by J.J. Worton at the end of the UCF/Temple game was about the dirtiest fucking grab I've ever seen.  Peep it.  My favorite part of that clip is the announcer that completely creamed himself at the end,  then was so sexually spent and had nothing to say afterwards.  Top shelf stuff.  UCF ended up barely winning because Temple is one of the worst programs in the country.

Florida State and Jameis Winston absolutely sexually assaulted Syracuse, Saturday!  Ba-da, ting!!  Thank you, thank you.  I'm here all night.  Be sure to tip your waitress.

So apparently New Brunswick is the bullying capital of the nation.  Or maybe Rutgers just excels in recruiting crybaby pussgash athletes that get a little too emotional when a coach yells at them or doesn't play them because they are terrible.  I'm really starting to get fucking sick of this whole "bullying" thing.  Seems like the go-to excuse these days.

Miami says, "We're all done helping you now, Florida State.".  Yeeesh.  Getting schooled by Duke is a pretty wicked reality.  Duke "Silver" Johnson is a great player...but he never played defense.  That's three "L's" in a row for the Canes and at some point you have to stop blaming losses on just one player being out.  I suppose Duke is pretty good this year but at the end of the day it's fucking Duke football and they just roasted you for 48 points, BRAH.  That loss is inexcusable if you want to be taken seriously as a program.

That was it, kids.  That was your blown chance at ROLL DAMN DYNASTY to lose this year.  With that tight one on Saturday, all Mississippi State did was drop a lit M-80 up Bama's shit pipe.  Despite playing their worst and sloppiest offensive game of the season (3 turnovers), SabeyCakes and the boys still pulled off the win and are most likely going to unload on bitches after this wake up call the rest of the way.

That Hogan fella from Stanford has to feel like quite the choad.  Way to throw quite possibly the worst interception in school history to hand USC the win while obliterating your season.  The good news is Stanford didn't play Stanford football on Saturday so I don't anticipate the Cardinal dropping in the rankings at all because of that loss that doesn't count.  I wonder how G$ felt about USC fans storming the field after that one based on his loosely constructed set of arbitrary rules.  Herbie loved it and that's all that really matters, right?

I DONE!  Tons of shit to talk about today as last Saturday shaped up to be pretty entertaining.  But not more entertaining than all the bitching we'll hear from the Fuckeye faithful today.  Who's gonna lead the charge and carry that whiner flag?  One last thing...don't forget to Keep Calm and FUCK YOU CAKES!


Grumpy said...

I want to see Baylor hang 60 on Bama.

GMoney said...

It's Ape that had the field/court storming rules but I OBVZ have stremphy feelings on the matter as well.

For USC, I'll allow it. It was a great win over a team that excels at playing STANORD FOOTBALL MOST OF THE TIME. Plus, the euphoria of the Lane Kiffin Era being behind them is just too much to take. I thought it was fine. Yes, they've been there before but they've also shoveled a LOT of shit over the last 4-5 years.

Miami is still better than 90% of Ohio's schedule. FAX!

To the people complaining about Baylor jumping them in one poll (and the rest of them next week should they win in Stillwater), you know the rules. You know what you have to do EVERY week. You can't let a god awful Illinois team be within two scores in the fourth quarter. You can't let Tim Beckman roll up 35. It is absolutely fair that the Bears jumped after ripping off 63 (with their top two RBs hurt) on a 7 win team with a sexy coach.

Brady Hoax (copyright pending) should have been canned for going on fourf down in the fourf quarter when a field goal ties it. He was bailed out by his terrible offense but that was so dumb. Whatever, NW's unis made me wish that I lived in Iran.

Poor Georgia. That was an ELITE ending (since I had AUB -3.5 and was furious that they blew a 20 point lead in the fourf). Poor Verne. He's getting too old for this shit.

As someone who was actually watching that Temple/UCF game LIVE, I think I screamed like a girl louder when that dude made that sick catch over the Auburn play. Sick day of football.

The Glory Hole rolls on. We can't be stopped by directional Michigan schools. While I totally recommend taking a pissed off Buffalo team with something to play for -26 tonight at Yager STadium, the real Glory Hole is...

Northern Illinois -4 @ Toledo tomorrow night. Huskies win by double digits. We're 8-2.5 on the season. Don't doubt it.

Anonymous said...

