Monday, September 23, 2013

The Worst of Week 3 Vol.VII

Pretty much.
I don't even know why I care anymore.  None of the people that I root for every week make me proud.  I used to look forward to my football-filled weekends.  Now, I can't wait to get back to work on Monday morning because it means that my teams won't lose on those days.  The highlight of my weekend was taking out the garbage and agreeing with Grump that "there is no way that we're going to score".  BIG WEEKEND FOR ME!  All of my fantasy teams are "meh" at best.  Being a sports fan is the absolute worst.  I should start going to art galleries or reading instead of the absolute waste of time that my football teams are this year.  French impressionism seems a little less worthless than French wide receivers.  Seriously, someone kill me.  Let's get this post over with.

Dom Tiber-----NO.  YOU ARE NOT GOING THERE, FUCKER.  I don't care how mad you are at sports.  You are not going there.

Von Miller - Bullying the piss handlers, eh?  Bold move.  It's probably easier than "not taking drugs".

Aldon Smith - A DUI AND drugs at 7 AM!  The 49ers are going to get him help...after the Colts game though because PRIORITIES!  Athletes are so dumb.  UPDATE: HE GONE!  His locker was apparently cleaned out after the game and he is suspended indefinitely!  Again, WHY WAS HE PLAYING???  Fuck Jimmy BRAH.  You pull that shit, you deserve to get strong-armed at home by ChuckStrong.  Anyone else see T-Rich score?  The numbers weren't all that great but he'll be fine.  Browns still lost that deal.  Never forget that.

Johnathan Franklin - He had a pretty solid game as a replacement for the always injured Jimmy Starks but then he unloaded a game-losing fumble-six to give the Bingles a HUGE win.  Total Johnny Callaway move.  Although I doubt that he has ever dropped any balls before.  Tight grip on them jewels!

James Laurinaitis - Why is it that DeMarco Murray is only a decent NFL player against the Rams?

Marmalard Rivers - Name something more funny yesterday than Phil's lateral kick on the final play of the game?  You can not.  Such a dainty man, that Rivers.  AND he pushed a ref!  ABSTINENCE!

The New York Giants - It seems pretty obvious that the Jaguars are destined to go 0-16 this year but the Giants might actually be the worst team in the league.  They are fucking rotten.  I'm pretty close to taking away Eli's ELITE status.  Still better than his brother.

The Browns Getting Their Next Franchise QB - Leave it to these nobodies to indirectly announce that they are tanking the rest of the season and then winning.  They can do nothing right.  But don't worry: Greg Little and Josh Gordon are available!  WE WANT BEN TATE!  Ben Tate solves ALL problems.  Only the Browns can lose big time after winning.  BradyCakes Lombardi-Banner has deemed that this is all part of the plan though!!!

Robert Griffin The Turd - Jesus Christ, who loses to the Lions?  The Lions are a shitty team that is poorly coached and you let them win because you failed to make any plays.  I'm talking about the RG3 scramble and dive/fumble (fucking pathetic) and the Aldrick Robinson TD bomb that he didn't hang on to.  Detroit was BEGGING to lose but you would absolutely not stand for that.  Brian Orakpo might be having the worst contract year of any upcoming free agent ever.  I almost wish that last year never happened because it is making this season hurt so much more.  Can't wait to lose to the Raiders next Sunday!

Ed Reed - Nice homecoming.  Way to stick it to your old team, bruh.  Houston should be 0-3.

Marshawn Lynch - Score twice against the 49ers and their defense of drunk drivers.  Score never against the Panthers and Jags.  FIX YO CONSISTENCY.

Kyle Wilson - It's not very often where you can see a guy get penalized on four straight plays but the horrible Jets CB did it yesterday. To make me feel even worse, the Jets are 2-1.  Ugh.

CJ Spiller - Left the game early with a pussy knee!  Owning Iceman in all arguments is about the only thing that I have left in this world.  AND THE BLUE JACKETS BRO!

Phins To The Left!  Phins To The Right! - OH MY GOD The Dolphins and head coach, Jim Tichy, are 3-0.  And this is a legit 3-0.  Can we get another labor strike going to end this season already?  I HATE THIS SEASON.

FANTASY! - Every single one of GSaul's losers (Stephen Hill?) scored against me in the LFL but I suppose I still have a chance.  I beat FagNasty in the MSFL (3-0!) because everybody is going to do that.  His first name should be ByeWeek.  ByeWeek FagNasty.  Losing to Ide in the G$FL is drawing me even closer to Twitter.  And I'm probably dropping to 0-3 in my OTHER LEAGUE.   Did I mention that my wagering has been shitty so far?  I am a king among men.

The only saving grace from this horrible 3 week stretch of anti-ELITE is that I DOMINATED Dut in the semis of the fantasy baseball league. Now the only thing standing between me and becoming the only two time champion is The Original Grogsta, Jeff.  I hope that he looked at what I'm doing as every one of my pitchers is going against the Cubs, Astros, or some other bottom-feeder and I'm going to unload Billy Hamilton up his ass.  I already have this won.  But, really, fuck football.  At least we got some prime time Terrelle Pryor tonight.


Grumpy said...

Now I know how Iceman, Cakes, Damman and Ide feel every day of their lives. Hide the gun.

Anonymous said...

Trying to decide if I want TP or Peyton to put G$s season in the shitter. Input is welcome.

Going to be tight in LFL and MSFL but here's to hoping.

