Thursday, October 10, 2013

We All Bleed Green And Yellow

Chinawoman
I don’t really have anything planned for today unless you want to talk about concussions (and you do not) so I thought that we could discuss the MLB playoffs for a little while as we wait for the final division series to be settled tonight. The stakes are obscenely fucking high tonight for all of us. I’d much rather spend the rest of the month just rooting against Jeff than having to spread out my hate to many different pieces of human garbage. Let’s throw out a few baseball hot takes (not to be confused with “Hot Cakes” which is when BradyCakes eats a McDonald’s Big Breakfast off of another man’s genitals).

Fuck the Braves – In either game one or game two in ATL, Larry Jones was to throw out the first pitch. None of the current Braves came out of the clubhouse to support him so he threw his pitch to the mascot. They were mad because Larry picked the Dodgers to win the series in 4 games. What a bunch of pussies. How dare he be 100% correct!

Kershaw on 3 days rest – I didn’t care for this move at the time and still think it was really and unnecessarily risky. I get the idea of wanting to end the series as early as possible but still. Asking dudes to do something in the playoffs that they have never ever done has never seemed like a smart idea to me. Oh well, the Dodgers are still going to win the pennant.

LOL Indians still – As a reminder, they scored the same amount of runs in the “playoffs” this year as the Astros did. And Seal is a cocksucker. Have a good bachelor party weekend though, bro-heeeeeeeem!

Fuck David Price – This guy is a douche. Two of the TBS analysts correctly call him out as being awful in game 2 and his response was to attack their playing career and lack of playing on Twitter. This goes back to what I talked about yesterday: just because someone didn’t play at the top level does not mean that they have no idea what they’re talking about. The Rays are going to trade Price this offseason. I hope that it is to the Nippon Ham Fighters. What a douche lord.

Relying on Young Power Arms – I am a big fan of this trend. It seems like a lot of teams are going to with heat over experience and it is TOTES the way to go. Between Michael Wacha, Gerrit Cole, Danny Salazer, and Sonny Gray, putting big arms in big spots is the right decision. Just because AJ Burnett has been there before doesn’t mean that he’s going to get people out. In fact, I KNOW that Burnett isn’t going to get any outs. At the time of me writing this, it sounds like Bob Melvin is leaning toward starting Bartolo Colon tonight which is a huge mistake. START GRAY! And if he already decided to do that, GOOD JOB PICKING GRAY!

Steroids – Yeah, they served their time but I still have a problem with Nelson Cruz and Jhonny Peralta making postseason rosters. It just doesn’t sit right. It’s going to bring bad karma eventually. That being said, Go Bartolo and Go A-Rod!!!

Come on, Athletics – You bunch of no-namers can do it. Jut Verlander has been average at best all year. He’s due for a shitty start. Just wait him out and he will fold. HE MUST FOLD. You have the power to make Ide and Galinski proud once more! End this bullshit. Send those rubes back to the hills where they belong. No one wants them here anymore. And if you fall short and thus choke against these guys again (although this would probably be the first choke technically), we will all blame Cakes for putting a curse on you. Which he TOTES did and has yet to apologize for. There will be plenty of time to run smack when it’s officially over. Don’t jump the gun and ruin it for everyone.

In conclusion, GO OAKLAND! CARRY THE FLAG! YOU ON! Fuck You, Cakes! FUCK DUT! SLOW SEAL! GIVE IT A REST!

44 comments:

GMoney said...

You're not going to believe this after what we talked about yesterday...

I'm walking the dog after work last night and at the end of our street, a 100 pound or so boxer gets free and comes over to us. They do a little dance with each other and the owners corral the beast. We finish the walk and whatever but I see blood on the carpet soon after. I inspected the dog quickly and, yep, he's got about a two inch long gash on his back. He didn't yelp or anything so I had no idea and he walked just fine. It was almost like he had no idea that his back was split open. He acted completely normal. Iron tough like his old man OBVZ.

