Friday, September 20, 2013

It Gets Better. LOL Just Kidding

What do you think this guy has been up to over the last two days?
I don’t know about you guys, but I still can’t wrap my head around what the Browns are doing/did. I mean, I get that the new “genius” regime didn’t draft Trent Richardson, but on a team that has been bereft of any talent over the last decade, wouldn’t it make sense to keep the highest graded running back from the past ten drafts not named Adrian Peterson? Are you implying that your offense has no use for this man’s skill set? Norv Turner sucks but he isn’t that bad or dumb. How do you only get one mid-to-low first round pick for him? If you are going to trade the guy after week 2, shouldn’t you let him know instead of him hearing about it on the radio? So many questions and we will never get any answers that make sense.

Ape was absolutely right yesterday when he commented how the nuclear meltdown of all Browns fans on Facebook (and likely Twitter, too) was just the bee’s knees. So many curse words! While being kicked in the nuts daily is par for the course for Browns fans, this kick seemed especially harmful. It’s as if this kick came via a diamond-toed boot from your hillbilly crook Steelers fan owner. Wednesday’s move has seemingly pushed these people over the edge. I’ve read things about being done with the team to fuck these assholes to I’m changing allegiances. Here’s the thing about that though:

You can’t. It is against the law. Once you pick a team as a young scamp, that is your team forever whether it was a good decision or not (and as we all have come to realize, it usually is a bad selection). You made the choice at one point in your life to back the orange and poop. Unfortunately, you are stuck with that choice until the bitter end. There are ways out, but you blew it already. The team left you once and only then would you be permitted to change. But you came back. You ALL did. And now you’re stuck. Forever.

I say this because I have two Facebook friends who both said that they were now Seahawks fans (and Ide is apparently considering this as well because he wants to have carnal relations with Kempton 22). Sorry but no. First of all, you can’t just jump your fandom from worst in the league to arguably the best. That’s too many steps to jump. Don’t worry though because no one is accepting your switch anyway. Again, the Browns are YOUR TEAM. You made the choice to be miserable 98% of the time. The world needs ditch diggers, too. You can ignore them. You can be negative about everything that they do. You can show up to their games in a leather gimp suit. But you can’t throw them away and start over. That isn’t how this works.

We all have a black sheep team that we support. A team that will always let us down and cause us nothing but embarrassment. A team that does its best to crush our hopes and dreams every season. But that is kind of the charm of rooting for a loser. The hope (even at its most faint) will always be there. You eat all the shit all the time for that one chance that they make you proud. The chase is what makes being a fan great. Winning all the time is good, but it ain’t that much fun. I know that the last thing that you Browns fans want is another rebuild, but here you go again. Don’t blame a horrible organization for being horrible. Blame yourself for picking them to be your team a coon’s age ago.

I was absolutely atrocious on the gambling front last week as my only wins came via miracle backdoor Johnny Football cover and Rusty Dubs. I’m taking a break from acting like I’m smart with just one pick to click this weekend:

MAC Glory Hole of the Week (1-1): Cincinnati -22 @ Miami University. I will be at this game tomorrow. Well, I’ll be at the first half. It is a mortal lock that I will be gone at halftime (also a good way to treat a loser team…early exits). I will spend more time TailGREATing than I will inside Fred C. Yager. As I commented on Tuesday, the RedHawks are currently dead last in the nation in offense and defense. If you aren’t betting the mortgage against them then why even gamble at all? What say Mr. Ace?

(Season record: 3-3 although he shouldn't be taking credit for Louisville since the line when we posted this was over 14...typical liberal vegan media)
NCAA: ULL -7 vs Akron. ULL will destroy Akron. Akron is bad. If Michigan would have beat the handily like they should have this spread would be 14.
NFL: Minnesota -6 vs Browns. LOCK THIS THE FUCK UP. The Browns are starting a CFL level QB and traded their only decent skill position guy. All of their players Twitters are saying how shocked they are by this move. Cleveland will roll over early and Minny will roll.
Moneyline: I missed badly on BG last week, but lead you in the right direction regarding UCLA. For this week there isn't a whole lot out there that I feel great about. If I have to pick one ML...I have no idea, but I will give you 3 that I will be placing some money on; Marshall +250 vs VT, Lions +110 vs Redskins and Bills +125 vs Jets.
I also kind of like the Skins to beat the Lions. If I recall, the Lions have still never won in DC (might not be true anymore). The Lions are trash and we aren’t this bad. At least I hope not. We can't be.  I won't allow it.  See you on Monday where hopefully Drooler will come back from Boston in a hearse.  Meet up tomorrow, Grump???

