Friday, October 25, 2013

Your Fantasy Season Is Half Over

Why did I draft Montee Ball again?
Last night’s likely epic Bucs/Panthers tickle fight kicked off week 8 of the NFL season. That means that all of our fantasy season’s are about halfway over (give or take a week). Where has the time gone? With two months of the year out of the way, I think it’s fair to reflect on what we know about fantasy football now. By the way, don’t listen to The League. Isaiah Pead is more likely to “douche it” than “do shit” as the MacArthur’s want you believe. I’d rather own stock in Tacocorp than start a Rams RB. So what have we learned?

*Much like in real life, running backs are almost worthless. Those poor bastards who go RB/RB almost certainly have God awful teams. Knowshon Moreno is currently the #5 RB as far as points scored this season. WTF? Peterson, Foster, Ray Rice, Doug Martin, Spiller, and T-Rich…all drafted within the first 15 picks and all of them have provided poor value.
*You’re better off just drafting a shit ton of backs and hoping that two of them are competent.
*Stop drafting running backs on bad teams. You don’t run the ball when you’re always playing from behind.
*Draft receivers on bad teams even if the team sucks. Just look at Justin Blackmon and Josh Gordon.
*When it comes to your QB, it doesn’t pay to seek value. I’ve been on #TeamELITEQB forever and this year is a perfect example why. You may not like the idea of going QB in the first round or spending the most cap money on a passer, but it’s the best move. You aren’t just paying for production, you are paying for peace of mind and consistency. Rusty Dubs might get you 30 points one week but then 5 the next. I don’t want that. I’ll pay a lot stiffer price to guarantee that Breesus gets me 25-30 every damn week. But go ahead and ignore this truth and keep drafting your running backs. I’ll keep making the playoffs while you try to figure out who to start between Romo and Andy Dalton.
*Dut likes to consider himself some sort of waiver wire guru. That’s pointless. It still comes down to “can you draft well”. He cannot. You’re not going to win your league if half your roster was purged from the wire. Do your fucking homework.
*I will never ever own Chris Johnson again. I have two really good teams and two really bad teams. Guess who is featured heavily on those two bad teams? He was supposed to be a stud again after they drafted a road grating guard and signed Andy Levitre AND run the ball more than any other team. CHOKE ON YOUR LIES, CJ!
*I go into the weekend 6-1 in the MSFL and 5-2 in the LFL. I expect to win both leagues. By the way, I know that you probably hate it when I consider myself to be an expert at fantasy football. I get that. And I freely admit that I BLOW at snake drafts for some reason. But there is no arguing that I am really good at the auction game. I must have been an ELITE plantation owner in a previous life.

So let’s spend today talking about how great we are or threatening to murder players that have let us down. Yeah, I’m looking right at you, Marques Colston. And I’m sure that Prime is staring daggers through Arian Foster. Don’t you walk away from us, BOY. It’s pretty much guaranteed that I’m going to win the MSFL and also my third straight LFL Fleshlight. No one else compares (especially Jeff).

As I mentioned earlier in the week, I’ve been bleeding out slowly on the GAMBLOR front this season. It’s just been really hard to sustain any positive momentum from week to week. Negative momentum? Oh man, do I have a lot of that. So I’m not going to give out a bunch of picks this week all the while pretending that I am some money-making machine. Instead, I’ll just offer up my Glory Hole (now 4-2!!!).

MAC Glory Hole of the Week: Toledo +3.5 @ Bowling Green – Oh yeah, the rivalry game that no one cares about! This feels like a field goal game to me even before I saw that SI did a feature on BG coach Dave Clawson this week. CURSED, I say! I also like Ape and Lange and Law School LS more than Dut and Cakes and Iceman and Wiggy and two years of Damman (and probably others that I’m not remembering because fuck ‘em). I would also recommend Ball State -10.5 @ Akron and I do not recommend taking the RedHawks +25 @ Ohio U. You might want to go the other way.

