Since I have no other choice but to have hate on my brain, I figured today we could have a nice hate-filled day. No, we won’t be listing our most hated commenter (Drewser) but we will be ranking (there’s that lazy blogging style again) our most hated teams. I’ve been wanting to write this for a while but I find it hard to separate my top 3. So here is my Top Ten Most Hated Teams. There really aren’t any qualifiers or characteristics other than some sort of combo of dickhead players and douche bag fans.
You may notice that I did not list the Steelers in my top ten. This was not a mistake. They are probably #11. With recent history on my side, I just couldn’t rank them ahead of my #10 despite their inbred fans getting arm ink supporting the team. Go get yourself a Bud Light because “Here We Go” (terrible pun):
10. Seattle Seahawks – The last three times that the Skins have made the playoffs, the Sea Chickens have sent them home. Their entire team is on drugs. Richard Sherman is a cocksucker. Pete Carroll is a bigger cocksucker. They stole the TWELF Man gimmick from Johnny Football. And they are beloved by Kempton 22. I make a strong case against Seattle.
9. Marshall – This was a much bigger deal when I was in college and Byron Leftwich took so much joy in filleting my anus every year. I am pumped the rivalry is being renewed for the next two years. Herd fans still have not forgiven us for that ELITE 66-6 beating we threw on them. I still love the shit out of it. When I was a junior and they came to Yager Stadium, I was drunk driving to the TailGREAT, would slow down at every green-clad WE ARE hill-jack, yell at them “HEY! FUCK YOU!”, speed away as fast as the GA would allow, park about fifty feet from the people I just screamed at, and then high five my BRAHs. Good times. We lost that game by a lot.
8. USA Men’s Soccer – Soccer is the worst sport. I want it to die so badly here. I will forever root against them. They don’t play for me.
7. Notre Dame – You can’t have a list like this without these guys. Because, you know, the fathers are holy on Sunday but holy Hell every other day of week. LOL JOKEZ!
6. Detroit Tigers – We’ve been over this enough already. It doesn’t help that my favorite team has no chance of beating them. Plus, their fans act like they’ve already won the last five titles. They haven’t won dick but worthless AL Championship rings. Talk to any Tigers fan about the Tigers and you want to kill yourself within seconds. FACT.
5. Ohio University – Fuck these people who think that Athens is a beautiful place. This dump also produced Peter King and Jay Mariotti and probably Bin Laden. I’ll have to check on that last one.
4. Miami Heat – I just don’t understand how anyone could ever root for these guys. They have, by far, the greatest percentage of objectionable and unlikeable people on a roster in any sport ever.
3. Ohio Buckeyes – Only #3? Yeah, the top two have fan bases with zero decent people. I can admit that while 99% of Ohio fans are ham-fisted mongoloids who don’t know anything about sports outside of I-270 (especially when it comes to college football), there are a few who don’t eat all the shit that this school shovels at them. I still want to watch you all suffer though.
2. Dallas Cowboys – Mexico’s team is the worst. I hate all of their fans. I hate their owner. I hate their former players. I hate their current players. I will hate their future players. I want to see all of their cheerleaders sold into some weirdo sex slavery ring like in Taken. You can’t tell me that it isn’t great to watch these fuckers choke EVERY year. It makes life worth living. It really says a lot that if the Cowboys and Buckeyes were playing each other in “whatever”…ummm, let’s say Chinaman Checkers, I would side with Ohio.
1. Boston Red Sox – The worst fans on the planet with their pink jerseys, Jeff, horrible accents, and sponsorship of terrorist acts within our borders. When I was debating on who would be #1 on this list, all I had to do was think about how much I hated the Yankees for playing Sweet Caroline in the stadium after the Marathon Bombings. That’s why this is the greatest rivalry in sports, jerks, when it trumps dead American civilians. Fuck the Red Sox up the ass with a big rubber dick.
There we go. Some nice spewed hate on this Thursday. Search deep within yourself and let us all know who you hate and where they rank in the comments.