Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Can We Have An Honest Discussion About #5?

Why is a corpse riding shotgun?
I asked Iceman to hold off on discussing the Ohio Buckeyes yesterday because I didn’t want this topic to get swept under the rug or glossed over. It deserves its own day. Now, I’ve been accused in the past by thin-skinned Fuckeyes of talking about their dirtbag program simply for page views and comments. That’s sort of true, I guess, but if you scofflaws would stop breaking the law or being male gays then maybe I would come up with different post ideas. I wanted to write this up after the opening game but chose not to. I needed more evidence in order to avoid being accused of trolling. I have it now. Want to know what I found out?

Braxton Miller is a pussy.

FACT. Jesus Christ, can this guy make it through one game without calling the entire OSU Medical Center ER staff over? We all remember the ambulance game. That will go done in the annals of Fuckeye history. Jack Park’s homo offspring will be talking about that 40 years from now. Against Buffalo, he had to miss a series due to menstrual cramps. And then this week, old #5 pulls a Beanie Wells and “sprains his knee” after a bone-rattling hit from multiple ghosts in the first quarter. He wasn’t touched. He didn’t cut awkwardly. He didn’t have a lineman fall on him wrong. But he got hurt anyway and we never saw him again on the field but he was grimacing like a boss on the sideline while sitting on the trainer’s table AKA his second home.

I don’t want to come off as some sort of hater (even though it is a guarantee that the Fucktards will come unglued over my poppycock allegation) but this cat is SOFT. We all know how talented he is and what he can do on the field, but who gives a fuck if he is always asking out of the game with his wide array of mystery ailments. I once watched Marmalard Rivers play well in an AFC title game with a torn ACL. If Miller had an actual injury instead of an extremely minor knee ligament strain, he would probably lock himself in a padded room for no less than three years. Fortunately, Kenneth “K-Dog” Guiton (don’t call him Kenny G or Smooth Jazz, you stupid fucks) is a pretty good back-up (although he throws the worst deep ball ever).

This is football. You are going to get hit and you will never be 100% healthy once the season starts. Like all players before and after you, you need to DEAL WITH IT. If you want to win a national title or be a Heisman or play on Sundays then you probably need to start sucking it up and not be BFFs with the training staff.

Does this matter? Probably not. Will this have any impact on wins and losses this season? Maybe. Would you still rather have Miller over a baller like #98 Devin Gardner? Only an idiot would. I’d rather have the guy who plays 100% of the downs over the guy who uses up our entire supply of athletic tape. I just want ONE of you Ohio turd suckers to admit that he is being a bitch who needs to act like a football player and not a run of the mill Euro-trash soccer flopper. Just one. Call him out for being a little girl. That’s all I ask. So the point of today’s post is actually quite simple…

Braxton Miller is a pussy. And Urban Meyer Uses Herbal Essences.

40 comments:

Anonymous said...

I find it ballsy that the biggest RG3 fan would even broach this subject. I already went on the knee rant once and dont feel like doing it again, but this was the coaches call anyways. I heard he wasnt returning before he even left the sidelines.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

I don't think RG3 compares here. I saw both injuries to his knee and they were fucking GRUESOME. Braxton is not getting injured. He is getting banged up and acting like he is going to need something amputated. I don't even think Denard compares, before you Fuckeyes be Fuckeyes. Denarr would get hurt and come back in. And if he couldn't come back in he was up on the sidelines spring his team, not in the locker room preparing his will. And then when he couldn't come back and play QB he stepped up and played RB. Could you ever imagine Braxton taking hits as a RB? He would break records for injury timeouts and pussy grimaces.

Your QB is a cunt. DG98 is a GOD.

MuDawgfan said...

In Miller's defense - Gardner probably has the superior offensive line and he has to do less scrambling/making chicken salad out of chicken shit.

GMoney said...

RG3 willed his team to the playoffs on a ticking timebomb of an ACL on the worst field ever and still wanted to keep playing. Not even close.

I have no idea why he and his coaches are treating him like a newborn baby but it's going to take a ton of Les Wexner's money to baby-proof The Shoe. NO SHARP CORNERS 4 BRAX-BRAX!

GMoney said...

And let's compare him to MAH BOY, Terrelle Pryor, who vacated a Sugar Bowl title on a flat tire if you recall. What makes you think that Miller would do the same?

Pryor > Miller...steal from you, steal from me

Anonymous said...

Id rather have a championship than another Heisman. Im all for this and could give two shits less when it cones to San Diego St. If he wants to get life flighted out with a stubbed toe against Wisconsin, then we can talk. Until that happens, who gives a shit?

