Friday, October 18, 2013

This Post Is Opting Out Early

We’re still a week or so away from the big NBA season preview post that we do around here (yes, Ice, you’re doing this again) but something happened the other day that I just can’t ignore. Carmelo Anthony has let it be known that he will be opting out of his contract with the Knicks after this season’s forthcoming season of continued underachievement to test the free agent waters. As he so eloquently puts it, it is every pro athlete’s dream to hit the open market. While I’m sure that this is true, good luck with the NY media and rabid Knicks fans this year, bro. I’m sure that they will be more than supportive of your quest to get paid and mail in a lame duck season while you wait for the Lakers to offer you stupid money to not win. What a dumbass. Carmelo just set himself up for a year of scrutiny and constant negativity. If he thinks that the Denver fans booing him out of town was bad, just wait and see what the Knick faithful have in store for him. And as a reminder, no one handles the media and their PR worse than the superstar professional basketball player. I can’t wait to see how this season shakes out for the Knicks and Carmelo. It is going to be glorious. How about some football analysis though since that is why you showed up today?

I can barely believe that this is true but the biggest game of the entire season takes place tomorrow night in ACC Country as #5 Florida State takes on #3 Clemson. This should be an incredible game. While no one will ever be as exciting as global hero, Johnny Football, Famous Jameis and The Rise of Tajh Boyd are damn close. The winner of this game is almost certainly a lock to play for the title…if they avoid stepping on their dicks the rest of the way (which is probably unlikely considering their histories of choking). The line right now is Florida State -3 which seems insane to me. I am not recommending this as one of my picks, but I like The Fighting Jeffs to hold serve at home. The rest of my picks:

Louisville -12.5 vs. UCF – This game is tonight. After last week’s average showing on national TV against Rutgers, I would expect a much more impressive performance against a solid Golden Knight team.
Akron -7.5 @ Miami – I will be at this game. So will Terry Bowden. I apologize profusely for advising you all to bet on us last week. NEVER AGAIN.
Missour-ah +3 vs. Florida – Florida is fucking rotten. Oh wait, did Mizzou’s QB get hurt last week? He might have. Shit—don’t pick this game.
Northern Illinois -16 @ Central Michigan – The Huskies survived against the Zips last week while the Chips somehow won down in Athens. Thanks for making this line a touchdown closer than it should be!
Notre Dame -3 vs. USC – I’m no Irish fan but even I know that they are more than a field goal better than Ed Orgeron.
Oregon State -11 @ California – This is my lock of the week. Cal sucks.

MAC Glory Hole of the Week (back to .500 at 3-3)…Ball State -19 @ Western Michigan – Western Michigan gets drilled by everyone. BSU won at Virginia by 20 so I’m pretty sure that they can do the same thing in Kalamazoo. What about the pro game?

San Diego -9 @ Jacksonville – The Jags covered last week and there is no way that they can do it two weeks in a row. Plus, this Chargers team is starting to grow on me. I’m not worried about the short week and traveling across the country.
New England -4 @ New York Jets – The Jets already played the Pats close once this year. It won’t happen again.
Kansas City -7 vs. Houston – The Texans are 0-6 ATS this year. This is easy money. Let's see what Mr. Ace and his FOOLPROOF SYSTEM have in store for us this week...

1-1 last week. FAU fucked me out a nice moneyline by losing as time expired and the Packers fucked me out of a cover by giving up a 4th and 21!!! 6-8 on the year...FUCK YOU CAKES
NCAA: UCLA +6. I think UCLA is the real deal. They are 5-0 ATS. They have Oregon next week, so they NEED this one. Stanford has been showing some flaws the last two weeks.
NFL: KC -6. Houston is a dumpster fire. They don't know who their starting QB is (UPDATE: CASE KEENUM!!!). And no matter who it is they are turnover prone. KC can get after the QB with 4, is leading the league in sacks and INT's. This is just a horrible matchup for Houston.
Moneyline: UCLA +185, Mizzou +135...and I think IU is at worst a play against Michigan at +250.
Also, I feel obligated to provide this ELITE trend to all the Money Shot Maniacs: When the O/U is set at 73 or above, the home team is covering at a 62% clip. And when the O/U is set at 70 or above the home team is covering 58% of the time. Last week that trend went 3-2. Do with it what you will.

