Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Brian Hartline Is A Female Reproductive Organ

Which one of you smart alecs put water in my bottle of jizz?
We are still a couple of weeks away from original NFL predictions post here. You can cut the tension with a knife at Money Shot HQ. I was extremely tempted to pick the Dolphins to win the AFC East as a way to reward IceBro for swearing multiple times during his best man speech. That’s not going to happen anymore. And we have finally found our first season-ending injury of someone that we all know.

In case you missed it on Saturday night, Lauren Tannehill’s husband threw a pass to underrated TE Dut Keller in the flat. Texans rookie S DJ Swearinger tackled him low and Dut’s knee went in about 40 different directions. He tore everything. He gone. It sucks for him and for the team but this is the shit that happens. Swearinger, who is a goddamn maniac and I mean that in a good way, was quoted after the game saying that he knows not to go after the head and that “it’s football, BRO!”. And he’s right. He did nothing wrong. He made a hit exactly how the NFL wants defensive players to make hits.

Enter Brian Hartline who yesterday called that hit “crap”. I have no idea why. He seems to think that Swearinger purposely targeted the knee of Dut K. Well of course he did, genius. That’s how you play defense. Hartline isn’t buying that talk of the not being dirty. Apparently, Bri Bri believed that receivers should only be hit from the belt buckle to an inch above the navel. There is only a three inch section of a receiver’s body that is cool for contact, dammit! Fuck Brian Hartline. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. It would be nice to watch TJ Ward give him an ELITE concussion during week one. A couple of other preseason notes because those are interesting as fuck!

*The outcomes don’t matter at all but the way that you play certainly does. I watched Ryan Kerrigan sit on Big Ben’s head for an entire half the other night against the first team OL for the Steelers. The Skins haven’t had a pass rush since I was born but they were constantly taking the QB into the stall the other night. That’s not a good sign at all. Ben is going to die this year…maybe from a Mike Adams stab wound.

*The outcomes don’t matter at all but the way that you play certainly does. While it is disappointing to see my boy, J-Camp, lose the starting job to Weeden: King of Talent, you can’t deny that the Browns are showing a little bit of swag so far. Confidence is not something that has been seen in Cleveland since LeBron pre-shitting all over us.

* The outcomes don’t matter at all but the way that you play certainly does. Unless you are a veteran team with an established quarterback, of course. Teams like Seattle need to keep proving themselves. The Broncos? Yeah, they’ll see on that opening Thursday night.

*Rob Chudzinski looks exactly like what Jay Catler will look like in 25 years. Minus the scratching post and nip of course.

*The Skins are going to be good this year. You heard me.

That will do it for today. If you didn’t like today’s post and think that “it’s crap”, then go play tummysticks with Brian Hartline.


GMoney said...

I'm sort of intrigued by what Von Miller pissed out to get 6 games. I mean, if they are giving him 6 for showing up late to a piss test then that is ridic. But I'm guessing crack. It has to be.

Anonymous said...

I grazed the article, but wasn't he saying he doesn't understand nor agree with the fact that the NFL is currently forcing players to aim low, which often results in knee injuries? Im pretty sure you're misusing the context greatly to make a point. But you are missing the point entirely.

It basically comes down to wiuld you rather have your players get concussions or exploded knees. Concussions are a few games while knees are seasons. The point is very valid.

Im not backing up Hartline because he is a Buckeye, I actually agreed with Harrison last year when he made the exact same comments. Its retarded on the NFL to force this behavior. Its a mans game and concussions come with it. I agree with helmet to helmet, but all the other changes are turning the focus to go low on players. Its bullshit.


The Iceman said...

*The outcomes don’t matter at all but the way that you play certainly does.

So last week I send G$ this link to show him how wrong he is about Tom Brady.

I get a text back something to the effect of bragging about preseason stats and being a perfect Browns fan because meaningless things matter to me. So what do I see today? G$ telling eveyone that the way someone plays in preseason actually DOES matter and completely contradicting himself from last week. Let's see you slime your way out of this one, Cowherd.

GMoney said...

Preseason games mean a lot to young and unproven teams. The Pats have A LOT of unproven guys now. Of course they are going to try to make a statement in these games. There isn't anything wrong with that. Plus, Tom Terrific wanted to show the world that his knee is fine. I understood this from the start while you still eat all the feces.

I didn't twist anything. Hartline feels that Swearinger's hit and excuse are crap. All the while, the hit was legal and the logic was sound. People don't shoot their heads off because they need knee surgery. Sorry about yo knee, BRO, but that's fucking football. Quit being a pussy, HartlIDE.

