Tuesday, October 15, 2013

The Worst of Week Six Vol.VII

My new favorite player.
I'm back from north Texas.  Nice place.  Surprisingly very clean.  I ate a fried cuban sandwich roll at the Texas State Fair.  It may have been the most ELITE thing that I've ever eaten.  That Fair is bananas...well, chocolate covered and deep fried bananas.  Cowboys Stadium is something else.  I hated pretty much the entire five hours that I was there, but that building is cray.  I mean, it is INCREDIBLE.  I'm not sure if it was worth dumping a grand or so into a trip in which I got to watch my dipshit team end their season in week 6, but I'm glad that I got to watch a game there.  Let's get going with the worst of the weekend:

Doopy Pantz - Brandon Weeden is just terrible.  There really is nothing else that can be said about him.  It speaks to how awful he is when a shit QB like Bry-Hoy leads them to an impressive 3-0 record while Doopz goes 0-3 with the same roster.  I think that that Hundley kid from UCLA might be a good fit in CLE.  You aren't getting Teddy.  Forget about him.

Joe Banner - If you aren't trying to trade Josh Gordon then why do these trade talks keep getting leaked???  Shut the fuck up.  Let me help you out: Josh Gordon is NOT AVAILABLE.

Joe Haden - Fat Stafford threw for four touchdowns.  Since football is a team game then Haden was clearly poop, Seal.  Way to brag about losing or whatever the fuck that was yesterday.  I can tell you this: when I stood in a cab stand line for 90 minutes on Sunday night after the game and had to listen to every insult hurled my way by Cowboys fans in the donkey-ride/baja shirt line, I wasn't bragging about how we doubled them up in total yards.  Don't be dumb.  GIVE IT A REST.

Everyone not named Joseph Fauria - I love everything about this undrafted rookie tight end.  I am all-in on him being the NFL's version of Mark Madsen.  More insane touchdown dances, please!

Roger Goodell - He was at the game on Sunday night sitting with Bon Jovi for some reason.  They threw his stupid face on the fucking massive video boards and it gave me my first chance to boo him.  I may never get to the NFL Draft so being able to boo Goodell in person made me feel damn good.

Rob Ryan - Poor Wolfman, watching Tom Brady and a bunch of white pieces of shit (LOL Austin LOLlie!) beat him in the final seconds.  He looked like he was going to cry.  I'm sure that some hooker got split open Sunday night.  Also, WHAT THE FUCK, STEVAN RIDLEY?  I bench your ass and NOW you play?

Terrelle Pryor - You know, I think that he might have a future in the league after all.  He has to cut down on his interceptions and his love of getting into 3rd and 48 situations, but I'm starting to believe.  Best Fuckeye of all time!

Adrian Peterson - We all know the story about the son that he just found out about being beaten to death by some truly sick bastard.  He decided to play as I assume the field is a sanctuary for him.  Iceman had a real problem with this apparently because he must be some sort of a grief expert or something.  I don't know why he cared at all.  FagNasty once shit his pants during linemen drills (true story) and still played that Friday night.  Same thing.

Greg Schiano - I can't be the only one who believes that this asshole is the one who unleashed MRSA on his team, can I?  I wonder if Schiano will be the next coach of the RedHawks...

The Green Bay Blackers - James Jones AND Randy Cobb going down!  Time to move COOOOOOOONNNNNNN to WR!

Matt Schaub - Fuck it, I don't care.  I'm completely OK with Texans fans cheering because he got hurt.  Dude is awful.  Do you realize how much it costs to go to NFL teams?  You can't PARK in Dallas for less than FIFTY bucks.  Tickets are over $100.  Beers are ridic.  Then when the game starts, the same assfucker costs you a win every week.  If he sprains his ankle, FUCK HIM and fuck you, too, Brian Cushing.  Now he knows how I feel.  FYI, the Texans are now 0-6 ATS.

Told You So - I told you that the Broncos wouldn't cover.  I told you exactly why, too.  They didn't care.  Plus, Justin Blackmon is a pretty incredible player when he's sober.  He can even make Chad Henne look good.  I'll tell you what: Bridgewater to Black Man is going to be something special.

The Washington Pigdicks - Some years, you just know that it isn't going to happen.  You're terrible in the redzone or you have really poorly timed penalties or the timing is just a little off...it's just something that you can tell will fuck things up every week and ruin your shit.  It's not going to happen for the DC team in 2013.  We beat ourselves on Sunday (as we are doing a lot these days).  Dallas was awful offensively after the opening drive and still put up 31 points.  Our special teams are butt cheeks.  They cost us 17 points.  You can't kick field goals and expect to win.  Hell, the defense was actually GOOD for once!  DeAngelo shut down Dez which is weird to say.  I was happy to see RG3 running again but this is a lost season.  This is a fucking redshirt year and I H8 that.  I should have seen this coming.  The salary cap bullshit penalty was a killer.  I was too busy wearing my REDSKINS-COLORED GLASSES though. 

