Thursday, September 12, 2013

Open Forum: The Oklahoma State Expose

I had no idea that Mike Gundy was once Bruce Jenner.
Oh man, after yesterday’s commenting dominance displayed by yours truly, I am spent. It didn’t take much effort to own the turds, mind you, but I’m exhausted from 12 straight hours of LOL’ing at their half-assed challenges and stupidity. Thus, I’m giving myself a quasi-off day in which I will toss out some topics that you may or may not want to discuss. It’s cool as long as you don’t try to tell me that a vagina isn’t a vagina. I can’t handle all of these LULZ. J/K…I TOTES can.

1. SI set their sights on Oklahoma State – I’m sure that the details of this investigation are pretty good but I’m just burnt out on shady athletic departments. After the amusing Ohio penalties and Willie Lyles and The U’s coke and stripper orgies and Johnny Football, I’m done. I just don’t care anymore. It probably helps that I have never given a shit about THEE real OSU outside of one ELITE press conference. The only thing I will say is that it is no surprise to me that Lester Miles would run a dirty program.

2. USA Soccer – These homos invaded Columbus the other night and apparently beat up on some Mexicans to qualify for the World Cup. The crowd was raucous I’m told. That makes me sad. This city is an embarrassment. I would rather Dot The I myself than support US Soccer. SHAME ON YOU, COLUMBUS.

3. Wild Card is heating up – This is getting interesting again now that Tampa has decided to stop scoring. I have this really dumb feeling that the Yankees are going to be team #2. I am holding out hope that we get white hot at the right time, win the Series, A-Rod is named MVP, and then we get the best scene ever with Bud handing him the MVP trophy. God, that would be so funny.

By the way, if you ever wondered why I care so much or am so opinionated about other football teams/programs, do yourself a disservice and watch my alma mater play football for ten minutes some time (and unfortunately most of our games are available somewhere on TV or online). You won’t believe your eyes. You will be sitting there asking yourself if this team even has coaches or plays. You might even shed a few tears watching the horror unfold.

I am not kidding when I say that I am a season ticket holder for the worst program in the country. Now, I may not have 100% proof of this but I can’t possibly imagine that anyone is worse. My guess is that we would be an underdog to most FCS schools. We run the triple option (poorly…and in 2013) without one player who specializes in that garbage offense. We would lose by 5 touchdowns to Scott Bakula and Sinbad’s team in that Necessary Roughness movie. So when you think that I’m being stupidly harsh toward your team or unfair just remember that I have an awful fan life at the moment and I’m not willing to become a full blown alcoholic or domestic violence guy like Jared Sullinger yet (don’t think that I missed that story, bros!).

You don’t get it, do you? This team is going to kill Grumpy. RIP Grumpy.

34 comments:

Anonymous said...

Columbus is actually ELITE in reminding spics how much better we are than them. Kudos for DOS A CERO.

Beating women is back in vogue and its hopefully here to stay this time. Bitches be running wild.

Ide

GMoney said...

Iceman is going to be on The View today with his beard. Major LULZ.

MuDawgfan said...

IDGAF about the allegations either. I'm more interested in watching Big Ndamakong Suh piss his paycheck away each week.

GMoney said...

It's either going to the NFL or unpaid court-ordered alimony.

Apparently, some SEC bros are in the crosshairs, too (including DJ Fluker)? Nicky Sabecakes presser yesterday was great because he is an asshole.

Prime99 said...

At this point, it is fucking impossible to care about "cheating" in any sport (PEDs or improper benefits.) Stoodent Atheletes should be paid if there is a market for them (D2 Women's Volleyball's MVP isn't getting approached for payment for autographs.)

I'm beyond caring. It's way more to hear stories about Luther from 2 Live Crew hooking up players from Da U with hookers than a clean Miami (OH) program be awful. So have at it colleges. I no longer care about integrity. Congrats on dropping the bar.

The Iceman said...

My one goal today is to troll the shit out of Ide on national television in his own city. Secondary goal is get Primes's question answered. Did Jenny MCarthy think Jim Carrey or Brian Urlacher was a better romp. The people need to know. Btw...I'm not dressed and the car picks us up in 10 minutes as I comment. Never question my loyalty.

GMoney said...

Whoa! Jenny McCarthy is on that show now? Tell her that my teenage boner says hello.

I'm not kidding around that you all should watch us for a possession or two some time. It will be the funniest thing that you've ever seen. This is the most poorly-coached team that I've ever seen.

Mr. Ace said...

Don't care.

SI put out some NFL Draft prospect rankings...DG98 comes in at#16. Braxton comes in at #18. Oooooooooh. Fuckeyes lose again.

It's there a live stream of The View somewhere? I want to see if Iceman can hide his Whoopi boner.

Grumpy said...

G$ is right about Miami football. I've been watching the Redskins/RedHawks since I was a freshman in aught 8, and while there have been some bad stretches, this is the worst.

Les Miles should be taken out and shot.

GMoney said...

Shame on SI for not giving up the juicy sex details first. As if we're supposed to be shocked that a school doesn't use a wide array of Braxtons to help recruit kids. But I do want to know more.

Anonymous said...

