Monday, September 30, 2013

The Worst of Week Four Vol.VII

Seems like an appropriate cake for me.
Apparently, it is all the rage these days to not play your sport when you are expected to.  We know about Derrick Rose and Braxton already, but now we're led to believe that the ultimate meathead, Gronk, is doing the same thing.  His dad is not happy that they had him play last year so he is sitting out for a few more weeks even though he has been practicing for weeks and has been cleared to play by the team doctor.  OK?  This is fucking stupid.  You get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog.

Along those same lines, I have been cleared to blog but since today is my birthday, I'm not going to put in much of an effort.  And can you blame me?  My life as a fan is still the absolute worst.  Let's get this over with.

Joe Flacco - 5 picks to those ball-hawking Bills!  Not ELITE!  Also, CJ Spiller still sucks.

Jay Gruden and Andy Dalton - Bros, your offense sucks.  How could you ruin Tonya's trip to the 216 like that?  As far as the Browns go, clearly Trent Richardson was the metaphorical pair of cement shoes that was holding the franchise back from achieving true greatness.  REALLY looking forward to that Bills/Browns game this Thursday.

Jay Catler - That's more like it.  That is the Cat that we know and love.  On the Lions, are we buying these guys?  I suppose that they always were a pretty good team as long as they don't turn it over and keep the personal foul penalties to a minimum.

Russell Wilson - This guy has been poop so far yet the Hawks are 4-0.  GAY.  Matt Schaub also sucks.  I always LOL when some dumbass like Herm will talk about how underrated Captain Boring is.  No, he's properly rated as an average at best QB/chronic masturbator.

ELITE Manning - QB heavy today!  Only turning the ball over 3 times qualifies as a great game for baby Elisha.  I know that everyone everywhere is saying this but I can't fucking believe that the Giants are THIS BAD.  They're making the Skins look like the Broncos.

Mike Tomlin's aviator sunglasses - 25% of the way to 0-16, BRAH!  Sorry, Grump, you will get no ribs from me.  Apparently, Mike Adams was absolute horseshit all day.  I wouldn't know since I wasn't about to watch these two teams.  But, then again, watching Jared "Real American" Allen abuse him for 3+ hours would have been great.

LOL Chip Kelly - Who's smirking like a smug prick now, you visor-wearing faggot?  I just love how this offense racks up major yards and then uses them on missed field goals.  This team is trash and just begging to go 5-11.  You watch, Chump is going to pull a Petrino on the Eagles and take the USC job.  HOT TAKE!

YEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!! - We finally won a fucking game!  I was so ready to hang myself once we hilariously fell behind to Matt Flynn 14-0 but we kept it together, realized LOL Matt Flynn, and dominated the final three quarters (not really but compared to the first three games, this was an ELITE performance).  The best part?  The NFC East is so fucking rotten that we're a game out of first place.  What I'm trying to say here is WE ARE SUPER BOWL BOUND YET AGAIN.  I'm going to have to do a little digging but the Skins seem to have an ELITE record on the weekend of my birthday.  HAIL YES!

Props to Jeffrey - Damn, after leading for most of the week, I fell victim to players sitting on Sunday and Jeff did not which allowed him to close strong and win the baseball league.  Second place isn't bad considering Jut Verlander was trying to sabotage my team all season and Coco Crisp was probably my best offensive player.  Jeff ($280) and Damman ($60), I will have your money...I don't know...some time.  If you want it now, give me some PayPal deeeeeets and I'll have it out this week.  Take notes, other commissioners of other leagues, this is how you do it.  You get the money up front and you pay immediately.  Looking at you, Lange/Dut.

FANTASY! - Eat my smelly dick, Seal.  4-0 in the MSFL.  The rest of the leagues are still to "Brees" decided.  I think I can go 3-1 this week which would be a fucking miracle.  Come on, Drew, it is my birthday.  How about four touchdown passes tonight, you know, for old time sake?

In conclusion, I am 33 years old.  No one cares.  But we all should care about the Breaking Bad finale last night.  Talk about it as early and as much you want to.  My early prediction is that Todd kills everyone and is named King of the World.  He'll let me me live though because I also love Americone Dream.  OH!  One more thing: Birthday Cake Oreos...'nuff said.  Get them now.


Anonymous said...

BB was ELITE. Everything about the last 20 minutes basically. RIP Walt.

Browns! Weeden best be benched for life. Playoffs!