FANTASY! - I will be suffering my first MSFL loss (thanks for being a Papa John dick-jacker, Peyton).  I took over the division lead in the LFL (where I belong).  Not sure if I'll hold on in the G$FL (REALLY need to) and am dropping to 1-5 in my other league.  Whatever.

I was expecting Cowboys fans to be horrible but they just proved to be terrible (which is slightly better).  It was nice to see such a large Redskins contingent in the stadium even if that contingent was 95% black.  I swear, I am a part of the blackest fan base in the NFL.  And I love it.  I actually will recommend Jerry World to all of you though because it is definitely something that you need to see with your own eyes.  My words or a TV camera can't really do it justice.  But I'm glad to be back in Ohio though.  So happy that I'm about to spend the rest of the day working on my Joseph Fauria dance moves.  Fuck You, Cakes.

41 comments:

Grumpy said...

12-4 is still ALIVE!,

Mr. Ace said...

In the LDFL the only TD scored by my team, including my bench, cane from the Titans defense. I am done with that dumpster fire of a team. Prime did get to enjoy all of Brandon Marshall inside him this week in the MSFL. So at least I got that.

And yes, Seal was super fucking slow yesterday. I will assume it was his massive hangover.

Why are the Redskins/hawks so bad?

I have no fucking clue about the Colts. The Chargers aren't good at all. They probably suck because my LDFL team features Luck, T-Rich, Hilton and Fleener.

Joseph Fauria is the best.

GMoney said...

Why are the Redskins/hawks so bad?

THEY LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING ME!

Anonymous said...

The Cowboys beating the Redskins the day before Columbus Day is hilarious. The main takeaway is how bad it must suck to be Native American.

Weeden depresses me deeply. By the time they get someone capable back there (never), Joe Thomas will blow a knee out and the cycle starts anew. I honestly don't know how a quarterback can be so bad at such a high level. Watch him pass, he stares down his intended receiver THE ENTIRE PLAY. Watch Cameron run a slant and follow Weeden's movement. It's painful. Has he every completed a pass off of a scramble? Not to our team at least.

Haden is a beast, but so is our defense. I love watching Barkevious Mingo play. However, they should be doing Insanity or suicides all day every day since they can only play 3 quarters of defense before they completely run out of energy thanks to our goddamned offense. Actually, just Weeden. Fuck him, seriously.

The booing Schaub thing I can understand. G$ stated it pretty well, especially the cost of going to a game, but cheering that Calais Campbell injury was disgusting. G$ went to San Francisco for a vacation not too long ago, and was in Texas (close enough) this week. He is agent zero for awful behavior and classlessness.

Ide

GMoney said...

The thing in SF was the wave, right? Those fans should be killed for doing that anyway.

By the way, some dumbass Cowboys fan was trying to troll me by doing the indian call thing where you put your hand to your mouth and let loose a scream. You know what I'm talking about? That move is WAY more racist than Redskins.

By the way, back to .500 in the G$FL! I am Fauria-ing all over GSaul's corpse.

Anonymous said...

Well, I'm glad that G$ and Ape already touched on just how derpy Slow Seal was yesterday with this Joe Haden thing. Just an incredibly stupid argument to try and make.

As for the GAME....Brady, Iceman, Ide (eat shit tweet to met half-time = LOLZ) and Slow Seal....hope you enjoyed the dick of the Detroit Lions. Like I told you fools two weeks ago....we were going to win and there was never a doubt about it over those two weeks. We are just better than you...14 points better than you on your home field actually. Bow down to your Detroit overlords cunts. It was hilarious over the last couple of weeks listening to Brady try to tell himself reasons why the Browns were better than the Lions. LOLZ. Browns fans are so stupid. I hope your asses weren't bleeding too much when we finally pulled out at the end of the second half.

One day Tony Gonzalez will be telling his grandkids about how good he was, but explain how they need to watch highlights of Joseph Fauria to really see the GOAT TE.

--Drew

GMoney said...

The best part about Fauria is that he has like 6 total catches this year and 5 touchdowns. Dude is a touchdown magnet. Actually, the best part about Fauria is his N*Sync dance moves.

Drooler rules, Browns...uh, drool.

Jeff said...

We're back in it, Grump!!

