Monday, October 21, 2013

The Worst of Week Seven Vol.VII

That beached whale made 23 million dollars this year to make plays like this.
Men, I don't know how I'm going to do this today.  How can I be expected to write about the NFL and The Walking Dead when the Tigers failed yet again?  But, this is why they pay me the big bucks.  That being said, LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLZZZZZ  the Tigers are STILL losers!  There will be no coveted AL Championship rings this year, you failures!  Remember 1984?  Of course you don't.  You might as well just start calling yourselves "Cubs with a DH" for as much as you lose.  What did you spend 148 million dollars on this year?  Nothing.  Nothing at all.  Nice bullpen.  The best part is that that window is closing fast.  You have one year left before Scherzer walks and diabetes ravages all of these tubs of lard.  One more year.  That's it.  GET FUCKED and I wish you the best of luck in your quest to fail every year.  Fuck Detroit.  Go fall into third base like your blimp.  How about some football?

Not Jim Irsay - I loved every little thing that this idiot said about Peyton because it is exactly what I think.  Dude should have won more than one ring in Indy.  He sucks in playoffs.  People who call Irsay an ingrate are being dumb.  Peyton didn't "build him a stadium".  Irsay is right.  That being said, I expect the Broncos to destroy the Colts tonight/last night.

Joey Joe Joe Fauria - Wait, now he's doing little mini dances after catching a first down?  I don't think that I care for that.  The Bengals might be the least impressive 5-2 team ever (never mind because it's New England) but that only means that they're winning without playing their best yet.  Nice weekend, Detroit.

Ryan Tannehill - Here's a fun FACT: Ryan Tannehill sucks.  Losing to the Bills at home is deport-able offense.

Tom BradyCakes - WHAT DID I TELL YOU!!!  Don't doubt the master.  Who would've guessed that Brady would get worse with Gronk back?  You can never trust a MICHIGAN MAN.  The Patriots are bad.

Chip Kelly - Sweet offense, BRAH!  I guess your genius can tailor it to fit ANY quarterback!  It didn't end up costing them, but at the end of the first half, Chump sent his kicker out for a 60 yard FG which he missed by a million feet.  God dammit, the Cowboys are lock this division up by Thanksgiving.

Bonerz Barkley - Played one quarter...threw three interceptions.  USC!  USC!  USC!

Marcus Vick - I'm not on Twitter (yet) but I imagine that if I do ever join, I will do nothing but say racist things to Marcus Vick because he is the dumbest.  He was openly rooting against Nick Foles yesterday because he's a cocksucker.

Peter King - Thanks for the advice to draft Jared Cook, you fat ass!  You said that he was the best player you saw all summer.  The last 6 games he has a combined 16 catches for 170 yards.  Fuck you, Peter.  Go hang out in the Rams war room and talk about forever some more, fag.

Jay Catler's dong - What a bitch!  He wasn't MAN ENOUGH to play a full game in DC!  It's probably a good thing that his back-up is Steve Young apparently or at least that's what the hideous Skins defense made him look like.  I'll take the victory and the bragging rights over Prime but that was way too close for comfort.  This team sucks.  Why?

Keith Burns - Believe me, bro, no one is saying Boooooooo-urns.  This is our special teams coach and we have the worst special teams of all time.  Gave up another PR TD because that is apparently going to be a weekly occurrence now.  I can't wait to see what Peyton has in store for us next weekend.  The only positive?  Bro, the offense put up 45 and RG3 was just short of a 300/100 game.  2-4!  Back on the Super Bowl track!

AlfMo-wners - Yeah, sorry about those three Roy Helu JUNIOR touchdowns.  I couldn't believe it either.  Won't happen again.

The Ravens/Steelers Rivalry - Still as boring as ever.  Nothing has changed.  If Grumpy is done pounding the oak trees, his chances of a 12-4 season and rib dinner on me are still alive!

