Monday, August 26, 2013

CFB Preview Week: Properly Rated

To coach at WE ON, you must be fat, old, or mentally challenged.  WTF IS THIS?
Well, college football starts up this week.  As is tradition around these parts, that means that it is COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREVIEW WEEK here.  If you're new (and you are not because we haven't added any new customers in two years, the worst of the worst will be dropping their knowledge and predictions on the NFL's inferior little bro all week.  Except for The Wig Master, of course, who is my favorite contributor to this and then disappears for a full year.  To start things off right, we call out OVERRATED and underrated teams today.  Enjoy.

Lil' Strut: OVERRATED – Florida State. Last year the Seminoles were my most underrated team. This year, Florida State is ranked right around the 10 spot in many polls. That ranking is quite lofty considering the Seminoles only have 10 total starters returning (6 off, 4 def), which does not include any quarterbacks, running backs, or defensive linemen. Last year, Florida State got by with veteran QB play and a solid defense that was led by one of the country’s best defensive lines. That will not be the case this year and the Seminoles will finish just inside the top 25 with 4 losses.
Underrated – Miami (FL). We are going to stay in the state of Florida here. Miami’s offense was solid last year when it scored over 30 points in every single game. Its defense was the main culprit in the Canes’ 7-5 record. This year, Miami returns 19 total starters (10 off, 9 def - tied for #1 in the country). Returners include Senior QB Stephen Morris who threw for over 3,000 yards in 2012, RB Duke Johnson who ran for 947 yards in 2012 and the Canes’ top 3 receivers from 2012. Expect vast improvement from a more experienced defense and expect Da’ U to win at least 10 games, finish in the top 10, and potentially win the ACC crown.

Damman: OVERRATED – Texas. I can’t go to my usual overrated stalwart in Virginia Tech this as year as they are not even ranked. Only took voters 10 years to listen to me. I will go with Texas as my overrated team. They are only ranked 15th in the Coaches Poll but that is still too high. Mack Brown has been coaching like G$’s father in law the last 5 years rather than just being a dead on look-a-like for him. They’ve overhauled their coaching staff yet again which has not worked the last three years. It seems like Brown is just throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks. He’s not even trying anymore. Texas will fail again this year. OVERRATED!
Underrated – Northwestern. These guys are primed for a big time breakout season. Colter and Marc are studs. Pat Fitzgerald is one of the top coaches in the country. They won their first bowl game in a billion years last year and expect even bigger things from them this year. They are a fringe top 10 team if they get some breaks. I see a 10-2 season coming with a B1G Championship game appearance.

Drew: OVERRATED - Texas A&M. The walking distraction that is Johnny Manziel will push them off track from the beginning in the SEC. Without his magic, they won't nearly meet their expectations.
Underrated - Northwestern. A favorable home schedule and probably the best NW team that Fitzgerald has ever had. Venric Mark is one of the most exciting players in the B1G and they should be undefeated when they host OSU in a night game in Evanston.

The Wig Master: OVERRATED - Texas A&M. The AP Poll has A&M slotted at #7. Clearly OVERRATED. The defense is going to be a question mark this season as a result of some personnel moving on. The offense, well the offense is going to have to battle a cancer all year (or at least pretend like it’s not there), ol Johnny Football will be a polyp in the duodenum personified [benign but still a bastard]. Now, the squad may play through the drama and Johnny may silent all doubters, but at some point you have to put team first, and that doesn’t sound like Johnny-cakes to me. And the SEC will see that A&M slides down the polls all season long. [As this may be the easy way out, bonus coverage…Notre Dame also well OVERRATED.]
Underrated - Miami (FL). The AP Poll has the Miami ‘Canes on the outside looking in. It won’t take long for Miami to get the respect (votes) they are due. With plenty of talent returning and a soft schedule, look for a classic FSU matchup on November 2, with both programs ranked in the top 15. [Bonus coverage…Nebraska is at #18 and underrated.]

GSaul: OVERRATED - Texas A&M Aggies. Johnny Heisman will be on his back this season more often than a sorority chick at a frat party. OT Luke Joeckel and three of their most productive defensive players from 2012 are now in the NFL. This is not a top 10 team.
Underrated - Texas Longhorns. They are the most experienced team in the country (19 returning starters) playing in a Big 12 Conference that ranks as the least experienced conference in college football this year. Texas will finish in the top 10.

