Friday, August 02, 2013

FFF: The Underrateds!

Frank has lofty goals for 2013
Listen up, dick snorts.  I want every last one of you to get on your fucking knees and thank Buddha that you decided to come here on a daily basis.  Why now?  Why today?  I'm glad that you didn't ask because THIS POST IS THE 2,000TH POST HERE.  2K!  Holy shit, what a waste of time.  So how about a big round of applause for me (and to a much lesser extent Iceman and Mr. Ace) as a means to satisfy my massive online ego.  Also pat yourselves on the back politely because without commenting contributions, this bitch would have folded a coon's age ago.

My goal about a year or two ago was to end The Money Shot once we hit two thousand posts.  LOL, that's not going to happen.  What I'm trying to say here is that we are cheating death.  Don't worry about the end though.  That won't happen any time soon.  So let's all take a bow and acknowledge that our little corner of the internet is the most ELITE (I even will include Dut and Cakes here).

What better way for me to celebrate such a joyous day than to discuss my true passion: Fantasy Football!  This will be the actual start of Fantasy Football Friday.  The first installment deals with the underrated players that may slip a bit on Draft Day.  They aren't sleepers by any means but guys that I have a good feeling about this year.

QB - Cameron "Ace Boogie" Newton.  SI has him ranked as their FIF quarterback but I get the notion that he will slide in most of your drafts.  I think that that is a YUGE mistake.  We all fell in love with the skills of Kaepernick, RG3, and Rusty Dubs last year but we need to remember that Cam has better skills and a way more sturdy and chiseled frame than those guys.  In my personal opinion, I think that Cam will finish the season as a top 3 quarterback.  Why would I say something so asinine?  Because he survived his sophomore slump season (which wasn't THAT bad) and he has no good running backs to vulture goal line carries.  I am drinking that Cammy Cam Juice.  Last year's underrated pick: Mike Vick!  GREAT CALL!

RB - Alfred Morris.  It was not a fluke.  He showed up to camp in his refurbished 1991 Mazda 626 looking great and has been a stud in camp so far.  SI has him ranked 10th going into the season which is cray cray because the guy is the perfect Shanahan back and he got better and better when our QB got less and less mobile.  In other words, they keyed in on him and it didn't matter.  He will get all of the goal line work as Kyle Shanny would be a goddamn fool to call any non-Kirk Cousins QB draws any more.  AlfMo may not be in the same league as AP, Rice, Foster, and Lynch, but he's knocking on the door.  Last year's underrated pick: Reggie Bush!  I said that he would be a solid RB2.  I'll give myself credit for that as a good call.

WR - Torrey Smith.  The big advice that the experts always say is to get a receiver in his third year.  Well, Smiff qualifies for that.  His competition for catches is thinning with Boldin gone and Pitta needing HIPAA.  I think that Smith is a stud and he has an ELITE QB throwing to him.  SI has him ranked 21st which is a fucking joke.  He's going to have 1400 yards and 12 touchdowns this season.  Trust a BRAH.  Last year's underrated pick: Reggie Wayne!  That was a GREAT call by me.  He was a big reason why I'm going for a threepeat.

TE - Brandon Myers.  ELITE Manning has shown that he has no problem at all throwing to his TE in the red zone.  We will assume that Hakeem Nicks will miss half the season which only makes this guy better.  Myers is relatively unknown since the Raiders never scored but he put up solid numbers for them.  The TE position has gotten kind of thin this year outside of Jimmy Graham so it might be OK to wait until the last few rounds and snag this guy.  Last year's underrated pick: Fred Davis!  It's not my fault that his Achilles exploded.

K - Phil Dawson.  He will lead the league in scoring and boogers eaten this year.  Book it.

DEF - Jets.  They almost have to be really good if that team is going to win 6 games.

