Monday, October 28, 2013

The Worst of Week Eight Vol.VII

That's not a bad little fan video.  I've seen way more pathetic.  We hear it every other day how Browns fans think that they have it the worst and it will always be awful for them.  But I'll tell you one thing: it could be worse.  Sure, the Weeden Era has been terrible at best yet at least your team didn't call Brett Favre this week.  AND GET TURNED DOWN.  Jesus, that might be the saddest thing ever.  The Rams lost their poopy QB and their first move was to pick up the phone and call a 44 year old dong-slinger that has been retired for three years.  They begged him to come play for them. The Rams are so incompetent that they desired the services of Brett fucking Favre in 2013.  You can piss and moan and cry and complain all you want to about how stupid and bad your favorite team is...but at least they didn't try to get Favre to come out of retirement.  Fortunately, the Rams don't have any fans so no one really cares.  It's going to be hard to come up with a "worst of" on the same level as the St. Louis Rams front office but we'll try anyway.

The Rams - You know how they got turned down by Favre?  They signed Brady Quinn instead.  I'm pretty sure that NOW I'M DONE has played for 12 teams this season.

The NFL Schedule - Wow.  This is the worst slate of prime-time games ever.  CAR/TB, GB/MIN, and SEA/STL...might be a good time to ditch the NFL and watch the World Series instead.  Or The Walking Dead.  Yeah, probably The Walking Dead AKA Brett Favre trying to play football in 2013.

LOL Dallas! - This might have been the game of the year if not for all of the horrible Lions turnovers.  They should have won that by 14 points.  But in the end, the Cowboys get outsmarted by Fat Stafford and LOSE GLORIOUSLY!  Fatty's post winning sneak Truffle Shuffle celebration may be the best thing ever.  LIONS BRAH!  They won a game with a -4 turnover margin! 

Dez Bryant - Holy shit, this guy is a raving lunatic.  And I love it.  So he's on camera trying to fight T-Bone Romo in the 3rd quarter.  For some reason, Derek Fucking Dooley tries to break it up.  Much like his tenure at Tennessee, he failed miserably.   Then he mails in 80% of his routes the rest of the second half but somehow scores.  And it ended with Jason Witten screaming at him on the sideline.  This was the BEST.  Dez is such a Canadian.  He's the kind of guy that would assault his own whore mother.  MAJOR LULZ.  Also, probably shouldn't say that you're better than Megatron because 1. you aren't and 2. he might dump 300+ creamy yards on your grill.

London - Nice wave, ya filthy buggers.  No wonder we either beat you or bailed you out in every war.

Andy Reid's Fat Ass - Why are you kicking a meaningless FG with 17 seconds left and destroying the under?  Go kill another son.  The Chiefs are still shit.  They got torched by Jason Campbell and let whatever a Fozzy Whitaker is score on them.

Tom Brady - Another craptastic performance.  I'm sure that everyone will blame his hand bruise or whatever and just ignore that he has been average all season.

Marques Colston - He is completely worthless.  Colston might be the worst player in the league.  Well, he's better than Mark Ingram, but he's up there.  I like Jimmy Graham's workflow and wish that I had his skill and size (but not pigment no offense).  When you're in the red zone, go in and catch a touchdown.  Spike Ball.  Sit down.  The Bills are terrible.

Chump Kelly - That's two weeks in a row of no offensive touchdowns (I think) at home against bad NFC East defenses.  REVOLUTIONARY OFFENSE!  It looks like Bonerz Barkley could be starting here which is the best.  Don't forget how much Eli sucks, too, because settling for 5 field goals against a team that employs Kurt Coleman still is rotten.  Get ready to here about how the Giants aren't done because they've beaten Josh Freeman and Bonerz.  Yeah, they are done.

Lamarr Woodley - That was pretty great when he let mah boy, TP, run right by him for a heavenly 93 yard TD run.  There will be no ribs for Grumpy because, again, the Steelers can't win in Oakland because the Raiders are the superior franchise.

Marvin Jones - Who the fuck are you and how dare you score 4 touchdowns?  It's about time that the Bengals showed what they have and fucking murdered someone.

Matt Ryan - Sucks.  He doesn't have anyone left to throw to but that's his problem, not mine.

The Redskins OL - Jesus Christ, what a disaster.  RG3 was absolutely abysmal but it makes sense when he is getting KILLED every time he drops back.  He got knocked down on about 66% of his dropbacks.  That Leichtensteiger asshole from BG is worse than Daniel.  I hope that Griffin is OK.  He looked alright walking around and Cousins was equally as shitty.  It's amazing that a game that I had no goals of winning, got my hopes up in the second half when we went up by two touchdowns, only to see Denver score thirty-fucking-eight straight points.  I knew we were going to lose yet I'm still furious because sometimes it's about how you lose.  And we lost like a bunch of FAGGOTS.  I think we can all agree that it's Grossman Time (which if you look it up on a clock would read 69:69).

