Wednesday, October 09, 2013

Open Forum: Condi Knows Football?

They know football just as much as they know about receiving The Shocker.
One of the most annoying yet hilarious aspects of today’s media cycle is the “hot sports take”. It’s the best when PFTCommenter brings it strong…much less so when it is some dipshit like Rick Reilly or Pete Prisco. If you’re new to this whole internet she-bang, recently many of the mainstream assholes with actual journalism degrees and decent resumes have rotated writing the most awful shit ever as a means to draw attention to themselves. It’s why you see posts like “Mariano wasn’t that great”, “RG3 should demand the team change its name”, and “Everything Ever written about Timmy Tebow”. Apparently, all the sports writers in the world have agreed to a contest to see who can be the worst. Reilly will win.

It has basically boiled down to all of these acclaimed writers evolving into callers of The Jim Rome Show where they constantly desire to be racked. Have a take. Do not suck. The problem is that they all suck and everything written these days is worse than the stuff that I write (FACT! I have been using the word “faggot” less these days…where is my Pulitzer?). It’s not supposed to be that way. OK, so where am I going with this? Only to the HOTTEST SPORTS TAKE this millennium, BRAH!

We all know that this is the final year of the glorious BCS. Next year we get that whole playoff nonsense that no one wants or has asked for. To get that playoff, we need a committee to select the participants. USA Today released the names of the committee members late last week. Needless to say, one inclusion rattled a few cages.

OK, so we’ve got a bunch of past conference commissioners and retired coaches. Whatever. That’s fine. But then they announce that former Secretary of State, Condoleeza Rice will be a voter. This set ESPN analyst and papier mache neck owner, David Pollack, into a whirlwind of HOT TAEKS and STREMPH-y opinions that embarrassed himself and the network and pretty much all men everywhere in its ELITE out-datedness.

Pollack has tried to back pedal since but the damage is already done. He doesn’t think that Rice should be on the committee because she is a woman and has—GASP—never played football before. While this kind of stance is admirable to people like Ide, this such a fucking caveman attitude that I find it embarrassing. You can think that. Hell, most of us probably do, but you don’t SAY THAT ON NATIONAL TV! Good luck getting any of that choice GameDay road beef for the rest of the season, bro.

Political career aside, if she’s good enough, you know, for the US of A, then she’s good enough for the NCAA. Second, you don’t need to have played the game to know who sucks and who doesn’t. All you need are functioning eyes and a decent attention span. If they hired a blind guy, I would be pissed. You don’t need to know x’s and o’s for this. You just need to trust what you’re watching. Mike Tranghese never played college football either. Where is the disdain toward him? I guarantee that Pollack is a huge fan of Tim Allen and has a man cave in his house.

Who Rice is shouldn’t matter at all. I would never say that women are smarter than men (it’s science, people!) but I will say that they make better decisions than we do. If she takes it seriously and puts in the time, then who cares? This is all subjective anyway. There aren’t right and wrong answers to who you feel are the four best. We already know that she is a massive Stanford fan (thus an egg head nerd). We know that Rice loves football (enough to admit that she is also a diehard Browns fan LOLZ!). I fail to see how this is such a crime against nature but then again, I didn’t graduate from Jawja.

Condoleeza Rice is black. She’s a woman. She’s a Republican. She worked for George W. Bush. Read those four sentences again. Rice is a troll genius! If anything, this was the best selection that the NCAA made. If there is any backlash about the four participants in the playoff, just blame her. She’s used to it anyway. Brilliant! Hey, the last time that we got politics in our football, Rush called McNabb a house slave or Toby or whatever. YES!

People are making WAY too big of a deal about who gets placed on this committee. It isn’t hard. You only have to watch 15-16 teams all year. There are 100 teams that don’t even need to be researched at all. Quick, ask me who the four best teams in the country are right now? Alabama. Oregon/Stansbury winner. Clemson/Florida State winner. Jawja. And then you have to pay attention to Ohio, A&M, LSU, Oklahomo, UCLA, Louisville, and Baylor. Done. End of fucking list. Boy, that was hard. I sure do wish that I had worked in the White House for 8 years or broke my neck for Mike Brown’s pennies before deciding on that in 3 seconds.

