Monday, July 22, 2013

Well, That Was Disappointing

Oh yeah, deeper...faster...DON'T STOP!
I wasn't really sure what to write about today but ol' FIGJAM decided to win the British Open and we're going to talk about that even though I have no desire to.  Deep down, I was hoping that today would be a "FUCK YEAH WOODS MF'ER" post but I shall go wanting.  Judging by the instant technological stupidity of Ide and Drew once dicksmack made that birdie on 18, they will demand their pound of blogging flesh no matter what the rest of this post is about.  So I'm going to suck it up and give them what they want.

*Phil won a tournament that no one thought he would ever win.  I hate the guy a lot but he earned it.  Granted, it would have been nice if he didn't spend day one whining about the course as if he were the only one playing in those conditions, but you can't deny that he played great.  He didn't even rely on his typical fluke, stupid shots.  He just played smart (a rarity) and really well.

*It was a good leaderboard throughout but they were really just names.  I mean, seriously, people know who Lee Westwood and Adam Scott and Hunter Mahan are but those guys rarely win meaningful tournaments (this year's Masters being an exception).  Those guys are losers.

*Speaking of Mahan, he is such white trash.  Bend your fucking bill.  Shave your chin.  Quit being terrible.  Nice trashy first name.  He probably drove a jet-ski over to the UK like Kenny Powers would do.  I would bet that he's have multiple majors if the PGA would let him play tournaments without sleeves.

*In honor of Mr. Ace's birthday today, I must say that Ian Poulter is TOTES a Mr. Ace.  Just a completely objectionable douche bag that no on could ever like.

*Tiger was...OK.  I thought that his plan was solid and his demeanor to keep grinding out pars was fine but I'm growing tired of waiting.  Just win one already.  You are clearly better than everyone else.  Just hit the ball on the green instead of trying to rip 200 yard low power fades that draw at the end or whatever.  FYI, 14 will always be better than 5.  Bitch.  The babies can have their bottles today.

*Why does Mickelson wear a watch?  Does he have somewhere else to be?  He is a GLORY BOY.

*So Phil and Bones fuck, right?  I mean, they are in deep love with each other yes homo.  Bones crying on the 18th green for no apparent reason (outside of his lust for Phil's floppy hair and sloppy anus) was the pussiest thing that I've ever seen.  They probably used his tears for lube.  Total 'mos.

*Like I've said from the start, I hate Mickelson very much but I respected the shit out of him completely ignoring Rick Reilly as he walked off 18 and the horrible writer and even worse TV analyst was the only one within 20 feet of him.  Phil made an immediate left turn to his dipshit son, two future prostitutes, and whore wife instead.  It was major LULZ.

*And who doesn't love multiple family hugs!  It was like watching Jason Seaver and the rest of the Growing Pains cast showing that smile again!  No family loves each other that much.  What a phony bunch of assholes those five people are.  You only name your son Evan if you know that he's going to grow up to be in a domestic partnership.

*My total count of Tiger yelling GOD DAMMIT during this tournament was three but that is unofficial.  I love pissed off, gives no fucks Tiger.  Again, please win soon.

*If there is one thing that we've learned from the golf majors this season is that this is The Year of the Loser.  Adam Scott, Justin Rose(nberg), and Phil overseas is proof of this.  I would put my money on Sergio or Colin Montgomerie (if he's even still alive) to win the PGA next month.  Because there are no greater losers than those two although Lee Westwood is getting close to their level.

*Go fuck yourself, Burke.

I can't imagine that this discussion lasts for very long but some assbutts are going to demand it anyway so feel free to talk about whatever you want (Big Brother, Dexter, Jut Verlander getting worse and worse, my ELITE sex appeal, etc.).  Just know that all of our diehard Phil fans never even went to Mickelson University and thus are CLOWN FRAUDS.  Urban Dictionary will prove that as FACT.  While that was a fun watch, 14 is still better than 5.  Tiger will always be better.  Deal with it. 

52 comments:

Anonymous said...

PHIL! Suck that Phil dick Tiger lovers!

Beautiful round of golf by Phil. He's only getting better with age it seems....unlike his counterpart Mr. Tiger Woods. Tiger can't even make putts anymore.

Sounds like the Buckeyes are going to kick the starting RB off of the team today. Swift justice by URBZ. Still loaded at RB and will roll through the B1G schedule....could have used a bruiser like Hyde in the NCG tho.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

What a round! That was easily one of the best round of golf Ive ever witnessed. Those last 6 holes were incredible. A great win by a great chhampion.

Tiger crumbling is LOLS. Keep cheering for him losers, your constant disappointment is refreshing. Don't worry though, im sure he will win a tourney in Wisconsin soon enough to raise your hopes up again.

Good to see my rant the other day really pgotyou guys ogoing You can expect plenty of it in the coming college season.

Go Phil!!!!

Ide

Grumpy said...

I would have been happy if Dexter and Deb both drowned...The End.

GMoney said...

