Thursday, September 26, 2013

Just Go Away! No One Wants You Here!

Sooooooo...he's sitting in a tub of diarrhea, right?
How great was yesterday? I mean, I really let loose and unloaded there. Some tried to challenge. They all failed. If these are the kinds of posts that come from none of my teams winning any football games this year then maybe there is a positive to dual winless seasons. Don’t worry, though, I’m done with #5 for the time being but I still want to keep the flames burning high and bright. Who else can we attack today to make myself feel better and to avoid giving myself a rest? Easy.

Fuck the Indians. Fuck this stupid little wild card chase that they are on. We, as Americans, have a tendency to gravitate toward the underdogs but the Indians are very unlikeable so no one is. That’s cute. The Pirates are America’s team this year. No one cares about anyone else. No one ESPECIALLY cares about the Believeland Windians. We haven’t done a list in a while. Let’s do a Top 5 Reasons Why “Fuck The Indians”.

5. Brady/Seal/Damman – I would prefer this Bermuda Triangle of annoying FB updates if they all just disappeared into the ether. But there they are—every fucking night—commenting to people who don’t want to be their friends any more about how Cabrera should stop grounding out to second because people care OBVZ. These three have hopped on and off the bandwagon so much this year that—ummmmm—HOMOS; THE LOT OF ‘EM! Count it! I want them to fail so badly because the reaction of these three would make me so happy. Let’s bring back JD Drew (JD Drooler?) and have him hit another soul-crushing grand slam!

4. Nice fans – This gets talked about a lot but the Windians have the worst fans in the game. More people came to RibFest in March than your average Indians home game.

3. Tom Hamilton – I don’t want to get into this again. He is abysmal. He hasn’t earned the right to call meaningful baseball games. He should be the Marlins radio guy for eternity. Or the Browns. That would be a fitting punishment.

2. They suck – Let’s dig a little deeper here: The Tribe are in the position that they are in today because they beat the piss out of bad teams. They have the best record in the league against garbage. There is nothing wrong with that. You can only beat who you play. But that’s the problem: they didn’t beat anybody. So why should we respect them/want to watch them in the postseason?

1. They suck - To piggyback off of #2, they can’t beat the Tigers or Red Sox. Not won’t beat them, but they CAN’T. They know this, too. And if you can’t beat either of my two least favorite teams then what is the point of getting there at all? Let Texas get in and see what these two shitball teams can do against Fuck Yu, Viva La Raza Garza, and Derek Dutch Oven. We KNOW that the Rangers can beat up the Tigers in October. Hmmm, that’s a good question: would you rather make the wild card game and lose or not make it and the Tigers lose in the Division Series? You better pick the latter.

I’m not going to make you admit that this is a total fluke season. You already know that. And I’m not asking you to apologize for exceeding expectations. But I am asking that you bow out of this race gracefully and let a better team in. It’s the least that you could do for America. Be nice and fold this weekend so that we can actually watch some interesting and good teams in the postseason. As the worst might say, “give it a rest”. Thanks! FUCK YOU, CAKES.

40 comments:

Anonymous said...

Did you hear Tom Hamiltons call of Giambi's game winner the other night? I didn't he either I couldn't understand what he was saying from the screaming. He is awful

Hoffman

GMoney said...

Thanks, Hoffman! I did hear it and I cringed. Bring back Harry Doyle.

Nate said...

I just want to thank you all for inviting me to play fantasy football this year.

With the impending return of Rob Gronkowski, I fully expect to take all of your money in the end.

It'll be a proud day for me knowing I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing, and I'll probably end up winning in the end.

Anonymous said...

You all are jealous that you don't have a play by play man as great as Tom Hamilton. He's the best in the biz. Passion, tells it like it is. He is a living god.

G$, remember 2007 when the Tribe went 0-6 against the Yankees during the season? What happened when they played during the playoffs that year? So yeah the playoffs are a whole different ball game.

The one game wild card does scare me though. All this could be over after one game. That sucks. Get passed that one game and look out!

Finally, hasn't it been great seeing Iceman be completely wrong at every turn? Keep it up, Iceman! You're our lucky charm!

-Damman

Jeff said...

I fully expect the Twinkies to sweep. That would be great.

MUDawgfan said...

Whoa whoa whoa....
What's this RibFest I've been reading about?

GMoney said...

Cakes tried to troll me, I think, on Facebook last night. No, you did not eliminate the Yankees. They eliminated themselves. He needs to go back to troll school. Or pay the troll toll to get into the boy's hole.

You guys suck and you know it.

Anonymous said...

Must be "G$ hates everyone else's teams in everything since all of his teams in everything are so god awful" week. Having said that, I thoroughly enjoy the Detroit vs Cleveland baseball banter knowing that all this playoff hype will result in an embarrassing end for both teams. Its like watching a 3 legged dog race with a down syndrome kid.

Ide

GMoney said...

Must be "G$ hates everyone else's teams in everything since all of his teams in everything are so god awful" week

Pretty much. Swap out week with year and we're on the trolley.