So let’s just GIVE IT A REST on the Rice/Hot Takes and see how this plays out. I’m quite certain that we’ll have more issues with the men showing bias than her. And, David Pollack, maybe this Saturday we can reel back the sexism a few notches, look in the mirror for a bit, and realize that you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about half the time yourself. David Pollack is ESPN’s version of Ide (not a compliment). Now THAT is a HOT SPROTS TAEK!

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

Man, if only you were on twitter to read SCORCHING HOT TAKES practically by the minute, you be more hot about this hot issue. I like Conde because she is Republican and loves the Browns. She is OK in my book.

PFTCommebter has the best twitter feed ever. The responses to his constant misspellings and poor grammar from the pundits he trolls is great. Also, race baiting Jason Whitlock is ELITE. He doesn't take too kindly to that.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

First, totes agree with Ide regarding Twitter, PFTCommenter and Whitlock. I enjoy all of those things. Also saying FUCK YOU CAKES for his jinx blessing of the Tigers.

I don't care about Condi. The idea that she is less qualified than any of those AD's is hilarious. That entire committee sucks. I would much rather have analysts like Phil Steele and his ilk be involved.

Today every comment should end with FUCK YOU CAKES!

Nate said...

Rice Cakes deserves a go at it.

FYI, there's been talk that she's on the short list for OSU's next president.

GMoney said...

Oh yeah, when are you guys going to actually address that gaping hole?

By the way, the Millen doc last night was pretty good actually. His kids put a Fire Millen sign on the Christmas tree. LULZ!

GMoney said...

Apparently, my takes are too hot today. Makes sense.

Fuck you, Cakes.

Anonymous said...

#causedbycakes

Ide

Anonymous said...

I think it's dumb that Condi is on the committee, but you're right that it's not a big deal as they only need to focus on a handful of teams.

LOLZ @ putting Georgia ahead of Ohio State.

Our dog got attacked last night by some cunt's dogs that she was walking off leash. I wasn't there unfortunately....my girlfriend was walking him...he's a little guy. They ran over to him and she thought they were coming over to sniff him/play....instead they got on top of him and started picking him up by his neck. They ripped his collar off and then he ran around the block with them chasing him and jumped up onto our porch curling up into a ball. GF and the cunt ran after them and then ripped them off of him. While my GF was checking him to see how he was doing the cunt vanished around the corner with our dogs. His leg got scraped up pretty good and he had a couple small puncture wounds on his neck. He was shaking constantly for a good three hours after it and would yelp if you touched his neck. Seems to be doing well today tho...walked around the block with no fear. We didn't encounter any dogs on the walk though, so not sure if he'll be scared of them. I'm anxious for my GF to point out the cunt that had these dogs some day tho.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Just goes to show two things. A) You live in a neighborhood where feral animals roam free, likely Hilltop or somewhere off of W Broad. B) Small dogs like beagles and whatever it is you have are useless in combat and should be treated as cats.

Ide

GMoney said...

RIGHT NOW, Jawja has wins over good teams. You don't. You won't. Deal with it. Give it a rest.

I FUCKING HATE ASSHOLES/CUNTS THAT WALK DOGS OFF A LEASH AND THEN ACT LIKE IT'S A SURPRISE WHEN THEY COME OVER LOOKING FOR A BRAWL. Sorry to hear about that. Hope your little bro is OK. Wish that that dog bit your neck.

Prime99 said...

#CausedByCakes Drew's dog getting attacked.

The whole "you have to play it to analyze it" is such a dumb argument. You may not KNOW what it FEELS like to drop back in the pocket, avoid the rush, etc. but you can sure as fuck figure out who is better at that procedure than others by watching.

