|My new favorite player.|
Doopy Pantz - Brandon Weeden is just terrible. There really is nothing else that can be said about him. It speaks to how awful he is when a shit QB like Bry-Hoy leads them to an impressive 3-0 record while Doopz goes 0-3 with the same roster. I think that that Hundley kid from UCLA might be a good fit in CLE. You aren't getting Teddy. Forget about him.
Joe Banner - If you aren't trying to trade Josh Gordon then why do these trade talks keep getting leaked??? Shut the fuck up. Let me help you out: Josh Gordon is NOT AVAILABLE.
Joe Haden - Fat Stafford threw for four touchdowns. Since football is a team game then Haden was clearly poop, Seal. Way to brag about losing or whatever the fuck that was yesterday. I can tell you this: when I stood in a cab stand line for 90 minutes on Sunday night after the game and had to listen to every insult hurled my way by Cowboys fans in the donkey-ride/baja shirt line, I wasn't bragging about how we doubled them up in total yards. Don't be dumb. GIVE IT A REST.
Everyone not named Joseph Fauria - I love everything about this undrafted rookie tight end. I am all-in on him being the NFL's version of Mark Madsen. More insane touchdown dances, please!
Roger Goodell - He was at the game on Sunday night sitting with Bon Jovi for some reason. They threw his stupid face on the fucking massive video boards and it gave me my first chance to boo him. I may never get to the NFL Draft so being able to boo Goodell in person made me feel damn good.
Rob Ryan - Poor Wolfman, watching Tom Brady and a bunch of white pieces of shit (LOL Austin LOLlie!) beat him in the final seconds. He looked like he was going to cry. I'm sure that some hooker got split open Sunday night. Also, WHAT THE FUCK, STEVAN RIDLEY? I bench your ass and NOW you play?
Terrelle Pryor - You know, I think that he might have a future in the league after all. He has to cut down on his interceptions and his love of getting into 3rd and 48 situations, but I'm starting to believe. Best Fuckeye of all time!
Adrian Peterson - We all know the story about the son that he just found out about being beaten to death by some truly sick bastard. He decided to play as I assume the field is a sanctuary for him. Iceman had a real problem with this apparently because he must be some sort of a grief expert or something. I don't know why he cared at all. FagNasty once shit his pants during linemen drills (true story) and still played that Friday night. Same thing.
Greg Schiano - I can't be the only one who believes that this asshole is the one who unleashed MRSA on his team, can I? I wonder if Schiano will be the next coach of the RedHawks...
The Green Bay Blackers - James Jones AND Randy Cobb going down! Time to move COOOOOOOONNNNNNN to WR!
Matt Schaub - Fuck it, I don't care. I'm completely OK with Texans fans cheering because he got hurt. Dude is awful. Do you realize how much it costs to go to NFL teams? You can't PARK in Dallas for less than FIFTY bucks. Tickets are over $100. Beers are ridic. Then when the game starts, the same assfucker costs you a win every week. If he sprains his ankle, FUCK HIM and fuck you, too, Brian Cushing. Now he knows how I feel. FYI, the Texans are now 0-6 ATS.
Told You So - I told you that the Broncos wouldn't cover. I told you exactly why, too. They didn't care. Plus, Justin Blackmon is a pretty incredible player when he's sober. He can even make Chad Henne look good. I'll tell you what: Bridgewater to Black Man is going to be something special.
The Washington Pigdicks - Some years, you just know that it isn't going to happen. You're terrible in the redzone or you have really poorly timed penalties or the timing is just a little off...it's just something that you can tell will fuck things up every week and ruin your shit. It's not going to happen for the DC team in 2013. We beat ourselves on Sunday (as we are doing a lot these days). Dallas was awful offensively after the opening drive and still put up 31 points. Our special teams are butt cheeks. They cost us 17 points. You can't kick field goals and expect to win. Hell, the defense was actually GOOD for once! DeAngelo shut down Dez which is weird to say. I was happy to see RG3 running again but this is a lost season. This is a fucking redshirt year and I H8 that. I should have seen this coming. The salary cap bullshit penalty was a killer. I was too busy wearing my REDSKINS-COLORED GLASSES though.
FANTASY! - I will be suffering my first MSFL loss (thanks for being a Papa John dick-jacker, Peyton). I took over the division lead in the LFL (where I belong). Not sure if I'll hold on in the G$FL (REALLY need to) and am dropping to 1-5 in my other league. Whatever.
I was expecting Cowboys fans to be horrible but they just proved to be terrible (which is slightly better). It was nice to see such a large Redskins contingent in the stadium even if that contingent was 95% black. I swear, I am a part of the blackest fan base in the NFL. And I love it. I actually will recommend Jerry World to all of you though because it is definitely something that you need to see with your own eyes. My words or a TV camera can't really do it justice. But I'm glad to be back in Ohio though. So happy that I'm about to spend the rest of the day working on my Joseph Fauria dance moves. Fuck You, Cakes.