One of my favorite stories of the weekend was the Winston-Salem State quarterback getting his ass beat at a team luncheon by 6 opposing players. The Souf is ELITE!

-NC Nate

Prime99 said...

If Stanford doesn't play Stanford football, then I guess they are good and not ELITE. Classic letdown game that can't happen if you want to roll with the big dawgs- and they don't.

GMoney said...

The Winston-Salem State QB let his guard down for one meal and failed to play Stanford Eating then BOOM Virginia State destruction. Indeed an ELITE story.

Anonymous said...

My brother lives in Winston-Salem (home of Wake Forest!), so I sent him a text about said ass beating. His response was, "he was being black on a Saturday". My brother is shockingly not racist.

I have zero idea why anyone gives two flying fucks about the AP poll. IT DOESN'T MATTER AT ALL. The AP is a useless poll that does jack and shit. It doesn't even figure into the BCS rankings. Go send espn.com hate mail over their power rankings, retards.

Baylor will jumps us if they trounce Oklahome State. I'm hoping that Florida presses charges on Jameis for being a rapist. I don't care if there is hard evidence against it. He gets automatically benched if charges are brought. Make up for Zimmerman (arrested again btw) by getting swift justice on Jameis!


GMoney said...

Say the AP Poll doesn't matter to those smart people crying "AP #1" last year (which Ohio failed to do as usual).

The AP Poll doesn't matter but it sort of does as these guys are the ones actually watching the games and not the coaches or Eddie Harrises of the world. Never understood why the AP gets the shaft while the coaches factor in.

I still don't get how Jameis is even a suspect since the description that Jenn Sterger or whoever gave isn't even remotely close to the Famous One. LOL Florida is the answer.

Jeff said...

So your 1997 AP National Championship means nothing?

Anonymous said...

AP Champs! was a pretty solid consolation for being banned from postseason play last year. But would OSU being AP Champs! done anything to tarnish ROLL DAMN TIDES title? Nope.

Also, it would have been fun to poke fun at UM for having the exact same title bragging rights as they did in 1997.


The Iceman said...

Jeff acts like the BCS was around in 1997. Casts his troll line and come up empty.

Drew cares about AP ranks. I bet Cakes does too.

GMoney said...

AP or not, it is still sad and pathetic that many of your own kin-folk can't understand why Ohio keeps dropping.

Mr. Ace said...

Michigan sucks. But positive rushing yards biatches! Borges playcalling is still butt hole. Going for it on 4th there was stupid. Gardner looked really bad and his line actually did a pretty good job.

Fuckeyes gonna fuck. Looking up at Baylor is really going to hurt the pride. Rose bowl ain't bad though.

I absolutely slaughtered my college betting Saturday. Only missed one game, fucking Akron. I need to just stick with that.

Lil Poopson arguing Illinois=TTU was lolz. Saw a lot of that around #FuckeyeNation twitter.

Anonymous said...

I should not have used the AP rank of Wisconsin last week, but I did...so, use it whatever.

What do you expect Buckeye fans to whine about today? I've seen very little in these comments over the last few weeks with people saying OSU should be above Bama or FSU. I certainly know that I haven't said it. I do think we should be above Baylor...and think we would beat them. The BCS nerds say that even if Baylor jumps us with a win this week, we would jump them if we win out due to playing an extra game than they will have played and that game being a top ten MSU team...since there is no Big 12 CG. Supposedly, that extra game would mean a ton with the dumb computers.

Iceman...we've got two games left for the Badgers. Which one they do lose?

The Buckeyes game was disappointing because we let 28-0 and 35-7 leads go away due to turning it into a glorified scrimmage instead of just letting Hyde rush for 400 yards. Our lack of depth at LB with Perry and Grant out with injuries also showed....GUARANSHEED Bama wouldn't have any issues if they were missing two starting LB's, but we are extremely weak at that position and it showed. Cam Williams wouldn't start for a Rich Rod defense.

I did see something worse than Cakes Hot Takes tho....and that was Ape's Sour Grapes on Saturday. Holy shit is Ohio State not losing in two years grinding that guy's gears.

It was too bad that Michigan pulled that game out of theri asses, but whatever. G$ is correct in that that 4th down play call was horrendous. AT LEAST YOU CAN'T CALL HIM SCARED, RIGHT JIM!

I don't know if the game went real quick or what, but it was weird how long ABC stuck around to watch the celebration at USC. Nice second loss to an unranked team by Stanford.