Well, hey there, Mr. Ace is on FIRE with his Hammers of the Week (now at a robust 6-10 on the season!!!). Don’t you guys worry, we’re going to see just how bad this man’s picks are all the way through the end of the season. He is not going to be allowed to quit early on us. We need to see when he hits rock bottom.
I don't even think I need explanations any more.
NCAA: Penn State/Fuckeyes OVER 55.5. IU put up 40+ against Penn State’s defense and Michigan did about the same. The Fuckeyes defense is bad. These two things should mean points, which means the score will be 3-2.
NFL: Cleveland/KC UNDER 39.5. Kansas City might break 20. Maybe. The only way this goes over is with two or more defensive TD's...which is pretty much a guarantee since I picked it.
Moneyline: FUCK YOU CAKES (The Raiders will beat the Steelers and I think there is some value in ML Maryland)

That will do it for this week. Feel free to pat me on the back some more for owning Iceman in that argument we had over Brady and Spiller. He was wrong. Like usual, I was correct. Brady is barely start-able anymore. And medium-sized ups to Ide for saying that Kaepernick would suck. He probably just thought that because he hates half-breed orphans though. Go Penn State! BEAT OU!

41 comments:

Mr. Ace said...

Blockbuster trade in the msfl between the greatest commish ever and the 2nd worst. Boykin better get the rock like I think he will.

Betting is bad. Hundley shat on my chest and n the kc game basically exactly what i thought would happen happened, but then kc couldn't score. Very disappoint.

I have about 9 players on bye in the ldfl... not much I can do there.

I still like my team in the msfl. Rodgers, charles, marshall and now moreno and boykin is a solid group. And if Donald Brown can officially take over for TRich in Indy then that league is mines.

Anonymous said...

Superbowl preview this week in G$FL when the two top ranked and top scoring teams face off. I have a bye and an injury leaving me with another fucking Redskin in my corps, but rest assured PeyPey gon make it up.

I was wrong on Montee Ball. But NO ONE saw Moreno coming.

LFL might be over for us. Julio and Reggin Wayne going down really hurts. MSFL we are looking good and can make a run. Drafting Megatron and Julio was an ELITE play. Having the faggot as our qb is less than optimal though.

My reasoning that RBs being next to useless to take in the top rounds has been roundly proven. Shout out to Iceman for being completely wrong entirely. Wheelz should leave you for blatantly lying in your wedding program. Should be breach of contract.

Ide

Nate said...

I may have gotten the worst value and the best value player in the draft this year.

$64 for Adrian Peterson

$1 for Philip Rivers

GMoney said...

I'd rather spend $64 on AP than $1 on Chris Johnson.

Stop bragging about Tron and Julio. AJ and Dez are currently #1 and #2 in WR points. They are on The BRAHS where they belong.

I wouldn't say that NO ONE saw Moreno coming because he was pretty good the last month or two of last season. It's just that morons OVERRATED Montaaaaaaaayyyyy.

You know what's annoying? Bitstrips or whatever those little cartoon things are that people are flooding FB with.

Jeff said...

Montee is a scrub, but an undefeated scrub at that. You're right that we don't compare in the LFL since I'm undefeated and you're not! '72 Dolphins here I come!

Anonymous said...

The good receiver on shitty team rule should be an iron clad lock.

Vincent Jackson is your living, breathing proof.

Rusty Dubs 4 Lyfe!

GMoney said...

I've just never understood how someone could say "Doug Martin is the #3 RB this year!" or whatever. Did these people really think that the Bucs would be grinding down a lot of second half clocks this year? Fuck that.

Jeff, I'll let that slide because you relied on a 7 passing TD performance to "not lose" to me (probably done with illegal goo on your glove just sayin'). But I will not let that happen again. Know this: I will kill you if we meet in the playoffs. I won't just win. I will murder you and Joe Jacoby's whore daughter.

Prime99 said...

Arian has been disappointing, but at 5-2, I'm still doing fine. I'm laying in the weeds ready to pounce on the Sex Cannon when he takes over the Skins and helps me run the table in the playoffs!

I ended up with Roddy White in far too many leagues. 3 of my teams are good, one of my teams blows bi guys.

The Iceman said...

Running backs crap it one year and everyone thinks you don't need RBs to win is the rule now. I'm done arguing this. It's like trying to convince Ide that blacks and women are equal to white men. RBs will make a comeback next year or the year after. Fantasy football is very trendy.

Drafted my fantasy basketball team last night. Sad to report I have at least one Cavalier on my team.

GMoney said...

Answer this, Iceman: Exactly what are you seeing in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE that tells you that we are going to see more smash MOUF football in the future? The rules of the game encourage a fuck-ton of passing and the truly good teams don't seem to give a fuck about running the ball that much.

I stick by my story that big time QB is the way to go.

Remember Trade Watergate in the LFL where Lange and Dut threw around their vagina weight to fuck the league over? Yeah, Dut dealt Gordon and Knowshon (along with Navajo Sam LOL) for Kaep and Colston. NICE TRADE, DUT!!! SO BAD.

