Thursday, September 19, 2013

Waving The White Pinstriped Flag

As a fan of The New York Yankees, I am generally considered to be a member of the most knowledgeable and classiest fan bases in all of sports. We always treat our opponents with the utmost respect while packing our home stadium to the rafters with the world’s best fans. 2013 has been an interesting season for our beloved Yankees, though, as you all probably know by now. It has been a perplexing jaunt that has left many of my brethren scratching their chin strap beards in bewilderment. This “Word of the Day” toilet paper is really paying off.

I write this on Wednesday afternoon and while I will not adjust the post based on what happens on the diamond later this evening, my sentiment remains the same. Much like what Li’l Strut will be doing a few months from now on Election Night, today I raise the white flag and deliver the concession speech on behalf of the New York Yankees.

If you recall, I said before the season even saw its first pitch that I would absolutely not use injuries as an excuse for poor play. And while it would be easy to do so considering that it was even worse than I could have possibly imagined in my worst nightmare, I still won’t do it. Loser teams use excuses. Winners admit that they fell short and move on. After getting shutout on Tuesday night by past female babysitter rape victim, RA Dickey, and losing the underrated Brett Gardner for the year a few days prior, it’s just not going to happen. You don’t have to be a Chinaman to know that 3.5 games out with 11 to play is bad math.

The strange thing about this season is that I’m kind of proud of the team. They hung in there for a long time when they should have folded. If anything, the New York Yankees in 2013 were pretty much underdogs which is a very weird thing to say. With what has happened, there is no way that they should still be hanging around. But they are and it is a testament to the character of the team and how good of a job Unfrozen Caveman Manager has done. Other than Cano, Mariano, D-Rob, Nova, Kuroda, Gardner, and a rejuvenated Soriano, everyone else has been rotten garbage. Mark Teixeira has a wider pussy than Braxton Miller. Derek Jeter had more DL trips than hits. A-Rod was only ELITE at trolling Bud Selig. Granderson is just a platoon player these days. Vernon Wells LOL. I don’t know what the hell happened with Sabathia but he’s pitching less like an ace and more like Tom Ace (ELITE Pet Detective reference). Hughes and Joba were once the future of the team and now I’d be willing to help them move out of town. We have had at least 50 guys on the team this year that were cut by the Indians. Needless to say, there has been way more bad than good which makes it even more bizarre that they are still barely alive.

I am OK with not making the postseason since they would probably lose the wild card game anyway due to no #1 starter and that is just as bad as not making it. But at the same time, I still wanted to get there. Yet I can spend an entire winter stewing over the two main reasons why they are playing golf early and ruining the Mariano Rivera retirement tour: got swept by the Mets and got swept by the White Sox. That’s inexcusable. THAT is why you sit at home. I’m not even going to start going into the three or four miracle losses handed down to us by the Boston Awful Beards. Also: my sister went to two games this year and got to see two blown Mariano saves (which is sort of amazing). This season is TOTES on her.

So all that is left for me to do over the next week and a half is to cherish and embrace the final appearances by Mo. I can do that. That will be enjoyable. I suppose that I can also root against the Indians since they have proven that they can’t beat the teams that I require them to beat. You can’t beat Boston or Detroit. DEAL WITH IT and let some teams that can get in. Seriously, just go away. No one wants you here. And for the second day in a row, Fuck the Tigers.

With all of that said, we Yankees fans are solemn today but we will rebound. We are a resilient bunch due to our high character. Unless we let Cano walk in the offseason which would be the dumbest thing ever. After all, the last time that we missed the playoffs (once in the last 20 years, fuckos), we came back the next year with a Series title (Tigers fans don’t know what these are…they only hoard AL Championship rings). What I’m trying to say here is that OBVZ we will win the World Series next year. And Fuck the Tigers and Red Sox.

One more thing: The Browns traded Trent Richardson to the Colts.  HOLY SHIT THIS IS THE WORST ORGANIZATION EVER.  Just move the team.  There is no hope.  I feel nothing but deep sorrow for all of you poor bastards that chose this god awful franchise as your own.


Anonymous said...

The playoffs just won't be teh same with the Tigers not being able to knock out the Yankees.....again. LOLZ!

I read an article where a bunch of anonymous GM's all said the Browns did well in that trade. The new regime must not think Richardson is anything special.

Up early for an early flight to Boston for some vacation...maybe I'll meet some Red Sox fans over some beers and we'll chuckle at G$ and his Yankee cohorts.


GMoney said...

No one derps like Drooler

Mudawgfan said...

So the play for the Browns is to crash and burn and make a play for Bridgewater?