GMoney said...

I just don't understand what is hard about this. These games are important for the Browns (although the stats are meaningless because it's about how you play). They mean jack shit to the Atlantas and Denvers and Houstons of the world.

Anonymous said...

The hit was OBVZ legal, no one denies this. Hartline addressed that his excuse was about 'going high and hurting the head', so he aimed super low blowing up his knee. Again, he has a very valid point, probably not eloquently stated, yet valid nonetheless.

It is certainly legal, yet shouldn't be. However, right now, it's all fucked. You have to identify which is worse, knee or head injuries (knees, by FAR), then after they do that, they will have to start to retract on their five year crusade on head shots, making it ok to aim higher. The defenders are running out of places to hit, so as they go lower, knee injuries (ones that probably scare the everliving shit out of recievers/TE's) will be piling up.

I'm just waiting for two hand touch to come into play.


GMoney said...

HEAD ON A SWIVEL!!! I blame Keller for not being alert. It's football, BRO!

Grumpy said...

Typical short term view from a bunch of 30 yr. old idiots. Knee injury is a lot more devastating to your immediate career. It's become obvious that cumulative head injuries lead to long term problems like memory loss, debilitating headaches and early dementia.

But you guys couldn't care less if some athlete shoots himself in his 40's as long as he gets you fantasy points next week.

GMoney said...

Aren't you essentially agreeing with me then? I am against kill shots. Knees bend. Skulls do not.

If you're arguing against me then, you know, get fucked.

Anonymous said...

"Typical short term view from a bunch of 30 yr. old idiots. Knee injury is a lot more devastating to your immediate career. It's become obvious that cumulative head injuries lead to long term problems like memory loss, debilitating headaches and early dementia."

Knee injuries affect A LOT more people/percentage of NFL players than CTE. Just because CTE is the new sexy thing going on in the NFL, you think its prevalent in every single pro. It's not. The percentage is actually less than 5%. So yes, fuck them.

Watching those guys at the Hall of Fame ceremonies not being able to walk correctly/without help is a lot harder to watch than hearing about one fucking guy shoot himself.

If I really wanted to get all preachy and throw out figures, I'd lead to the financial downfalls of blowing a knee out. Some guys may never come back from that and lose millions of dollars. That alone will crush an athletes psyche, that you seem to be oh so concerned about. Please, do tell me about how we should be sympathetic over one hall of fame pussy who shot himself. Knee injuries are far more reaching than a fucking knock on the head.

I'd point out OJ, but I'm not sure what column he falls under, so scratch that.


GMoney said...

With modern medicine, knee injuries are like the common cold! OBVZ j/k but you sort of sign up for knee injuries and shoulder separations and disembowelings when you play the game. Shooting yourself from repeated head blows is way more important.

Dut Keller is a big ass man. You tackle big ass men by going after their legs. I still fail to see how any of this is "crap".

Prime99 said...

If its not Scottish, it's crap!

I only care because I drafted Keller around the time right before his knee exploded. I was first to add/drop in that league.

Grumpy took Ide's opinion and boxed in us all as typical 30 year olds.

Grumpy said...

I agree with G$ and Prime is right, it isn't fair to lump all of you together. Ide is the idiot.

GMoney said...

If someone doesn't acknowledge the greatness of today's caption, I'm going to Jovan Belcher myself. Where is Romeo Crennel? He needs to see this.

GMoney said...

Ide is the idiot < Iceman is a dumbass

It's close though.

Nate said...

Why any of these guys are bitching about injuries are beyond me.

The NFL is a high risk, high reward business.

An inherent risk is devastating injuries. That's exactly why you're earning seven figures for playing a game.

If you're scared of blowing out a knee, come join the rest of us in middle management.

The Iceman said...

But isn't immidiate career what most of these players really care about anyway, Grumpy? They want paid and will play through what they can to ensure they make as much money now as they possibly can since most of these guys never finished college and are fucked after football. So if the players esstentially don't give a shit about concussions, then why should fans? It isn't until after these guys retire and start having long term mental problems where they start bitching about how someone should have done more about head injuries when they played. Sure...we know more about head injuries today than we did 25 years ago. But you can't honestly tell me people were so dense 25-30 years ago that they didn't know that your fucking brain smacking against your skull repeatedly had the potential to cause long term damage. We have always known concussions were a dangerous thing. It's like someone who has smoked for 40 years blaming the cigarrette company for their lung cancer. They knew the dangers were there yet smoked anyway.

