|Suck my baby dick, Red Grange!|
Li'l Strut: Braxton Miller, QB, Ohio State. Braxton will be a statistical monster this year, just as Tim Tebow and Alex Smith were in their second years in Urban Meyer’s offense. It will also help that he will be a statistical monster on an undefeated team headed to the BCS title game. The hype of being Urban Meyer’s QB won’t hurt either. With the benefit of two extra games this season, expect Braxton to throw for 3,000 yards, 30 TD’s, and about 6 INT’s. He will also rush for 1,200 yards and 12 TD’s.
Finalists - Johnny Manziel, QB, Texas A&M. His statistics will still be impressive, but they will be down from last year. He will get an invite as last year’s winner, but, unfortunately, with all his offseason antics the voters will demand improvement for him to join the Archie Griffin club.
Todd Gurley, RB, Georgia. He will put up more impressive stats than T.J. Yeldon of Alabama, which will give Gurley the nod over his SEC Counterpart.
Damman: Teddy Bridgewater, QB, Louisville. I fell in love with him watching the Sugar Bowl last year and he is going to go ham this year. I sure am giving a lot of love to the AAC. I think this kid has all the tools and he’s going to be on a team with 0 or 1 loss. I know he’s a long shot, but I’m rolling with Teddy!
Drew: Teddy Bridgewater, QB, Louisville. I think Louisville will go undefeated this year, but will not be put into the NCG. Bridgewater will have an exceptional season and the media will give him the Heisman as some sort of consolation prize for not playing in the big game.
Runner-Up - Braxton Miller. We all know he's gonna be there....especially when his offense will average over 40 pts a game.
2nd Runner-Up - Jadeveon Clowney. I can't remember really a defensive player getting so much hype for the Heisman. He'll probably have some games with 5 sacks or so and some amazing hits...will get an invite.
The Wig Master: AJ McCarron, QB, Alabama. In what may be called a ‘career-Heisman’ the 2013 trophy goes to Alabama’s AJ McCarron.
Finalists - The three invites to NYC: Jadeveon Clowney, Braxton Miller and AJ McCarron. We have a sexy pick in Clowney; a benefactor of quality wins in Miller; and, a proven winner in McCarron. Well, I am off to Scotland to see how scotch is made, and then will be drinking said scotch. But be certain that I will see you panty-liners in this corner of the interwebs tomorrow.
GSaul: AJ McCarron, QB, Alabama. Last year, he threw for 2,933 yards while finishing No. 1 in the NCAA in pass efficiency (173.08 rating), thanks to an incredible 30-to-3 TD-to-INT ratio. He also has one of the top WR’s in the nation returning in sophomore Amari Cooper.
Finalists - Braxton Miller (OSU QB), Jadeveon Clowney (South Carolina DE), and Teddy Bridgewater (Louisville QB).
G$: Jadeveon Clowney, DE, South Carolina. Yeah, I'll buy the hype only because he is the most fun player to watch and is as ELITE as a college football player can be. If history tells us anything, it is that the guys who are listed as favorites now will likely not be anywhere in contention for the Heisman come December. Football, Bobby G, Cam, Mark Ingram...they all came out of virtually nowhere. I'm giving it to Clowney because he likes to kill scrubs from Michigan.
Finalists - Marcus Mariota (HUGE mistake by everyone else for ignoring him), Tajh Boyd (about to vault to the top on Saturday night), and TJ Yeldon (because I don't think that McCarron is all that great).
You probably wonder what the hell today's picture is all about. Well, hold your butts because that is none other than GRUMPY back in 1955! Notice the lack of face mask on the helmet! Gentlemen, we officially have our Weisman Trophy statue and it is this little shitbird doing that pose!!! Congrats, young Grump! We'll wrap up our dicks and CFB Preview Week tomorrow with the national champions and the first Mr. Ace Vise Grip of the Week or whatever he wants to call it.