"Guess what guys? I'm still hot as shit...she's okay too, I guess."
I have sad news to report. It appears J-Rupe has erased his Facebook. I discovered this horror this past Saturday in an attempt to prove to Damman that he and Rupe are, in fact, Ohio Buckeye anus partners together. Let's observe a moment of silence for the passing of J-Rupe's Facebook page. RIP Henry County Hospital Check ins and middle finger selfies. You will be missed. Now onto what seems to be less important issues on this heavy day.
Well that was a pretty hilarious game by Michigan. Plus two turnover margin and they still manage to blow it. Super. I only got to watch the second half but that's all my eyeballs could handle anyway. My two favorite play calls in the second half had to be negative 2 yard tail back dive and the take an 8 yard sack play. Easily the two most effective plays we ran Saturday. With fucking precision, I might add. Damman was so cute afterwards. Texting me and attempting to troll me on a team I've said multiple times is not good. Nice try, loser. At what point does Hoke toss Sugar Shane Morris in there so we can see what the future looks like? He can't be any worse than Gardner. Oh...and Ace? YOU WRONG about Gardner. Dude SUX.
Ron English hates faggots! Never forget that. But in Ron's defense, Eastern Michigan does play like a bunch of homos. Don't hate the man for dropping truth bombs all up in Ypsilanti. I love how the University used his anti-gay tirade as an excuse to fire him and not the 11-46 record he's compiled over the last 5 years. That's so Eastern Michigan of them. The absolute best part of this story is that the woman who fired him is Heather Lyke. Rhymes with dyke. How fucking perfect is that? And who's the faggot who recorded him and leaked it? He must have hated English more than English hates queers.
Man. Florida blows. Wasn't this Muschamp fella supposed to be the cat's ass? I haven't seen it so far. They just let The Vanderbilt Jay Catlers come into town and hang nuts on them. That was Vandy's first road win against Florida since 1945. That was back when a concussion was called a headache and cigarettes were rolled into shirt sleeves. So Brandon Weeden's freshman year of college. Embarrassing.
The hottest team in the Big Ten is.....MINNESOTA?? WUT?! The Golden Jerry Kills have been rolling bitches since Jerry had his 15th sideline seizure. It's a very LULZ year for the Big 10 when Minnesota could end up as the 3rd best team in the conference. How the fuck did Michigan destroy these guys? 'Sota should feel pretty dumb right about now. UPDATE: Northwestern just lost to their bye week 17-14. But they're TOTES a tough out, you guys.
Hey! Notre Dame is back in the top 25! Oops...not anymore. Whatever. Nobody cares anyway. This whole paragraph about the Irish is as exciting as Fresno State being ranked #16. But the Bulldogs should still be in the National Title conversation, right Cakes? THEY'RE UNDEFEATED, MAN!!!
The Virginia Tech Fake Necks delivered a knock out punch to Miami Saturday. The Canes really missed Duke "Silver" Johnson in this one but honestly I'm not sure if it would have mattered. Virginia Tech's GRITTY special teams play was the difference in this one. There's only two coaches I know that get super chubbed up about special teams. One lives in Napoleon and throws his hat into the mud while screaming "Dag Nabbit!" and the other has a fake rubber neck and just beat the piss out of Miami. Special teams DOES matter, dammit! IT WINS CHAMPIONSHIPS!!
So Florida State isn't losing for the rest of the year. They're gonna fuckin roast whoever is "lucky" enough to play them in the ACC championship game, too. But for today, that was a pretty assey game from Jameis Winston despite the dick mashing FSU put on Wake Forest. He should still be one of the favorites to take home the most over hyped award of all sports.
Ho Hum. Nothing to see here. Just another stud running back at Alabama. Kenyan Drake is a filthy motherfucker. His jukes will turn you fuckin rotten on the inside and out. ROLL DAMN TOTESBEATABLE just keeps pumping out these studs. A God Damn embarrassment of riches, I tells ya.
Speaking of ROLL DAMN CAKESWANTSBAMA...
BLOWWWWWWWWWOUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!! Cakes and Damman using the word "Geaux" in their Facebook statuses Saturday night was some of douchiest shit I've ever seen. Queers. Both of you drink toilet water with Lester and the gang. But keep thinking that ROLL DAMN FUCKYOUCAKES is going to lose at some point. Bama and FSU will play for the title this year so just accept it and move on already. Both teams are better than Ohio anyway. My first favorite part of this game was Mettenberger's sideline meltdown late 3rd/early 4th quarter after getting stopped on 4th down in the red zone. Televised tantrums are absolutely tremendous moments in sports. My second favorite part of that game was this:
The fuck?! Congrats on capitalizing on your 15 minutes of fame, weirdo. And good luck getting laid wearing your hat like that. This isn't the 80's, ya fuckin dork.
That's it for today. Not much happened outside of the Hurricanes choking away that 11 ranking and Alabama showing the entire country how vulnerable and beatable they are. I can't believe how lucky this Bama team is getting! Oh...and Michigan also getting outplayed and out coached by a guy who has a brother with a massive hard narcotics addiction. That happened, too. FUCK YOU, CAKES!