I watched a portion of a documentary last night about the concussion issue in the NFL and I came away with a bad taste. The players kept blaming this Elliott Pellman guy for clearing them to play after in-game concussions. And I agree that Pellman should have been more careful with his assesments. But shouldn't we blame the players as well? Every last one of these fuckers knew they should not have been going back into these games they were cleared for. They even admitted to remembering having blurred vision and not knowing where to line up as they were playing. If these players were really that concerned about their own well being, they would have removed themselves from the game money and contracts be damned. So all of these guys complaining about all this long term damage from concussions need to take a hard look in the mirror at themselves also. It's so fucking hypocritical and childish to blame someone else entirely for a situation they could have easily removed themselves from.

So Grumpy...I think short term as a fan because that's what the players do. Seems fair to me.

Anonymous said...

Someone better put Steve Young on suicide watch, STAT! Retards.

Thinking because two idiots killed themselves represents the entire population with a concussion as a whole is more shortsighted than anything I've ever seen. A black guy stole my chicken, THEY ARE ALL THIEVES (bad example). One thing gets media attention and you guys want to blanket the entire thing as an epidemic, then laugh at Grump for throwing all 30 year olds together in a gross over generalization.

I expected this reaction out of Grumpy who sits on his porch wagging his finger at all the young punks, and spams liberal posters on facebook, but not the rest of you. Especially someone who's favorite fag QB has a twice blown up knee. I am now rooting for him to blow his knee out for the second year in a row (I successfully predicted it last year on this site).

As I typed this, the guy in the office next to mine just loudly dropped the N bomb with two blacks in earshot. Ha.


GMoney said...

All football players are idiots. Peyton Manning is considered one of the more CEREBRAL players in the league and we know that he is dumb. Repeated head shots aren't going to make them more intelligent.

They need to be protected from themselves.

Did you watch Hard Knocks last night? James Harrison gets 300 needles stuck in him multiple times per week and he thinks that this is a GOOD IDEA!

What are we even arguing about? I feel like this has gone completely off the rails and no one is bitching about the same thing.

From every level of football, defensive players are taught to tackle low and with their head up to see what they are hitting. What happened to Dut is completely fine and in line with what everyone has been taught forever and ever.

Brady said...

"Rob Chudzinski looks exactly like what Jay Catler will look like in 25 years. Minus the scratching post and nip of course"

This wins the internet today.

I'm cautiously optomistic about the Browns as well. There is no denying that the first team has looked pretty good on both sides of the ball. Chud also appears to be calm and in command on the sideline. Plays are getting in on time and we haven't had any time management fuck ups yet. OBVZ it will be a different ballgame when the regular season starts but I like what I see so far.

I don't think 8-8 is out of the questions this year. God, being a Browns fan sucks. I just got excited for the possibility of 8-8.

The Iceman said...

I'm arguing with Grumpy. He's saying that "short minded 30 year olds" need to be more concerned with long term damage of concussions instead of short term career damage of multiple blown out knees. I'm saying I don't agree because if current players don't give a shit about concussions then why should I?

GMoney said...

To be fair, I don't care about these guy's bodies at all. I'm sure that Dut does because he cares about male frames.

Grumpy said...

"...spams liberal posters on Facebook..." Huh? When I post on my own wall how is that spamming anybody?

What favorite QB of mine blew out a knee last year?

Iceman, I understand your point and I'm not saying you're wrong, but doctors employed by the teams shouldn't be making the decision to clear players with head injuries.

GMoney said...

And if Dr. James Andrews is going to stand on our sideline and diagnose on the fly, I would prefer a lot more Dr. James Andrews and much less Dr. Nick Riviera.

Today's fights are confusing because people are going balls deep at others for the wrong reasons with completely incorrect logic. The points make sense but they are being directed toward the wrong people. I suppose that that is expected when you read about Brian Hartline being a little bitch. I blame Liceman.

Anonymous said...

Clearly, the gay qb comment was directed at G$.


The Iceman said...

I agree that team doctors should not be making those calls either, Grumpy. It's a conflict of interest. But let's not completely absolve players of any wrong doing here, either. I can't stand it when someone gets burned then blames someone else for not reminding them that stoves are hot when turned on. And that's what a lot of these players are doing.

GMoney said...

If there is one thing that we can all agree on it is that the starting QB for the Steelers is NOT gay. They used to have one, but not this one.

Neither is Robert. You must be talking about EJ Manuel (HUGE biter of pillows).