G$: OVERRATED - Georgia.  This team actually lived up to expectations last year so there is no way in Hell that they do it two years in a row.  I'll say it: Aaron Murray sucks.  Stop telling me how great he is.  He hasn't done shit.  They lost Jarvis Jones, Rambo, and DUI Ogletree and I'm supposed to believe that they will be better?  Bitch please.  Put them down for at least three losses.
Underrated - Michigan.  Exactly why are they ranked 17th?  They lost NO ONE.  Spare me the Denard crap.  That is not a loss.  This is easily a top 12 team and they have a great coaching staff.  Look at their schedule...sure, it's tough at the end but should they beat Notre Dame at home on 9/7, you can put them down for 7-0 going into Sparty.  Lock it up.  YOU ON.

Day 1 is in the books.  You'll notice that we are light one contributor.  This should come as no surprise because Dut sucks.  Tomorrow we will celebrate the one year anniversary of idiots introducing you to that Braxton Miller guy while reveling in the future firing of shitty coaches like Rex Ryan.


Nate said...

OVERRATED: USC @ 25th. How USC is anywhere near the top 25 is beyond me.

Five losses are expected:

v Utah State (everybody will know the name Chuckie Keaton after this game)

@ Arizona State
@ #14 Notre Dame
v #4 Stanford
v #21 UCLA

The last of Pete Carroll's recruits have been flushed out, the impact of the NCAA scholarship reductions are being felt at their peak, and Kiffen still can't take time away from nailing his wife.

UNDERRATED: Nebraska @ 18th. Offense returns 9 starters and defense returns 8. Defense has been lousy, but offense returns Taylor Martinez, Ameer Abdullah, and Kenny Bell. Nebraska gets Northwestern at home, and I expect them to win a shootout. I see a loss @ Michigan and in the Big Ten title game to OSU. 10-2 entering into the bowl game.

Anonymous said...

Northwestern is a very interesting team. The LEGENDS side of the divisions will be awesome this year. Three teams will be vying for the chance to play Braxton Miller in the B1G championship game.

Texas A&M will be shit this year. I always regarded last year as a fluke. No Joekel will be fun, because Manziel is going to get blown the fuck up.

Wisconsin is ranked and shouldn't be. I don't buy that this new coach deserves to have this team ranked.

GMoney said...

I think that A&M will be fine. Manziel hijinks aside, Kevin Sumlin-Snipes-Tomlin is areallygood coach. That game against Bama on 9/14 is easily the most interesting game of the season.

Also underrated: Baylor

Also OVERRATED: Ohio Buckeyes!!!

Anonymous said...

Let's take some time to appreciate this weekend in sports.

Lamar Odom is a crackhead, which is the greatest news story ever.

Mark Sanchez comes in in the fourth quarter behind a backup o-line and gets murdered. This was followed by the greatest Rex Ryan melt down.

CJ SpiLOLer already gets injured.

Kolb is now looking at retirement. But it's cool, they just signed Matt Leinart. LOL Bills. LOL Daniel.

My 17th round pick of Terrelle Pryor just got great, since TP is now likely to start. And he looked great.

OSU made NFL scouts change out of their blue shirts and into OSU shirts. This rustled a lot of jimmies with the scouts. Ha.

The Indians are 1.5 games out of the Wild Card. Keep stringing them along boys! On the plus side, I'm back in the playoff picture in fantasy, which is really close.


GMoney said...

I wouldn't say that TP is "likely" to start but the odds are better now than they were last week.

You forgot to mention Walt's "confession" and the ELITE Mexican restaurant scene last night. LOL Trent the waiter.

Anonymous said...

I think Bama is going to fucking roll A&M in that's going to be ugly. I am looking forward to it tho.

It really will be interesting to see just how good NW is. Fitzgerald could make quite the statement.

G$ did Michigan not lose anyone, but yet has the smallest amount of returning starters in the Big Ten? I'll hang up and listen.


Anonymous said...

I was saving the BB talk until later as per your tradition, but yes, everything about that episode was tits. We make the gauc tableside! Trent was def MVP last night. This show definitely needs more Huell.

Jesse gon' get after it next week.

Michigan is not UNDERRATED, they are lucky to be 17. They went 8-5 last season, and lost a lot of their offensive weapons. Their MVP last year was Jordan Kovacs. Let that sink in.

Northwestern beats them at home. Book that.


GMoney said...

You'll hang up and listen? Have a take. Do not suck. WAR Hank is fucked.

Now listen, as an avid NFL Draft fan, I don't remember anyone other than Denard getting drafted from WE ON this past year. And he was a shitty QB. They have the best offensive tackle combo in the country with Lewan and former Prison Break star Michael Schofield. Jake Ryan and Countess will be/are back. They will be running an offense that utilizes the forward pass as an actual play.

My points remain the same: they SHOULD start 7-0 this year. They will be much better defensively. What they lost weren't all that great anyway. And they are being underrated. I think that they win whatever side they're on and remember that I am most definitely not rooting for that to happen. THEY ON!