After reviewing the situation with Z's wife (works at a vet), it was decided to take him to the dog ER in Hilliard to get stitched up. They were busy and under-staffed so he had to stay the night. We just picked him up. He will be wearing a cone for the next two weeks. He looks ridiculous.

We got back from the ER around 10 last night and I walked down to my neighbors (who own the criminal boxer) to tell them what happened, but all the lights were off already. I WILL be discussing this with them today. I won't be forcing them to reimburse us. Any decent person would so this will be a character test. But I want to let them know that they absolutely can not let their dog out free ever because this stuff can happen no matter HOW BIG OF A SWEETIE HE IS.

A dog is a dog. Even when they're being playful, bad shit can happen. I have a conehead to prove it.

Can we please stop foreshadowing my life in the comments here? If not, let's talk about that winning lottery ticket of mine.

Mr. Ace said...

#dogproblems My parents dog, a 120 lb polar bear/german shepherd was about a foot awaiting from getting bear maced yesterday apparently. UPS man was running up to the door, literally running, Sampson was outside with my dad. I guess my dad had his back turned to the UPS man and Sampson was coming in for the protect/kill shot. My dad noticed it happening just in time and yelled at Sampson to stop and he did. The Ups guy told my dad he had one more foot and he was getting maced. So the lesson is don't creep on my old man unless you have mace and an extra pair of drawwwwwws.

Baseball is the worst. But if the Tigers win...it will be the worst worst. #FUCKYOUCAKES

Jeff said...

Is it legal to tazer an off leash dog? Should be. Bitches dig scars though.

Hopefully both managers got tips from Joe Maddon and use their whole bullpens. See ya in Boston, BRAHS!

Grumpy said...

How oblivious do you have to be to not see your dog get bitten? I say shoot the boxer and Mr. Ace just for good measure.

The Iceman said...

The end of this blog today felt like the grand finale at a fireworks show.

I hope Cakes gives the A's the kiss of death on Facebook again today.

I know we talk about NFL on Mondays but I need to get this off my chest. Only because I'm a Julio Jones owner. I would love to know the answer to this question: How in THEEEE fuck does a guy break his foot towards the end of a game, finish that game with a broken foot, after the game tell reporters the pain isn't so bad that he can't play through it, then goes to have season ending surgery two days later? That whole process over the last two days has been so fucking confusing. And infuriating.

Anonymous said...

Iceman, being an ELITE free point rainmaker like yourself, you should know that foot injuries get exponentially worse once you take your shoes off and cold air gets to it. I'm assuming thats what happened with Julio. That said, I built 2 teams around him and thats fucked. However, I picked up Harry Douglas in both leagues, who, apparently, is second in targets behind Jones and in front of Gonzales. Let's hope he can step in.

Sonny Gray > Verlander. Just because of the ilk around here that like Detroit, I believe that I am ALL IN and will actually watch a game of baseball. Good thing that I have that ELITE Bash Brothers shirt from Homage. But, if they lose, FUCK YOU CAKES.

Ide

The Iceman said...

I get that, Ide. But he said on Tuesday that the pain isn't something he couldn't play through. That was a full day after the injury happened. How do you go from, "Yeah...I can play through it" to "Yeah...my season's over" in less than 24 hours? It's just bizarre.

I don't have the Douglas faith that you do. Keep in mind that Douglas replaced Jones in the starting lineup in the past because of injury and was underwhelming to say the least. I guess the only positive is that Matt Ryan has to throw to someone since the running game is total ass.

Brady said...

Sorry I have been absent. I know all of you have missed my HOT CAKES these last few days. Mrs. cakes and I have been furiously looking for a new house for numerous reasons. The biggest of which is that her mother lives in the Mother-in-law apartment at the back. She has had a tough year and we were happy to help but when she said that she wasn't leaving, that was gods (LOL) way of telling me that it was time to move.

I'm happy to report I am now a COUNTRY BOY! We just agreed to live in a sweet house just outside of BG that sits on 2.5 acres! I'm beyond excited. Mostly because I get to purchase a badass riding lawn mower in the spring. There is nothing manlier than haggling with some
overall-wearing hillbilly about my new GRASS MACHINE. I look forward to winning that intellectual battle.

