|Oh yeah, deeper...faster...DON'T STOP!|
*Phil won a tournament that no one thought he would ever win. I hate the guy a lot but he earned it. Granted, it would have been nice if he didn't spend day one whining about the course as if he were the only one playing in those conditions, but you can't deny that he played great. He didn't even rely on his typical fluke, stupid shots. He just played smart (a rarity) and really well.
*It was a good leaderboard throughout but they were really just names. I mean, seriously, people know who Lee Westwood and Adam Scott and Hunter Mahan are but those guys rarely win meaningful tournaments (this year's Masters being an exception). Those guys are losers.
*Speaking of Mahan, he is such white trash. Bend your fucking bill. Shave your chin. Quit being terrible. Nice trashy first name. He probably drove a jet-ski over to the UK like Kenny Powers would do. I would bet that he's have multiple majors if the PGA would let him play tournaments without sleeves.
*In honor of Mr. Ace's birthday today, I must say that Ian Poulter is TOTES a Mr. Ace. Just a completely objectionable douche bag that no on could ever like.
*Tiger was...OK. I thought that his plan was solid and his demeanor to keep grinding out pars was fine but I'm growing tired of waiting. Just win one already. You are clearly better than everyone else. Just hit the ball on the green instead of trying to rip 200 yard low power fades that draw at the end or whatever. FYI, 14 will always be better than 5. Bitch. The babies can have their bottles today.
*Why does Mickelson wear a watch? Does he have somewhere else to be? He is a GLORY BOY.
*So Phil and Bones fuck, right? I mean, they are in deep love with each other yes homo. Bones crying on the 18th green for no apparent reason (outside of his lust for Phil's floppy hair and sloppy anus) was the pussiest thing that I've ever seen. They probably used his tears for lube. Total 'mos.
*Like I've said from the start, I hate Mickelson very much but I respected the shit out of him completely ignoring Rick Reilly as he walked off 18 and the horrible writer and even worse TV analyst was the only one within 20 feet of him. Phil made an immediate left turn to his dipshit son, two future prostitutes, and whore wife instead. It was major LULZ.
*And who doesn't love multiple family hugs! It was like watching Jason Seaver and the rest of the Growing Pains cast showing that smile again! No family loves each other that much. What a phony bunch of assholes those five people are. You only name your son Evan if you know that he's going to grow up to be in a domestic partnership.
*My total count of Tiger yelling GOD DAMMIT during this tournament was three but that is unofficial. I love pissed off, gives no fucks Tiger. Again, please win soon.
*If there is one thing that we've learned from the golf majors this season is that this is The Year of the Loser. Adam Scott, Justin Rose(nberg), and Phil overseas is proof of this. I would put my money on Sergio or Colin Montgomerie (if he's even still alive) to win the PGA next month. Because there are no greater losers than those two although Lee Westwood is getting close to their level.
*Go fuck yourself, Burke.
I can't imagine that this discussion lasts for very long but some assbutts are going to demand it anyway so feel free to talk about whatever you want (Big Brother, Dexter, Jut Verlander getting worse and worse, my ELITE sex appeal, etc.). Just know that all of our diehard Phil fans never even went to Mickelson University and thus are CLOWN FRAUDS. Urban Dictionary will prove that as FACT. While that was a fun watch, 14 is still better than 5. Tiger will always be better. Deal with it.