Arian Foster - Total bitch.  Alex Smith is horrible by the way.  Just in case you forgot.  You should not have.

Josh Gordon - Everyone likes to blame Brandon Weeden for the Browns being awful because it's easy and right, but Gordon was pretty poopy yesterday in Green Bay as well.  If he wasn't falling on down on every route, he was dropping almost everything his way.  TRADE HIM NOW!

FANTASY! - Feels like a 3-1 week to me but the Sunday nighter has too many players in play to know for sure.  Ide = gay.  He is every black gay man's fantasy.

That will do it for today.  Don't forget to comment about how hard you laughed at the Tigers on Saturday night.  Never forget how funny that was.  Enjoy tonight's riveting Vikings/Giants game.

64 comments:

Grumpy said...

2 down, 10 to go. The Dream lives on.

Jeff said...

What Grumpy said! Fuck the ravens!

World Series, bitches! Bye bye kitties.

GMoney said...

UPDATE: Jim Irsay was TOTES right! Pey Pey is a loser. "Built the stadium" that he still can't win in.

Anonymous said...

I definitely do not like Prince Fielder right meow. Just an atrocious playoffs for him. No wonder Cecil wants nothing to do with him.

We will probably sign Scherzer to an extension after next season, just because you don't think we will. Illitch makes that shit rain son.

There are definitely numerous changes needed in the bullpen for next year's run....and finding a way to poison Prince should be in the budget as well.

Disappointing Lions loss, but if I'm going to watch them lose on a 54 yd field goal then it better be at the feet of NUUUUUUUUUUUUGE. Lions punter should also be poisoned for his 26 yd choke job that gave the Bengals the opportunity to get into that position.

G$ is definitely going to be on twitter, folks. My team moved to 6-1 while he is going to fall to 3-4.

Trent Richardson went for a whopping 37 yards on 14 carries lat night. Never forget who told you guys that he was a bum....ME. He's not even an average NFL RB.

--Drew

GMoney said...

T-Rich single-handedly beat the Colts. FACT!

So Ilitch is going to take his already over 148 million dollar payroll and pump it to 170-175? I don't think that that will work in such a broke-ass city. HE GONE!

Real nice weekend to be a hater of Detroit sports. Tigers LOL. Lions blow. Red Wings gave up a goal to the other team's goalie. Pistons probably still bad. World feels right.

GO CARDS!

The Iceman said...

This was a mail in post. Know how I can tell? You mentioned nothing about Brandon Weeden's SECOND WEEK IN A ROW with an underhand pass. I guess throwing one for a pick last week wasn't good enough for ol shit lips. He wanted to duplicate that magic yesterday.

On my way home from Lorain last night I listened to a bunch of Browns fans whine about how the WRs quit on Weeden. They did in the 4th quarter and you know what? I don't blame them. If you watched Weeden in the first 3 quarters, he was about 4 feet off on just about every ball he threw. I would have quit too. It's absolutely insane how this guy starts every week. Cakes finally posted something decent on my FB wall last night with the Brandon Weeden video game controller. It's pretty good if you have some spare time to look it up today.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ G$...Red Wings have two times as many points as the Poo Jackets and are in first place.

I was on Grantland yesterday and their basketball has adopted the Pistons this year as "America's Team"...LOLZ! Simmons and Rose haven't even got to them in their countdown yet either, which puts them somewhere in the top 13 of the NBA in their opinion. Believe the hype!

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Iceman...you shouldn't blame G$ if he missed the underhand throw due to not wanting to spend time watching Branden Weeden play football.

--Drew

Jeff said...

Who needs Bob when you have Curtis McElhinney??

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHHAAHA at Drew, Dut, and the shit Tigers. What a terrible city and franchise. All that money and no world series again. Darn... you fucking losers. Watching Scherzer's disappointment from the dugout as their season came to an end was priceless. Go Saaaawwwxx.