LOL Grump and Jeff! You bad.

3-0 fantasy weekend. Again. I am 11-1 in my 3 leagues. Ape getting buttfucked by his own teams failing is beautiful. GSaul getting hosed by Danny Woodhead is also notable.


Grumpy said...

If Mike Adams was a matador they would be erecting statues in his honor all over Spain.

Happy Birthday!

GMoney said...

I got a "happy birthday" from J-Rup already today. Deal with it. I should have been his best man and he mine.

Is there anyone worse at the comeback two minute drive than Matty Ice??? I think not.

BB was perfect. Everything was answered. The right person walked away. Well, close to perfect. RIP Todd!

Anonymous said...

Happy Bday G$!
Broncos were at -6 going against the boys bet that right now. Your welcome.


GMoney said...

No kidding on that advice. I saw last night that the Broncos have started better than that insane Patriots team that went 18-1.

By the way, when Denver rolls Dallas and who cares who wins Giants/Eagles, yep, the Sunday night game in Dallas between Warrrrrrshington and the Boys will be our chance to get to first place. Such a shit division.

I am 0-4 in my OTHER LEAGUE. Building your team around T-Bone Romo and the ELITE shut-out backfield stable of Ridley and Cop Speed was a BRILLIANT decision.

The Iceman said...

Nothing makes me happier than the Steelers being 0-4. Remember when Tomlin is going to miss the playoffs 2 years in a row and 3 of the last 4 years? I think it's time for Steeler fans to admit what I've been saying from the start. Tomlin = OVERRATED. Speaking of OVERRATED...if Big Raper is as ELITE as everyone says he is, shouldn't he have found a way to win at least one of the first four games? Shouldn't his team not be missing the playoffs 3 of the last 4 years? Tom Brady's top target is a college quarterback from Kent St. right now and they're 4-0. THAT is ELITE.

Eli SUX. Peyton for life!

No mention of Darren McFadden lacerating his pussy again? his body made out of wet bread?

Don't get me's nice to be able to watch a Browns game in full. We actually look like a football team. But LULZ at the fans that think this is a playoff team. No sir. It is not. And Richardson wasn't the was Weeden. It was always Weeden. It will always be Weeden where ever he goes.

BB ended exactly how it should have. THAT is how you do TV shows. Nothing will ever be as good as BB but I will give it my best to enjoy shows on the same level. Jesse's revenge on Todd was so tasty and fun to watch. The only thing that was confusing to me is it seemed like Marie got over Hank's death rather quickly. She seemed pretty okay with everything when talking to Skylar on the phone.

Mr. Ace said...

I really wasn't upset yesterday with the Eagles because that is exactly what I thought would happen. Our defense is ass and I knew Manning would carve us up. Oh well. I wish that somebody would be decent in our division so I could fully root for the Eagles to tank, but 7 wins could legit win this division so I am forced to cheer for wins. But Mike Vick can't handle this offense. He's a seven step drop guy and he needs the ball out of his hands immediately in this offense. Just doesn't fit.

What really pissed me off during the game was Kelly not going for it on 4th and 5 from the Broncos 38. FUCK THAT. Never do that shit again.

Cop Speed is buttfucking me in the LDFL. No TD's and about 2 ypc...solid.

I Watched the Breakind Bad finale last night. Even having never watched the show, I was able to pick up on the general story line pretty quick. I liked it, but really have nothing to compare it to.

I am also going to take this time to pat myself on the back regarding my betting prowess. 2 easy covers and hit 2 of 3 moneylines...INCLUDING +390 TULANE! We On!

Anonymous said...

Well, that is Marie 6 months post death, so that is about right. The only problem I had with the Todd scene is, WTF is he doing looking out of the window?! It is a small gripe, but still, the last thing I'd be doing if my entire clubhouse got mowed down by heavy artillery is looking out of a window to see what is causing it. Massage chair is LOLZ.

I am betting the farm on that Broncos game. That is free money.

Just to point out, I went #ALLIN on wide outs and QB's in my leagues and it has paid off in spades (unintended racism a plus). This goes to show that building a team around RBs is stupid and breeds loser teams. It is known.

Montee Ball is still undefeated. And awful.


GMoney said...

Ice, we were something like 3 months from his DEAF. And she was most definitely not calm. MAYBE she has started to cope and gone back to her true passion of stealing things.

Loved Jesse killing Todd like Jabba The Hutt but still heart Todd so much.

