|You make 8 figures per year, Aaron. Fly first class.|
*Why is Aaron Rodgers flying coach?
*Why is Aaron Rodgers riding bitch in coach?
*Why is Aaron Rodgers just getting to his seat when the plane is already in the air?
*Where was he during takeoff?
*Is there a worse person than that fat idiot Cheesehead?
*Why is he hanging on the wing?
*Is this how all Packers fans fly? It is, isn't it?
*Most importantly, I will be on a plane in a month so can I upgrade to "grill class"...whatever that means?
Horrible commercial. Fuck State Farm. Fuck that lardo Packers fan. Fuck Aaron Rodgers. Let's get on with week two's worst:
Mike Mayock - Thursday night football games are almost always unwatchable as this past one was, but I would appreciate it if the normally good Mayock would stop making excuses for Tom Brady. He spent the entire game blaming everyone but the guy throwing the ball and it was annoying. Face it, Brady was poor on Thursday. Any moron knows that you shouldn't be throwing back shoulder passes to Aaron Dobson who is playing in his first game. That was just dumb. You're allowed to say that.
Brandon Meriweather - You know what, he's on my team and all that, but fuck this guy. Quit trying to give opposing players kill shots. That is such a cocksucker play and you deserved to get concussed yourself. Stop leading with your stupid fucking head. As far as the Skins go, Jesus titty-fucking Christ are they bad or what? They look worse than the Jags. It serves me right to actually have high expectations. I should have known better than trust a franchise that has been shit for two decades. The "defense" is on pace to be the worst of all time. OVER SIX HUNDRED YARDS OF OFFENSE for the Packers! The "offense" only shows up when down by 30 points. My Guy Kai is hurt. This is really, really bad. I can only imagine what Fat Ass Stafford is going to do to this team next week.
Steven Jackson - Way to stick it to your old team, you goat. No rushing yards and an injury! Just like what he used to do in STL! And THAT is the Jared Cook that I remember!
Whoever #20 is on Carolina - Good finish in Buffalo between two shitty teams and that winning touchdown to Stevie J was just amazing. The guy covering him, #20, just stopped playing. What was he doing? The Redskins have me in a deep depression right now but that made me smile. GO BILLZ!
Jay Catler - One of the ESPN wonks said it best that Cutty was equal parts incredible and awful yesterday. Meow!
Andrew Luck - It sort of makes me sick that the Colts always need these comeback wins to beat garbage teams. Now, the Dolphins appear to be pretty frisky this year (2 road wins!), but I still expected The Cookie Monster to do something insane to win anyway. Fuck him.
The Houston Texans - Another miracle win over a bad team for the Texans but you must give them credit for making yesterday's game a White Out. NO BLACKS ALLOWED. They make the list today though for having Vanilla Ice perform his music at halftime. Way to know what the people want, Texans!
T-Bone Romo - He probably should have had 9 interceptions yesterday. I include him here because in my OTHER LEAGUE, he is my starting QB and in both weeks, my opponent's QBs have each thrown for over 400 yards and 4 touchdowns. I deserve to get crushed weekly for riding T-Bone.
DAT CHIP KELLY DERPFENSE - Fuck this smirking, visored asshole. Apparently, the genius isn't smart enough to figure out how to beat the fucking Chargers at home. I'm glad that they got their turds pushed in by a rotten team because they deserve it. Fuck you, Ape. Nice advice. When are you going to start giving out winners? It's nice to know that the Eagles are just as bad as we remember them. Now, they're just more fun to watch...lose. If you haven't noticed, I am in such a piss poor mood. Butt-hurt doesn't even begin to describe my mental state.
Joe Flacco's newborn baby! - Whatever. The Browns are the least watchable team in the league and no one else is even close. I have nothing to say about this game because RedZone never went to it. If you suck, at least be fun to watch. The Browns aren't even remotely fun to watch. FIRE CHUD!
Mikel Leshoure SR. - Apparently, this bad running back is going to ask for a trade out of Detroit. That's what teams want: shitty players who aren't wanted by below average teams. I have nothing much to say about the Cards/Lions game except that I think that Reggie Bush got hurt which is even sooner than we all anticipated.
Jag Fag Hags - Who the hell designed those helmets? Those things are total butt. And there's a good chance that Jacksonville will go 0-16. Congrats on your first win, longtime reader Terrelle Pryor!!!
Eli Manning - Look who leads the league in interceptions after four more beauties yesterday! We all know that these regular season Manning Bowls don't mean dick because regular season glory is nothing compared to Super Bowl titles. Eli > Peyton 4 Life
Brandon Jacobs - Holy shit, did you see how fat this guy is!!! Speaking of worthless running backs...
Mark Ingram - I don't know why the Saints keep throwing this turd out there and hoping that one day he gets it. He isn't going to and he never will. Just admit that you made a draft day error, cut his ass, give his carries to the superior Tiny Darren and Pierre, and move on. Mark Ingram is the worst player in the league.
Josh Freeman - Hey look! It's another guy who wants to be traded ASAP! It's too bad that he is one of the worst starting QBs in the league. Seriously, who is going to call the Bucs and offer them anything for Freeman? It's OK, though, because Dut thinks he's good. Actually, there you go, Josh Freeman to the Browns!!!
FANTASY!!! - It looks like I will be beating Dut in the LFL because he sucks. It's up in the air vs. Damman in the MSFL (go Gio and AJ tonight!). G$FL is up in the air, too. I got killed for the second week in a row in my OTHER LEAGUE. This is not the start that I wanted.
Well, that will do it. It will make me feel a little bit better if the Bengals won by 50 tonight. Either way, I will likely spend the rest of the Fall and early Winter in a terrible mood because my favorite teams are so bad. That should lead to some good bloggin'.