This Red Sox team is not nearly as hate-able as teams past. Maybe because their MVP cant speak English? Congrats Jeff.

Drew is so terrible at everything. Blaming your loss on your punter. How about the play calling in your last possession? Or your fat ass quarterback? If Fat Fuck takes the sack instead of throwing the ball no where near anyone on the last play, the clock continues to run or Cincy is forced to use their last time out. If that happens, they don't have enough time to run more than one offensive play when they get the ball back. Of course Drew is too stupid to realize that and blames it on his punter. LOLZ.

All that world series talk... hahahahhahaha fuck you tigers fans.

Seal

Prime99 said...

The Bears loss was depressing. Losing Cutler was bad enough, but having McCown come in and play amazing and the hobbling defense loses the game? Well, that's all kinds of awful. Congrats on your "bragging rights," G$.

How about that punter's hit on the Denver returner last night? That was hilarious!

GMoney said...

You still gave up a goal to a goalie, bro. And the CBJ are on a 1 game winning streak with 7 of the next 8 at home! C-Mac is the answer! FIRE BOB!

The Red Sox have been way more loathsome in the past but I still can't not hate them. PEDroia is the worst. John Lackey is a fuckhead. I've never liked Jonny Gomes. I did not fist pump wildly when that pineapple chopper hit a granny off the former Astros closer (LOL...nice decision there), I just smiled on the couch like a tard. FUCK THE TIGERS. Dut gay!

Also, Fuck Prime. I AM A SUPERIOR FAN!

Put in Jason Campbell. He is the best.

GMoney said...

By the way, Prime, you may not remember our wager but I do. You are now required to raise "your" son as a Redskins fan. You agreed to this.

Mr. Ace said...

Nick Foles BAD. Matt Barkley MORE BAD. #GetMurkedForMariotta

Marcus Vick is a great Twitter follow.

I got much more satisfaction from reading loser Indians fans give shit to Tigers fans. #SoCleveland.

Did anybody else see the picture on facebook that lil Poopson posted of Dut? It was glorious. I saved it because I figured it would get taken down. I might use it for all my AVI's.

Jeff said...

Dut pic is great. I want to know the events that led up to that...

Anonymous said...

Hahaha bye Jim Leyland! Fucking loser.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Leyland is stepping down as manager of the Tigers this morning.

Slow Seal is so slow. He wants to hammer Stafford who threw for 357 yards...when the Bengals had the longest streak in the NFL for not allowing a 300 yard passer...for playing a game of field position? If Stafford takes a sack then he's giving the Bengals 10 yards closer to a FG. The Punter has ONE job...that's to kick the shit out of the ball...not shank it out of bounds. If he kicks just his average they go to OT. Punter blew it.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Slow Seal might be the only person that doesn't like Jim Leyland. That's very un-American of you.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I don't like losers who participate on or coach any loser Detroit teams. Therefore I do not like Leyland or anyone to every wear a Detroit anything uniform. Losers.

LOLZ once again at the Tigers.

Seal

GMoney said...

I like Leyland a lot more today since he has had enough with the constant failures.

Ape, email me that Dut pic. Is it better than the aforementioned Leyland/Drooler pic? Leyland TOTES hates Drooler.

Anonymous said...

Leyland is my BFF. Good to see him retire on his own terms...good man that Jim Leyland is...good man.

I think we all need to see this Dut pic.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Leyland....HE GONE!

G$, I am going to blackmail Dut first before I distribute the picture. It is basically just a picture of him passed out on the bed, but he looks like 12 year old with groomed stubble. If I didn't know any better I would bet Uncle T took picture.

Anonymous said...

He obviously has come to his senses and realizes he is a loser coach in a loser city. Poor guy.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Slow Seal...if that's what happens to coaches, then why doesn't every Cleveland sports team have a new coach every single season?

--Drew

Brady said...