Walt's big trunk gun > any other gun ever

Don't you want to know where your money--BANG. No, he does not, Uncle Jack.

Badger and Skinny Pete = best assassin team ever

Prime99 said...

Yikes. That was RUFF. I felt like Miles Austin getting his teeth kicked in while watching the Bears. I'm not exactly sure why Jay thought some of those throw were a good idea, but whatever. They are 3-1 and I'm not losing my mind over one game, though it sucked. No doubt.

G$- did you take that Oregon/Cal under?

The Iceman said...

"Don't you want to know where your money--BANG. No, he does not, Uncle Jack"

This made me LOL. That was such a fucking hilarious and aweseome moment all rolled into one.

Agree with Ide on the looking out the window. " whole crew was just assassinated before my eyes. Let me check out the scene and try and figure out what just happened." But then again...Todd has always been painted as a dopey fucking retard, so I guess it kinda makes sense.

I understand it's been awhile since Hank's death. But Marie had always blamed Walter and Skylar for his death. For her to be how she was with Skylar only 3-6 months after his death is odd to me. It would take me more than 6 months to call a "truce" with one of the persons I blame for the murder of a spouse/family member.

Prime99 said...

And of course, happy birthday, ya filthy animal!

Mr. Ace said...

Everybody is sucking off Philip Rivers this morning! That shit is hilarious. People forget that he has blown up 2 NFC East defenses in the past 3 weeks. FLUKE.

But I see that not even his 32 point effort could help Damman. Terrible.

GMoney said...

G$- did you take that Oregon/Cal under?


I'm not one to waste my time deconstructing Marie's mental health, but Skyler is still her sister and she doesn't want anything to happen to the kids.

Todd defines HURRRRRR so him wanting to see what ended everyone made sense within the character. Plus the gun had stopped so he was curious. TEAM TODD.

The only thing that I didn't get was why Walt left his watch on top of the pay phone. What was that all about?

Jeff said...

Fantasy Baseball GOD!!!

$280 is fair consolation for the Steelers shittiness. Our elite D has had 0 takeaways in 4 games and probably like 3 sacks. Pure eliteness. It's probably time for Mike Adams to get stabbed again.

Anonymous said...

According to Warming Glow it was continuity reasons. It wasn't on at Denny's when they did the opening during the first half.

I've noticed that Rivers has had a sneaky good fantasy year thus far. Drafting Woodhead due to his supreme skin color has really paid off. Next week, all of my teams (except in LFL, because Daniel is bad) are facing some big challenges. I expect to lose to G$ in MSFL due to the faggot being on his bye, though, that could help me.


The Iceman said...

"The only thing that I didn't get was why Walt left his watch on top of the pay phone. What was that all about?"

I have the answer for you. There are two different answers, actually. The first is because of continuity reasons. In the Denny's scene where Walt's making his bacon 52 birthday breakfast plate he's seen not wearing a watch. That scene happened before Walt left his watch on the pay phone so the director needed to find a way for Walt to not have a watch on while eating his birthday breakfast. A way that made sense so nerds looking for that stuff couldn't whine about it.

Second explanation is that was the watch Jessie gave Walt as a present way back when if you remember. Walt was on his way to rescue Jesse and die in the process so he knew he didn't need the watch anymore. Leaving the watch was a symbol of Walt accepting his fate.

And if you want to know why I know this, it's because I minored in film studies in college. Just was addressed in the after show.

GMoney said...

Walt telling Elliot that he's going to need a bigger knife was major LULZ AND a nice shout out to Crocodile Dundee.

Biggest upset of the night, though, was Homeland being really good and setting up an interesting season. "Fuck your butt, Carrie"--Saul.

Anonymous said...

I'm not buying the Lions just yet....but, I'm getting closer. Being 2-0 in the division is great right meow. We haven't won in GB in two decades, so we'll probably lose this week...but, if we somehow win there then GB is in big trouble.

Suh is the best DT in the league...dude is playing at an ELITE level.

Browns/Bills actually will be fun to watch.

Very much enjoyed the BB finale.


GMoney said...

The Browns are still boring as fuck. And Thursday football is always shit. Can't wait for Mike Mayock to try to convince me that Brian Hoyer is a late bloomer. I wonder how much Mike loves CJ Shhhhhhhhhpiller or Shhhhhhhtevie Johnssssshhhhhon?