Not DeAngelo Hall - Somehow, he is one of the best corners in the league this year.  He scored his THIRD touchdown this season which is more than CJ Spiller.  Oh well, at least that horrendous pick six by Cousins crushed the over and won me money.  Time to move onto the Chargers and their QB who is currently expecting his seventh kid.  From ONE woman!  That's just bad pro athlete behavior.

FANTASY! - Looks like possibly a 3-1 week to me but there are too many Seattle and Green Bay players floating around.  The important thing is that I won in the G$FL and Ide beat Drooler which is YUGE!

In conclusion to something that I have not yet mentioned, that walk-off obstruction on Saturday night was a ridiculously ELITE call from Jim Joyce/Dana Demuth.  That was REALLY good umpiring.  If you know anyone who thinks that that was a bad call, feel free to punt the fuck out of their raisin nuts.  Enjoy the Rams game tonight!  I hope it is as good as last week's FreemanFest!


Anonymous said...

I like the CASE IH advertisement. Did not know you were going so rural.


Grumpy said...

Look at the bright side, Jeff and I can now spend Sunday afternoons watching gay porn...together.

Mr. Ace said...

Eagles are done. We are bad with Vick. Without him we are a bunch of Brandon Weedens.

I would not be surprised at all if the Giants won the division. 7 wins will do it. I am not convinced any team is better than the other.

TP going ham on Grump makes me happy. I never thought I could actually like that guy. But I totes do.

I turned the fucking Lions game off after they turned it over with about 1:30 left in the game. How dare I underestimate the incompetence of Tony Romo and the Cowboys.

Andy Dalton got all up in my guts yesterday. Icemans gay.

I was almost witness to two girls throwing down at taco hut Saturday. The reason? Arguing over ordering gluten free food from Taco Bell. Hysterical stuff. I will eat your horse meat and browned lettuce, but don't u dare get gluten near my shit.

I passed out before zombies last night so I will not be back after noon.

Mr. Ace said...

Also lolz Mike Pouncey! UFM is a real leader of men.

Anonymous said...

Man, what a game yesterday in G$FL. Between Gore scoring the first TD of the day and that fucking Stafford audible, I thought I was done. Then the Broncos/Savages game came on. Hankerson, AlfMo, MONTEEEE, and PeyPey all paid off in spades. What is the record for clinching playoffs? I'll let you know when I get there.

Next up is my bye week for most my guys, so I should lose. However, I am playing GSaul, which means that I am going to put Aaron Hernandez in. TP going to go HAM for me next week.


GMoney said...

You have to believe that those Feds were LOL'ing hard when they were just waiting outside the locker room to get Pouncey. Oh, you just played a football game? You can come with us to jail or whatever now!

It is amazing how your opinion can change of a guy when he ditches the scarlet and red for the silver and black.

This site has always been pro-farm equipment!

GMoney said...

You start Lenny Hanks? That's terrible.

The Iceman said...

So the bye week ravaged almost every one of my leagues this week. In one of my other leagues I made a last minute addition to my team just have a warm body to throw out there. That guy was Marvin Jones. On a scale of one to murderous pissed would you be if you were on the receiving end of that move?

I TOTES Dalton'ed Ace this week. Thanks for trading away your best player the week I play you too, idiot.

That was the best game we will ever see out of Jason Campbell past, present and future. In a losing effort. That was so Browns of us.

Mr. Ace said...

Ice so dumb. I killed in that trade. Moreno> Shady for this week and all future weeks. But fuck Monteeee in the butt.


MUDawgfan said...

It's bad when it's not even November and I'm looking at Mock Draft positions for the Falcons next year.

Anonymous said...

This site has always been pro-farm equipment!


Over the weekend, I saw 12 Years a Slave. This is my review.

This is certainly the feel good movie of the year. It starts out, in the slave quarters where our man Platt is getting some trim. Even in slave times they were fucking like rabbits. Hilarious.

The slave auctioneer talks like the micro machine guy except with black people. This was the first time I LOLed in the theatre. There was no comedy in this movie. But the guy slapping an 8 year old in the face, and saying, "now this here is ripe fruit, in a few years time, this black beast will be great in the fields."