On to baseball. I'm soooo happy that the people of Pittsburgh are sad this morning. It was a fun ride but now here is nothing left to do but focus on your horrible football team. Eat shit, Pittsburgh.

I will not be posting any predictions on the Kittens game tonight. The backlash I received last time convinced me that I'm too powerful to be throwing my weight around on social media. I'll just sit back and enjoy the LOL at the end of the game.

Jeff said...

You realize that your team is ass and you aint catching the Saints or getting a wild card and rather than play through it and make it worse, you bite the bullet and come back better next year. Plus Brian Robiske is a very viable replacement. LOLS

Pretty sure he broke the screw that was put in his foot before being drafted.

GMoney said...

Cakes, do all of us a favor and root for the Tigers tonight. Root hard for them. This will work. GO A'S!!!

Mothers-in-law must always be treated like garbage. There is no other way.

Why hasn't anyone complimented me yet on the Hot Cakes sex act? I think that was the greatest thing I've ever written.

I just went down and talked with the boxer owner. He knew exactly why I was there even before I introduced myself. I doubt that he pays the full $700 that we dropped this morning, but I'd bet we get at least half.

UPDATE THAT IS NOT NECESSARY: He said that he would pay for all of it but would need to do so on a payment plan. I don't want that. I accepted half of the bill instead. Transaction has been completed. I win?

GMoney said...

Also, he is taking the boxer to the pound today (he had been thinking about it for awhile but this was the final straw). Absolutely not what I wanted but that isn't my decision and at least that's one less dog that wants to eat mine.

Anonymous said...

No, you lose. You still own a beagle that just became the neighborhood bitch. All the other dogs know that they can attack it and receive no punishment.

A just retribution would have included a baseball bat and Fido the boxer's hind parts. Or what Grumpy said.

Fuck me, my building just started a fire drill and is pouring outside. Fucking Bolsheviks.

Ide

The Iceman said...

I understand you get surgery, rehab and come back better next year, Jeff. Just don't fuck with my emotions and tell me you can play through a broken foot.

Anonymous said...

Grumpy with the drive-by cheap shot at G$.

I love Boxers...great dogs...too bad that owner sucked too much to be able to train it. That is nice that he forked over $ 350 tho.

UPDATE on my situation. I was just out walking Barley when I encountered one of the neighbors that I met the other night as he was leaving for work. He said he figured out who it was and scared the guy shitless last night. He said they are two pit bull pups that are owned by a Middle Eastern doctor at the end of the street (terrorist). The doctor had them out last night on a leash like he always does, but his wife doesn't take them out on a leash because "she wants them to run" LOLZ. My dude was awesome and imbellished the shit out of it "his dog might be dead". He also told the guy that he's got a little toddler that he brings over to play in that park and there were going to be some big problems if he ever sees the dogs without a leash again. He said the guy looked like he was about to faint by the end of the conversation...also admitted that he was wife told him something happened but that "it wasn't a big deal". His best line this morning..."These people that don't use leashes think they are fucking Jack Hannah's or something".

Baseball...that was some serious faggotry by the Braves.

I liked the Kershaw move, just because I think he's the best pitcher in the league this season.

I liked the Scherzer usage out of the bullpen better. Fuck using Al Albuquerque when you can bring out Max Scherzer. Him getting out of the bases loaded, no out jam in the 8th was ELITE as fuck and the most intense moment of the playoffs so far.

Go Tigers! Go Verlander!

--Drew

The Iceman said...

I honestly have to say that's quite the generous move, G$. Turning down an offer to pay for the entire vet bill is not something a lot of people would do. It's shocking to see such high moral compass out of pretty big turd such as yourself.

The Iceman said...

"Him getting out of the bases loaded, no out jam in the 8th was ELITE as fuck and the most intense moment of the playoffs so far."

There is nothing ELITE about unfucking a situation you are totally responsible for.

GMoney said...

Payment plans with your neighbor sounds like a fucking awful idea to me. I'll take half and be done with it.