Slow Seal....been meaning to ask you....what did you think of the video evidence of the homosexual practices that go in Kentucky basketball locker rooms?


GMoney said...

we've got two games left for the Badgers. Which one they do lose?

Uhhhhhh, the awesome power of #KILLSTRONG should take care of them.

Those claiming that Ohio should be closer to FSU are stupid. They don't belong near those top two. #3 fits you like a pond does for Bill Murray.

Anonymous said...

Me tying Black in G$FL is puzzling, but oh well, playoffs clinched with the top seed clinched with a win this week. I sick. Shitting all over Lange's chest in MSFL was particularly pleasing. Ice up, son. Ice up. Divisions are TOTES gay. No bye week because of Prime's shitty NFC East division is stupid.


Nate said...

Some important matchups coming down the pipe in the MSFL.

Candy Lineup will be pulling for Ide to beat Train in Week 12.

Candy Lineup is also hoping Ide rests his starters in Week 13 after clinching playoffs with Week 12 win against Train.

This would allow Candy Lineup to clinch last playoff spot against Ide's reserves, while allowing Ide's starters to be 100% fresh for Week 1 of playoffs.

I think that all sounds reasonable.

And don't think for one moment the Candy Lineup will be caught looking ahead to Week 13 and letting Fagnasty pull the rug out from under us.

Nate said...

By the way, LOL at Ace's power rankings that placed himself at #1 in preseason.

GMoney said...

Oh, are we talking about MSFL glory? After last night's hilariously bad comeback 65.5-65 win over Prime (thanks Greg Olsen!), I have already clinched the 1 seed with two weeks left. You are all so bad.

And even though I got Tron'ed by Lange in the LFL, Dut sucks so my magic number to win my own division is 1. I'm not used to losing a third game in that league but I will enjoy my future bye week/title.

Brady said...

I really don't care about the AP rankings or any other rankings for that matter. I'm slowly going into a deep, dark depression with each passing week. Going undefeated for a million years in a row just won't trump the Buckeye hate that exists in the media. HERE WE COME, ROSE BOWL!

The hilarious part about our awful schedule is that OSU may end up with better wins than Florida St by the end of the year. MSU will almost certainly be in the top 10 if they win out and Wisky is making a play for 10-15 if they do the same.

Bama is not ELITE this year. That game on Saturday was fucking pathetic. It's cool though. You get to ride the coattails of previous seasons as long as you're not the Buckeyes.

Anonymous said...

While we are talking about fantasy - in my other league... had a 1pt lead with 3 seconds left in last nights game. J from JBeanie had Carolina D... won by 1 pt with the last play interception. Ouch.

Im ignoring your stupid ass troll comment, Drew.


Anonymous said...

Slow Seal ignoring the video of the best Kentucky basketball player in a long time getting his ass spanked completely nude by other players in the locker room and looking like he's thoroughly enjoying it. That's rich. I'm sure we could all just choose to ignore a video like that if it came out with Troy Smiff, Denard or RGIII....well, RGIII wouldn't be a surprise.


Anonymous said...

Right on the money again Brady! Mississippi state is just illinois with a worse offense.

Anonymous said...

Ok, so what then... that FAG got us a national championship. All your loser teams lost to a group of fags.


Anonymous said...

Is the nude spanking of Freshmen on locker room floors a Kentucky tradition? Perhaps, maybe just the black players have to go through this and it was thought up by Adolph Rupp?


Anonymous said...

I've seen teammates get held down naked and IcyHot poured in their ass crack. And I have heard some fun stories about LeBron and Varejao in the showers after practice/games.

I'm pretty sure that stuff happens a lot in locker rooms. The thing is, that stuff is now considered BULLYING. Jonathan Martin would have ran away crying had that happened to him.


The Iceman said...

"Iceman...we've got two games left for the Badgers. Which one they do lose?"

Honestly I can see either team beating them. But @Minnesota seems more realistic.

"Going undefeated for a million years in a row just won't trump the Buckeye hate that exists in the media."

What hate?! You've beat one fucking ranked team. Your ranking isn't based on media hate...it's based on your weak ass schedule. What part of that is so difficult to grasp?

MuDawgfan said...

Needless to say - I blacked out pretty hard on Saturday night/Sunday morning.