Ide

Nate said...

Anytime a player gets rushed off the field in an ambulance and is back in full beast mode the next week, his toughness comes into question.

It's unfortunate, but I do believe Braxton's first priority when he's on the field is staying healthy for that future NFL paycheck. Considering that, anytime he feels even a tweak or a twinge, he's going to go into crisis mode.

Not defending the attitude as its certainly a me-first type approach, just explaining what I hear.

Now, if I'm Urban Meyer and I've got two QB's as talented as Miller & Guiton, I'm going to be much more conservative with how I handle injuries. I would not be surprised if we begin to evolve into a platoon this year.

Finally got around to watching Boardwalk last night. That broken bottle scene was gruesome.

The Iceman said...

How can Michigan have the superior O-line when Ohio gets the best recruits every year at every position?! At least according to the fans.

The best part of this post was EVERYTHING. I can't stop thinking about the last 3 years how every last Fuckeye here screamed LOL from the mountain tops because Denard couldn't stay on the field due to the fact that he wasn't a "real" QB and ran too much. Maybe if Braxton showcased his ELITE throwing ability that is SOOOOOOOOO much better than last year according to all you dopes, he wouldn't have to run all the time and get hurt like a bitch.

Tell me Drew...Are Heismans won in the first 4 weeks of the season or in the training room getting your pussy iced?

GMoney said...

Nate, I think that you're going down the right path. I have no idea what Miller's family is like but my feeling is that he is one of the rare ones who had a very strong support system and always told him how great he was. Thus he has no idea how to handle the slightest issue. The Pryors couldn't even afford heat apparently so he knew about thug life. Miller is a pussy.

Miller is a pussy. Soft bro. That is the point, Ideward. He needs to be called out on that. Suck it up and be a man.

I think that they sell iced pussy at Frosty Boy.

Anonymous said...

I'm all for calling him a giant gash, when he pussies out when it matters. I didn't see much of the first half live, but, what I did read on twitter is that he was able to come back if needed, which let me to believe it was all Urban.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

Just received my first payout from Bovada. It came from Montreal. Totally legit.

Miller wears underwear without dickholes.

Anonymous said...

Bullet-point style.....

*G$ don't call this an "honest discussion" and say that the kid wasn't even touched when he got hurt on Saturday. He got helmet to helmet hits on both sides of his head and got his leg rolled up on causing an MCL sprain. You are the worst.

*I think he overreacts to initial pain. I don't think it has to do anything with an NFL paycheck like Nate does. He had some big injuries in high school that caused him to miss a lot of time, so I think he is always worried it's worse than it actually is. If that makes him a pussy then so be it...he's our pussy. He sacrifices his body every game and doesn't shy away from contact.

*LOLZ at wanting Gardner over him.

*Iceman....what the fuck are you talking about in regards to Heismans? I predicted Bridgewater will win the Heisman...I predicted Braxton will win a national championship. That's what matters.
Also, anybody that remotely follows recruiting knows that the last two years Michigan has had awesome OL classes and OSU has had small mediocre ones. That's being addressed in this year's OSU class, but I don't know who these "fans" are you speak of.

*Ide...I think URBZ held Braxton out for two reasons. 1.) There was no need to play him with an MCL sprain against SDSU 2.) Missing the entire game cost Braxton stats and exposure....two things any QB loves. It will make him think twice about missing time.

--Drew

Nate said...

"I think he overreacts to initial pain. I don't think it has to do anything with an NFL paycheck like Nate does. He had some big injuries in high school that caused him to miss a lot of time, so I think he is always worried it's worse than it actually is."


I think we're saying the same thing. He's always worried its worse than it actually is, because he's worried about losing out on an opportunity in the NFL.

Somebody has to hook him up with Lloyds of London, so he knows he's paid either way.

Anonymous said...

Way to lose any credibility you had with the description of what happened to Braxton miller. Didn't get touched? Did you even see the play? His leg got tangled up by three defenders after an ELITE run on 4th down.

Iceman- that was miller's first run of the game. It's hard to gauge his improved passing skillz considering he left in the first series.

Michigan fans LOVE the September heisman. May the forcier be with you.

Dut

GMoney said...

Ironically and unlike you turds, I've watched both Ohio games completely sober. HE WAS NOT TOUCHED BY ANYONE.

*G$ don't call this an "honest discussion" and say that the kid wasn't even touched when he got hurt on Saturday. He got helmet to helmet hits on both sides of his head and got his leg rolled up on causing an MCL sprain. You are the worst.