Hey scientist, you never were an electron, what makes you think you can say shit about them bitches!

Anonymous said...

Ide...correct. The Mullens' family is my next door neighbors.

G$...It really is just incredibly stupid that these people think it's a fine idea to walk their dogs without a leash.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Where has Grumpy gone? Doesn't seem like he posts much here anymore.

--Drew

GMoney said...

He's going to SC next weekend to bone his favorite tree again. I wish I were joking. This does seem like a topic that suits him though (the leash part).

It just boggles my mind why you would let a dog run free. Even if you do stupidly trust them, do you also trust other dogs? So what if your little guy is mild-mannered and friendly. You don't know shit about the dog that he's running up to. KILL THESE PEOPLE.

Mr. Ace said...

I have a great dog story as well. The manliness of my dogs is well documented, an 80 lb German Shepherd and 90(he got fucking huge) pit mix. In an effort to wear them out I take them on bike rides with me. They start off a little rough and crazy but after a block it is pretty smooth. So I was heading back towards this culdesac and two little cunt dogs come charging from their garage towards my dogs. If there are other dogs around or in a femme and going crazy towards them they don't take notice, but when dogs are openly charging at them they take notice rather quickly. I stop my bike so they don't kill me and just hold my dogs steady as the other dogs stop right in front of them. The owner, who was outside with them the entire time, finally comes up and is trying to chat with me instead of getting her fucking dogs. Then she has the gull to say something along the lines of "yeah that's gotta be tough to control them on a bike." I respond immediately with " That's funny, it was going great until we got here." She stopped talking and finally got her dogs back inside her house. Not once prior to this did she address her dogs in any way. Fucking cunt.

This happens once every two weeks with random dogs. Thankfully nothing has happened and my dogs aren't aggressive because if things got serious then my dogs are probably winning 9 out of 10 times. Stupid people.

So Drew, this lady had two dogs off leash? What a moron. There is one lady that walls get dog of leash in my neighborhood, but she has it trained so well that is never an issue. But if you can't guarantee your dogs are capable of being off leash then don't be a dumb fuck.

MUfan said...

I have a 74lb 2-yr old German Shepherd who is pretty much lean and all muscle. I walk her twice a day, and come across other idiot's dogs who are off-lead all the time. Drives me crazy.

Anyways, it isn't the dog coming up to her that turns her into the most protective animal ever, it's the other dog coming up to me - that turns her into a bezerker. I saw her lunge (while on leash) at 2 larger boxers who had the gall to look at me. GSD's are super protective, and while I don't think she would ever go out of her way to harm someone, who knows what she would do to random dogs/people coming at me.

G$ - nice to meet you last Saturday. Ugly game, but at least Treadwell got fired.

Nice Roots reference, too...

The Iceman said...

People need to GIVE IT A REST when it comes to being dick fucks with their dogs and other people's dogs. When Baxter was still alive (RIP) I was walking him around the block in this neighborhood I used to live in. We're on the sidewalk and he paints some lady's bushes with his piss. She happens to be standing there and loses her mind.

I'm sorry, you dumb fucking dyke (for the record I found out later she was indeed a lesbian)...give me a second to have a little pow-wow with my FUCKING DOG so I can instuct him where he is and is not allowed to piss while we walk on a public sidewalk. Suck my ass. Oh...and she had dogs too. So what the fuck did you expect, bitch?

Our new dog (silver lab) was just born today. I can't wait to see all the issues people in our neighborhood will have once he's the size of a fucking kodiak bear. Should be fun.

The Iceman said...

Oh...and I don't give a rat's ass who votes for the playoff teams as long as they do it right...or put Michigan in every year.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ @ someone getting mad about a dog peeing on their shrubs.

Iceman...your new dog was born today?? Name that fucker Drummond.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

If iceman has any sense, the dog's name will be DUMARS and he will shave that into its hair on a regular basis.

GMoney said...

Big fan of everyone ripping Iceman. BIG FAN. Congrats on the newborn though! Don't name it Cakes.

