Friday, October 04, 2013

The Bucks Stop Here?

That's great, Pat, but when are we gonna start talking about the Jets?
This is it, peeps. This is the week. This is when the long nightmare ends. I’m calling my shot. For the first time ever, come early Sunday morning, Urban Meyer will be celebrating his first loss at Ohio. They’ve dodged decent competition long enough. For the first time in two years, they are facing a team that is best described as “better than decent”. Northwestern is no juggernaut by any means, but I just get the feeling that they come up with some insane effort that the Fuckeyes haven’t seen in a year and a half. Let’s do a bullet-point thing regarding my reasons why 17 will reset back to 0 tomorrow night, shall we?

*The last time that Ohio and Northwestern played under the lights at Ryan Field (2004, I believe), the Cats ended the, at the time, longest winning streak in the country...sound familiar? FWIW, this “stat” may not be accurate as I did no follow-up to see if it is true although I THINK it is.
*Former NW coach, Gary Barnett, is very fond of making rape jokes in public
*I once stormed Ryan Field myself after Miami scored 23 unanswered points in the fourth quarter to beat the Cats. That was NW’s only loss that season outside of the Rose Bowl. They have not forgotten my ELITE field storming.
*The Fuckeyes secondary is ass and the Fuckeyes don’t get much pressure on the QB. Not the best variables to battle an efficient and explosive spread attack.
*You can’t honestly say that the Fucks are playing their best football. They are ripe for the picking.
*Damman is going to the game and thus bringing along his #Windians magic. That can’t be good.
*Ohio players are still too focused on hugging Dom Tiberi. I SAID THAT YOU CAN’T GO THERE, ASS!
*It’s about time that Pat Fitzgerald actually proves that he is a great college football coach.
*Braxton Miller is worse than Denard Robinson or so some say…

If I’m wrong, then I’m wrong. I won’t care too much about that. I will care quite a bit though if I’m right. I’m drawing a line in the proverbial sand here and now though and calling for Ohio to get beat 30-28. As is my life’s motto: GO CATS! Now snap off a few sets of Cat Jacks and hit the showers.

HEY! If you took my advice (and Ape’s) last week then YOU WON COIN! Let’s see if we can keep this one week hot streak going!

Michigan State -1 @ Iowa – This game will likely draw a 0.0 Neilsen rating. I’ve got a hunch that Sparty pulls off the epically boring victory.
Central Michigan -3 @ Miami – I’m going to this piece of shit. CMU lost to Michigan by 50 and are still a favorite on the road just one month later. It doesn’t matter. In 4 games, we’ve been in the red zone a total of 7 times. Not a lot of CODE REDs for this guy.
UTSA +14 @ Marshall – Larry Coker may be an old weirdo, but his team is undefeated against the spread so far this year after posting a good record ATS last year, too.
Oklahoma -10 vs. TCU – The one year that the Sooners have little expectations is the year that they are really good.
Minnesota +19 @ Michigan – Jerry Kill is always prepared to kill himself on the field to fire up his team. WE ON needs to prove that they deserve to be a 3 score favorite over anyone.
Washington +7.5 @ Stanford/Stansbury – Upset of the week…the Huskies win in Palo Alto.

MAC Glory Hole of the Week (2-2!!!): Ohio -5 @ Akron – I will never believe that the Zips are worth a shit (unless Charlie Frye is back of course). OU should roll them by 17-20 points.

My NFL picks for the weekend revolve around some of the undefeated teams losing.
Chicago PK vs. New Orleans – Saints on a short week going outside? Bear Down.
Cincinnati PK vs. New England – The Bengals have to be pissed after last week’s loss to the NFL Akron Zips and the Patriots aren’t that good.
Kansas City -2.5 @ Tennessee – Ryan Fitzpatrick is starting. ‘nuff said.
Philadelphia/New York Giants OVER 53 – Two of the worst defenses in the league! Mr. Ace, what say you?

Mr. Ace’s Hammers of the Week (now 5-5!)
Straight KILT IT last week. Let’s keep the MO... unlike the #Windians #TribeTears #OkayImDone
NCAA: Penn State -3. I don’t get this line. What had Indiana done to deserve this kind of respect? Penn State has never lost to Indiana. That won’t change.
NFL: Denver -7. Did you see what happened last week to my Eagles? The EXACT same thing is going to happen. Dallas is bad.
MONEYLINES: I don’t trust Bo Pelini at all. It seems like Illinois isn’t the dumpster fire we thought it would be. Illinois +270 for NCAA. For the NFL, DO NOT BELIEVE THE MARMALARD HYPE! Yes, he has destroyed NFC East defenses. So has everybody else. Rivers comes back to earth, Oakland +185.

Alright, that will do it for this week. Don’t forget to get your flags out tonight and carry them proudly. Go Cats and Go Jackets!

42 comments:

Nate said...

Indiana has a dreadful defense, but a very good offense.

That line seems about right, considering the game's not at Happy Valley.

Definite stay away game. Would not be surprised if Indiana won.

GMoney said...

A couple of years ago, they played that IU/Rape game in DC. The fuck was that all about?