OK, Grump, maybe I could have been a little more self-aware but we were running down the sidewalk at Usain Bolt like speed and the boxer was already halfway across the street by the time I saw him. I tried to play great defense while protecting the rock (mah boy) but he got a swipe in nonetheless. It was a total foul.

Ide, how did I lose? I got paid AND that dog is gone. If anything, we showed not to fuck with us unless you like living in a cage.

Great line about people thinking that they are Jack Hannah. Those people deserve to be treated like Steve Irwin.

Scherzer's 8th inning was maddening. ELITE jam getting out of, but pissed me off.

GMoney said...

Back to baseball, Cardinals/Dodgers should be an incredible series. Which is great considering that Tigers/Red Sox is the worst.

Anonymous said...

Iceman....I know you don't follow baseball, so I won't blame you for your opinion. But, the Tigers did an intentional walk to load up the bases purposely to get a double play after two men got on. It was ELITE as fuck and only someone with talent like that could get out of. The baseball junkies were cumming through their fingertips when they broke down how he went through those three batters.

Yeah Ide...I don't see how G$ lost. I wouldn't be doing the payment plan either...so, he got a nice chunk of change and all the dogs on the block now know that if you fuck with his dog you're just going to vanish.

--Drew

Brady said...

I think G$ made out as well. His dog is the Keyser Soze of the animal kingdom. The rest of the muts on the block better take notice.

It does suck that the guy decided to take the dog to the pound. Hey asshole, you made a commitment to this dog. You can't just give up and return him to the pound where he is probably going to die. Not a good look, bro.

I'm rooting HARD for the Tigers tonight. That should do the trick.

Sounds like Megatrons' pussy is still hurting him. I hope he tries to play against our ELITE defense. I don't want any excuses come Monday morning.

Anonymous said...

I wrote that comment before the pound statement was posted. However, you live in Grove City, so dog violence (of course there's dog violence there) or not, you still lose. Oh, and there's a cone around your dogs neck.

I am slated to get 71 points in G$FL this week. That has to be the biggest projection of all time. Drew, do me a favor and lose. I still want you to beat G$ (though, him on twitter could be insufferable), but I want you a couple games back of my ELITE locomotive of a team.

Ide

Anonymous said...

"I liked the Scherzer usage out of the bullpen better. Fuck using Al Albuquerque when you can bring out Max Scherzer."

Of course you liked it, moron, it worked out and you won. But now you dont have him to start game 5... So if Verlander loses tonight I have a feeling you might feel a little different on the above statement.

"There is nothing ELITE about unfucking a situation you are totally responsible for."

Thank you iceman for making Drew look like an idiot before I had to.

Seal

Anonymous said...

LOLZ @ Slow Seal...I'm never going to bitch about Verlander pitching in a Game 5. He hasn't given up a run in his last three games....AND in his last three postseason games against the A's. I'm pretty sure he's an alright option tonight. Also, LOLZ at you siding with Iceman. Have you bought your tickets for the Trent Richardson HOF induction yet?!?! LOLZ.

"Not a good look bro"...I liked that line.

If Megatron is a "pussy" for being a gametime decision, I wonder what that makes Peyton Hoyer for being a 2014 decision.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

A's are starting Sonny. A couple of my friends are going, but I'm stuck at work. I'm hoping they win, but I'll likely be watching the game with most INTs of all time tonight.

All this dog business is cray. Taco's van being renamed "Heavy Petting" was very appropriate based on Iceman's comment yesterday.

G$- great job on the HOT CAKES sex act.

The Iceman said...

"Iceman....I know you don't follow baseball, so I won't blame you for your opinion. But, the Tigers did an intentional walk to load up the bases purposely to get a double play after two men got on"

So the walk and double that Scherzer gave up with zero outs in order to require that intentional walk was....what? Not his fault? I say again...thanks a ton, guy, for getting the team out of a situation you were directly responsible for. An ELITE situation would be Scherzer coming in and mowing down 3 straight batters with nasty cheese. Not loading the bases and then deciding it was time to get serious. Come on, Drew. Don't get punked by a guy who doesn't watch baseball.