40 comments:

Anonymous said...

Im not changing teams, because that is too much work and Im too old to have a new team mean anything substantial. However, after this move I might be relegated to fairweather. You're right, this is our team for now and ever until they move again. But, after everything we've done for them, this is a huge slap in the face. I pray fans boycott the games and don't show up.

I just cannot make sense of this trade at even the basic level. The biggest idiots on Facebook/twitter are the dumbfucks thinking optimistically. Oh yay! Two first rounders! Im sorry, do we have a great history of drafting that I was unaware of?! New regime!!! Heard that a few times too. New owner!! Steelers fan criminal.

TRich is a fucking beast. We should have built our offense around him and not some unnamed player 3 games into his college season. I understand the new regime isn't big on first round RBs. OK. Fair. But you have one without using a pick!

There is not one metric that you can judge this as a success unless you love schadenfreude or were going for raping a massively liyal fanbase into submission. By all means success!

Ide

Nate said...

I've wanted to like an NFL team for a while, just never had a strong preference for one.

Is it just not meant to be? Outside of liking whatever team your dad did, how can you become a fan of an NFL team?

GMoney said...

Nate, fantasy can help with that. If Brady is a hoss for you this year, you may see yourself gravitating to the Pats (he won't so don't worry about it). Or just root for the Raiders because of TP.

Ide, ChuckStrong called T-Rich something along the lines of a "bowling ball of butcher knives". Is that the kind of guy that the Browns couldn't use? So dumb. Joe Banner is on M&M right now. Really wish that I was listening to him justify being a cockbag.

Don't hurt yourself hopping off the Chump Kelly bandwagon. Fuck the Eagles. They suck. Which only means that my team is even worse.

By the way, if you want my moneyline upset of the week, give me the Steelers to beat the Bears on Sunday night. Catler has his mind on the Emmys and I just can't see a great coach like Mike Tomlin going 0-3 (Hi Iceman!).

GMoney said...

And as I told Ape, sorry about the late posting. I was out all night celebrating with Andy Reid. Too much heroin, cheesesteaks, and tall glasses of milk.

MUDawgfan said...

Thank the lord above that Shady McCoy only sprained his ankle and returned last night.
The Igg's might not be a playoff team in 2013 - but the new system is fantasy gold for Shady owners.


If the Browns draft Johnny Football next year, I will laugh and laugh and laugh...

Mr. Ace said...

Fucking Iggles. I guess I need to ratchet my expectations way back to preseason levels. That first half against the Skins really had me hyped!!! Our D actually did what it needed to do outside of the Chiefs last drive. Mike Vick just can't read defenses, especially with any pressure. The Eagles really need to focuson the run game more. No reason for Vick to be chucking like that. Get Bryce Brown some touches and keep Shady fresh. Vick does better of play action with a clean pocket. Quick decisions just aren't his thing. But that Chiefs D line is no joke. Might be the best front in the NFL.

I got murdered last week as well.

Nate said...

What makes the least amount of sense to me is the fact that Richardson's play the rest of the year will actually determine the worth of what the Browns got for him.

In other words, the Colts received their missing piece of the puzzle on offense - a game changing RB.

Richardson could actually win them a couple more games now that the offense is more balanced.

As a result, the first round draft pick the Browns will receive will actually be worth less and less the more the Colts win (which will be the case with Richardson replacing Vick Ballard).

The computer has it out for Commentator Daniel today. My code is "fuqdye"


GMoney said...

Best Robot Word Ever! Obviously this is code for "bet against the Bills this week".

Chiefs D is definitely legit. Alex Smiff? Not so much. Eventually, teams are going to sit on those crossing routes since he doesn't even try to throw the ball down field.

I'm not the biggest Bryce Brown fan but he needs to be getting more carries than 3. Otherwise, Shady's gonna die.

Riley Cooper sucks. Why is he even in the league? Well, other than for his inspirational racial epithets.

Anonymous said...

Just to put this in further perspective, the Redskins sold off their future for RG3 at the 2nd pick in the 2012 draft. The Colts traded a low first round two years later to have the 1st and 3rd pick in the same draft.

Riley Cooper is really bad. I have him on my team because of his glorious motivational speeches, but he may be getting the chop soon.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Richardson is hurt often and has averaged 3.5ypc with a long rush of 32 yards...hardly a "game changer" he's been. Control your balls slurping of him fellas.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

How fucking stupid is Drew? Those statistics are with a TERRIBLE QB and an even worse OL. Defenses stack the box with 8 guys every week daring Weeden to beat them, because he cant. But youre right, Drew - Trent isnt very good.