Would have been perfect, Grump.

Since this is The Year of the Loser, that gives me a lot of hope for RedHawk Football this Fall.

Carlos Hyde didn't kill his baby mama. That's a start. Urb is getting through to these guys.

Anonymous said...

What did Hyde do?

The Iceman said...

Oh. A golf post. I needed a day off.

Remember when Ace said Tiger was back? Remember how he confines to be wrong about that?

GMoney said...

Be nice to Ape. He's a few hours away from eating a soy birthday cake.

Ho ho! Look at you, being all Stan on me! It won't work.

According to Drew, Hyde beat his GF within an inch of her life (or something). Rumors are swirling that he will be suspended for one series because Urb means business.

The Iceman said...

Serious question because I don't know this but I'm sure the members of the URBZ butt pirate brigade who comment here do. How many kids has URBZ kicked off his teams in the past?

The only reason I ask is because I don't remember hearing about him ever kicking kids off any teams. But I could be wrong because I don't drink his piss like Drew, Ide, Cakes, Damman, etc. Which brings me to this question. Did Aaron Hernandez murdering some dude have any bearing on URBZ decision to (allegedly) kick Hyde off the team? I would argue it did.

Anonymous said...

URBZ kicked off OSU starting CB Dominic Clarke for a DUI last year.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Happy Birthday to me, cunts.

I said Tiger wouldn't win on Friday because he can't putt. Winner=Me.

The rumor yesterday was Hyde lit up some skank at a bar Snooki style. Apparently things still continue to get worse.

URBZ discipline record is bad. But I am sure he has kicked people off the team before. Pretty sure he booted Cam Newton for stealing or something...but probably for banging his daughter.

That was a hell of a round by Phil. He's still a douche and a fake family man(LOLZ URBZ).

Nate said...

I'm sure every coach put in this position has to wonder whether permanently removing a kid from the team really is in the kid's best interest and more importantly, society's best interest.

I have no doubt that Hyde beat on this woman and there needs to be serious repercussion for that.

If anything, sending the guy directly to prison for a year and letting him rejoin the team afterwards is better than releasing him into society with zero direction and zero possibility to rejoin college football where he stands the best chance of staying out of trouble.

I'm not saying this because I'm an OSU fan, I'm saying this because the system is broken. Frank Clark should have served prison time. But in the same vein, he should have been given the opportunity rejoin Michigan shortly thereafter.

Anonymous said...

I remember when beating women earned you a beer at your local pub. Nowadays people frown on such heroism. I blame Trayvon.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

And Drews inside info is apparently terrible. Word on the street is Hyde assaulted a police officers daughter.

Anonymous said...

The story I just read is that Hyde allegedly hit a woman for denying his dance request and pushing him at a bar. She was knocked unconscious. If this is true, he should be off the team without hesitation. Its already unacceptable, but when you are a 240 lb. man with well above average strength that could do permanent damage, it is even more disgusting.

We all thought Rod Smith might get lost in the depth chart after having so much hype surrounding him. It appears that he may finally get his chance. Although Hyde was an absolute workhorse and a bruiser, this does not worry me too much. We have so much quality depth behind him and a scheme that can utilize so many different types of backs that I am sure the offense will be able to adapt.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

Did Aaron Hernandez murdering some dude have any bearing on URBZ decision to (allegedly) kick Hyde off the team? I would argue it did.

Whoa whoa whoa...looks like someone is angling to be a producer on First Take/Worst Cake!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!
Hyde: May I have this dance?
Girl: No thanks, you're black.
(hay maker)

Anonymous said...

Admittedly, my earlier account seems overly simplistic for a man to hit a woman. There must be more to it than that, such as a verbal exchange, drinks thrown in face, etc... Nevertheless, the act is still terribly wrong.

-Lil' Strut

Mr. Ace said...

Word on Twitter is that Carlos Hyde is a known creep and this news comes as no surprise to people aware of this. LOLZ.

Nate, Frank Clark stole a laptop. And jail time has nothing to do with team punishment. I agree with your idea, but I don't think saying Frank Clark deserved jail time is a good example. More like how Hoke suspended Darryl Stonum for an entire season with the chance to join back with the team if he stayed out of trouble and did everything asked of him. He wasn't able to do that, so he got the boot. But assaulting women probably isn't going to get that treatment. Although Storm Klein would probably disagree.

GMoney said...

Dut is also a known creep. Do he and Hyde know each other? Are they friendly? Enemies? FRENEMIES?

Clearly, Urban has lost control of this team. It's time for the NCAA to give them the DEAF PENALTY.

Nate said...

Word going around...

Hyde was approached by the girl who wanted to "talk".

Hyde "talked".

Girl's boyfriend confronted Hyde.

Hyde tried to walk away at first, but boyfriend continued to confront.

Hyde takes a swing at boyfriend, but connects with girl .


Not my spin on things, just typing what's going around.

Passcode is "elevennuts"


Anonymous said...