I have a million Tigers friends on Facebook and there was nothing at the end of that game. At least when the Indians lost, we bitched, moaned and tried to make excuses as to why we lost. That's what fans do. Just shows how bandwaggony the Tigers fan base is. Tigers lost? Guess it's time to break out my Lakers jersey durrrrrr.

JOsh Gordon had an awful day and definitely quit at the end. I don't really blame him. Did you see the throws that Weeds was making in the first half? There are no words to describe how bad he is. If he starts next weekend in KC, the fans are going to turn so fast on this organization. It was already happening on Twitter yesterday.

The sad part is that game was TOTES winnable. Even a semi-competent QB would've had us in it with a chance to win in the fourth.

Whatever slim playoff chance we had is now gone. It's all about finishing with a better record than the Steelers. If Weeds keeps playing, that dream will die as well.

Anonymous said...

"Tigers lost? Guess it's time to break out my Lakers jersey durrrrrr." I don't know what Tigers fans you know...but, the comment makes zero sense to me.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Ape, are you sure that it wasn't taken by Shook's Son?

I think we all are rooting for the Tigers to hire Dut Baker.

Cakes is an idiot and he just explained why. True fans go dark after a crushing defeat. Moron Indians fans go on social media and do whatever it is that makes them feel better. Let me feed the trolls instead of stewing in my own self-loathing. That makes sense though considering these are the same people who are OK with WRs quitting on the team in a "winnable game" (it was not).

GMoney said...

Yeah, I can't name one Tigers/Lakers fan. I also can't name one person who is a bandwagon Tigers fan. That is the least wagoned team I know.

FUCK YOU CAKES.

Prime99 said...

But I CAN name one fan of the Cleveland Cavs that breaks out his Yankees jersey after the Cavs are branded losers once again.

Z-Dub won't be a Redskins fan because that mascot name will not exist in five years. He won't be a fan of the Washington Red Cherry Trees either, though.

The Iceman said...

I bet Drew thought the Lions beating the Bengals this week was a "home run". I bet he also thinks the Lions dominated that game even though they lost. Because that's how guys who blame losses on special teams think. Good assessment, Kevin Milius.

GMoney said...

So...you're calling out Drooler on similar dumb logic that you used last week? I'm confused. I do applaud special teams coach references though but remember that we don't use a man's slave name around here no matter how irrelevant.

Brady said...

That comment wasn't Lakers specific. You can throw in any bandwaggony team you want. The point is, Tigers fans are clearly gay and I'm happy they are sad.

Whatever it takes to get Weeden off the field is fine with me. Taking games off, stalking, Atom bombs... whatever. That coaching staff is going to lose the locker room if Weeds stays under center.

GMoney said...

ZOMBIE TIME (led by me...the way that it should be)

*Well, I'll be damned, this is turning into an actually GOOD drama after all. The first two episodes have been damn fine.

*So we're all in agreement that it is Stookey/D'Angelo Barksdale that is feeding the dead and burning the people, right? That guy has some serious demons.

*Carol is becoming quite underrated which might be the biggest upset of the series. I thought it was great that she kept calling an 8 year old girl a little pussy for not wanting to kill her own father. YOU GO GIRL! Those sisters are going to play some sort of big role this season. If not, then last night was TOTES pointless.

*RIP Karen...you were quietly sneaking up on Sweet Angel Maggie in my TWD hotness rankings.

*Anyone else find the Rick/pig slash scenes uncomfortable? I mean, I love bacon and all and realize where it comes from and that that meat is probably diseased anyway, but still. Poor piggies.

*Maybe now Michonne will understand that riding a horse is dumb because cars are readily available. Idiot.

Prime99 said...

I agree with the whole "Tigers sad=funny for the rest of us" but if they were all band wagoners, would they be sad? By definition, a band wagoner would just jump off right when the team lost and not feel bad, right?

Indians fans were awfully quiet on Twitter on their elimination night...

GMoney said...