Seal

Mr. Ace said...

Getting McGahee is totes a game changer #shitdrewwouldsay.

Losing Maclin was a killer for this year. Him and DJax on the outside would be lethal and only open up the field more for Shady.

GMoney said...

Seal wins. Like usual. I'm not one to make excuses for people but, bro, dude scored 13 touchdowns last year in Pat Shurmur's offense. He may not be Emmitt Smiff, but he is sure as shit better than what the Browns think he is.

No wonder Drooler went to Boston this weekend. He saw that Seal was in town and didn't want to get his ass kicked.

Once the Browns fail to out-suck the Jags and miss Bridgewater, feel free to send that Colts pick on over to the Skins for Cousins, BRAH!

The Iceman said...

Yeah. Anyone who bails now is a bitch. Of course I've screamed and shouted that I'm done, but I never really can be. It's the curse of being a Browns fan. You can never quit them even after they've given you every reason to. It's the most abusive relationship on the fucking planet. I've already endured years of pain and torture. A few more won't kill me. Hell...maybe it will! But if the Browns send me to an early grave at least I won't have to watch 8th rate football every Sunday anymore.

Here's my take on the trade. If Richardson isn't your guy...so be it. Trade him if that's the case. But don't fucking GIVE him away which is exactly what the Browns did. They did not get anything close to what they had to give up to get TRich in the first place. And it's not like TRich is some second rate back. He ran very well while injured all year behind a very suspect line in his FIRST FUCKING YEAR IN THE LEAGUE! OBVZ there's talent there and he's going to continue to get better. But go ahead and prematurely bail on the best RB we've had since Eric Metcalf...since Metcalf. *sigh* That's equal parts pathetic and fucking sad. And this is what makes me fucking ill...If the Browns had anything close to a competent front office, we could have both TRich and Julio Jones for the next 10 years. God Dammit.

GMoney said...

AND WEEDEN/QUINN MAYBE!!!

Stop selling Jamals Lewis's's's's short. He was the ultimate Brown.

Anonymous said...

I will be monitoring Richardsons Pro Bowl season with Luck working with him.

--Drew

Jeff said...

Clemson tried to pull a Clemson, but survived. In other news, Isaiah Battle will knock yo ass out!

GMoney said...

Just admit that you are terrified of Seal and his SEC speed. It must get old to slaughter you daily and then sing Kiss From A Rose to your corpse.

Brady said...

I've heard more and more unbiased people in the media trying to tell me this trade was a good move. They say TRich is injury prone and doesn't have the burst necessary for the NFL. Some can't believe that the Colts would give up a first round pick and that the Browns actually won this trade hands down. I don't know if I would go that far but we won't know how good this deal was until two years from now so I'm going to back away from the ledge for the time being.

I've also seen Kiper say that the Browns have a better line than the Colts (using some weird NFL sabermetric) and T-Rich was only able to average a hair over 3 yards per carry. I know 17 games isn't much of a sample size but I never saw him just dominate a game for us. I don't know. He'll probably end up being a HOF'er in Indy. That would be the most Cleveland of outcomes.

All that being said, it doesn't make it any easier for a fanbase that gets kicked in the nuts every year. I'll never change allegiances. I don't know how you would even go about that. It's probably something like being a Yankees fan.

Fuck all this bullshit anyway. TRIBE TIME, bitches!

Anonymous said...

14 days until CBJ takes the ice. I imagine this season will require more of the attention that was freed up from this latest Browns move. I'm fine with that.

CARRY IT!

Ide

GMoney said...

I'm TOTES gonna write up a 20K word team preview of the CBJ. CUP OR NICE BUSTS!

Prime99 said...

I heard a local guy on the radio say that he is picking the Steelers because he can't fathom a Mike Tomlin team going 0-3! Nice critical thinking right there. Could you see a Todd Haley offense go 0-3? Yes, yes you could.

LOL Browns!

Grumpy said...

Meet up tomorrow, G$. Name the time and place.

#firetoddhaley

The Iceman said...

Steelers will go 0-3. Lock of the century. Then everyone will start to see what I've been saying from the start. Tomlin SUX.

How is TRich injury prone? Why are people saying this? He played in all but 1 game as a rookie and even played with broken ribs for most of the season. Running backs will never be 100% healthy all year after their first carry of the season. What separates running backs are the guys who are able to play through injuries (Richardson) and guys who can't (McFadden). You can have all the talent in the world (Felix Jones) but if a bee sting sends a dude to the emergency room then what the fuck does it matter how talented they are?