There you go.  Some early advice to get you thinking about your coming drafts.  Fantasy Football Friday will take a week off (due to a certain asshole's wedding post next Friday) and then we will hammer out the OVERRATEDs in two weeks.  Let's start talking drafts! Or, more importantly, how many people will collapse and die on the hallowed grounds of Buckenmeyer Stadium during the Alumni Game tomorrow night! Big Rex will certainly be paralyzed. BEAT DEFIANCE! Happy 2000 to all of us!


Anonymous said...

The stadium is named after the Buckeyes and Urban Meyer? That's awesome!

Congrats on 2000 BRAH.


GMoney said...

Lots of wasted years...

Nate said...

Any chance that Mike Burke will be the alumni coach tomorrow?

Even better chance some women's tennis alumni can show up for alumni sexual harassment?

GMoney said...

I know that it is a generic name, but let's cool it on the grabby Speech teacher's true identity.

I have heard that the coach is Craig Good who is related to Ape so you know he will call awful plays and have the players drink soy milk.

Anonymous said...

Congrats dude - Thanks for letting me waste 2000 hours here during work over the past few years.


Mr. Ace said...

Lets cool it on the ELITE head coach government name. He would have been playing if he didn't just have some crazy surgery that has laid him up for awhile.

Torrey Smith? NOT SOLD. I think the Ravens are going to suck huge ass this year, so maybe he gets some cheap points with the Ravens playing from behind. But I don't trust Flacco and Smith is only a deep ball threat. No way he gets to those numbers.

I would to give myself an additional pat on the back for keeping this place alive. Around the time of me signing my big contract G$ was really waivering because of writing posts everyday. You're all welcome for my commitment to excellence. And don't think that I forgot about all the hate you gave me in my first week, even though that still produced the greatest ACEterview ever. RIP ST

GMoney said...

It takes Seal an hour to read our daily posts? GO CATS?

It's not easy to find an underrated receiver. I feel like now that Smiff has shed the baggage of his brother, he will thrive. YES!

You were fired for repeated disrespect toward #21 AKA God's Safety.

Anonymous said...

AlfMo isn't underrated at all. You're starting to split hairs if you think a top ten anything should be a top five.

Cammy Cam is rated where he is, because the Panthers have done NOTHING to improve on their shitty team this year. Name me one receiver after Smiff. Does Muhsin Mohammed still play? His line is as porous as a fat woman in the summer, and his running game is LOLS. He will be murdered this year.

Good call on the Giants TE. I hope he gets 40 TD's so that NBC doesn't have to hamfist any salsa music into the broadcast.

Riley Cooper is pretty UNDERRATED right now. And he has a killer instinct towards blacks. I like him.

I am going to laugh my ass off at the fucking jerkoff who takes Colin Kaepernick in the draft. I hope someone starts him. He is bad.


GMoney said...

ALFMO is better than all the RBs listed 5 through 9 (especially Richardson)...that is underrated. These aren't sleepers; they are underrated guys. Putting him at #10 implies that he was a fluke last year. He was not.

No one thrives in garbage time better than Cam. Last I checked, garbage time counts equally in fantasy. I don't care if he has no one to throw to other than the baby puncher (although Olsen and LaFell had nice seasons last year). He's going to be throwing constantly. That's good.

Kaep is a solid pick once you get past the normal top QBs.

Mr. Ace said...

Ide's analysis confirms why I love having him in my leagues.

Anonymous said...

I agree, I love winning championships. I'm glad to take your money as much as you are apparently glad to give it to me. Thanks in advance for your baseball contribution!

Draft Colin, Ape, please do it.



GMoney said...

He's won one. And it was over Burke AKA his Fantasy Fuck Buddy. I win at least one per year (only remembers last two years).

Anonymous said...

How many has Ape won? You've won the worst league ever as agreed upon by everyone, which makes you basically the most popular bug exterminator. I'll be impressed if you win the new and vastly superior LFL.


Mr. Ace said...

Hmm...lets compare fantasy leagues last yaer

G$ Baseball league:
Ace: FUCKING CHAMPION(In 1st year)
Ide: NOT champion

Ace: 3rd
Ide: 8f

Ace: 5th
Ide: 4th
We had the same record.