^^^This did not happen. Anyone with eyes knows this. If you saw the fallout from this play and thought anything other than "what's wrong with this guy now" then you are an idiot.

I asked for a honest discussion. I'm getting nothing but lies. Makes sense considering who we're trying to get honesty from.

Anonymous said...

Welp, no need to stick around discussing this today with G$ living in make believe world. He probably saw the Redskins beat the Eagles on Monday too.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pYc2-YimYs

LOL, you're fucking stupid. He was hit by two people, wrapped up, and HAD HIS GODDAMNED HELMET FLY OFF.

Ide

Prime99 said...

When I got a chance to ask Braxton about this baseless accusation he said, "What?! I'm not a pussy. [sniffle] I twy reawy hard out there... [a couple short breaths] I waaaant my mommy!!!!" Then he ran away with no visible limp.

Jeff said...

LOLZ at you G$. You're better than this. Iceman's Tuesday Tardary has rubbed off on you.

GMoney said...

Got it. Braxton is John Wayne. You're right. Tough bro. Those ghost hits to the head had a huge impact to the knee. It hurt so bad that Dwyane Wade had to call for the wheelchair.

Maybe his helmet would stay on if he wasn't unnecessarily wearing one of those black rags and had it strapped tightly.--something that Dick Butkus might say

We all knew this would happen. None of you can be honest about the team that has brainwashed you. It would be adorable if it weren't so pathetic. What is so damn hard about calling a pussy a pussy?

Whether you agree with everything that I think or not isn't really the point. You can pick nits but there is a ton of truth here (100% of it but whatever). The kid needs to sack up. PERIOD. COMMA. (ELITE Shaq rap lyric reference)

Nate said...

I think Braxton's being a twat, but to say he had zero contact on his last play against SDSU is a head scratcher.

I googled "Sweetback" as I expected it to be some racial epithet dating back to Dixie.

All I got was the name of a C-list English band in the 70's.

Is Sweetback the guy's name? Or is Scorcesi a racist pioneer?

Anonymous said...

Dunn Pernsley was the guys name. I thought it to be a great racial epithet, and will continue to use it as such.

Calling for honesty when your base argument is complete horseshit is sub PFT trolling.

What do you want us all to say? We all seem to be in agreement, that it was a tweak, and probably not all that serious, and the coach held him out. What should be our reaction? The game was meaningless, we fucking won 42-7, Miller could come back in, but didn't, it wasn't against a top team, and Guiton looked good. I have zero idea what you want us to say.

Why should we be anything less than happy that we won the game and Miller isn't seriously injured, and got a game (maybe more according to reports) of rest to be better suited for our tough stretch? We all laughed at Denard for winning the September Heisman then missing games because he was a GRITTY TROOPER. Remind me again how that worked out for UM? How many losses? So why would we be stupid enough to expect Miller and Meyer to do the exact same dumb fuck thing we laughed at Denard for last season?

RG3 willed his team into the playoffs. Cool, then he blew his knee harder than his 18 year old boy mistress, and now is a completely different qb because of it. You'd really want to sit there and say that you are glad RG3 went HAM on everyone and fucked his mobility/ability up, rather than playing it safe, getting better and coming back this year at 100%? Blame the field all you want, he played reckless and paid the price. You just had the luxury of having it be the last game of the season not the second.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

9 black starting QB's last week? Steven A Smiff still using this to race bait. Never change.

I didn't see the Braxton tackle. I did see him writhing in pain when anybody touched his leg on the sideline. That's why I think he's a pussy, among a few other previous instances of similar behavior.

When choosing between Braxton and DG98, only a Fuckeye is taking Braxton without giving it any thought. That's because Fuckeyes are Fuckeyes.

Anonymous said...

Not one person has said Braxton was tough. Stop putting words into our mouths because you're embarrassed of your description of what happened. I think everyone has agreed that Braxton overreacts to injuries. What else is there to talk about?

I'm concerned that you watched the game sober and still say he wasn't touched. What shade of glasses were you wearing?

Dut

Anonymous said...

Braxton is definitely not the toughest guy in the world but to say the hit on Saturday wasn't legit is beyond ridiculous.

-Damman

GMoney said...

MAYBE he was touched a little bit on Saturday. MAYBE. I am man enough to admit that he was tackled by a few crappy defensive players. But that was absolutely not a hard or awkward hit. Granted, you can get injured on any sort of contact or non-contact if your last name is Wells, but there was nothing strange happening below the belt there.

Now you be man enough to admit that he is a pussy. No one besides Nate has done that.