Anonymous said...

You pretty much nailed it...especially on the fans. Nice completely empty section blocks in the upper deck losers.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

"Finally, hasn't it been great seeing Iceman be completely wrong at every turn? Keep it up, Iceman! You're our lucky charm!"

God, Indians fans are fucking dense. I've been doing the same amount of shit talking to Indians fans for the past decade. Which by my count, is a lot. In that decade span of shit talking I've done, the Indians have made the playoffs once. In ten seasons, once. WHAT A LUCKY CHARM I'VE TURNED OUT TO BE!! Damman conveniently blocks out last year, and the year before, and the year before, and every single year since I've been commenting on the blog, when the Indians folded in July/August where I was shit talking this team just as much.

I have an answer for you Cakes. The other night on FB you asked my why I trash this team when I should be rooting for a winner in Cleveland because I'm a Browns fan. The answer is simple. Cleveland Indians fans are the Ohio Buckeye fans of baseball. I want the Indians to make you guys miserable for the paragraph above this one. Because Damman is stupid. And for a multitude of other reasons.

I stand by my previous statements. The Indians are missing the playoffs and the fact that this ass squad of turds and piss bags has you all believing again will make it that much better when they step on your balls with the heel of a stiletto.

Anonymous said...

Ice, we are all completely wrong about things at certain times in our life. Don't let it get you down. Keep doing your thing.

Anonymous said...

Iceman....don't forget that it wasn't too long ago that Damman and Cakes still thought the Indians would pass the Tigers and you told them that that would never happen. You were right...they were wrong.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

Drew defending Iceman. How cute.

MUDawgfan, Ribfest is a direct result of my stupidity that has turned into an annual Spring tradition. An evening of ribs, sauerkraut balls, beer and Ide being Ide. Take out the Ide part and it's a lot of fun. You should be there.

Anonymous said...

Nice troll job, asshole.

First off, no team from Shittsburgh will ever be America's team. No one wants those fucking white trash, rapist supporters to be able to witness a winner. Cheering for Pittsburgh is like cheering for rape.

Speaking of people being wrong, remember when Drew guaranteed the Tigers win the division by double digit games? Eat shit, faggot. And save your fucking reply of "LOLZZZ slowwww seeaall is so slow because he is slow and the tigers still won the division and own the Indians and seal is slow LOLZZZ". Fuck off because that is exactly what you would have replied with.

Did anyone expect this much success out of this team? You're insane if you say yes - but being a die hard Tribe fan, I am going to enjoy the fuck out of it.

Tom Hamilton is the best announcer of all-time.

G$ - the jealousy of teams tasting a little bit of fun and winning this weeks ugly. I liked the old G$ who thought the Redskins were going to the Super Bowl better.

Seal

Prime99 said...

G$ DOES think the Redskins are going to the SUPER BOWL! He predicted it just three weeks ago!

I don't think the Indians are going anywhere, but their tiny fan base should definitely enjoy it! Scatter some fans in each section of the stadium, fellas!

I'm surprised Chris Perez wasn't on the League last night.

Anonymous said...

Slow Seal...

Link?

--Drew

GMoney said...

Take out the Ide part and it's a lot of fun.

True Dat!

I am absolutely not jealous of the Indians and not one person is ever. Enjoy your one road playoff game that no one will remember.

Anonymous said...

I will enjoy it. And Damman, Brady and myself will remember it.

Thanks.

Seal

Brady said...

Well! I see the jealousy of watching the Indians play meaningful September baseball has really taken it's toll on G$. Let's just address each point individually.

5) First, I haven't attempted to troll Tigers fans ever since they embarrassed our ass with a four game sweep. They have won the division and deservedly so. We couldn't beat them very much this season. No getting around that.

Also, I have hopped on and off the waggon a few times because this team as been a fucking roller coaster. It doesn't mean I ever became less of a fan or would change my allegiance to the KING of bandwaggon teams. We all know who that is.

4) Everyone really has a hard-on for fan-watching at the Jake. WTF do you care? This fanbase has been treated to fake playoff chases the past two years. I don't blame them for not buying in completely. If they make the playoffs, the place will be packed. Simple as that.

3) Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. Hammy is crass, opinionated and has the best HR call of anyone in the game. The guy is a first ballot HOF'er. Nobody makes a game more exciting on the radio. This point is just laughable. Sportscenter and every other news outlet constantly uses his calls on their highlight shows/articles. Guess they do that because he sucks.

2) No question the Indians have had trouble against the better teams but playoff baseball is so completely different from a game in May. Bad performances from months ago aren't going to have an effect on a playoff game when the lights are bright. Just give them a chance.

1) If the Rangers are so AWESOME, why do the sub-par Indians have a winning record against them with a sweep in their last meeting. Yeah, they deserve to be in WAY more than Cleveland.

One more thing. Since the Indians game ended before the Yankees game, we technically eliminated you from the playoffs. I have four million tweets and Indians postgame comments to prove it.

Jeff said...

"See ya later, it's a tater!"