GMoney said...

I thought it was a dumb move to keep Scherzer in at the time but it worked so whatevs. Then again, if I was Leyland, I would forfeit because America hates my team.

The League was awful last night. IASIP was terrific. YAKUZA! Frank's daydream of pounding gas station hot dogs was ELITE.

The Iceman said...

"The League was awful last night"

Uhhhhhh, try every night.

Anonymous said...

Iceman....it's about dialing back and getting something. It was ELITE as fuck. Pitchers put people on base....pitchers don't get out of situations like that.

Let's say Michigan is playing Ohio State. Michigan is up 4 with a few minutes left (LOLZ) and Ohio State is driving and gets a 1st down inside the five. Michigan stops them on downs (LOLZ again). That becomes a legendary stop...you aren't bitching because the defense let them get close. They got out of it in a humongous pressure filled situation.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Sonny Gray, SON! He has never even gotten into any trouble.

If the A's do lose tonight which I fully expect them to do, it is because Ide is a loser.

Brady said...

I'm toying with the idea of openly cheering for the Tigers on Facebook. I'll pretty much do anything to get them to lose tonight.

I've also got to start interviewing potential employees in a few minutes. Is it against the law to ask applicants their sports team allegiances and openly discrimanate against them based on their answers?

Anonymous said...

Brady...I do not believe that is against the law.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Can the International House of BradyCakes afford to discriminate against all the Steelers and Tigers fans looking for a dishwashing gig?

J from JBeanie

Anonymous said...

I always pictured him as a real go getter in the Amway business. Or maybe CutCo knives.

Ide

The Iceman said...

Define irony. Cakes moves to the country after ripping on Tigers fans all his life for being country hillbillies. If he openly roots for Detroit on Facebook tonight you'll know it's because he really wants them to win and has changed affiliations. Hayseeds stick together.

The Iceman said...

It was fun to watch Scherzer get out of that jam, Drew (I actually did watch it). I'll give you that. But a guy who is a Cy Young favorite should have never put himself in that situation to begin with. I realize pitchers put people on base, but I expect better one inning command out of a guy who is supposed to be one of the best pitchers in baseball.

Anonymous said...

How stupid is this VT/Tennessee football game inside a race car stadium? I mean...I realize Dut will go...but, the views will be horrendous. It makes no sense to me why anyone would go to this football game.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

"How stupid is this VT/Tennessee football game inside a race car stadium? I mean...I realize Dut will go..."

LULZ....and yes.

Brady said...

"A real go getter in the Amway business" might be the funniest thing I've read all week.

When have I said Tigers fans are country hillbillies, Ice? That description has always been for Steeler fan (appalachian Mountains) and Michigan fan (the parts of the stadium that are actually filled have lots of camo in them). Tiger fans are just poor and addicted to crack. BIG difference.

We'll see what tune you are singing when we are riding ATV's and shooting guns on my expansive rural property, Ice. COUNTRY LIVING!!!

GMoney said...

No one embraces the greatness of BRISTOL more than Dut. I miss the stories of him being in love with Carl Edwards.

Tigers fans are not a protected class so they are definitely disqualified from your employ.

Move over, Brett Favre, because Cakes is the new Land Baron!

They've cost me the last two weeks but I'm going back to the Bears well again this evening at -7. The Giants should be getting Jags-like points.

Anonymous said...

Fantasy advice... for my "other" league...

Do you start Cutler against the Giants tonight on 3 days rest or Kaepernick Sunday against the Cards?

Seal

Anonymous said...

Someone talk me out of Cutler, because right now he is my obvious choice...

Prime99 said...

G$- STOP CAKES-ING MY TEAM!!!!!!! #causedbyg$

The Iceman said...

I would honestly go with Catler on this one. Kaepernick has been mud butt all year and the Giants are the 2nd worst team in the NFL behind Jacksonville...man it feels good not to say "behind Cleveland".

But for realz...go with The Cat.

GMoney said...

I loathe playing guys on Thursday but you sort of have to. Catler only plays the Giants once. You must take advantage of that.