If they trade Gordon, I will burn that entire city to the ground. Little is awful so good riddance. And Ben Tate?! Only Burke would like that move. He is a Burke guy.


GMoney said...

Burke are notoriously handsome and unathletic.

It's bizarre that three stalwart franchises like the Redskins, Steelers, and Giants are all 0-3 and not even close to being competitive.

I might be the only guy in the world who will lose in two separate leagues with Breesus this week. That's impressive.

GMoney said...

Burke Guys...dammit.

Breaking Bad = ELITE
Dexter = LOL go home; was so happy to cancel that off the series pass
Boardwalk = whatever, it will probably get better once unopposed with BB

Anonymous said...

You should have put Kaeparnick on there too. He is fucking TERRIBLE. He had like 6 good games and everyone jumped on his dick like he was good. LOLZ.

49ers miss the playoffs.


The Iceman said...

Fire Tomlin. Dude SUX like I've always said he does. Browns > Steelers and the Browns just traded away their best player and also start a 3rd stringer at QB. LOL.

I have a piss load of work to do today so this will be my only comment.

SPOILER ALERT for those who are dumb and didn't watch TV last night.

Dexter really went to the shitter. Holy fucking shit was that about the worst series finale in the history of TV shows. There were a ton of moments that soured that for me but this is the one I couldn't recover from and ruined everything. So what you're telling me is this: You can pull your boat up to a hospital, walk in, kill someone and just wheel the body out? Oh yeah...and do it all in broad fucking daylight with tons of people around while wearing street clothes. Eat my shit. How fucking stupid do you think I am? Honestly...I'm glad it's over. That was getting fucking painful to watch.

Breaking Bad on the other hand? Could go down as the best show to ever hit television. They just have to nail the finale next Sunday. And if it goes anything close to what last night was I have no doubt that they will.

Tomlin is the worst coach in the NFL. Never forget.

Prime99 said...

Tomlin sure did look angry last night. Maybe that was because it was the first time the visiting team score 40 points vs. the Steelers since Heinz Field was built?

I had an awful fantasy week, it really helps that the Bears are 3-0. Otherwise, I'd be depressed. Like G$.

Prime99 said...

Dexter was bad. I supported it as season 7 seemed to make up for season 6, but season 8 was disappointing to say the least. The final scene was the worst.

GMoney said...

I really hated Hannah McKay. It never made any sense to me how she was still free and why officers of the law would continue to cross paths were her and LET HER GO.

I don't care what the weather is like outside, you can't just walk into a hospital and pull the plug on someone. Especially a cop! Why didn't anyone stop him? Why did he launch Deb into the ocean like he did with all of his victims? Doesn't your sister deserve a little better than that?

But the worst part was the end with Dexter going all Perfect Storm on that hurricane and having his boat torn apart and-TA-DA-he somehow survives this to become a logger. HOW! HOW DO YOU SURVIVE A HURRICANE WITH NO BOAT! Did he ride to shore on the back of a shark? At least his son is safe with that serial killer broad in a foreign country that once housed nazi war criminals. GOOD DADMANSHIP!

Prime99 said...

But at least Harrison is getting ice cream (death by Hannah)!

Jeff said...

Steelers are fun. Good thing we will be staring at a top 5 pick in this "loaded" (at least that's what all the browns fans say) draft.

What are the payouts in Fantasy baseball? what kind of trophy do I get? All I need to do is win Saves and I'll be fine.

Anonymous said...

Jeff is stealing my strategy. He is the worst. Damman probably agrees, as he is vehemently against that ELITE move.

Breaking Bad is just amazing tv. That's how you do barren logging right. I can't wait for him to bring out that massive assault rifle and ricin to the party next week. KILL FLYNN OR WE RIOT!


GMoney said...

280/140/'re a 140 kind of guy, Jeff, but that will buy a lot of I/C Lights. You have no chance at winning. My team is on fire and stacked.

Flynn is a little shit. Take the money and forget about Uncle Hank. By the way, Todd was cold as Americone Dream when he popped Jesse's Girl. Vaccuum Guy should not be playing Walt in poker. We all know that gambling is how Walt "made all his money". And why are you sitting at a table with a guy who has an 11 million dollar bankroll!

I was furious when that dipshit queer from The Newsroom (AWFUL show) got best actor over Cranston. Granted, BB is going to take every Emmy next year, but it's the principle.

GMoney said...

Where's Drooler? Still drooling?

Prime99 said...

Maybe he is logging somewhere in the Pacific Northwest?

Brady said...

Banner came out and said they will not be trading Gordon. I don't think you can trust Banner very much but take that for what it's worth.

We NEED Gordon. He is an ELITE talent at WR unlike the average RB we just traded to Indy.

Pittsburgh just fell off the fucking cliff this year. Their "smoke and mirrors" philosophy has finally cought up with them. It should be a fun season watching that dumpster fire.

The Indians are entering the biggest week of baseball they have had in six years. To say I'm excited would be the understatement of the century.

GMoney said...

Brady sucks. No one denies this.

Peter King thinks that Mike fucking Florio invented "Factory of Sadness". Idiot.

GMoney said...

OK, you slopboxes get a pass today, but I better see more vitriol the rest of the week.

The Iceman said...

I would've been tossing more thunder but I had to pretend at least a little today I was working. Plus when Drooler doesn't show up to piss off the masses it's tough to get numbers.

GMoney said...

Excellent points. Drooler be droolin'.