LOLOLOLOL

Brady said...

"See ya later, it's a tater!"

I don't know what this means.

I am freaked out about the final trip to MIN. We never seem to play well there and HAVE to sweep to ensure a one game playoff.

Assuming they do get in, I would feel much better if it was in Cleveland but Tampa Bay is just as hot. It would be ashame to play such a big game at the biggest dump in MLB.

Prime99 said...

Name a less intimidating lynch mob than Seal, Cakes, and Damman in full Tribe gear...

Jeff said...

"See ya later, it's a tater!"

That is, of course, the would be home run call of the Torg if he were to ever be an announcer. He mentioned this a few times on the radio and it was always LOL worthy and is way better than anything Tom Hamilton has ever done.

Oh the Torg, he must be doing alright these days since hes's not begging for appearances or complaining about his child's medical bills.

Jeff said...

Seal, Cakes, and Damman(in belle, rayburn, and lofton jerseys)

vs

Drew, Dut and JSaul ( in trashlander, zumaya, and dirks jerseys)

Place your bets.

GMoney said...

If you quote The Torg again, I will strip you of all internet privileges.

It was a lost season for the greatest franchise in all of sports. I have admitted this many times. Stop acting like you are a rival. You are not.

Texas can win a series or two. The Indians can't because they are a fluke and flukes end.

Remember a few years ago when the Seahawks won the NFC West with a 7-9 record? That team was way more deserving to be in the playoffs than the Flukeland Indiflukes.

GO TWINS! End this garbage!

Seal, Damman, and especially Cakes have moved from Brohio to Homohio. Tom Hamilton is the mayor AKA Head Faggot. He prefers it WAY BACK.

Hawk Harrelson > Tom Hamilton

Brady said...

Oh, Okay. I just didn't have any idea.

Hawk Harrelson? Baaaahahahaha. Yeah his minute long dead air calls are something to behold. When the Tribe loses, Hammy just gets pissed and starts calling everyone out. Hawk just sulks and probably silently cries.

I didn't say we were rivals, G$. I just liked being the team to officially knock you out. It was really staisfying.

Texas won't win shit if they get in. Stop letting your Tribe hatred cloud your judgement.

GMoney said...

You sound as fucktarded as a Red Wings fan. DURRRR we're better at beating shitty teams than you are even though you owned our assholes all year HURRRRRR. Congrats on being as equally stupid as Drooler.

Texas has better starting pitching, a closer that isn't the worst, and an equal lineup. Yep, you're better!

Cakes is the dumbest fan ever. Take your tardery over to Bleacher Report where it will be applauded.

Bitter and angry me is the best me.

Brady said...

Starting pitching is not better. We don't have the big names but our staff has been just as good. I'll give you the closer because FUCK CHRIS PEREZ.

In other baseball news, that MIL-ATL fight was awesome. I've never seen a guy talk shit to every position player while trotting around the bases only to be met by the catcher at home plate.

Anonymous said...

8 days until CBJ takes the ice. I expect a fully fleshed out expose on them that would rival espn insider content (actually not bad). There is a pretty ELITE NHL store in the Fox News building that has a Gaborik t-shirt jersey, because hockey is the sport for t-shirt jerseys. I'd buy it, but some asshole will likely knock me out for fleecing his team and giving him a handicapped Nash in the same LOL year. I will go with BOBS for my t-shirt jersey, thank you.

Tickets went on sale today for the CBJ at MSG games but the cheapest in the TOP FUCKING ROW is $160. Behind the bench/penalty center ice is $250. I will be scalping or calling in favors from some season ticket holders I know.

I also love how Ide being Ide is a thing.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Texas also has a manager doing blow in the dugout which can only help matters

GMoney said...

I'm not talking to Brady again until they get beat soon enough. He's clearly too obtuse to have an honest discussion.

There will be an ELITE team preview toward the end of next week.

Brady said...

Honest discussion? We won the season series! Doesn't that mean we are the superior team and deserve that spot more than they do? It's SCIENCE.

GMoney said...

But you suck. People keep forgetting that. GIVE IT A REST, CAKES!

Anonymous said...

G$....how do you feel about the fact htat Cano is about to bend you over for an absurd 10 yr, $ 300M deal?

--Drew

GMoney said...

That's what he wants. No one is giving him that. We've learned our lesson with those insane monster deals (at least we better fucking have). I think 8 for 200 is way more likely.

Brady said...

Cano is out of his fucking mind. If the Yankees even come close to that number they deserve to miss the playoffs every year.

The Iceman said...

Sitting back and watching someone else having to put up with Cakes douchey take on every last one of his sports teams was quite enjoyable. Seriously...most blind fan in the history of anything. Someone should examine his brain to see exactly what makes him that clueless. GO TWINS!

Brady said...

Douchey takes supported by numbers and FACTS. Yeah, I'm the worst.

GMoney said...

Well, FUCK YOU ICEMAN. You brought this derelict into our world!!! Sure, we also got site prosititute Tonya out of the deal but at what cost? AT WHAT COST!