That will do it for this week. The college football season is pretty much half over at this point. I think it’s safe to say that this season sucks cock. The only way that it could redeem itself is with a big, juicy Fuckeye upset loss. Come on, Kirk Ferentz, earn that ridiculously stupid paycheck!  Enjoy the games.


Mr. Ace said...

Holy fuck. Did G$ just go all chalk? Never a good sign.

I can't fucking wait for basketball to get here so I don't have to hear about baseball anymore. #TREYBURKESICK

GMoney said...

Be nice, Ape, and hope that Dut, Drew, JSaul, etc. had an ELITE night in The D last night.

I picked Clemson +3 and Mizzou (new QB is from Kenton! one of the never-ending line of Mauk's!). No chalk, BRAH.

CBJ loss last night was TOTES on BOB. Come on, dude, even Steve Mason thinks that GWG was soft. Boone Jenner = TROOF

Jeff said...

Big one in Death Valley to say the least. I can't believe we're home dogs either. Might as well be bulletin board material. Apparently the fans are going to try and break the newly broken stadium noise record that was just set in Arrowhead last week.

Funny story about Matty Mauk. Dut and I were at the OSU Wiscy game 2 years ago. A guy sitting behind us was bitching the whole game about how Matty Mauk should've been recruited by OSU and that he was waaaayyyy better than Braxton. Every time Braxton missed a throw he would chime in with something like "Matty would've completed that easily" or "Matty doesn't miss throws like that." Guy must've been a diehard Kenton fan or of Mauk kin since it seems like there are billion of them. After Braxton led the game winning drive we just turned around, pointed a laughed at this guy. But maybe this guy was right though, his boy is a starting QB in the mighty ESS EEE SEE now.

Anonymous said...

My betting this week is a bit different. I went with OSU (-17), Georgia (-7) in college, and Denver (-7) in NFL. I think Manning hangs dong on Luck and the Colts this week.

I have nothing to say about that Habs game last night. Ugh.


Nate said...

Louisville -12.5 vs. UCF

Disagree entirely. I think UCF beats the spread. Louisville defense hasn't faced a backfield like Bortles/Johnson yet this year. UCF.

Akron -7.5 @ Miami

Your pick for Miami last week really confused me, considering how down you've been on them all year. Agree on this one. AKRONYMOUS

Missour-ah +3 vs. Florida

Quit being a puss. Take Florida. James Franklin is/was much better thank you're giving him credit for. Mauk should be a decent QB, just not this year. FLORIDA

Northern Illinois -16 @ Central Michigan

Agreed. Shoe in for NI. NORILLA

Notre Dame -3 vs. USC

USC is better than what people give them credit for, but their depth is what makes them unpredictable. I would stay away from any PSU or USC games for that reason. You never know which team will show up.

Oregon State -11 @ California –

Agreed, but OSU really hasn't played anybody this year outside of a directional Washington school (in which they lost). I would take OSU on the spread though, considering they've been rolling as of lately. OSU

GMoney said...

I believe that it is "Maty" and not Matty which is way fucking worse than an already terrible name for a grown man.

We have GOT to get healthy immediately. The flu is ravaging our lines. Once we get everyone back, I volunteer to take Umby out behind R Bar and shoot him in the face.

RED OUT at Yager Stadium tomorrow!!!

Also, Grump is down in SC or on his way which means that he will be fucking his favorite oak tree soon.

GMoney said...

Oregon State just shredded Pirate Leach last week whose team is way better than Cal.