I can say whatever I want. That's the beauty of this country!

Anonymous said...

So, you don't remember anyone being drafted....but, they lost a lot of players...which means those non-drafted players that are gone were better than the players that are taking their spots this year. Brilliant take!

Also, Jake Ryan tore his ACL in late March. I don't care how ahead of schedule he might be...LOLZ at thinking he's making an Adrian Peterson like comeback.


Uncle Tom said...

Where's tha peepshow fo' tha SWAC, biatch?

This year is lookin phat fo' mah Alcorn State Braves.

To hell wit Gramblin, mah brothers up in Purple goin ta win tha whole damn thang.

Yo ass is either wit uz or against uz.

GMoney said...

Younger guys maturing and replacing turds doesn't mean that they aren't better players now. Since John Simon is gone, should I assume that Noah Bowen-Spence is worse? Of course not. Come on, you follow recruiting way more than I do. Hokester has two recruiting classes in the fold now that are ready to contribute and Richie's guys are pretty much gone. Don't be so fucking dense and obtuse. Why am I defending WE ON? Where are there fans? WalMart? Probably WalMart.

Jake Ryan is due back in October. Pick up a fucking internet and you would know that.

Uncle Tom, you coming to C-bus for the Florida A&M game?

Uncle Tom said...


FAM, biatch? Fuck dat nonsense.

Any crew dat go play up norf is not a god damn thang but a crew of Uncle Tom's.

My fuckin thugs grew up in tha south, gots laid up in tha downtown n' played up in tha south.

Fuck dem rattasnakes.

Mr. Ace said...

I'm back bitches.

I like Michigan a lot this year. I think Devin Gardner is going to be the best QB in the B1G. Look at what he did last year after spending his entire off season being a wr. Now he had an entire off season taking number one snaps. He is going to kill it and Jeremy Gallon is going to lead the B1G in yardage. Book that shit.

Our secondary could be in trouble though. Kovacs may have been a walk on but he was one of the best safetiesMichigan head in the past decade. Our front seven will be solid to great depending on if or edge rushers can get home. I really like this team but we are going to give up our fair share of big plays. Definitely underrated.

I like G $'s pick of Baylor as well.

Northwestern is going to disappoint a lot of people this year... for the first time ever.

Anonymous said...

"I think Devin Gardner is going to be the best QB in the B1G" -- LOLZ!


Anonymous said...

I bet Michigan loses at least three this year. Devin Gardner will not be in any Heisman talk. Not even Weisman (though, if Teo can win it...)


GMoney said...

10-3 wouldn't be a horrible season. That would put them in the top 12ish. Best QB in the Big Ten is comparable to the prettiest butthole in an all-male orgy.

Let's all give Dut a big round of applause for not having a spare 30 minutes over the last month to add his two cents to this week.

Prime99 said...

I don't have much to contribute since Chip is now in the NFL but he still had a couple things to say:

Chip says that Oregon is OVERRATED because he is no longer there. He says that it was fun buying players with Nike money but even a huge pile of gangsta money won't help the Ducks now that he's gone.

Chip's UNDERRATED item is Dut's ability to repell women with his stubble. UNDERRATED at a attracting dudes, though.

Chip still hates Nick Saban and hopes that the stadium caves in on itself during their match up with A&M. I asked about the thousands of bystanders that would die in that scenario and Chip felt that those fatalities would be a "bonus."

When asked about OSU vs. UM, Chip believes that the winner will be the Eagles. Apparently the Eagles will win every game this year, regardless of their actual participation.

GMoney said...

It's going to be hard for Chippy to go undefeated this year when he starts 0-1.

Prime99 said...

Chip says it will be hard for RGKNEE to walk after Game 1.

GMoney said...

Pathetic fucking commenting day, everyone! Don't act like you're busy. No one buys that. I bet if we had an MLS week, you queers would get to 100 comments.

Anonymous said...

Pretty pathetic indeed. Tomorrow will be trolling at its finest if this keeps up.

Dexter blows by the way. I may give it up completely with only three episodes left. That's how bad it is.


Anonymous said...

Underrated-Arizona-look out for them to contend in the pac 12 south.
-LSU-don't be surprised if Alabama, not only doesn't get to play Ohio State in the title game, but doesn't make it to the sec championship game
-Sparty-could easily win the legends division-not a great team, but potentially better than the other mediocre teams in that division (mu, nebraska, nw)
Overrated-A&M-if manziel doesn't play every game they will struggle to get to 8 wins & if he does play 9 wins will be a good season
-nd-8-4 if everything goes their way
-texas-not real sure why this is a trendy sleeper pick even with 19 guys coming back. They've really struggled for the last 3 years & mack brown is terrible