While there is nothing wrong with laughing at the shittiness and FAILURE of the Detroit Tigers, one thing that is evident from social media and this comment section is that Indians fans are idiots.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ Tigers fans. LOLZ Damman.

Ide

The Iceman said...

I cracked up when the pigs got slashed. You could TOTES tell how fake that was. The CGI close up was subpar at best. Even better was how the producers had to announce at the end of the show that animals weren't hurt during filming for all of the PETA faggots.

I have a big problem with this: Okay...you're in the middle of a zombie takeover and I realize the prison has given you some type of relief from the threat. But I would fucking NEVER be so relaxed to the point where I don't secure myself inside my prison cell every single night. Lock them shits, N-Words!! It's like living in Compton and not locking your doors before you go to bed. Just dumb to me.

I think those two girls Carol is looking after are from the comic. I've been reading them from the start and there are 2 girls in there who's dad dies that are referenced quite often. They haven't really done much yet in the comics so I'm not sure what their role is gonna be.

Glenn and Maggie are TOTES the smartest in that group. I would also make the lookout post my sleeping quarters. No chance to become dinner while you sleep.

Tyrese bringin charred zombie Karen flowers was pretty LOLZ. What was even more LOLZ is how they showed in the previews that he's about to get all ghetto black dude on the person responsible for buring his dead girlfriend. They just saved your life, BRO! Be thankful!

Prime99 said...

Karen is smokin' hot! LOL Tyreese!

The pig scene was very uncomfortable. Had to be done, but still not fun to watch.

They need a main character to die from the flu for me not to think of it as a gimmick.

All things considered, season 4 is off to a strong start.

Nate said...

Why sacrifice the pigs?

Driving the truck around already distracted the zombies from the fence, what is putting a pig in the grass going to do? Distract them for a good hour before they go back to the fence? Made zero sense.

Mr. Ace said...

Very strong start for zombies, indeed.

The pig scene was a tough watch. Couldn't he have just put a little slash in them and then turned them loose to run wild? On a separate note, I was doing some reading last week on pigs and why religions are so weird about them (RIP C HITCH) and discovered how incredibly close cousins we are to pigs. To the point where we can use their organs to replace our own in many cases. Made me feel even worse for eating pork. Ok I'm done.

THE DEPUTY AND THE SHERIFF ARE BACK!!!

Totes agree Ice regarding not locking ur cell door. Your best defense against a over night zombie attack is literally built into ur shelter and u don't use it. So dumb.

Michone lost a baby? Michone lost a baby.

Producers are doing a MUCH better job at character development this time around, while still throwing in surprises like offing Tyrese's bottom bitch.

The Iceman said...

I think they decided that the pigs are what spread the disease, Ace. So they decided to kill them in the most ruthless and fake way possible.

Mr. Ace said...

Ice, I understand that. But spilling a small amount of their blood and then letting them go to run around like crazy could have created a bigger distraction and lead the zombies further away.

It is probably SARS. Kill Glenn.

Anonymous said...

Iceman....link to where I said that the Bengals game was a "home run" win for the Lions? Oh wait...I never said that, because that would have been dumb. You realize that the Browns are really bad and that's why that was a home run pick for the Lions and that the Bengals aren't really bad, right? Big difference there buddy...dumb comments like that aren't a good look bro.

"one thing that is evident from social media and this comment section is that Indians fans are idiots." preach on Brother G$

Iron Sheik = LOLZ...

@the_ironsheik)
10/21/13, 11:30 AM
Jim Leyland you leave the Detroit not because you bad but because the fat fucking pig burger Prince Fielder eat too many cheeseburgers

--Drew

GMoney said...

Iron Sheik should be on Baseball Tonight.

Nice subtle stereotyping last night of Glenn whipping out the camera and taking pictures like some oriental tourist. I LOL'd hard.

Why would you need the cell doors shut when a cotton sheet is just as effective?