I know that UCF is a good team but Louisville needs to start making statements. Realistic or not, they do have a chance to play for a national title but they need to start crushing the competition.

Anonymous said...

Clemson/FSU should be great TV...not sure who's going to win. If Jameis puts on a show, then his hype is going to reach obscene levels.

Maty Mauk is a faggot.

Grumpy's tree probably has a gloryhole in it.

The game last night kept it from being ELITE, but it was fun. Cakes...stadium looked awesome!


GMoney said...

Drew, can you imagine Tom Hamilton calling that bomb from Napoli? I'm getting rock hard just thinking about it! You probably were waving around one of those jizz rags, queer.

Anonymous said...

My boner is way too big knowing that the two biggest queers on this blog drove to that piece of shit city to see a loss in person.

Go Sox.


GMoney said...

STREMPHy take, Seal!

Anonymous said...

Craig Kempton had a YUGE home run last night.

That was my first ever joke. I don't like it.


The Iceman said...

So at this point should we just be betting on the opposite of what Ace says?

I'm not sure how much people in NY will care about Melo leaving. I know...sounds crazy. They shouldn't care, anyway. If you see how much money the Knicks have wrapped up in Melo compared to the results he's brought, it makes sense for them to let him walk and be happy about it. NY was never winning a title with Melo and now they have a chance to build an actual team behind some pretty decent remaining players.

GMoney said...

You're missing the point. It's not that they would be better off without him (they will), but they don't like being treated like they aren't the best. It's going to be very funny when they lose a few in a row and Spike Lee starts chucking bananas at him or whatever.

The Iceman said...

What I'm saying is if they're smart they won't care and won't treat him any different. But then again...Ide lives is NY so by rule they are all idiots.

GMoney said...

If someone is giving a New Yorker a reason to boo them out of the building then, by God, they're going to give him what he wants.

Ape, using your foolproof system, what are the teams to go with this weekend? I'm mildly intrigued.

Anonymous said...

Slow Seal just said that two queers gave him a boner. LOLZ!


Anonymous said...

I asked around the gym today about Melo. The response was 'fuck him' And 'he Iis just testing the water, he ain't leaving'. They weren't pissed, they just didn't give two shits. But, they will boo the fuck out of him.


Brady said...

I'm betting on CAL to cover. Sure their defense sucks balls but they can light up the scoreboard. This looks like a track meet game.

I like ND to cover as well. USC is the definition of a dumpster fire.

My baseball silence will hopefully end on Saturday.

You're telling me we are only a week away from basketball posts? KILL ME NOW.

Mr. Ace said...

TAMU -13.5, Oregon -39.5, Baylor -33, Fresno St -24.5. Those are all 73+ totals. I think those all look pretty good. 40 is a lot for Oregon...but WASU can't run so they can't slow down the game. Oregon will get a lot of possessions.

The Iceman said...

Basketball posts are the ultimate FUCK YOU CAKES!

I've always said Melo is overrated. He demands the same amount of shots that Jordan did but gets a quarter of the results. They would be much better off taking his salary and getting a couple Klay Thompson type players.

Mr. Ace said...

I just went back through every bet I have made against the spread this year, no moneyline or props included, and I am 50-51. Vegas is slowly bleeding me to death one vig at a time.

Anonymous said...

What kind of shitball site gives a special section on Fridays to a sub .500 gambler. Oh wait....


GMoney said...

Exactly. You just answered your own question. BUT he has a SYSTEM now!!!

Christ, those are 4 games with a ton of points to give. Fuck it, I'll sample THE SYSTEM.

Cakes is betting on Cal's Defense. Holy shit. They gave up 50+ points at home to a garbage black-up QB!

For what Melo makes/will demand, you get about 20 Gody clones. Think about it, Knicks, and then start popping the champagne.

GMoney said...

By the way, DeMarcus's bitch, Skins/Bears is a pick. We're gonna kick your fucking ass. D-Hall > Catler