First up is the man that heats up Seal’s loins on a daily basis: John Calipari! Coach Cal usually hauls in the #1 recruiting class by far and has no problem at all taking advantage of the “one and done” kids and that is fine (FYI, Julius Randle is a savage). It works for him. We hate him for it because he TOTES pays those idiots. The Coach of the #1 team in the nation whined earlier this week that his young team playing an experienced team like Sparty “was not fair”. LOLOLOLOLOLOL FUCK YOU! He must watch a lot of Ohio football and feels jealous that he doesn’t get 20 consecutive bye weeks (easy cheap shot!). Let’s also not forget that Cal has a HUGE say in the schedule that his team plays. So him crying publicly about being unprepared is actually an indictment of how bad of a coach he feels that he is. You can’t be the #1 team and then fear other teams, pussy. But that still isn’t as bad as Jesse Palmer.
ESPN college football analyst and realty TV star, Jesse James Palmer, is this week’s Asshole of the Week. On Sunday or Monday, he was doing his usual spot on SportsCenter with the highly underrated Danny Kanell (really like that guy) and the anchor asked them both who should be #3 in the BCS rankings. Kanell said either Baylor or Ohio (I can’t remember) which is fine because that makes sense. Palmer argued that it is Stanford. One loss Stanford. One loss to 4-5 Utah Stanford. When called out on this tomfoolery, Jesse stated (hold on to your butts because this excuse is MAJOR LULZ) that the only reason why the Cardinal lost is because “they didn’t play Stanford football”. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? Even the weakest of takes usually makes some sense. This makes none!
Look, we had a nice argument (that I won) on Tuesday afternoon regarding why Florida State is ranked higher (by a lot) than Ohio. We can get back into that again if you want, but just know that if you oppose my point of view, you lose. However, one thing that I won’t stand for are people who want to pump up Stanford after a home win over a team that they usually beat. THEY LOST to a borderline bowl eligible team. You just can’t sweep that under the rug because they pushed around a soft Oregon team a few weeks later. It’s cool, though, we’re supposed to forgive them because they decided to call dumb plays against the Utes which contrasts what makes Stanford “STANFORD”. SO DUMB FOR REAL.
That HOT TAKE is so fundamentally fucktarded that I wouldn’t even expect that from the people who e-mail Peter King (a second PK reference today?) to tell him that they love his column. You know who didn’t lose to a bad team, Jesse Palmer? Ohio and Baylor--who haven’t lost to anyone. Now we all know that I’m not one to stick up for the scarlet and red, but NO ONE should have Stansbury ranked ahead of them. I’d bet that even David Pollack (the dumbest Neanderthal on TV) thinks that this point of view is a bit of a massive reach.
You know who focuses on huge wins and ignores embarrassing losses? Probably Notre Dame fans. I actually don’t know the answer to that question because I don’t like to talk to idiots.
Stanford is a good football team. We all saw that a week ago. But they blew it. It’s over for them. DEAL WITH IT. So congratulations, Jesse Palmer, you are the Asshole of the Week for not being able to figure out that when it comes to football losses in our current BCS system, 0 is better than 1. That degree from Florida is paying off in spades. I never really thought of using that as an excuse for being bad. Let’s see how this sounds:
The RedHawks aren’t even competitive this year because they just aren’t playing RedHawk Football. LOL! Get fucked, Jesse, you handsome devil.