We see two slave owners. One kinda nice, the other one is mean as all hell. The only thing of note from the first owner is when his wife says, "Get her something to eat, she will forget about her kids soon enough." Black people in the theatre screamed audibly at that one.

The second owner is all business. He treats his property like shit. And the audience is better for it. He quotes the bible about lashings, and says, "thats not me, it's scripture." Lashings, rapings, a good lynching or two, all before a hearty meal. Good guy. The other part that I LOLed at is when his wife goes to pour him a drink, then out of nowhere throws the crystal decanter flush into a slave girls face, HARD. Just blatant and sudden.

Some really hard to watch scenes. And that girl who gets blasted in the face with that ornate decanter gets shit on A LOT in that movie. Also, worth noting, is that anytime a free slave gets let loose, he gives ZERO FUCKS about anyone else, and runs the fuck out. This is pleasing since the aforementioned slave girl gets left in the dust. Also, this movie explains the difference between black people and n-words. It's a solidly hilarious explanation too, as Chalky White is the one telling it.

Fun for the whole family.


GMoney said...

Ape, you should be more mad bro about Lardo Andy kicking that dumbass FG for no reason and killing your lock of the week.

I'm up 8 on Bozooka with Lynch and Golden Tate against his Rusty and Hauschka...could be intense in the LFL.

Fuck Jordy Nelson (better than Spiller). His explosion of white creamy goodness last night nearly caused me to lose to an inferior Lange product. But I persevere to go to 7-1.

Mr. Ace said...

Oh, I was upset. But after they scored 37 or so in the 1st half like a bunch of ass holes I thought it was already dead. Then Andy Reid reeled me back in and I was a believer. Then he pooped on me. It was basically his entire tenure at Philly in one game.

Ide loves blacks. I knew it. And not in the property owning kind of way.

The Iceman said...

How Nene Hilario would that be if Monteeeeee started splitting carries with Moreno now? Ace trading away the best player on his team for a running back who splits carries and sees zero goal line looks would be way better than me being right all along about Ball.

Maybe if I admit I was wrong about Brady he'll turn it around. BRADY SUX!! Tom Brady and BradyCakes.

Anonymous said...

I want Drew to come here and take his beating like a man and talk about it just so I can say GO HOME DREW.

All is not lost, the bottom nine players all keep cannibalizing themselves. Sub .500 might get you into the playoffs.

I bet the over on the DAL/DET game, and collected that easily. That line was retarded. I also took Stanford and Oregon. Finally a weekend where I didn't lose money.


The Iceman said...

"Free agent RB Beanie Wells reportedly hurt his Achilles' tendon during last week's workout for the Ravens."


This puss can't even make it through a workout without hurting himself. Terrific.

GMoney said...

Beanie Wells hurt his ACL because his family drank soda on draft day.--Colin T.'s opening segment today

Dez Bryant says that his outbursts are positive because of his passion. Yeah, buddy, go accrue some more jewelry debt.

Anonymous said...

Ide....I would have to care to a certain level for me to "take a beating"....and I don't come close to caring at that level. Congrats on your win tho...Peyton is an unstoppable force this year.

The Lions game was amazing. So frustrating when we kept turning the ball over...and it was the stars that were doing it in Stafford, Reggie and Megatron. Then the Cowboys got that holding penalty and give us a chance. Unbelievable. Stafford is an amazingly clutch QB. I don't know what to say about Megatron. Dude is the GOAT. LOLZ @ Dez trying to say he was just as good adn then Megatron dropping 329 on his ass...and Dez almost gets beat up by Witten and Ware on the sidelines.

Next up for the Lions is a bye week and then Prime's Cuntler-less Bears. Going for the season sweep there.


GMoney said...

So a second bye week then? Prime gay.

Prime99 said...

Ide is conveniently bragging about his triumph over Drooler and not mentioning shitty Kaepernick dominating his butthole in the MSFL. Does Jared Cook have over 20 points in him tonight with no QB? Who knows?!

Suh will not confused without Cutler on the field. He may have a stroke from the bottled up rage.

GMoney said...


*Well, after two ELITE episodes, last night was a little too Slow Seal for my liking.

*Airborne disease doesn't really interest the viewers.

*There is no way in Hell that Rick fucking Grimes gets the drop on Cutty Wise and beats him in a boxing match. NO WAY. One-eyed Tyreese made me laugh a lot though.

*Fuck Glenn. I hope he dies.

*What kind of asshole doctor coughs blood into another man's face? That was weak. COVER YO MOUF!

*Merle would hate to know that Daryl is driving around in a Dodge Charger with 3 black people. Daryl is a disappointment to the Dixon Klan.