My opinion on sitting him for the game? This is what Urb was thinking: "Well, he's going to piss and moan about it anyway so just tell that sexy Shannon Spake that it's our decision to leave him out even though he should be out there. Tim Tebow would never act like this because Timothy is not a pussy ass bitch."

GMoney said...

Again, the only true point of this post despite your objections is...

SUCK IT UP AND PLAY FOOTBALL. YOU ARE THE BEST PLAYER ON THE TEAM AND ONE OF THE BEST IN THE NATION SO PLAY FOOTBALL. YOU AREN'T HURT. YOU NEVER ARE. PLAY THE FUCKING GAME.

The Iceman said...

"It's hard to gauge his improved passing skillz considering he left in the first series"

It's also hard to gauge improved passing skills when he's played 2 quarters in 2 games. At this rate he'll play in 3 total games this year! Plenty of time to showcase that improved arm.

GMoney said...

I love how Ide is all like "RG3 will be bad forever now". Yeah, that makes sense. Go sit at the kiddie table. You can take Cakes's place (until he shows up and says something dumb and then he will go back).

I'm surprised that no one has went with the Kyrie/Braxton connection yet and called me a hypocrite (but it makes sense since none of you are smart and probably watched soccer last night).

Kyrie may be on his way to being injury prone but at least he misses games with broken bones and concussions. Miller fakes injuries. It's hard to be injury prone when you aren't actually hurt.

And I have to be tough on you guys because you are a weird of combo of thick skull and think skin. Also: morons.

GMoney said...

thin skin; not think skin. You don't think. Damn these sausage fingers.

Anonymous said...

"I love how Ide is all like "RG3 will be bad forever now"."

My god, this honest discussion is just running rampant with hilarious lies by the author, no less. I said he fucked up his mobility/ability. I drafted him on my undefeated team in MSFL, so clearly I don't think he is going to be terrible.

For someone who was clearly intent on bringing an A+ troll game to the party today, you sure are failing miserably.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

LETS ALL TALK LOUD AND SPEAK IN ABSOLUTES!!!

G$...going a little Droucher today. Just a little.

GMoney said...

O RLY? Just answer these questions:

Is Braxton Miller a pussy?

If you said no to the previous question; is Braxton Miller soft?

So far, Nate is the only one being honest. The rest of you are lying to yourselves and more importantly to us. We will see how Bobby Griff's career plays out but I'm not willing to designate his future based on his first game back.

KTHNXBAI. I rest on your face.

Nate said...

Some context here for my opinion on Braxton.

I am coming off of a game last week where one of my players was face down in the grass after a play, screaming bloody murder and we all thought he was paralyzed.

The ambulance got called, his parents were rushed from the stands to see their lifeless child on the field, and the rest of the kids on the team were wondering if they ever wanted to play football again.

Fast forward one day and the kid has courageously returned from a mild stinger in the neck. Probably the worst $1,500 a parent has ever spent on a medical bill.

So, I'm a little sensitive towards an absence of toughness.

GMoney said...

Clearly, you are coddling those punks. Time for some Bull In The Ring to toughen them up or get some t-shirts with "PAIN DON'T HURT" on it.

Nate said...

How much is it to ask for just one RATED ROOKIE on the team?

Anonymous said...

At least there was a new SOA that can be talked about.

Prison rape. Wasn't fun to watch in Oz, still isnt fun to watch now.

Iranians are still slimeballs. They also apparently REALLY love Nicholas Cage's movie 8mm.

Tig is atill great.

Uncle Touchy being a pedophile name is awesome since everyone was thinking it anyways.

Jax is still unlikable.

Piper Chapman > Tara. That shit would never go down like that if she attacked Crazy Eyes. (ELITE reference)

I'm assuming that Mac 10 that the kid shot up the school with will fall back on them. Pretty gutsy move shoehorning a Newtown reenactment in the premier. Well played.

Ide

GMoney said...

Sons still sucks but I like to think that Kurt Sutter walked in on the first day of writing this season and demanded that he be prison raped early and often and that it will not be simulated.

Whoever writes the dialogue on this show has no idea how actual human beings talk to each other.

I love how the Motorcycle Club has transformed into The Babysitter's Club. Yeah, that's what you have Happy for, Jax, you dolt.

Nude and heroin-addicted Donald Logue is not my favorite version of him. Did not need to see his ass.

Mr. Ace said...

I just noticed your MS Paint job on the photo. I enjoyed the "Pussy Mobile" label very much.

GMoney said...

Thanks! I'm turning into a real wizard with that shitty program.