The Browns may have a better O-line than the Colts. Sure. Whatever. But what dick fuck Kiper isn't taking into account is that Andrew Luck >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Weeden. And anyone who thinks excellent QB play doesn't help at all to equalize a poor O-line can drink cat piss.

By the way...take everything you own and bet it on the Vikings this Sunday. Browns are getting beat by at least 21.

The Iceman said...

Doug Martin is averaging 3.9 yards per carry in his second season. Fuckin done! Trade him!! Get that sorry shit box off the team. Literally accepting any offers.

GMoney said...

"Hey, it's not always easy to run the ball with an ELITE passing attack around you. My dad is a convict."--Mark Ingram

When people say stuff about T-Rich's YPC and lack of big plays, they are implying that he is the reason why the team blows.

Yes, you are right, claiming "injury prone" after missing just one game is stupid. Face it, the team gave up after two games. That fucking sucks.

Grump, I'll text you tomorrow.

Touche, Prime, I want to see a Todd Haley offense go 0-16. But let's be honest, the Bears should probably be 0-2 right now. I stick by my story...Steelers beat the Bears on Sunday night (awful game by the way).

GMoney said...

Another thing for all those people who are applauding the Browns: Joe Banner once built a franchise around Kevin Kolb. He only saved face from that disaster because of the Vick reclamation project. Your other Lardo in the front office drafted JaMarcus Russell.

Somehow these two men got jobs again in the NFL. Good luck with those extra picks.

Prime99 said...

I could also say the Bears should've won both their games by 14+ and we would both be correct. The Cat is clutch. Deal with it.

Brady said...

Maybe Jim Brown was right when he called Richardson "ordinary". Maybe the Browns were being visionaries for the first time ever and traded him at the apex of his value. Maybe that extra pick is the ammo we need to finally get a REAL QB and turn things around. Maybe I'm just talking out of my ass in attempt to make myself feel better.

I agree that being called "injury prone" is ridiculous for an NFL back. You are running in to man mountains (my favorite gay retreat!) every play. Of course you're going to be hurt. I just want all Browns fans to really think about it and pick one game where TRich absolutely blew your mind and made you say "this is a HOF'er right here". I can't think of one.

I'm not saying it was the right move or the wrong move. We just don't know yet.

GMoney said...

Face it, FacePrime, Bears gay.

How many rookies can you actually say that about? For as ELITE as Dubs, Griff, and Gremlin were last year, you would be a damned fool to say "THERE IS A HOF'ER, BRAHS"!

The 20th pick in the draft isn't getting you the REAL QB that you covet. It's going to get you Aaron "Eric Zeier" Murray. If you can't out-suck the Jags (really looking forward to that game late in the year), you better hope that they really want Clowney at 1.

GMoney said...

Just read quotes from Holmgren that if he were in Chud's place, he would have quit on the spot or demanded to be fired over trading away the best offensive player on the team after two weeks.

Brady said...

Like I should take anything Holmgren says seriously! LOL! He did absolute shit during his time in Cleveland. The fact that he disagreed with it makes me feel that it might have been the right move even more.

That guy can go straight to hell. What a fucking disaster his tenure was.

Anonymous said...

Black QB's are generally dumber than their white counterparts too

GMoney said...

Anyone else see Cakes siding with Uncle Jimmy and the other crooks? Can this guy ever criticize any of his teams?

Holmgren obviously sucked in the front office, but he was a good coach. That is more than I can say about Banner and Lombardi who have been shit everywhere.

Mr. Ace said...

The first game last yearwhen he decapitated Fuckeye Coleman. Next.

Anonymous said...

This trade is as stupid now as it was when it happened. There is no defense. G$ hit the nail on the head with that Jamarcus and Kolb thing. These guys have a proven track record of being the same fucking assholes we got rid of. Stop defending the Browns, you logically can't.

Ide

Brady said...

Somebody has to play the devils advocate to ensure a lively discussion! Listen, I wouldn't have done the deal but it's over now. Nothing we can do but look toward the future and make sure the team drafts the right people.

Banner and Smooth-talkin', rebate scamin' Jimmy Haslem are in charge now like it or not. I'm not jumping ship over the whole thing. I'm just practicing my arguements on you guys for the inevitable Browns bashing at the next bar I visit.

The Iceman said...

Shut up, Cakes. Just shut the fuck up.

GMoney said...

Nothing you can do about it now? Uh, yes you can, good sir. YOU CAN KEEP PISSING AND MOANING ABOUT HOW AWFUL THEY ARE FOR ETERNITY LIKE A GOOD FAN!!!

Brady said...

"Shut up, Cakes. Just shut the fuck up."

I will not, good sir.

Somebody needs to inject some TRUF into this pitty party.