That combination lost and the Falcons awful showing made it a rough weekend for the DawgFam.

Falcons are in 100% tank for Clowney mode and I love it.
Georgia is staring down the barrel of a Gator Bowl matchup with Minnesota. Fucking Christ!

GMoney said...

Going undefeated for a million years in a row just won't trump the Buckeye hate that exists in the media

And it is well deserved because of the constant stream of tears and butthurtedness from you losers.

So what? Best case scenario is that you have the same crappy schedule. The difference is that the Noles have left no doubt while you play games of grab ass with Kirk Ferentz. You don't seem to grasp this and it is infuriating to smart people such as myself.

Bama almost always mails it in against shitty teams that are still way better than Illinois. They are allowed to do this though because they are the best program in the country, we know to expect this, and ROLL DAMN TIDE!

You're comparing Bama to past Bama teams. You are doing this because no one else compares to their greatness.

FUCK YOU CAKES (and soon to be Burke, too, for his continued agreements with Cakes)

Mr. Ace said...

My twitter troll game is ao strong that you clowns just can't help but bite. FSU hanging dong really helped my cause too.

Jeff said...


The fact is that Ohio State now has to rely on its' OOC schedule because the rest of the B1G outside of Sparty and Wisconsin are a bunch of shit stains. Once proud Michigan is not even the best program in their own state anymore. You can't have a supposed conference power lose to App St, Toledo and have scares from Akron and UCONN all within a couple years while another supposed conference power makes child porn in their showers. OOC scheduling should be reserved for 2 or 3 years in advance, not 10 to 15.

So Ohio State needs to beat the shit out of everyone in their conference, yet rely on these programs to get better in the years to come to help out the strength of their own conference? With Ohio State widening the gap on the scoreboard it will also only widen the gap in recruiting.

The Iceman said...

"With Ohio State widening the gap on the scoreboard it will also only widen the gap in recruiting."

And widen the gap in your butts. COUNT IT.

Brady said...

Ohio State would provide the nation with a better NCG experience than anyone because of the offense. They can line up with anybody in the country. Who is going to stop a Hyde/Braxton combo? Nobody.

Whatever. I've accpeted the fact that OSU is getting left out barring some EXTREMELY UNLIKELY scenarios. We'll just have to light up Oregon in the Rose Bowl and use that momentum going into next year.

Can't wait to start off next season #2 and drop in the polls bgecause the conference sucks again. At least there will be a PLAYOFF next year. Maybe the media can sandbag the buckeyes again and get them into that #5 spot at the end of next season. Nothing surprises me anymore.

Anonymous said...

I just want to go on record to make sure that everyone knows that the views of Brady Cakes are not shared by me.



GMoney said...

Thank you for saying that, Drooler. Because FSU has shown to be stoppable on offense this year apparently.

You keep wanting to blame the conference for your inadequacies but that is a flawed argument. If the conference sucks so much then why aren't you killing them all. Poor coaching, I say!

Jeff said...


Does that put the kibosh on you and Brady's week night drunkfests?

Brady said...

I hope Drew and I can still be weeknight drunk buddies on Twitter.

Not scared of FSU, BAMA or Baylor. Bring it on.

Anonymous said...


No. I like Cakes and admire his tenacity in his fandom. But, I do not share his beliefs on this ranking issue (except for Baylor...they can suck a dick). I would still like to get drunk with him on a weekday night while watching sports.


The Iceman said...

"They can line up with anybody in the country."

Based on what evidence? Blowing the tits off of terrible Big 10 teams? Pretty wild claim thinking you can put points on ANYONE because you can hang 60 on IlliNOISE.

"I've accpeted the fact that OSU is getting left out barring some EXTREMELY UNLIKELY scenarios"

Ummmm, no you haven't. It's why you still constantly bitch about it.

Brady said...

Let's just all agree that I win and am the most knowledgeable, handsome and badass football fan ever.

In other news, the Beg Ben question on today's Funbag is delightful.

Also, I didn't have much time to comment yesterday, but G$s love for "Brooklyn Nine Nine" restores my faith in the TV watching public. That show is amazing.

I'll be at Iceman's house tonight checking out his new dog. Won't be surprised if it's some dickhead cat in a puppy suit.

GMoney said...

You make a good point about Iceman being a homosexual.

That being said, saying I'm OK with it and then immediately listing reasons why U MAD BRO is LULZ.