LOLS, no we're not. Talk to me at Thanksgiving and if we're within a game a of first, then maybe. All steeler draft picks going forward should be used on O-linemen because half of them suck and the other half get hurt.

Anonymous said...

Shocking that the Browns fans would avoid today....shocking.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I came to play. We won't have a chance with Weeden. It's insane how bad he is. I can hop up and say that we could/would have won with Hoyer but thats not the case. Weeden is the absolute worst. Id rather have Blaine Gabbert.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

My school went on lock down today and brought in drug dogs. Stupidest fucking thing ever. 9 police units, 7 k9 units, and no plan or targets in mind, just a random sweep. Thats gotta be at least 5k... for fucking weed(I assume these dogs can't actually find pills). And I don't even think they found anything. Dumb.

Thad Lewis > That Matta.

Jeff said...

Brandon Weeden scored 20.7 fantasy points this week. Peyton scored 17.1.

Can't argue against FACTS!

Anonymous said...

Ide...I don't think you mean that about Gabbert...and you did come to play. Congrats on your testicles.

Anybody know what school Ape works at? I've heard a teacher at it matching his description is hiding drugs in his ass that he is dealing to kids.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

TY Hilton can suck my balls.

Saints clock management was pretty terrible to give Brady another chance.

Bears v. Pigskins this week?!

Mr. Ace said...

I work at the school of hard knocks.

GMoney said...

Ape probably works at Afrocentric High School.

Prime, get ready for the Sex Cannon/Golden Arm Bowl! You can probably pencil D. Hall in for at least one pick since he owns The Cat.

Browns fans are yellow (pronounced yell-uh).

Anonymous said...

Braaaaaaaady....helloooooo? Slooooooow Sealll.....helllooooooooo? Icemannnn....helloooooooooooo?

Yelluh.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

You can cut the sexual tension in the air. I can feel in my plums...

The Cat is different this year! I heard it over and over from the Thursday Night Football crew when they were slobbin' B Marsh's knob!

Anonymous said...

How many posts would the Browns fans have made here today if they had won on Sunday? Easily 20-30. What a bunch of pussies. G$...I'm sorry the Lions cost you site hits today, but we're probably better off without Cakes and Slow Seal spitting their nonsense here anyways.

--Drew

GMoney said...

They will probably make up some homo excuse like "work" for being pansies today. But we all know differently. They just aren't smart enough to comment here.

Anonymous said...

Ape works at Hilliard. They pulled that same shit twice a year when I went. To my knowledge no one got caught because they had the drugs on their person. Milkbones didn't work as many had thought.

Ide

GMoney said...

By the way, Icequeer, Tom Brady is tied for 16th in QB fantasy points. CJ Spiller probably isn't in the top 100 among RBs. Point? Never be on #TeamIceman.

The Iceman said...

Just getting caught up...had a meeting today.

AP playing after his son dying just seems fucked up to me. It gives the impression that you really don't give a shit about that kid.

Browns are shit with Weeden. I've never waivered from that statement. I'm also pretty sure I never said we were going to win that game. Go find out for me Drew...since you're so good at researching previous posts from days/weeks/months ago. I believe what I said was that our defense would keep us in it. Which is exactly what happened until the 4th quarter when everyone was out of gas since Weeden is the 3 and out king.

I beat Seal in the biggest pillow fight of the week in the MSFL. Nothing like pretty much your entire team not showing up. Whatevs. I'm still 3-3.

There was a pretty awesome Marmalard reaction after that last Novak FG last night. I have a couple pics posted on Twitter in case anyone cares.

"Shocking that the Browns fans would avoid today....shocking."

Kinda how you avoided Twitter after the Wings busted out of the playoffs last year, Drew? Shut yer hole, Captain Hypocrite.

The Iceman said...

Let's just see how they finish the year, G$. Once Gronk finally locates his balls and starts playing again Brady will be a completely different QB. Spiller on the other hand...yeeeesh. Might have whiffed on that one.

Anonymous said...

Iceman...we've been over this. That hockey game ended up at midnight...I woke up before 6a.m. every day for work. I showed up to the blog that next day...said my congrats to Prime...and also served my ban after that. So, shut your mouf. It's Tuesday and these cunts aren't showing up.

Iceman a couple weeks ago " I fail to see how Drew thinks its such a home run that the Lions will beat the Browns." Open your eyes bitch and you'll see a 14pt victory on the road that exemplified how easy of a "home run" that call was.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I'm assuming a few weeks ago was before Weeden was QB again.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Why would I be afraid to show up? I never said the Browns would win, and never expected them to win considering I bet the lions.