Anonymous said...

The battle between Ide and I promises to be fierce this weekend. I don't like going against Peyton when he's going against the Redksins tho.

Getting Jamaal Charles toward the end of the 1st round in the G$FL was quite the steal.

Everyone should hope that I win though as then Ide will be in 2nd place and G$ will be one step closer to Twitter.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

G$ lost to Burke last week in hilarious fashion. I think he can already lock his name down now. He is truly terrible at snake drafts.

I will also lose next week as Peyton is on a bye, and I will lose Monteeeee Ball as well. Meanwhile Helu Jr. sits on my bench with the knowledge that if I bite and put him in, he will do nothing.

Fuck Shanahan.

Ide

The Iceman said...

This has been a passing league for quite some time, G$. It's not like all of these rules popped up overnight. Running backs still get carries and teams still need to run the ball to be successful and keep defenses honest. And Doug Martin played on the same shitty team last year. MJD has never played in a playoff game. The Vikings are trash and have been for the majority of AP's career. If a running back is good then a running back is good. How shitty the rest of his team is shouldn't matter as much as you say it should.

GMoney said...

TB was like 7-9 last year...shitty but not that shitty. Just admit that you are a failure and a wedding program liar.

You still want RBs on good teams and, for the most part, avoid RBs on teams with awful QBs. That's just basic fantasy-ing. Guys like Charles and Lynch are going to get the rock in the second half.

You're dumb. I smart. In fact, I just discovered how cats can talk to spiders.

GO IDE? That doesn't feel good to say. If I can't beat Juan Negro this weekend, then I should just join Twitter now.

Robot word: ownsmex. I own all the Mexicans.

Prime99 said...

Drew, you should've included in the bet that G$ has to join Twitter AND you get to pick his twitter handle. @mylittleponyredskinfag is probably available, no?

GMoney said...

STEP OFF, BRAH!

The Iceman said...

Avoid all almost all RBs with awful QBs he says. G$ says avoid Adrian Peterson every year, you guys! And avoid 6 of the top 10 fantasy running backs from last year! And 6 of the top 10 fantasy running backs from the year before that!

Great advice.

GMoney said...

Win something, "Dominator". Win anything. LOL U.

I'm not saying that you should avoid them like Ide at the Million Man March. I am saying that the cost to get RBs on god awful teams doesn't make sense to me. And I win so OBVZ I'm right.

Anonymous said...

Damnit, Prime....you are right! I should have done that and G$ TOTES probably would have agreed, since I'm all sorts of awful every year at fantasy football.....just not this year apparently.

Yahoo! projects me to beat Ide 74-71.....that is a heavyweight bout right there.

G$....Washington Bravehearts? TMZ SAYS IT MAY BE COMING! http://www.tmz.com/2013/10/25/washington-redskins-name-change-bravehearts-dan-snyder-aris-mardirossian/

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Dominator needs to give it a rest. He is wrong.

I just looked again, and they gave Drew an extra 3 points today. I may have to toggle a few players to be projected ahead. Aaron Hernandez has done the Lord's work as a motivator on my team.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Ide...I swapped in NO defense (against BuffaLOL)...that gave me some points.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Shut up fags. Let's talk about how I fleeced Lange in the MSFL!!!

I went into this year with Shady and and Charles as my top two RBs because of usage/versatility and offense they played in. I have never targeted AD and probably never will. I want value. I could pay 65 for AD or pay 83 for Shady and Charles. This is the same reason I really wanted Gio Bernard, but just couldn't make it happen. VALUE N WORDS.

QB is completely different. I shelled out big money in Rodgers because u NEED a top 5 qb in a 6 pt TD league to be a real contender. I am not nearly as interested in a "value" at qb.

Top RBs=/=Top QBs

GMoney said...

Shut up, fag, why don't you talk about the Rockets odds of winning in AIDStown tomorrow?

Drew supports TMZ.

A top flight receiver(s) is more valuable to me than a runnin' black.

Mr. Ace said...

You already talked about that, fag. I don't know if Fluellen or whatever our RBs name is is healthy this week. But UT has a freshman RB named Hunt who looked really good last week. Name one good thing that has resulted from BG? Exactly. Fags

GMoney said...

Great point. Nothing good has ever come from BG.

BEAT THE LEAFS! They can't even use proper plurals! Let's make it 3 in a row!