While Ide likes to bemoan me for being a beagle owner for some reason (I guess being a hunter is not cool or something), I do have a good story about my little terrorist. He knows the houses in our 'hood where other dogs live and he always trolls hard. If we walk by one of the houses and they are yipping at him out the window, he ALWAYS stops and pisses in the yard right in front of them. Pisses them off SO MUCH. It's beautiful. My dog has an ELITE "fuck yo couch" sense about him.

MUFan, that was the best part of the year for me...that shithead getting shitcanned. HAIL BATH!

Anonymous said...

G$....I dig that...I dig that a lot.

Could Iceman's new puppy have been #causedbycakes ? That would mean that he fucked a dog...and I doubt anyone thinks he's above that.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Yep. We went through a breeder. I know...GASP! I've talked to so many people that think going through breeders is some unholy sin. Baxter was a rescue and as much as I loved that little fucker, I feel a lot of his issues were because of the people that had him before I did. You just never know what you're getting with a rescue anymore.

Drummond is a fabulous dog name idea. I may actually go with that. Or Barkevious. Get it? BARKevious? I fuckin rule.

Anonymous said...

#causedbycakes was an ELITE moment in history. Breast cancer made me lols.

So, when I was 3 or 4 my dad brought home a beagle out of the blue. Pretty righteous move surprising your kids (and likely enraging my mom) with a dog. Well, I can't remember why or what happened, but the next day my brother and I agreed and told my dad to get rid of it.

We got our next hound when I was 16. He held that damn beagle over our heads for a good 12 years. This time I picked it out and it was a Chow named Bosko, who took lives. He wasn't a mean beast but as Chows are famous for, he was super protective, almost to a fault. My brother bringing home a date who promptly got mauled before my brother stepped in and took a paw to the face drawing blood still makes me LOLZ to this day.

So no clear reason why I hate beagles, but I did when I was 3 and like minorities, I don't plan on changing.

Also, fuck labradors. Seriously? Did you just go into a pet store and say, "hand me a dog"? Those dogs are all dumb as rocks and have no personality, and is owned by every kid with obnoxious parents. They make great puppies and are blindly loyal and forever happy, but have no attitude, and you can't rough house with them because they are weak willed and docile. Golden Retrievers fall into this category.

I'd like Ape's hound more if its name was Farooq.

GMoney said...

Chow? LOL way to be a parent to an Oriental.

You be nice to labradors. They shed like whoa and that is annoying but they are terrific. There isn't another breed of dog that I would want to throw a tennis ball to.

You will name your dog Drummond after Conrad Bain's character on Diff'rent Strokes.

Cakes fucks dogs? This is an interesting turn of events. Brady really is turning into this site's Jerry Gergich.

Mr. Ace said...

I really should have fought for Farooq. Being named after the gray Alvin "I'm gonna make you my punk bitch, bitch" Mack is a nice consolation.... but it's no Farooq. Really disappointed in myself.

Labs are pretty gay.

The Iceman said...

First...Labs aren't the worst dogs in the world. Labs are what Wheelz has always had growing up and it's what she wanted this time around. So OBVZ that breed wasn't my first pick. Second...I was able to do some pretty ELITE negotiating in this deal. I said that she can get the lab as long as dogs out number cats in our house. So since she has a little hairy bitch running around currently, that means I get to get a second dog of my choosing. So I will be getting a Germain Shorthaired Pointer in the very near future. GSP is an ELITE breed.

Prime99 said...

Ice basically runs a petting zoo.

The Iceman said...

HEAVY petting zoo.

GMoney said...

In my personal opinion, as long as your dog weighs over 20 pounds and isn't a poodle, you're doing just fine.

I saw my next door neighbor this morning and he told me that one of his two gargantuan 200+ pound mastiffs has bone cancer. That's awful. Granted those two behemoths and my little fatso like to bark like idiots at each other through the fence at least a million times per day, but you hate to see one go out like that.