LOL at bringing back Brownie The Elf. Way to keep being a joke!

Tonya said...

Thanks G$, I'm so thankful that somebody else realizes how awful of a trip this was for me. Our offense was terrible, Marvin Jones was wide open (numerous times) and Dalton didn't even look his way. Nobody can imagine how frustrating it was being at that game yesterday and watching the Browns D just eat us up. Kudos to Haden though, he did great covering Green. I have to give credit where credit is due. The Browns owned us yesterday.

GMoney said...

"We're the worst"--Big Ben

Brady said...

I have a ton of work to do so I'm just commenting real quick today.

All hail the Browns! Weeden was definitely most of the problem but Richardson is still average. What a game against the Jags! I see he hit his 3.0 average again on 20 carries. Truly ELITE! That trade keeps looking better and better.

The CLE defense is fucking legit! Our front seven is one of the best in the game right now and Haden made AJ Green cry/sulk/complain all day. That is what a shut-down corner should do.

HOYER! That guy is calm, gets rid of the ball when he has to and is making all of the touch throws. Not to mention the 96 and 91 yard drives he led the team on. I haven't seen those in Cleveland in well... forever. That was impressive. I know it's only two games but he is starting to make a case to become the QB for longer than we anticipated.

Why are the playoffs out of the question, Ice? I tend to agree that it's probably a little far-fetched but it's not like someone is going to run away with this division. IF the Browns can keep slugging away and gain even more confidence, it's not TOTALLY out of the question. Let's just say stranger things have happened.

TRIBE TIME, bitches! I'm already a nervous wreck thinking about Wednesday night. A TEN game winning streak to close out the year is about the coolest thing ever.

Jeff said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr. Ace said...

Oh Brady. So close to buying all the way into the Browns and Hoyer(aka Derek Anderson). Don't stop believing until the crushing reality can no longer be denied, that's the Cleveland way.

And I watched most of that Bengals/Browns game. Green was definitely open, Dalton is just ass. Haden played well, but if a decent QB was back there it would have been a different story.

Jeff said...

Big Ben speaks the TROOF.

Don't know why I have watched all 4 games in their entirety.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ @ the Joe Haden love...Megatron gonna eat him for lunch in a couple weeks.

Back to Back Sundays of giving G$ and then Prime a stinky shit on their chest. Do we have any Packers fans here for this weekend?


GMoney said...

No Packers fans here because their fingers are too fat to comment and I have yet to complete a Money Shot Commenting Wand.

Droler made me give him a hug on Saturday. He wouldn't leave until I gave him one. It was unpleasant. His tailgate spot is legit though. When the CEO of Four Loko shows up, you know that you're in the right place.

Even the most ardent Browns/Indians fan will agree that Cakes needs to be knocked back to Earf immediately.

GMoney said...

Here's something to file away:

Last night I had a dream that Marshawn Lynch announced his retirement today. Why? Because he has AIDS. ELITE dreaming.

The Iceman said...

If anyone wants to know why Cakes is the worst of all time, just read his last comment and soak it in.'re trying to talk your way into Brian Fucking Hoyer as the future?! GOD DAMMIT! Enough already!!

Brady acts like a 15 year losing culture can be shook off in the matter of a few weeks. DUMB. The Ravens or Bengals are taking that division and there will not be a wild card coming out of the AFC Norf. We may have beat the Bengals Sunday but both of those teams are better than we are. Stop being such a turd burglar, Cakes.

Brady said...

Yeah, the Bengals and Ravens have been UNBEATABLE! Might as well just gift them the division crown right now. Why even try? They truly are the class of the NFL.

If the Browns had Hoyer in at QB from day one, would we be 3-1 or 4-0? Fuck yes we would be. The defense played amazing in both of those games (lead at halftime for both as well) and only tired at the end from being on the field all day. I'm pretty sure you all would be singing a different tune if CLE was sitting alone on top of the division. Get fucked!

Sorry if I choose to be a little optomostic about my teams. Maybe I should just walk around town kicking dirt with my head down like you all seem to want to.

I said the playoffs were far-fetched. That is the truth but our division is garbage. Why not cheer for a playoff birth until you know it's not going to happen? Oh, I forgot. The draft is the only thing that Cleveland fans are allowed to get excited about. Not the actual season. COOL!

Nate said...

Man, if they're really that good with Hoyer, imagine how good they'd be if they would have held on to Richardson.