Already off to a nice start with GAMBLOR victories on the Browns and UCLA. Let's keep the MO!

Mr. Ace said...

Nate, are you really sold on Indiana's offense? The only defense they faced with a pulse was Missouri(64th in Total D) and they scored 17 less than their average. Penn State has the 11th ranked D(Overrated based on competition but still a good defense) and I have a lot of trust in their coach.

I also had a couple W's last night in Western Kentucky(EASIEST MONEY EVER) and ISU. I'm pretty sure Dut lost last night with Utah. Too bad.

GMoney said...

All brown unis = bad

This was the first time in a while that I watched a good chunk of the Browns on TV. Has Brandon Weeden always locked in one receiver and waited until that guy is somewhat open? Is his neck fused together so that he can't move it around? Yeah, he got lucky last night but what I'm trying to say here is...

PLAY J-CAMP!!!

I realize that it is early still, but yours and America's hero picked the Browns as a playoff team.

GMoney said...

Also, that Broncos line is a bit generous since it has been at 8.5 at most places for a few days now. I don't know how to feel about that one.

The Iceman said...

My favorite part of last night's game was Brad Nessler calling Greg Little Mr. Dependable. Are we talking about the same Greg Little that led the league in drops his rookie year? (Not sure if that's real but he had to at least be close) As Damman said...this guy really did his homework.

Nate said...

Ace,

I'm going out on a limb with the way I see the Indiana game.

At some point, Penn State's lack of depth due to the sanctions is going to catch up with them.

Not saying Indiana's offense is elite, just thinking it's good enough to pull off the upset at home against a PSU team with depth issues. Plus, Kevin Wilson is probably the best coach Indiana's had since Mallory.

The Iceman said...

Excuse me, Nate. I think you meant DEPF.

Mr. Ace said...

G$, Bookmaker.eu, the site that I always use for my picks and gambling needs, still has the Broncos at -7 at an adjusted vig(-120 as opposed to the normal -110). So if you want me to take it at -7.5 then fine, but I would buy the hook anyways and get it to 7. They are going to win by 24. If you are stuck with 8.5 that is your own problem.

Kevin Wilson is the skinniest kid at fat camp.

Also some DRAMA in the MSFL. Fagnasty is trying to test my commish gangster. I'm going to hire someone from mcclure to do a drive by.

GMoney said...

WHOA! Terry Hoeppner (RIP) was the best coach that they have had in a long time. He actually revived that terrible program.

Biggest Winner of Last Night = Midget Bills Trainer

Nate said...

Terry Hoeppner is to Kevin Wilson as Len Bias is to Michael Jordan.

Can't be the best if you're not alive.

GMoney said...

Can't be the best if you're not alive.

Makes sense. I've always felt like I was better basketball player and pussy slayer than Wilt Chamberlain anyway. You just confirmed it.

Nate said...

*Can't be the best if you weren't alive to be the best.

Brady said...

I have no illusions about the Browns making the playoffs but damn it feels good to be in first place!

You do know that Northwestern has to play defense too right? Per usual, the Buckeyes will definitely give up some yards/points but it won't be anywhere close to how much they need to pull off an upset. I'm guessing this is a 45-28 kind of game.

I did make money off of this site last weekend. It feels like dirty money though. Probably going to have to find a "landing strip" type establishment and throw it on the day shifters and some natty light.

Anonymous said...

THE Ohio State University 48
Northwestern 30

Urban moves to 18-0...LOLZ.

The Lions are going to destroy the Browns next Sunday.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Weather apparently could suck tomorrow night. Not good news for a guy with fake knee injuries.

Mr. Ace said...

I am also looking at the Utah St game tonight. Only -4.5 against BYU? Seems like BYU is getting a lot more credit than they deserve for beating Texas. They have absolutely no balance on offense, can still rack up yards, but can't get in the end zone. While Utah State has the golden arm of Chuckie Keeton(aka Nate's top). USU has also covered the spread the last 5 years against BYU. Looks like Utah St should roll.

Anonymous said...

Great news for a team with a stable of ELITE RB's that can just pound it down the throat of a team with inferior talent....and that team that is also dependent on their air attack to score.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Oh Droucher, you do realize that Northwestern averages 250 per game on the ground, right? Definitely not a team that depends on the air attack to score. But who needs FACTS?

Anonymous said...

Just another day where someone makes Drew look like an idiot.

Go Browns.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Oh Ape....the NW offense is extremely balanced. They are 4th in the B1G in Rushing and Passing. If one of those options is taken away due to weather, they are not going to beat Ohio State. LOLZ @ you not getting it.

Slow Seal...how was another rocking sellout last night?!?!? You got destroyed here yesterday son.

Lions will not lose to the Browns...as that's something Detroit teams just don't do against Cleveland teams.....and we're way better.

I'm off to buy some Kraft food products guys...that extra ticket is free money on StubHub.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

LOL at Drew thinking the Browns stadium doesnt fill up and says "rockin" as being sarcastic.

Keep sayin dumb shit bud, only makes it that much easier to call you this websites biggest idiot.