My source is a bouncer at a bar. Apparently Hyde was about to get into a fight with a Honkey male. The woman got in the way and got elbowed. The woman was hammered and tried to use the situation to get free drinks. She has also changed her story already. Suspend him for a half.

Dut

Mr. Ace said...

This was the first person to break the story this weekend.

http://menofthescarletandgray.com/2013/07/22/accusations-against-carlos-hyde/#comments

GMoney said...

CONFIRMED: Dut was the honkey at the bar starting things as Hyde was macking on the girl that Dut was hoping to violate. FACT.

He will have his scholarship pulled for two days.

The Iceman said...

"He will have his scholarship pulled for two days"

The reality of what will most likely happen. It was only a girl, you guys!! GEEEEEEEZ!!

GMoney said...

I don't know if anyone can top the arrest of the Florida player who was nailed for barking at a police dog. There better be video of that.

Mr. Ace said...

And Bradley Roby was arrested this weekend?!?!?! LOLZ Fuckeyes

Anonymous said...

http://buckeyextra.dispatch.com/content/stories/2013/07/22/0722-carlos-hyde-ohio-state-football.html

Supposedly Brad Roby was arrested, as well.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

From reading the article about Roby, his seems like something that could be pled out to a much lesser charge. He will likely have internal discipline and maybe miss a game or two.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

SHUT THIS PROGRAM DOWN! IT IS A BREEDING GROUND FOR CRIMINAL AND TERRORIST ACTIVITY! WHEN WILL IT END? HOW MANY MORE INNOCENTS HAVE TO DIE?

Nate said...

There's going to be a third coming out later today.

One of the freshmen (not Marcus Baugh), did something this past weekend that will likely result in a suspension.

Mr. Ace said...

Some Fuckeye freshman pulled a Johnny Football? LOLZ

Anonymous said...

Wow. What a stupid day for OSU. Going to check with my sources, but Im sure the underlying reason for all three was being black.

Ide

Nate said...

Vonn Bell

Open Container in Rocky Top country.

The Iceman said...

I'm sure all these arrests are a result of ESPN and other sport media outlets' smear campaign against the Ohio Buckeyes. Big Media is at it again with the Buckeyes!!!

Anonymous said...

I accredit your past two awful trolling attempts on your non UM degree. Only a Walmart Wolverine could come up with such hard hitting theories.

Ide

GMoney said...

Fun Fact: Ide split his time between UNC and Ohio. He is a half-breed Fuckeye. What a fraud!

So the father of Hyde's punching bag is serving his third tour overseas currently. Ohio Football is a terrorist sleeper cell.

Bradley Roby was spending his summer vacation in Bloomington, IN which tells me that he is having an affair with Crean Pie. Connect the dots, people!

The Iceman said...

But Ide didn't attend Cleveland Browns University so he CANNOT be a fan!

Anonymous said...

Reading comprehension must be hard. I assume on your entrance exam to UM you answered every essay question with bullet points riddled with non sequential highlights that disregarded the question being asked.

Ide

Scott Stapp said...

Lay off my bro

Patrick Monahan said...

Fuck you Scott! You lay off MY bro!

The Iceman said...

I wonder what the Cleveland Browns University fight song would be. I would ask Ide but he didn't go there. But he still likes the team so that makes him an asshole.

GMoney said...

Speaking of the Ohio Felons, I was listening on Friday evening and they said that Krenzel got all of those former teammate questions correct. You lying, Jeff? I was under the impression that Circle K did not remember Daniel.

Prime99 said...

RE: Browns U fight song- probably "Give It Away" by Red Hot Chili Peppers?

Anonymous said...

This Iceman/Ide pillow fight is fucking stupid. Nobody wins.

The swift justice of Urban must be heard today. Hyde and Roby were Tress's recruits. Can't fault Urb for this.

-Damman

Jeff said...

Krenzel did NOT remember Daniel. The only other one he got wrong was a trick questions because he missed Chad Johnson or Chad Ochocinco.

You heard LIES on Friday.

Prime99 said...

Former Chicago Bears starting QB, Craig Krenzel?!

That was a depressing sentence.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of straw men, Peter King is doing a Reddit AMA right now, and it is fucking glorious. He is getting trolled beyond belief, and is oblivious to it.

Ide

The Iceman said...

Did you know he was a molecular genetics major Prime???????????

GMoney said...

Hyde and Roby were Tress's recruits. Can't fault Urb for this.

Bask in the glory of these two sentences. Read them numerous times.

Hyde and Roby are two of the five or ten best players on the team and (are/were) certainties to play on Sunday. Those are Urbz Guyz whether he went to their high school or not.

Anonymous said...

No one was murdered so of course it was not Urbz guy

Daniel said...

Hyde suspended, one scrub freshman booted for 2013, one freshman suspended one game, Roby will not represent OSU at Big 10 media days and will likely do a lot of conditioning

GMoney said...

Daniel has just been promoted to Ohio Football Bailiff for this site.

Chloe said...

This is awesome!