My god I hope the win a game and beat Jacksonville and have to draft Manziel. His will be the most epic of meltdowns.

Jeff said...

The Browns make me smile.

Pretty sure the steelers would've given up our #1 pick in this past draft for Trent.

GMoney said...

I'm enjoying the people who are trying to justify the move.

Jeff said...

Oh and the Yankees have made me smile this year too. Hopefully you pick up Papelbon in the off season to replace Mo. Philly sucking and him blowing saves "Isn't what he signed up for," but they sure are great fan base. He would fit well on the Detroit Drouchers/Duts though.

Ace said...

I just can't believe they are dumping T-Rich for just a 1st rounder. The Colts are a wild card team at worst and a first round bye playoff team at best. That 1st round pick isn't going to be better than 20. I get making moves for the future, but the Colts got WAY more value in that trade. The FB meltdown was glorious. The Browns should trade away Joe Thomas next week.

As a fantasy owner of TRich I am thrilled with this move. He wasn't doing anything behind that horrible O line. Now he will get better opportunities. However, I currently have 4 Colts now starting for me. Not exactly the offensive juggernaut I would want to latch onto like that, but oh well.

I forgot my phone at home today. This is the worst feeling ever.

GMoney said...

I get building for the future but wouldn't a 22/23 year old warthog RB be part of that future? Trading an aging Thomas would have made way more sense and would have been justifiable. Dumping an actual talent on the same week that you announce Brian Hoyer as your starting QB is just AWFUL business and yet another slap in the face to a fanbase that you beat the shit out of weekly.

If you're trying to troll me about my team falling short, it isn't going to work. There is no way in hell that they should still be in this but they're hanging which is admirable. We all know that this Red Sox team is a fluke anyway.

Grumpy said...

Trent Richardson probably awoke this morning feeling like he won the lottery.

GMoney said...

Obligatory..."WHERE DO I JIZZ?"--Mac

GREAT hour of FXX comedies last night. That Jay Catler can act, BRAH!

Prime99 said...

When A-Fraud's appeal? The end result of that will be more interesting than the Yankees' season.

As a fan of the Cubs, it is frustrating watching a team have to fix itself at the expense of current performance, so I guess that's what Browns fans have to hope for at this point.

Cutler was pretty funny last night. Kevin's daydream sequence where they agree to wife swapping was damn funny.

Anonymous said...

I drank very much last night. After a lot of reflection and what could be a massive hangover, I have reached this conclusion. The Browns are fucking terrible. I mentioned I was numb on Monday, now I'm fucking done. I hope they move. I don't want a Super Bowl anymore, I want them out of my life, completely.

NO ONE CAN JUSTIFY THIS. 1st round pick?! HE WAS TOP 3!!!! The Colts aren't tanking to get the top pick, so no, we didn't get a good deal. We traded a 2nd year THIRD PICK for a 20th plus pick. Oh, I'm sure we will have a top 5 pick, but still, NOT FUCKING WORTH IT.

I can deal with this shit heap of a team when it looks like we are trying, but this is blatant stupidity. Fuck the Browns and everyone in their organization.

Art Modell had it right. I said it.


GMoney said...

The appeal is on my birthday so happy birthday to me.

Charlie's song about spiders defines ELITE

Brady said...

Do you have to take a bleach shower after every time you say the Yankees are your team, G$? I still can't get over how awful you are.

Why can't the Indians beat the Royals? They are the GRITTIEST team going right now. I'm glad to be leaving KC. The tribe will finish the year with HOU, CHW and MIN. If they can't figure out a way to get one of those wild card spots with that schedule I will think about cutting myself.

After a predictible knee-jerk reaction last night, I've calmed down a little bit on the T-Rich trade. Running backs are a dime a dozen in this league and we OBVZ need ammo for the next draft to get a QB, CB and more OL help. Am I thrilled that we are rebuilding yet again? FUCK NO but after we lost the first two games in the most depressing way possible, there really is nothing left to do but look toward the future.

GMoney said...

Yes, it is such an awful feeling to be a fan of the greatest organization in all of sports. SO UNCLEAN! Please give me more abject failure like Windians fans! ASAP!

Unless his knees are already shot, don't you dare support this deal. And if they are, you can expect the deal to be rescinded. But then again, I DID chastise you for taking T-Rich at #3. WHO ELITE? I ELITE!

Grumpy said...

Rebuilding from what? You have to win before you can rebuild.

Prime99 said...

Grumpy's knows about re-building while staring 0-3 in the face- IN THE FACE!!!

Hey, Gay Buke won! Very impressive.

GMoney said...

Homosexual Burke is a winner.