|Why is a corpse riding shotgun?|
Braxton Miller is a pussy.
FACT. Jesus Christ, can this guy make it through one game without calling the entire OSU Medical Center ER staff over? We all remember the ambulance game. That will go done in the annals of Fuckeye history. Jack Park’s homo offspring will be talking about that 40 years from now. Against Buffalo, he had to miss a series due to menstrual cramps. And then this week, old #5 pulls a Beanie Wells and “sprains his knee” after a bone-rattling hit from multiple ghosts in the first quarter. He wasn’t touched. He didn’t cut awkwardly. He didn’t have a lineman fall on him wrong. But he got hurt anyway and we never saw him again on the field but he was grimacing like a boss on the sideline while sitting on the trainer’s table AKA his second home.
I don’t want to come off as some sort of hater (even though it is a guarantee that the Fucktards will come unglued over my poppycock allegation) but this cat is SOFT. We all know how talented he is and what he can do on the field, but who gives a fuck if he is always asking out of the game with his wide array of mystery ailments. I once watched Marmalard Rivers play well in an AFC title game with a torn ACL. If Miller had an actual injury instead of an extremely minor knee ligament strain, he would probably lock himself in a padded room for no less than three years. Fortunately, Kenneth “K-Dog” Guiton (don’t call him Kenny G or Smooth Jazz, you stupid fucks) is a pretty good back-up (although he throws the worst deep ball ever).
This is football. You are going to get hit and you will never be 100% healthy once the season starts. Like all players before and after you, you need to DEAL WITH IT. If you want to win a national title or be a Heisman or play on Sundays then you probably need to start sucking it up and not be BFFs with the training staff.
Does this matter? Probably not. Will this have any impact on wins and losses this season? Maybe. Would you still rather have Miller over a baller like #98 Devin Gardner? Only an idiot would. I’d rather have the guy who plays 100% of the downs over the guy who uses up our entire supply of athletic tape. I just want ONE of you Ohio turd suckers to admit that he is being a bitch who needs to act like a football player and not a run of the mill Euro-trash soccer flopper. Just one. Call him out for being a little girl. That’s all I ask. So the point of today’s post is actually quite simple…
Braxton Miller is a pussy. And Urban Meyer Uses Herbal Essences.