Instead, they traded him in for Hoyer's future replacement?

GMoney said...

Precisely, Nate, and you are now qualified to work for the Browns.


Brady said...

Willis McGahee has been hitting the holes harder than Richardson ever did. Yeah, that Willis McGahee. The one who's 33 years old. His runs on the game-winning drive were fucking awesome. No question in my mind that T-Rich dances around instead of hitting the hole with authority on that drive.

Enough with the Trent Richardson bullshit. I think we clearly won that trade but I would even accept that it was a wash just so I don't have to argue this point anymore. Richardson is just another run-of-the-mill RB who will have a solid but unspectacular career. Stop trying to convince yourself he is a HOF'er.

Is it a coincidence that no Cleveland professional sports team has lost since that trade?

Mr. Ace said...

"Is it a coincidence that no Cleveland professional sports team has lost since that trade?"

Yes, actually. That is exactly what it is.

Honestly, I can see the Browns finishing 2nd in the division. The Ravens are ass just as I predicted, and the Steelers lolz. But Cincy is totes going to win that division, probably by 4 games.

But we will all enjoy you wallowing in your sorrow when the Browns come crashing back to earth, so live it up. And I am slowly swinging towards the Cakes side of the TRich trade argument. I should probably suspend myself from commenting the rest of the day.

The Iceman said...

"Yeah, the Bengals and Ravens have been UNBEATABLE!"

Never said that. But good try. I simply said those two teams are better than the Browns. Tell me I'm wrong. Now eat my dick.

The Bengals and Ravens know how to win. The Browns have been doing nothing but losing for the last 15 years. That matters when you're talking about playoff teams. It's one of the reasons we went 10-6 and missed the playoffs.

Optomistic?? HA! Why the fuck should we be optomistic? So we can get crushed deeper into the emotional hole this team has put us in when we miss the playoffs yet again? Listen...I'll be happy when they win. I'll always be happy when that happens. But I WILL NOT get sucked into this team and start getting playoff chills in my nutsack because we've won 2 in a row. I've seen this movie before.

It was just 3 weeks ago you, and almost every other Browns fan, were claiming this to be the worst Browns team in the last 50 years or some shit like that, Cakes. Now because of Brian Hoyer THE FUCKING SAVIOR you're a believer again? A third string NFL cast off that has managed to help win the last 2 games is at the core of you believing this could be a potential playoff team?! Do me a favor and read that last sentence again. Get your fucking head checked already.

GMoney said...

FACT: The Colts would have lost to the Jags by 200 if they did not have T-Rich. FACTOR BACK.

Also a FACT: You lost that trade with the Colts because you lose every trade. It's part of being the Browns. Byner. Quinn. Julio. Others that I can't remember. You've lost them all.

As someone who is starting Willis McGahee as my RB1 (on a 4-0 team somehow with absolutely no bye issues), I can assure that his 45 yards rushing were not ELITE in any way at all. His long was 9 yards.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure how to react to Hoyer. I'm not sold on him, but he is playing really well and we're winning. We have swung for the fences on blue chip college players too many times to count and it has failed, so if we find a good one in an MSU reject, whose lifelong dream is to be a Browns QB, then I'll sign off on it.

Our defense is indisputably playoff caliber and now that we have a semi coherent offense with a beast TE and Gordon, we could make a run. Now, so far the sample size is an awful Vikings team and a home game, but our play calling and defense gives us some semblance of hope. Optimism hasn't set in as Im expecting them to fail, but since Weeden went out (do NOT credit the trade) we have been executing actual football plays. I will take it.

Fuck Weeden.

I miss Phil Dawson.


GMoney said...

For all of you Hoy's Boy Toys, I'll give you six words...

The Golden Arm of Todd Collins

In other words, just give it time. These guys aren't starters for a reason.

Brady said...

I didn't say that McGahee was ELITE but he ran the ball successfully when he HAD to. Those runs of 9,9 and 5 on the last drive were back-breakers for the Bengals.

There is no question our running game sucks. However, it sucked when we had FACTOR BACK as well. Mcgahee is averaging 3 yards a caryy. T-Rich is averaging 3.2 yards a carry. Yeah, I'll take the first round pick thrown in on that trade.

How asweome has Mingo been as well? I'm so used to us whiffing on draft picks. He has been AWESOME so far. 3 sacks in 3 games with a few TFL and some batted balls. I think we finally have a winner.

GMoney said...