Thursday, November 14, 2013

A-Hole of the Week Gets Sexy!!!

We haven’t done as “Asshole of the Week” here in a while which makes sense because I’ve only done it a few times over the years. But this week, we have been presented with some STREMPHy takes from dumb people and we’re going lump them all into one really stupid post. OBVZ, when you have Richie Incognito saying “to call me a racist is just wrong” even though he clearly enjoys screaming slurs at work warrants mention. As does Evan Spencer not understanding anything about everything when he spoke about his desires to “wipe the field” which makes zero sense and isn’t an action that any human being has ever done. Yet somehow, those two geniuses aren’t even close to being in the running for Asshole of the Week. As Peter King would say, WHAT A COUNTRY!

First up is the man that heats up Seal’s loins on a daily basis: John Calipari! Coach Cal usually hauls in the #1 recruiting class by far and has no problem at all taking advantage of the “one and done” kids and that is fine (FYI, Julius Randle is a savage). It works for him. We hate him for it because he TOTES pays those idiots. The Coach of the #1 team in the nation whined earlier this week that his young team playing an experienced team like Sparty “was not fair”. LOLOLOLOLOLOL FUCK YOU! He must watch a lot of Ohio football and feels jealous that he doesn’t get 20 consecutive bye weeks (easy cheap shot!). Let’s also not forget that Cal has a HUGE say in the schedule that his team plays. So him crying publicly about being unprepared is actually an indictment of how bad of a coach he feels that he is. You can’t be the #1 team and then fear other teams, pussy. But that still isn’t as bad as Jesse Palmer.

ESPN college football analyst and realty TV star, Jesse James Palmer, is this week’s Asshole of the Week. On Sunday or Monday, he was doing his usual spot on SportsCenter with the highly underrated Danny Kanell (really like that guy) and the anchor asked them both who should be #3 in the BCS rankings. Kanell said either Baylor or Ohio (I can’t remember) which is fine because that makes sense. Palmer argued that it is Stanford. One loss Stanford. One loss to 4-5 Utah Stanford. When called out on this tomfoolery, Jesse stated (hold on to your butts because this excuse is MAJOR LULZ) that the only reason why the Cardinal lost is because “they didn’t play Stanford football”. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? Even the weakest of takes usually makes some sense. This makes none!

Look, we had a nice argument (that I won) on Tuesday afternoon regarding why Florida State is ranked higher (by a lot) than Ohio. We can get back into that again if you want, but just know that if you oppose my point of view, you lose. However, one thing that I won’t stand for are people who want to pump up Stanford after a home win over a team that they usually beat. THEY LOST to a borderline bowl eligible team. You just can’t sweep that under the rug because they pushed around a soft Oregon team a few weeks later. It’s cool, though, we’re supposed to forgive them because they decided to call dumb plays against the Utes which contrasts what makes Stanford “STANFORD”. SO DUMB FOR REAL.

That HOT TAKE is so fundamentally fucktarded that I wouldn’t even expect that from the people who e-mail Peter King (a second PK reference today?) to tell him that they love his column. You know who didn’t lose to a bad team, Jesse Palmer? Ohio and Baylor--who haven’t lost to anyone. Now we all know that I’m not one to stick up for the scarlet and red, but NO ONE should have Stansbury ranked ahead of them. I’d bet that even David Pollack (the dumbest Neanderthal on TV) thinks that this point of view is a bit of a massive reach.

You know who focuses on huge wins and ignores embarrassing losses? Probably Notre Dame fans. I actually don’t know the answer to that question because I don’t like to talk to idiots.

Stanford is a good football team. We all saw that a week ago. But they blew it. It’s over for them. DEAL WITH IT. So congratulations, Jesse Palmer, you are the Asshole of the Week for not being able to figure out that when it comes to football losses in our current BCS system, 0 is better than 1. That degree from Florida is paying off in spades. I never really thought of using that as an excuse for being bad. Let’s see how this sounds:

The RedHawks aren’t even competitive this year because they just aren’t playing RedHawk Football. LOL! Get fucked, Jesse, you handsome devil.


Grumpy said...

I just assumed Danny Kannel was still holding a clip board on some NFL sideline.

Completely off topic, but I got a Facebook friend request from commenter Jeff. Since he's normal by Money Shot standards, I accepted. It can't be worse than Ide, Cakes or Iceman, right?

Nate said...

Poor Jameis Winston.

Where's Taylor Lewan to make your rape accuser go away when you need him?

GMoney said...

These rape accusations are clearly the work of some Ohio fan. They were probably filed by Ohio's #1 fan: Casey Anthony.

How could Famous Jameis be a rapist when he's blind?