However, I could give two shits what G$'s opinion is on what I said yesterday, as I will stick by it. Drew clearly stated that "megatron will own Haden". He clearly did not. He had 3 catches and no TD's. Haden clearly owned Megatron. I didnt say Haden owned the other recievers (even though your argument of "the defense plays as a team and blah blah blah" is fucking stupid).

I'm not sure what you are digging for from me and Iceman. Never once said the Browns would win (sorry for your luck Brady), and the only shit talking I did was saying the lions suck for trailing a Weeden led football team at any point in a football game.

Much rather be #TeamIceman rather than #TeamGetsOwnedDailyByEveryoneHere

Congrats on your win against the Cleveland Browns.

Seal

Nate said...

"AP playing after his son dying just seems fucked up to me. It gives the impression that you really don't give a shit about that kid."

I get the feeling many NFL players (Cromartie, etc.) look at their kids as a dime-a-dozen. Lose one? What the hell, I'll go out and make another.

Anonymous said...

Ide...it was not before Weeden was named QB again. It was after that...after you backed out of ribs due to the news.

Congrats Slow Seal on Haden doing well against a guy that played a third of his normal snaps...and Haden still had two PI calls on him. You trying to ignore your loss and turn it into a game of one on one is what G$ called you out for you dolt. You can't act like your favorite team didn't lose and talk shit about how one player did..so dumb fo real. If Megatron had 200 yds receiving and 4 TD's, but the Lions lost I wouldn't have come here and on college football day and yell about Megatron for everyone to hear. That's amazingly Cleveland of you.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

"Open your eyes bitch and you'll see a 14pt victory on the road that exemplified how easy of a "home run" that call was"

Jackass. The Browns had the lead for 75% of that game as it was 17-14 Browns after 3 full quarters of play. WITH WEEDEN AT QB. That deserved all caps. I'm not sure what your definition of "home run" is...but mine isn't "squeaking by a team with a terrible QB and needing a 4th quarter rally to win."

The Browns defense owned every last player on the Lions until Brandon Weeden's five second half 3 and outs finally caught up with them in the 4th quarter. I know it's gonna be tough...but stop being a douche and acting like the Lions dominated in that victory.

Mr. Ace said...

Hilliard is the new Hilltop. And I do not work there.

"That's amazingly Cleveland of you." DING DING DING! That was my only beef with Seals comments....amazingly Cleveland. Very well put by Droucher.

Nick Foles is going to hang 45 on the Cowboys.

GMoney said...

I have no idea what you Browns stains are trying to prove today. The Lions won by 14 in your barn. How it happened means little. You guys are like Joe Dirt putting an e on his last name.

I don't like being buddies with Drooler but you morons leave me no choice.

Anonymous said...

Errybody bein' on my side today!

Shut up Iceman. Your comment is akin to "if the season ended today". It's not like the Lions just kept getting the ball inside the Browns 10 for TD's either. Only one TD drive started inside the 50 and that was at the 47.

Go home Cleveland fans...come back another day. It's just not your day.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

"Go home Cleveland fans...come back another day. It's just not your day."

You spent the better part of the morning pussy whining that no Browns fans came to play with you, now you're telling us to go home. Awful.

Ide

The Iceman said...

Jesus Christ, Drew. You said this game against the Browns would be a home run...meaning a win against them would be easy and never in doubt. You were losing 3 of the 4 quarters which means the game was most certainly not easy for you and almost always in doubt from start to finish.

I'm not quite sure why it's so fucking difficult for you to understand that. It's like Red Sox fans saying they never questioned they were winning game 2 of the ALCS against Detroit after getting dominated for the majority of it. Game 2 was a total home run for Sox fans, right?

The Iceman said...

"You spent the better part of the morning pussy whining that no Browns fans came to play with you, now you're telling us to go home. Awful"

Slow fucking clap.

GMoney said...

They were 2 point favorites and won by 14...seems easy to me. The Lions were probably laughing those first three quarters at how cute the Browns were for trying to be competitive.

GO HOME! NOW COME BACK! GIVE IT A REST!

Anonymous said...

"You spent the better part of the morning pussy whining that no Browns fans came to play with you, now you're telling us to go home. Awful."

HAAA! Drew is the fucking worst.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Sorry Ide...I didn't expect such stupid "Clevelanding" out of Slow Seal and Iceman. It's a good thing Cakes didn't show. I should have just been happy that G$ basically included Slow Seal as the worst of this past week.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

"It took 3 scores in a 4th quarter comeback to beat a team that starts the worst quarterback in the league. MAN! We sure did dominate those guys!"

--Drew

GMoney said...

When did the Browns sign Eli Manning?