Brady said...

Just got back from my Wifes Grandmothers funeral (hence my lack of commenting for the last few days). I was chosen to be a pall bearer and her uncle almost dropped the casket. It was an ELITE moment in funeral history.



GMoney said...

Hurry and make up for lost time. Read Iceman's comments today and call him a shitbag. He's probably cleaning the attic like a bitch.

The Iceman said...

You say avoid RBs who have shit QBs handing it off. Yet the last 2 years (probably more than that if I cared to check) 6 of the top 10 fantasy RBs had terrible QBs. You make zero sense.

The Iceman said...

Next you'll probably tell everyone to avoid AJ Green because Dalton is shit. Or avoid Rodgers because his Oline is terrible.

GMoney said...

I've grown tired trying to help you not be the worst at the game you apparently dominate. If you want to spend 2/3 of your cap on Peterson and Ray Rice, then be my guest. You will keep losing as usual.

Everyone else seems to be seeing the light that I shine except for you. RBs are a crap-shoot and they get injured at a higher rate. You know who isn't a crap shit? Rodgers. Brees. Pey Pey. Tron. Dez. Green. B-Marsh. Kai Forbath.

So yes, I am now officially on #TeamDontDraftRBsHigh. And definitely don't overpay for them.

The Iceman said...

I don't spend 2/3 of my cap on RBs. Never do. But I do place value on them in a snake draft.

60% of top 10 fantasy RBs have terrible QBs. Avoid them. - G$

GMoney said...

I did not say that. In Demetrius Stanley's personal opinion (becoming a dated reference), everyone has a price but RBs with bad QBs aren't going to be on my radar much. If you want to go balls deep with Doug Martin, that's fine, but don't come whining in my comment section when he scores two touchdowns all year because TB is constantly down by 35.

There is more risk taking ya boy, Spiller, than there is with Jordy Nelson.

Also, Larry Fitzgerald is the exception because he is always on dog shit teams and never gets the ball. Probably because he lost to Toledo in college that one year. He is still being punished.

The Iceman said...

More risk in Spiller? Disagree. Even in a split role he's gonna touch the rock, what? 15 times minimum? Jordy Nelson gets 6 receptions a game, maybe? And less than that when Green Bay is at full stremph at WR. There's just more opportunity for Spiller to do something with his touches. Volume, right?

There isn't a correlation between talent of QB and production of RB. If anything recent stats show that u want to target RBs who HAVE shit QBs. The last 2 years 6 of the top 10 fantasy backs have had awful QBs. I'm sure years before the last 2 aren't far off either. MJD had some of his most productive seasons playing on a team that has consistently picked in the top 5 since he's been a part of it while chucking out a hilarious QB every week. My point is that talent is talent. You're either good or you're not regardless of the talent surrounding you.

GMoney said...

Give me 6 touches with GB over 15 touches with the goddamn Bills any day. Are you listening to your fingers type such fucktardery?

The Iceman said...

So you would rather attempt to catch lightning every week on Green Bay rather than play volume on a bad Buffalo team. Got it. Dumb. Have fun predicting which weeks Nelson is gonna have more than 3 catches for 22 yards.

Anonymous said...

Jordy Nelson via yahoo - 48 points
CJ Spiller - 18
Fred Jackson - 47
Dominator - 0

Ide

Anonymous said...

Here is a little bonus gambling advice for those of you who read this site after 5 on Friday...
1.Tennesseein is tennebelieven +28.5. The folks from rocky top keep it within that margin & likely lose by less than 20.
2.The over in the OSU/psu game has been mentioned already, but this feels like a real lock...56. The Buckeyes might get to 40 themselves
3.Baylor -33.5 over kansas. I would bet on baylor if this spread were 45 too

Good luck! Gamblor

Go Bucks!!

Buke (Burke)

The Iceman said...

Don't worry about factoring in Spiller missing time and Nelson not. Keep skewing it to your favor. It's all good.

Anonymous said...

Yes, you're correct. You should never take into consideration injury history. Which those Bills RBs have plenty. You're a rock star.

Ide

The Iceman said...

Cause jordy's an IRON MAN. Good story.

GMoney said...

It's pointless trying to talk sense into a mental defective but Nelson was maybe a FOURF round pick at best and is tripling the production (consistently I might add) of who you considered the #3 RB this year.

So yeah, a 4th round receiver is thrice better than a first round RB that you recommended.

You lost. Again.