Seal

Mr. Ace said...

NW averages 19 more passing ypg than the Fuckeyes. Yeah, they need their passing game WAAAAAY more than the Fuckeyes. Dumb statements are dumb. Come on, son.

Anonymous said...

We'll see how rockin it is when the Lions come next Sunday.

Ape...NW is not as talented as OSU. OSU can adapt if something is taken away...NW would struggle if they are forced to only go one way (unlike Slow Seal who goes both ways....LOLZ).

--Drew

GMoney said...

GIVE IT A REST, GUYS! We all know that Cakes and Dut tie for the dumbest commenter here award.

Northwestern's coach and QB have never faked health concerns though and that gives them the edge.

Anonymous said...

The Browns will beat the Lions next week IF Hoyer is back. Our defense will rough fuck Chins and dominate that paper thin line.

Fuck it. IM ALL IN. I have seen way too many seasons fizzle out, but like the Indians, this is the first meaningful October games we've played in a coons age.

Fuck the Lions. Put ribs on it Drew.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

NW is not as talented, but that doesn't mean they aren't able to adapt as well or better. Doesn't mean they aren't the better team either(See Texas).

Oh Cleveland fans. Everytime something even slighty good happens it is like they just got pussy for the first time. Don't let your teams cock tease you. That analogy works.

I don't think Hoyer is coming back. If he does he totes won't be onehunnit.

Anonymous said...

Cancel that. Hoyer out for the year. Why wouldn't he be?

Ide

Brady said...

Why exactly should we be scared of the Lions again? This si the same team that's played in Detroit the past few decades correct?

Prime99 said...

Bears/Saints OVER seems decent, yes?

I will likely narrow it down and put down three bets, then parlay those three as well. If they all hit, I'm rolling. 2 of 3 still good.

Anonymous said...

Cakes has to be very down that Peyton Hoyer is out for the year.

Cakes...you should be scared of the Lions because the Lions are a much better team than the Browns are this year.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I went #ALLIN on the Broncos line on Minday. Thanks to whoever called that to my attention. Unless it was Lange. Fuck that guy.

Ide

GMoney said...

Yes indeed. Hoya be done! HE GONE!

Oh man, comparing the histories of the Browns and Lions should lead to many suicides. You probably want to stop that.

I'm tellin' ya'll...J-CAMP is the answer to all questions.

GMoney said...

Before we go our separate ways for the weekend, did anyone else see the total fucking hose job that happened to Iowa State last night? If you didn't already believe that the Big 12 was rigged for Texas, last night should have swayed you permanently. Jesus Christ, that was a SHIT call.

Jeff said...

Terrible call. The Big 12 may want Texas to be good, but it aint happening again under Mack Brown's watch. His ass needs to be gone and the refs giving him cheap wins is delaying his exit.

Brady said...

Lions 2012: 4-12
Browns 2012: 5-11

Lions 2013: 3-1 (with game this weekend)
Browns 2013: 3-2

-Browns defense ranked in top ten of almost every major defensive category.

-Browns held AP in check

-Browns held AJ Green to 60 yards on a handful of catches.

Yeah, the evidence is overwhelming. Fuck the Lions. Can't wait to play them IN CLEVELAND.

GMoney said...

But the Lions beat the future Super Bowl champion Washington Redskins! Advantage: Lions

Plus, I GUARANSHEED that their coach could beat the shit out of yours.

Why don't we just wait 9 more days before we deem which franchise is "less bad".

The Iceman said...

RARELY do I agree with Cakes. RARELY! But I agree the Browns have a good chance against the Lions.

I'm not saying this Browns team is a playoff team. But no one can deny the STREMPH of that defense. Chins Stafford has been known to be very Farve-ish in both faggotry and throwing picks. So combine that with the fact that Cleveland's defense turns people over at a high rate and I fail to see how Drew thinks its such a home run that the Lions will beat the Browns. Keep in mind the Lions lost to the Cardinals and nearly lost to WARRRRSHINGTON.

Hopefully Drew sacks up and takes Ide's ribs bet. But he won't. Because he's a pussy.

Anonymous said...

Iceman....shut yo mouf. Ide's the pussy...he called off the bet before I could even answer him...."Cancel that". I'd gladly bet Ide ribs on this game.

Megatron will eat Joe Haden alive.

Also, my call on Trent Richardson being OVERRATED and that trade a good trade for Cleveland is looking pretty fucking good so far. Browns have been better without him and he hasn't done shit...

Trent Richardson: 2.9 yards per rush since joining Colts; rest of Colts have averaged 6.8 yards per rush in that time

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I will not bet ribs on the back of Weeden. I really want to put ribs on this game. If anyone other than Weeden is qb (Freeman!) I will gladly bet ribs.

Ide

The Iceman said...

My bad, Drew. Ide da pussy.

GMoney said...

Drooler, you do realize that win or lose you would have to eat a meal with Ide, right? In essence, you would be taking him out on a date. All his dates end with black men raping him. Good luck with that.

The CBJ would beat the Browns and Lions.

CARRY THE FLAG!