Ide and Ape were getting all up in my ass no homo about last night's Glory Hole pick because apparently they think that games are over early in the third quarter. WHO WON AGAIN? Keep talking about some random BYU defeat while I continue to rock 70+% in MAC picks.

Anonymous said...

No one is worse than I am on facebook.

There is no such thing as a HOT TAKE on espn anymore, just trollbait.


Anonymous said...

To be fair, I didn't even know what game you were betting on. I will never bet on a MAC game, but it felt like the right move to pile more shit on you after the beer post.


Jeff said...

Grump, I just assumed you would want be able to message me when you wanted to get together and watch gay porn.

I know you lucked one out against the Wolves in cleve, but we weren't playing TWOLVES basketball then. Last night was more the norm.

GMoney said...

Never bet the MAC? You're a dumb man but is anyone dumb enough to hate easy money? Apparently.

Pile on what exactly? It was an open forum about beer drinking? You're the goddamn worst. Why are you even white?

The Iceman said...

I know Cakes sucks in the comments every day...he just needs to get back to commenting like Cakes.

Dwayne Bowe needs an honorable mention for getting busted for speeding and weed. Way to be a distraction for your 9-0 football team the week of a YOOOOOOOUGE division game. I guess Bowe was worn out from the 3 catches for 35 yards he averages per week. WHEW! Really takes it out of ya.

Jeff requested Grumpy so they can cyber to Steelers highlights together from the early 2000's.

Mr. Ace said...

G$, you're welcome. From the time I made that post to the end of the game NIU went on a 28-3 run.

I saw a similar debate on FS1 Saturday. Stanford lost. Sorry. I actually do enjoy Palmer most of the time.

This Jameis Winston thing seems strange. I feel like I am a pretty good judge of black character, and just watching the way that he runs during warmups(incredibly girly) I find it hard to believe he rapes people. The report also said the suspect was anywhere from 5'8" to 5'10". Jameis is about 6'3". We will see though. He should have just behaved like a gentleman and punched her in the face for denying his advances #WhatWouldHydeDo

GMoney said...

Aren't all Florida State female students prostitutes anyway? How do you rape a hooker? So many questions. Nice attempt to skew the votes though, Urb.

NIU scored 21 points in the last 6 minutes...MACTION! Which hasn't been all that great this year! It's going to be great when the Huskies get another BCS bid and Herbie's stupid face explodes. Jesse Palmer will likely say Georgia is more deserving because they won every game that they played Georgia Football in.

I respect Bowe. Ruining your reputation over a few joints but still asking the cop if Sonic was still open? ELITE!

GMoney said...

Also: Calipari is a shit-heel.

Jeff said...

Jameis must think that a rape would make a good signature Heisman moment

Grumpy said...

Jeff and I only have to go back to 2011 to watch Steeler Super Bowl highlights. Iceman and the rest of the Stains fans can go back to, well, never to watch highlights.

Anonymous said...

I like the Asshole of the week post. Palmer is a solid choice.


GMoney said...

Drooler, just know that while I am enjoying your constant ass-kissing recently, I also see that you are probably just doing that as a last might COTY push. But I still like it.

Grump, did they win that SB? Count it.

Anonymous said...

The COTY and MSMOTY awards were tainted by you pulling a Jenna Maroney and awarding them both to yourself last year. The Weisman still holds a lot of relevancy, though. I'd even argue moreso after the Teo fiasco.


GMoney said...

The inaugural COTY was Prime. If you've got a problem with that, you can take it up with Boogie Cousins.

Anonymous said...

Jesse Palmer is certainly the right guy to be asshole of the week. "They didn't play Stanford football against utah." With the abundance of Buckeye hate out there this guy takes the cake for most infuriating analyst. If fsu struggles & the noles get moved down in the polls I envision uncle jessie saying "well he didn't commit florida state rape" or some other nonsensical reason that a 1 loss team should jump anyone that is undefeated. The mark may/lou holtz duo is looking better every week.


The Iceman said...

Grumpy's a little sour this year. He isn't used to the Browns being more relevant/better than the Steelers. Looks like the deal that upper Appalacia made with the Devil may have finally expired. Pay up, queers.

GMoney said...

Mark May is a national treasure. You can say whatever you want if you were a HOG.

Where the fuck is Seal? Being gay? Nailed it.

Prime99 said...

Palmer is a huge douche. Below average QB and Bachelor contestant = forum to say dumb things.

I have said that I think Stanford would beat Ohio (like, in the Rose Bowl, perhaps?) but it is dumb to argue that they should be ranked #3. Like Ernie calling Miss Vaughn to see if she liked Billy, "YOU BLEW IT." Don't lose to Utah, smart guys.

GMoney said...

David Shaw = Dr. Narcisse from Boardwalk Empire

I bet that he calls all of his black players "Libyans".