Conclusion: LOLZ IDE!!! That was very Drouche bag of you. Keep finishing out of the money and "taking my money".

Anonymous said...

Oh, I forgot you're not in G$FL. That's ok, I'll add a new trophy in a couple months for baseball for you to look at.

I am making no promises on MSFL, since you set the fucking draft date on my birthday. Extra points for disregarding that as important even though everyone else had bullshit excuses to miss other dates. I like your moxie.


Mr. Ace said...

That is the LFL draft, not the MSFL draft. Not that I would have considered your birthday anyway.

You're really awful today.

GMoney said...

It is not important. That day is celebrated about as much as Hitler's birthday.

To state my updated fantasy resume: I play in 4 head-to-head leagues. In the last 2 years, I have finished in the top 3 in 6 of 8 leagues (including three titles). Just sayin'!

Anonymous said...

Oh, oddly enough, your name headlines LFL messages and Lange's headlines MSFL. Glad we had this terrible conversation, that kicked off FFF with even worse shit talking.

Hitlers birthday is 4/20, so I'd say it's one of the most celebrated days of the year. And Columbine if you're into the whole gun control thing. I'd welcome either comparison. SMOKE WEED EVERYDAY

The Iceman said...

"You're really awful today."

You misspelled every day.

I like Smiff as a potential UNDERRATED guy. The fact that Shane Falco has literally no one else to throw to is a pretty big deal. I would pump the brakes a tad on the prediction though. I think 1200 and 10 scores is a little more realistic. I think Dwyane Bowe is poised for a huge year as well now that Matt Cassel's corpse isn't lobbing moon balls into the oppositions secondary.

Rex is the Vegas favorite to win MVP of that alumni game. He's dusting off the ol' number 15 and representing your favorite Tuesday poster. ME, FUCKERS! I'm seriously thinking about watching this game in person...

Mr. Ace said...

Will there be a live stream of this game? I have a bachelor party thia weekend but I would totes watch it online.

Prime99 said...

2000 posts is insane. Well done, G$!

GMoney said...

Thank you, Prime, I could not have done it without my Saturday Boy. ELITE your album reference!

I'll put it this way, Torrey SMIFF will produce #1 receiver numbers this year. Why wouldn't he? He's only coached by one of the finest men on the planet.

Phil Dawson eats boogers. By the way, who did the Browns replace him with? I bet it is someone absolutely putrid.

2000th post > my anniversary yesterday

Anonymous said...

No live stream but we all get a DVD of the game so this beauty will show up online at some point. I'm not delusional...this thing could be (will be?) an absolute shitshow. At least now if I end up paralyzed it's on G$'s conscience.

And by repping that #15 I feel like I get to be part of the Iceman family legacy, which is all any of us want out of life anyway.

Big Rex

GMoney said...

If you're part of that family, then you better get your mom to shave VILLANUEVA in your head tonight.

Are your boys old enough to spoon feed you yet? You don't have #77 protecting your non-blind side anymore, BRAH.

The Iceman said...

Is Big Rex a regular enough commenter to get that ELITE Villanueva reference?

We're gonna have to make room on the family photo wall for the new era of #15. Make us proud, Rex.

Daniel said...

What say you guys - 3.5 - over/under on combined concussions and torn knee ligaments tomorrow?

Have the respective teams been actively practicing? Or is everyone just going to show up and play a disorganized game of backyard football?

Daniel said...

And will there be an alumni cheerleading squad, all of which have gained 45 pounds since their actual cheerleading days?

GMoney said...

When it comes to most of the steakheads suiting up tomorrow, no one will be pussy enough to report their definite concussion which I am guessing there will be at least 4 of those.

Anonymous said...

No cheerleaders that I'm aware of. There have been practices for the last 6 weeks or so, so there will be some level of organization.

Don't know about the spoon feeding but I've wiped their asses enough that they should be able to return the favor. And I have to admit I don't get the Villanueva reference but I'm sure it's outstanding.

The Iceman said...

Refer to the comment section of Wednesday's post, Rex. Things will become clear.