Wednesday, October 16, 2013

A Nightmare on Welfare Street

GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I'm writing this in between that hilarious 1-0 Tigers loss and the upcoming Blue Jackets win at The Joe.  Obviously, I am just assuming that we beat them again because it's what we do.  How about one of those great bullet-point posts that this site is famous for?  You know that you love them!

*You may have still been working but there was a 17 minute delay because the lights went out at Comerica Park.  Go figure that these broke cocksuckers can't keep the electricity on.  Maybe if they spent less on the postgame buffets and steroids, the Tigers would be able to pay their bills.

*I did find it amusing that Erin Andrews (you might remember her as the broad in the peephole video) announced to the world that Jim Leyland was firing up a heater during the delay.  Speaking of Leyland, I'm not really sure what he does as far as strategy during a game.  They don't run.  They don't bunt.  They don't substitute.  He rides his starting pitching until they can go no more.  All of that is fine and all, but I have no idea if he's a really good manager or just let's his players play.

*Jut Verlander's scoreless streak ended at 34 2/3 innings or something like that.  Who cares?  He lost.  He lost because he is a loser and couldn't even get Brett Kiesel (or whoever that guy) is out.

*John Lackey is the ugliest man on the planet so he had to feel right at home pitching in front of the ugliest fans on the planet.  If you weren't aware, Lackey has cat scratches on the back of his head.  LOL!  Better than Jut!

*Miggy Cabrera doesn't look right to me and that has to be troubling to you idiots.  OBVZ I'm a hater, but he looks hurt to my eyes.

*I'm sticking with Boston in 7.  Eventually, they are going to start hitting.  The Tigers aren't facing last year's Yankees team.

*On the other side of the league, fuck the Cardinals so hard.  Deadspin has done a great job calling them out as hypocrites but I want to do likewise.  Look, the Dodgers went 22 innings without scoring a run.  Adrian Gonzalez gets a big hit to break the drought and is rightly pumped about it.  According to Ide guy, Adam Wainwright, that makes him "Mickey Mouse".  Puig hot dogs a triple out of the box that scores another run and Beltran is mad about that.  Keep in mind that Puig had struck out the last SEVEN times at bat.  HOW DARE THESE GUYS SHOW EMOTION!  They should all be robots incapable of feeling things!  Fuck St. Louis.  They always act like they define "class" but act like horse's asses every time they lose a game.  If you can't get fired up in the postseason then what the hell are you even playing the game for?

*I'm also sticking with LA in 6.  I'm not breaking anything new here but the starting pitching in the LCS's has been ELITE.

In conclusion, I don't think that the Tigers are in trouble yet but they probably need to win the next two before unloading Crazy Eyes and Bass Pro Shops back in Boston.  Does that make sense?  It might not.  What I'm saying is that I feel like the Tigers need to go back to Boston up 3-2.  Oh, and keep your whore mouth shut, Cakes.  Good things come to those who Cake.

27 comments:

Grumpy said...

Fuck the Cardinals.

12-4. Keep the dream of ribs alive.

Anonymous said...

Steeler fans even have to trump the Browns in depravity.

LOLZ Detroit. While its bad enough the town is littered with impoverished people and various Sauls, a crumbling infrastructure that affects the only thing bringing capital to that hellhole is just hilariously bad.

Next home game, the city of Detroit will have to send out flyers or make a PSA to limit power use to keep their laughable grid in service.

STAY HOME DREW.

Ide

GMoney said...

The Wings not losing to the CBJ last night was a bigger upset than the Blackhawks knocking the Wings out of the playoffs last year. The only things that make sense about that to me are:

*Todd Richards felt sorry for you losers
*We missed seeing sieve Jimmy Howard
*Mike Baab-Cock cheated

It would be great if these guys weren't already banged up and missing games. It's been five damn games. Beat Montreal.

Anonymous said...

Cam Atkinson is the troof. I can't watch the games out here, and I'd be goddamned if I would go to a Red Wings bar, so I just had to catch the highlights. Their goalie had a sensational game and our offense is really going. We crushed them on shots on goal.

From what it looks like, we are ass on the defense. We have one of the best goalies there is, but not enough stremph between the lines. Boll just needs to go out there without a stick. Crack some canuck right in the face within the first 2 minutes of EVERY game. That would learn them to get aggressive past center ice.

Jeff said...

36 saves on 37 shots for the worst goalie in the league. We sure did make it easy by hoping he had a hole in his chest. He did not, but I guess you can't blame us since he does live in Detroit after all.

Anonymous said...

Ide...thanks for the advice...I am actually going home in an hour or so to the Detroit area, as I have tickets to Game 5 tomorrow night...woot woot! Also, I'm going to assume that you are the Poo Jackets commenter below and forgot to put your name at the end...if you are fortunate to have cable, the NHL Center Ice Free Preview is still going on, so you could have watched the game from your home.

So, G$...it appears you are rooting for the Red Sox. What a great Yankees fan you are!

Leyland fucked with the relievers too much in Game 2 in my opinion. Still shouldn't have lost tho.

The Tigers' starting pitching has been absolutely insane in the first three games and yet they are down 2-1...baseball can be a weird game. Bats definitely need to start hitting.

