|Ribs unite all.|
College football is probably the shadiest sport out there when you factor in scumbag players, scumbag coaches, scumbag boosters, and Ohio Buckeye Fans. There always seems to be a dark cloud over the sport due to scandal, Johnny Football chicanery, Catholic scissor lift murders, Roll Damn Tiding trees, or catfish hoaxes. So it is nice and refreshing when we can celebrate the true good guys of the sport.
That good guy—wait, GREAT guy—is none other than The Hokester, Brady Hoke. How could any of us forget that adorable 12 year old Fuckeye fan who named his cancer after “That Team Up North”? Did he “beat Michigan”? Oh you damn skippy he beat Michigan. The story made the world smile because it reinforced all of our opinions that Ohio fans are all just dumber versions of BradyCakes.
Earlier this week, our favorite high-voiced Mike Golic doppelganger reached out to the Reed family and congratulated the boy for triumphing over that shitty disease. He took the joke in stride and offered the family 4 tickets to the most OVERRATED rivalry in sports this November. The dad and son even remarked that maybe WE ON aren’t so bad after all which makes the Reeds a bunch of FAKE FANS.
Hoke didn’t have to do this. No one told him to insert himself into this cute story. But he did it because he’s a good fucking dude and deserves some props for his empathy. Good for him.
On the contrary, King Buttfucker has spent his week interviewing bail bondsmen and negotiating suspensions with his expansive collection of felons. I wonder if all of the legal issues is counted against his allotted hours that Urb’s daughters allow him to work. Pussy.
In conclusion, The Hokester rules because he says his prayers and takes his vitamins. Urban Meyer taught Aaron Hernandez how to be a serial killer just like Harry taught Dexter. I suppose that that makes Gene Smiff Deb because everyone hates him and he’s terrible at his job. Let me work on that analogy some more. And fuck Ohio. I’ll be back some time this afternoon to make sure that no one has shit on the commenting floor. Stay civil.