Monday, October 28, 2013
That's not a bad little fan video. I've seen way more pathetic. We hear it every other day how Browns fans think that they have it the worst and it will always be awful for them. But I'll tell you one thing: it could be worse. Sure, the Weeden Era has been terrible at best yet at least your team didn't call Brett Favre this week. AND GET TURNED DOWN. Jesus, that might be the saddest thing ever. The Rams lost their poopy QB and their first move was to pick up the phone and call a 44 year old dong-slinger that has been retired for three years. They begged him to come play for them. The Rams are so incompetent that they desired the services of Brett fucking Favre in 2013. You can piss and moan and cry and complain all you want to about how stupid and bad your favorite team is...but at least they didn't try to get Favre to come out of retirement. Fortunately, the Rams don't have any fans so no one really cares. It's going to be hard to come up with a "worst of" on the same level as the St. Louis Rams front office but we'll try anyway.
The Rams - You know how they got turned down by Favre? They signed Brady Quinn instead. I'm pretty sure that NOW I'M DONE has played for 12 teams this season.
The NFL Schedule - Wow. This is the worst slate of prime-time games ever. CAR/TB, GB/MIN, and SEA/STL...might be a good time to ditch the NFL and watch the World Series instead. Or The Walking Dead. Yeah, probably The Walking Dead AKA Brett Favre trying to play football in 2013.
LOL Dallas! - This might have been the game of the year if not for all of the horrible Lions turnovers. They should have won that by 14 points. But in the end, the Cowboys get outsmarted by Fat Stafford and LOSE GLORIOUSLY! Fatty's post winning sneak Truffle Shuffle celebration may be the best thing ever. LIONS BRAH! They won a game with a -4 turnover margin!
Dez Bryant - Holy shit, this guy is a raving lunatic. And I love it. So he's on camera trying to fight T-Bone Romo in the 3rd quarter. For some reason, Derek Fucking Dooley tries to break it up. Much like his tenure at Tennessee, he failed miserably. Then he mails in 80% of his routes the rest of the second half but somehow scores. And it ended with Jason Witten screaming at him on the sideline. This was the BEST. Dez is such a Canadian. He's the kind of guy that would assault his own whore mother. MAJOR LULZ. Also, probably shouldn't say that you're better than Megatron because 1. you aren't and 2. he might dump 300+ creamy yards on your grill.
London - Nice wave, ya filthy buggers. No wonder we either beat you or bailed you out in every war.
Andy Reid's Fat Ass - Why are you kicking a meaningless FG with 17 seconds left and destroying the under? Go kill another son. The Chiefs are still shit. They got torched by Jason Campbell and let whatever a Fozzy Whitaker is score on them.
Tom Brady - Another craptastic performance. I'm sure that everyone will blame his hand bruise or whatever and just ignore that he has been average all season.
Marques Colston - He is completely worthless. Colston might be the worst player in the league. Well, he's better than Mark Ingram, but he's up there. I like Jimmy Graham's workflow and wish that I had his skill and size (but not pigment no offense). When you're in the red zone, go in and catch a touchdown. Spike Ball. Sit down. The Bills are terrible.
Chump Kelly - That's two weeks in a row of no offensive touchdowns (I think) at home against bad NFC East defenses. REVOLUTIONARY OFFENSE! It looks like Bonerz Barkley could be starting here which is the best. Don't forget how much Eli sucks, too, because settling for 5 field goals against a team that employs Kurt Coleman still is rotten. Get ready to here about how the Giants aren't done because they've beaten Josh Freeman and Bonerz. Yeah, they are done.
Lamarr Woodley - That was pretty great when he let mah boy, TP, run right by him for a heavenly 93 yard TD run. There will be no ribs for Grumpy because, again, the Steelers can't win in Oakland because the Raiders are the superior franchise.
Marvin Jones - Who the fuck are you and how dare you score 4 touchdowns? It's about time that the Bengals showed what they have and fucking murdered someone.
Matt Ryan - Sucks. He doesn't have anyone left to throw to but that's his problem, not mine.
The Redskins OL - Jesus Christ, what a disaster. RG3 was absolutely abysmal but it makes sense when he is getting KILLED every time he drops back. He got knocked down on about 66% of his dropbacks. That Leichtensteiger asshole from BG is worse than Daniel. I hope that Griffin is OK. He looked alright walking around and Cousins was equally as shitty. It's amazing that a game that I had no goals of winning, got my hopes up in the second half when we went up by two touchdowns, only to see Denver score thirty-fucking-eight straight points. I knew we were going to lose yet I'm still furious because sometimes it's about how you lose. And we lost like a bunch of FAGGOTS. I think we can all agree that it's Grossman Time (which if you look it up on a clock would read 69:69).
Not DeAngelo Hall - Somehow, he is one of the best corners in the league this year. He scored his THIRD touchdown this season which is more than CJ Spiller. Oh well, at least that horrendous pick six by Cousins crushed the over and won me money. Time to move onto the Chargers and their QB who is currently expecting his seventh kid. From ONE woman! That's just bad pro athlete behavior.
FANTASY! - Looks like possibly a 3-1 week to me but there are too many Seattle and Green Bay players floating around. The important thing is that I won in the G$FL and Ide beat Drooler which is YUGE!
In conclusion to something that I have not yet mentioned, that walk-off obstruction on Saturday night was a ridiculously ELITE call from Jim Joyce/Dana Demuth. That was REALLY good umpiring. If you know anyone who thinks that that was a bad call, feel free to punt the fuck out of their raisin nuts. Enjoy the Rams game tonight! I hope it is as good as last week's FreemanFest!