I agree with you that it sure would help the Tigers chances if they go back to Boston up 3-2. But, I don't think it's the end of the world if they go back there down 3-2 with Scherzer and Verlander pitching in those two games...still have a very good shot at winning those two. Hopefully, it doesn't end while I'm at Game 5.

The Cardinas are indeed a big group of cunts.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Oh....and it suck it Poo Jackets! Red Wings rule...Poo Jackets drool (like me).

--Drew

Jeff said...

I will save may Red Sox shit talking until the series is over as I know it is far from. Sure would be great to have the Tigs lose with Drew, Dut, and JSaul all in attendance.

GMoney said...

I am most definitely not rooting for the Red Sox. I am not an idiot so I can sit through a game and not have to pull for one side or the other. I would probably prefer the Cats to lose though I don't want the laundry to win. Tough balancing act.

"The CBJ had more shots on goal so it's pretty obvious to me that they won the game."--Seal

I'm fucking done with Umby. He's our worst player.

Anonymous said...

"Hopefully, it doesn't end while I'm at Game 5."

You're fine, Drew - none of us are that lucky for that to actually happen.

Im not sure what I did to get the wrath of the red head lately - but eat shit.

Seal

GMoney said...

What you did was "being unintelligent". You must now atone for your sins by bringing only ELITE points and arguments to the commenting table.

Anonymous said...

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\f0\fs22 \cf2 \cb3 \expnd0\expndtw0\kerning0
\outl0\strokewidth0 \strokec2 \uc0\u8234 G$- you are correct in your assessment of Leyland. The only managing he does is try to figure out what shitty left fielder we should use. He hasn't moved the lineup around at all the entire season (it's hard to argue the results-scored the 2nd most runs, but we also have Jesus in our lineup). If he had any balls he would move victor to clean up, our stud shortstop/left fielder peralta to 5th, and fatass fielder to 6th. Prince has 0 RBI in his last 14 playoff games. He is not good.

I'll be in attendance for game 5 as well. I can't wait to drown my sorrows of losing the alcs at the casino.

I can't wait to see what the stadium looks like. Just kidding. That's a gay Brady quote.

If the tigers play 7 army nation at the game again I'm going to leave.

Prime99 said...

No dumb comments?! Might as well close up shop if that's the new rule.

The Cardinals are the cuntiest team ever. I really don't like any of the four left. Good baseball but hard to truly enjoy based on the participants.

GMoney said...

Who was that anon Tigers wonk? JSaul? Wig Master? Dut?

Yeah, The White Stripes can't be happy about that. Way to rip off horrible fans like Ohio Buckeyes, Penn State, and the Baltimore Ravens.

Prime99 said...

Don't forget Soccer fans.

Brady said...

I'm TOTES going silent until that one team loses to that other team I hate slightly less.

Brady said...

I can't believe I let #causedbycakes get in my head. Prime is real dick.

Prime99 said...

Hold on- you're saving you had nothing to do with the Tigers winning, the Indians losing, and 9/11? Sounds fishy to me...

Anonymous said...

Completely unrelated, but I was watching an old 30 Rock episode where Jenna throws away Danny's Montreal Allouette's poster. This infuriated Danny and caused him to say, "It was signed by Mark Trestman!!"

ha

Ide

GMoney said...

I love how all sporting event results are 100% dependent on Cakes' farm fingers. Actually, no I am not. This terrifies me. No man should have that much anti-power.

At the time, my guess is that no one in 'merica got that joke, Ide. It is brilliant though.

Brady said...

Do I have farm fingers because I'm fat or because I'm going to be a LAND BARON?

I don't believe that I have anti-power at all but it's better safe than sorry.

GMoney said...

Precisely. Even on the small chance that you are right and the rest of us are wrong, it's better to play it safe and stay silent.

Speaking of you being wrong, how about T-Rich averaging 4 YPC this week!!!

The Iceman said...

I see I missed nothing today so far. So Wheelz decided to jet off to Florida without me for the rest of the week/weekend. Probably to get knocked up by Blaine Gabbart so she can have homosexual babies. That means I have the house to myself for the next 4 nights. It's gonna be so gross in our place by the time she gets back. But it's gonna suck feeding myself. Probably just do Wendy's for 4 straight days for breakfast lunch and dinner.

BREAKING NEWS! We finally landed on a dog name. As much as I wanted Drummond, she was being a whiney asshole about it. So we eventually landed on a name we agreed on. In a couple of weeks we will be welcoming Walter to the Iceman brood. In honor of Walter White...the greatest TV character of all time. Walter Sobechak...the greatest movie character of all time. And of course, Walter Behrman...the greatest man of all time.

Brady said...

"Speaking of you being wrong, how about T-Rich averaging 4 YPC this week!!!"

In a loss. Classic T-Rich. Running kind of good when it doesn't really matter. TEAM TRADE!



Anonymous said...

Don't name a lab Walter, name is something indicative of the breed. Like Kyle.

Ide

GMoney said...

Walt is a fine name for a dog as long as it remembers its BEEFS.

Now that you're married, you have no choice but to be pumped about the free weekend. The only downside is that some time tomorrow night you will be bored and wish that there was someone else around that you are superior to. It makes no sense at all but that is how it works.

The Iceman said...

BEEFS is taught at a very young age. It's the platform of life. And he'll always have his tshirt tucked into his jersey shorts or I'll chuck basketballs at his head.

One thing I promise I won't be doing the rest of this week is wearing pants.