*So Carol is just burning people alive now, eh? This doesn't bother her at all? But if the water supply is running just a little low, she can't deal with the pressures of life anymore! I was starting to enjoy Carol but last night made little sense to me.

*Some good shots of Maggie's mom-ass last night.

Again, not the best episode, but it was alright. Looking forward to see if Daryl & The Blacks can get the medicine or if we need to start digging a whole shitload more graves.

The Iceman said...

Really digging no nonsense Carol. She gives zero fucks about anyone but herself and her own survival...but she looks really stupid when she runs. COLD BLOODED CAROL 4 PREZ!

I love how Hersch takes his mouth bandana off to clean the blood off his face. Then RUBS THE BLOODY RAG OVER HIS MOUTH! Jesus dude. Why don't you just drink a cup of the doctor's diseased blood?!

Carl is the least interesting character on that show. He needs to GTFO.

No possible way Tyreese was able to ax his way out of that zombie mob unbitten. I know he was possessed by rage and all...but no. Not happening.

Airborne virus is TOTES stupid. Another plot line, plz.

Anonymous said...

Tyreese going HAM last night was fun, but agreed, you dont take a two piece from Cutty then drop him. MORE UNREALISTIC THAN ZOMBIES.

Glenn digging graves with SARS. Good.

Beth is creeping up the respectability rankings. Cold blooded and no remorse.

Fuck Carl.

Deangelo is still the snitch.


Prime99 said...

Hershel's scene before getting blood money shotted to the face was strong (when he was talking to Rick and Maggie.) His best acting since Young Guns II.

The virus/disease is very dumb, but they had to give it to some main characters to legitimize it. Now that they did, it's still dumb.

Bear trap Walker was pretty cool.

Rick as a detective > Rick as a farmer

The zombie herd shot was fucking awesome. Them bitches going to be a problem.

Brady said...

I'm training new employees all day so my usual witty remarks are reduced to one today.


Had every opportunity to win that game but Bess can't seem to catch. Funny because that literally his ONLY JOB.

Looking forward to seeing how Iceman will try and chink away at the Buckeyes win tomorrow. It will be hilarious I'm sure.

The Iceman said...

One thing that confused me last night: This vet place where the meds are supposed to be at is 50 miles away. Right? They left to get the meds in the early afternoon. Tyreese sister says that means they'll have medicine by tomorrow. 50 miles with no other cars on the road with Herschel's ELITE map drawing skills should take you, what? Hour and a half tops drive time?

GMoney said...

Chink? YOU RAYCESS! But at least you don't care about how to spell Davone. That isn't even a real name anyway.

After Hershel's speech about taking risks to save lives, yeah, dude gonna die.

No one clobbers zombies like Cutty. That was a dumb visual though. He was literally surrounded yet the ones behind him at a safe snacking distance just stood there waiting to get clubbed.

GMoney said...

I would assume that she takes into account potential problems along the way ie. the billion zombie roadblock...OR MAYBE SHE PUT THEM THERE HERSELF!!!

I also find it funny that Hershel wants to treat the sick like Kramer treats a cold...with dog medicine. What's that? Trouble at the old mill?

Prime99 said...

Iceman- OBVS the roads are not just smooth sailing with cars, dead bodies, zombies and other shit blocking the way. 50 miles (100 roundtrip) should take a day in that world. Plus, I don't know where they keep getting gas from but I'd be hesitant to go anywhere like that without a full tank and some extra.

Then again, that would be lost when we all jump out of the car to avoid a zombie Cowherd.

Anonymous said...

Prime, stop harping on Kaeparnick being good when he shreds that Jaguars defense. He is still bad. However, if the faggot scored more than 5 points it would've been a game.

Nate said...

Things were more interesting with the governor.

I think once Beth pops her cherry, the show will have jumped the shark.

GMoney said...

I'm not sure that Beth is capable of feelings anymore. I doubt that she would care at all if/when Carl rapes her.

The Iceman said...

"I'm not sure that Beth is capable of feelings anymore"

I bet she's a dead fish in the sack. Just lay there and take it.

Main roads, sure Prime. But they were not on a main road on the way to the vet place. Most roads they've driven on don't have major obstructions...minus the giant zombie hoard obstruction.

GMoney said...

Or maybe they're just used to Shane always taking the car out to get laid and assume that everyone else does the same? Michonne is probably pretty sore this morning.

My guess is that they keep the speed down to lessen the noise from the engine and to conserve gas. But then again, I am way smarter than these people. The FACT that Daryl rides a motorcycle might be the dumbest thing that anyone has ever done on this show.