Iceman is totally going to show tasteful pictures of naked 13 year old boys. Its in the constitution.

Ide

Anonymous said...

So per The View’s website Dr Phil is a guest host today. Wasn’t he the one that made Wheelz talk to an actor posing as a person who road rages, or something like that?

J from JBeanie

Anonymous said...

I am home today....will be watching Iceman on The View. G$....Jenny looks pretty damn good.

Sucks for G$ that he lives in the go to spot for USA Soccer for big wins.

Wild Card races are beneath Tigers fans.

I want an SEC school to get busted for buying houses for recruits, paying thousands of dollars to recruits, etc. I don't give a shit about dudes getting money from agents.

Do Ape and Iceman swap semen with each other and that's why they are so dumb?

--Drew

Anonymous said...

JBeanie...I'm pretty sure that was Dr. Drew. She should mention that so that Dr. Phil can take some shots at him tho.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Iceman is clean shaven.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

They turned Wheelz into a cyborg (RoboWheelz!!)! Skynet is active!!!

Ide

Anonymous said...

Jenny McCarthy just gave Wheelz a motorized wheelchair..."it even has a cupholder". She did not look thrilled with the gift.

Iceman just clapped for Sheryl Crowe.

Unless I missed it, he did not troll Ide.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

Iceman killed it. Still looks like a dork, but he cleaned up.

GMoney said...

Thanks for live-commenting The View, everybody. He didn't troll Ide nor did he Roll Tide!

Wheelz/McCarthy is the next great rivalry.

Prime99 said...

Wheelz won't be thrilled unless McCarthy were to give her a robot that cleans the attic.

Anonymous said...

Awesome comment, Prime.

Any MoneyShot shout out by Iceman?

How many times could you see him staring at Jenny's tits?

Seal

Anonymous said...

A good example as to how Slow, Slow Seal is. Multiple people just gave a breakdown of Iceman's appearance on The View and Slow Seal asks if Iceman gave a shoutout to the Money Shot. Yeah, everybody that just said what happened failed to mention that Iceman gave a shoutout to this blog.....you fucking slllllooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww dolt.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I just saw that Duck Dynasty had a better rating than the Michigan ND game. I guess that's what happens when you're irrelevant.

NFL draft rankings don't always tell who the better COLLEGE player is. Tim Tebow had one of the greatest college careers ever. How's that working out in the nfl? Braxton > DG98. Remember when you would rather have Tate forcier than Terrelle Pryor? That was fun.
NOBODY masters the September heisman/national championship better than Michigan (except last year when bama skull fucked you with ineligible players).
Dut

GMoney said...

Duck Dynasty out-rates almost everything, BRAH, because America is dumb.

Iceman sent me a close-up pic of Jenny's cleavage that he creeped in the green room. I enjoyed it.

Mr. Ace said...

I agree Dut, Tebow and Braxton's NFL careers will by very similar.

GMoney said...

I keep hearing that Miller is out tomorrow due to jet lag.

The Iceman said...

I wanted to ask Babs when Train was going to be on the show next because there is a young man named Jacob Ide who just ADORES them. But they had a script and were very insistent that we stick to it.

Thanks, Grumpy. I think it wet well. And in all seriousness...whoopi Goldberg > everyone else. She came up to us after the show and said "That story was so inspirational to myself and so many. Pardon my French, but you're fucking walking again. If you can do all the shit you did to walk down the aisle then I know you'll fuckin walk again." All this while someone was trying to yank her away to get back to the set. She turned to the dude and told him to piss off and she'll get to the set when she feels like it. Seriously. Whoopi rules. Two F nuggets in 3 minutes. Fabulous Hustle. And I got to pet Orlando bloom's dog. I called Orlando Johnny Depp. I don't think he found it as funny as I did. And Jenny McCarthy told me she has a ying tattoo on her back. Where is the yang you ask? On her ex boyfriend from college's back. She laughed like a bastard when she told me. It's safe to say I'm a big Jenny McCarthy fan.

The Iceman said...

And G$'s story of the cleavage pic is 100% true.

GMoney said...

Sounds like The View just got their first male fan! Calling Orlando Bloom Johnny Depp is fairly ELITE though.

Anonymous said...

Iceman.....was she or was she not pissed off/not very interested in the motorized wheelchair? I found that to be an odd thing to give. Girl works her ass off to walk again...you give her something that makes sitting in a chair even easier.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Drew...you're almost spot on. I think it was more shock than anything though. she actually does need a motorized chair because in November she's getting shoulder surgery...She just wanted to get it herself because the chair she needs is pretty specific. She'll need it to get around but didn't really want to broadcast it either. In the wheel chair community, if you're a paraplegic and use a motorized chair it's like using roids in baseball. Motorized chairs are supposed to be a quad thing. You're seen as lazy and disrespectful if you're a para in a motorized chair. Very ELITE club with specific rules. Almost like The Skulls...but less Paul Walker.

GMoney said...

Wheelz will NEVER get into Cooperstown with these shenanigans.

Prime99 said...

Or like C.U.N.T....

The Iceman said...

I think the wheel chair HOF is called SpinalTown. She's got dirty piss and will never get inducted.