|Seems like an appropriate cake for me.|
Along those same lines, I have been cleared to blog but since today is my birthday, I'm not going to put in much of an effort. And can you blame me? My life as a fan is still the absolute worst. Let's get this over with.
Joe Flacco - 5 picks to those ball-hawking Bills! Not ELITE! Also, CJ Spiller still sucks.
Jay Gruden and Andy Dalton - Bros, your offense sucks. How could you ruin Tonya's trip to the 216 like that? As far as the Browns go, clearly Trent Richardson was the metaphorical pair of cement shoes that was holding the franchise back from achieving true greatness. REALLY looking forward to that Bills/Browns game this Thursday.
Jay Catler - That's more like it. That is the Cat that we know and love. On the Lions, are we buying these guys? I suppose that they always were a pretty good team as long as they don't turn it over and keep the personal foul penalties to a minimum.
Russell Wilson - This guy has been poop so far yet the Hawks are 4-0. GAY. Matt Schaub also sucks. I always LOL when some dumbass like Herm will talk about how underrated Captain Boring is. No, he's properly rated as an average at best QB/chronic masturbator.
ELITE Manning - QB heavy today! Only turning the ball over 3 times qualifies as a great game for baby Elisha. I know that everyone everywhere is saying this but I can't fucking believe that the Giants are THIS BAD. They're making the Skins look like the Broncos.
Mike Tomlin's aviator sunglasses - 25% of the way to 0-16, BRAH! Sorry, Grump, you will get no ribs from me. Apparently, Mike Adams was absolute horseshit all day. I wouldn't know since I wasn't about to watch these two teams. But, then again, watching Jared "Real American" Allen abuse him for 3+ hours would have been great.
LOL Chip Kelly - Who's smirking like a smug prick now, you visor-wearing faggot? I just love how this offense racks up major yards and then uses them on missed field goals. This team is trash and just begging to go 5-11. You watch, Chump is going to pull a Petrino on the Eagles and take the USC job. HOT TAKE!
YEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!! - We finally won a fucking game! I was so ready to hang myself once we hilariously fell behind to Matt Flynn 14-0 but we kept it together, realized LOL Matt Flynn, and dominated the final three quarters (not really but compared to the first three games, this was an ELITE performance). The best part? The NFC East is so fucking rotten that we're a game out of first place. What I'm trying to say here is WE ARE SUPER BOWL BOUND YET AGAIN. I'm going to have to do a little digging but the Skins seem to have an ELITE record on the weekend of my birthday. HAIL YES!
Props to Jeffrey - Damn, after leading for most of the week, I fell victim to players sitting on Sunday and Jeff did not which allowed him to close strong and win the baseball league. Second place isn't bad considering Jut Verlander was trying to sabotage my team all season and Coco Crisp was probably my best offensive player. Jeff ($280) and Damman ($60), I will have your money...I don't know...some time. If you want it now, give me some PayPal deeeeeets and I'll have it out this week. Take notes, other commissioners of other leagues, this is how you do it. You get the money up front and you pay immediately. Looking at you, Lange/Dut.
FANTASY! - Eat my smelly dick, Seal. 4-0 in the MSFL. The rest of the leagues are still to "Brees" decided. I think I can go 3-1 this week which would be a fucking miracle. Come on, Drew, it is my birthday. How about four touchdown passes tonight, you know, for old time sake?
In conclusion, I am 33 years old. No one cares. But we all should care about the Breaking Bad finale last night. Talk about it as early and as much you want to. My early prediction is that Todd kills everyone and is named King of the World. He'll let me me live though because I also love Americone Dream. OH! One more thing: Birthday Cake Oreos...'nuff said. Get them now.