I'll say it again, it is Stookey (more like Spook-ey, amirite!) that is behind all the treachery of rats and burnings. He's pretty much the only option.

I also LOL'd hard when someone asked Deputy Dipshit where his dipshit hat was.

Nate, you sacrifice the pigs out of hopes that it serves multiple purposes of ridding the disease spread and allowing enough of a break to re-inforce the fence.

RIP Rick's dirty shirt. You will be missed.

The Iceman said...

"You realize that the Browns are really bad and that's why that was a home run pick for the Lions and that the Bengals aren't really bad, right?"

Browns beat the Bengals.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ Thank you Iceman. Drew loses, just like the Tigers. He so dumb.

Seal

Mr. Ace said...

The Dolphins beat the Colts too, but nobody is out there claiming Dolphins>Colts. You're all the worst and so dumb.

GMoney said...

They lost to the Hoyer Browns though. OBVZ a YUGE difference. Plus, you shitbirds just keep digging deeper graves of idiocy.

GMoney said...

"Alex Smith is 7-0. There is no doubt that he is the best QB in NFL history."--Iceman, Seal, and other people of their similar low moral standards

Anonymous said...

Once again, G$ has to come to the rescue of his butt buddy because Drew's responses make him look dumber.

The Iceman said...

Redskins > Bears. See? The formula works.

Stop sticking up for Tigers fans, G$. You fuckin hayseed.

GMoney said...

As I keep saying, I'm not defending Drooler. I'm defending common sense from extremely dumb points of view.

GMoney said...

I don't know if Redskins > Bears because it's hard for me to say Redskins > anyone but the Raiders, Jags, and Browns, BUT---G$ > Prime.

Anonymous said...

Holy Facepalm! Utah's better than Stanford too guys. Only Browns fans can be that dumb...derping all over the fucking place. That's a Cakes-Level rationalization....I would have thought Iceman was above something like that.....OBVZ that Slow Seal wouldn't be.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Black dick > Prime. Just ask Mrs. Prime.

Im putting ribs on the line this week against Drew. Come at me bro.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Long time no comment.

Tigers ended in depressing fashion. I think we all knew it was over when fatty slamied us for 1 of his only two hits (I think) in the entire series.

They were indeed a loathsome team. Prince needs to lose some weight and learn how to hit/not get divorced mid season.

Tigers fans don't get on social media to complain/justify because thats what losers do. I think thats pretty straight forward? Has nothing to do with Bandwagon hahahhahaha. I've been a Tigers fan since I was a kid and have never made one single post on FB one way or another about them, can you guess why?

I'm very happy they decided to take Zombies the way they are. Maybe 2-3 episodes will be dedicated to the demise of the GUV? I hope so, that story line really started to stray from a Zombie land normalcy.

Lions > Browns with this logic around here. I think thats all we need to know then right?

Michigan blows. I will someday be rasiing my kids OSU fans when I move back to columbus. Mostly for social reasons, but mainly out of spite.

- J Saul

Anonymous said...

JSaul must be a Lakers fan.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

JSAUL IS A WALMART WOLVERINE

GMoney said...

JSaul, that is a topic for the appropriate day but I'm rooting for you to be sterile if that is how you truly feel.

Anonymous said...

If I went to OSU and cheer for Michigan, I don't think that can qualify me as a WalMart Wolverine, otherwise even the mighty OSU alums that cheer for OSU would all have to be WALMART BUCKEYES?

It was a salty weekend/few weeks for the state of Michigan teams, I'm allowed to make outlandish comments.

- J Saul

Prime99 said...

Black dick is always on Ide's mind... And in his mouf.

Anonymous said...

Take the bet Drew.

J Saul with some quality indifference today.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

"J Saul must be a Lakers fan"

#GOLD

GMoney said...

Ide, no wager is worth going on a date with you. You're just trying to rope Drooler into your rape dungeon.