Wednesday, July 10, 2013

I've Been Stricken With Puig Fever

Somebody get this chinaman off me.
The lists and the guest posts are over which means that it is time for me to roll up my blogging sleeves again and get to work once more. Honestly, I can’t even remember the last time that I actually wrote one of my usual daily gems. When was the last time that I poked the big, handicapped Buckeye bear? Well, it won’t be today. I did a lot of driving this past weekend (new US 24 is the GOAT highway by the way) and thus listened to a ton of sports talk. After getting through all of the DUH-wight nonsense, the main topic was the current hottest name in all of sports and the theme for today…Yasiel Puig!

If you haven’t been paying attention, here is a brief description on baseball’s new import. He is sick. He has a cannon for an arm. He is faster than an Uncle T hip thrust. No pitcher can get him out. He has breathed life into a shitty franchise. Basically, he is a more pigmented version of last year’s awesome rookie combo of Harper and Trout. He is awesome. While Puig has only been in the major leagues for 6 weeks or so, there has been much debate as to whether or not he should be an All Star next week. His numbers and his impact say yes. Jonathon Papelbon doesn’t think so. Marty Brennaman said it would be a “travesty” if Puig went to Queens. Well, Papelbon eats shit and Marty is an outdated coot. They are both wrong. Fuck yeah he deserves to be there. Here is why:

First of all, SMDH at the traditionalists and old fuckers who try to hold onto this weird notion of “sanctity” or whatever. I can’t wait for these assholes to die so that the game can evolve into an actual entertaining product that doesn’t rely on vast unwritten rules and policing their own. Yasiel Puig is scorching hot on the field and in the media ever since the first game that he played. He has dominated the game from the start. Why this is apparently not good enough for some boggles my mind.

I like the All Star Game. I hate the Home Run Derby but I like the ASG. I don’t like the idea that it determines home field advantage. That has always been so dumb for real. But it does so what are you going to do besides win the game. And there is the main rub. Wouldn’t you rather have Puig playing the last 3-4 innings in what is actually a VERY important baseball game over Hunter Pence? Pence sucks. We already know this. Do you want to watch a lesser player based solely on something as dumb as “service time”? No, you do not. I want a reason to watch the last few innings instead of turning to Storage Wars re-runs.

I like Marty because he’s a straight shooter and way better than his son but I don’t quite get what makes this a “travesty”. Puig has been better than almost everybody. Bryce Harper missed a month and has worse numbers. He’s starting. Andrew McCutchen has been one of the few Pirates that has sort of sucked this season. He’s going, too. In fact, the only NL OF that actually belong on the team are Justin Upton, Domonic Brown, Carlos Beltran, and CarGo.

One of Marty’s arguments is that Puig has not been around long enough to “earn” his spot on the team. O RLY? You’re right, coming to this country on a floating screen door and dodging sharks and then dominating from the first pitch is pussy shit. This is so dumb. If you are in the camp that Puig shouldn’t be an All Star then you are a dipshit fuckface who is probably related to Joe Dumars. What other sport actively campaigns for the most exciting players to not be on the biggest stage? Baseball doesn’t get it. And the fact that Freddie Freeman currently leads the fan vote over Puig shows that the fans don’t get it either. Put the fucking Cuban on the team and try to develop another superstar in a sport that definitely needs them. A couple other notes on the All Star Game:

-Justin Verlander has no business being there
-The AL fan vote is hilarious. Steve Delabar is winning it right now! Who? I honestly have no clue. He probably fucks kids.
-Jim Leyland took three catchers and two of them are named Salvador Perez and Something Castro. Every team being represented in a game that means something is the dumbest thing ever.
-There is zero reason to have two White Sox and two Twins on the AL team. Leyland did a terrible job with the roster. Jesse Crain and Glenn Perkins! LOL! They’re TOTES better than Longoria and Beltre!
-Derek Jeter is still the only good SS in the AL. Hardy and Andrus are garbage and Reyes is made out of glass vaginas.
-I will post the Celebrity Softball Game rosters on Monday. It is one of my favorite events of the sports year. James Denton BRAH!

In conclusion, I really hope that Yasiel Puig makes the All Star Game because he is sick and actually makes watching a game fun and interesting. I even think that the haters would enjoy watching this guy fly all over the place. But I won’t actually vote in that contest because voting is for lame people. Justin Verlander sucks. Needed to be said one more time.


Anonymous said...

Nobody gives a shit about all-star rosters....well, probably a guy like Brady does.


Grumpy said...

Cakes will be live tweeting the All Star game.

GMoney said...

Says the guy who roots for the hick who can't break 94 anymore and gets lit up by Adam Dunn.


You telling me that you wouldn't be more likely to watch the game if Puig were playing? I will slap you in the dick BRAH-style if you disagree.

MuDawgfan said...


In all honestly, Puig should make it over Freddie Freeman. I hope it pisses Freeman off and he hits 350 with 8 jacks in the month of August.

Daniel said...

Apparently the Braves and Blue Jays are colluding to encourage each other's fan bases to vote for the other teams player for the final spot. That's why Freddie and the guy you've never heard of are currently leading the final fan vote.

GMoney said...

I heard about that. This Atlanta/Toronto partnership is about as lame as when Ocho and T.O. played together than one year that the Bengals sucked.

I can't think of one person who wants to watch a Freddie Freeman at bat. Now Freddie Slaveman, that's another story.

Ide said...

I enjoy Freddie Freeman, he has helped my wonderful team DOMINATE you faggots. I'd vote for him.

I'm sure Puig will get in.


The Iceman said...

Puig shouldn't be in the All-Star game. You know why? I just went to see where he ranks in the NL for average and couldn't find his name anywhere. Because he hasn't registered the minimum required ABs to be on any stat list. A popular guy who hasn't qualified to be on stat lists yet shouldn't be playing in a game that relies on popularity AND stats to get you there.

Puig being in the MLB All-Star game is the same as putting a NBA guy who's played 16 games in and putting an NFL guy who's played 3 in. That's just stupid.

Baseball guy talks all the time about how baseball is a marathon and you have to ride the hot streaks and forge through the cold streaks to survive. What if this is simply one of the best hot streaks the sport has seen? What if he cools off ane becomes just average down the stretch? It's only been 34 games. We're rewarding people for hot streaks now? In that case give Ace a medal for what he does in the crotch of his tighty whities. ZING!

You just can't let someone in an All-Star game based on a hunch they can sustain this effort more than 20% of your season.

GMoney said...

You're not forecasting the future at all. You'd be rewarding the past and present. He has been THEEEEEEE story in the sport for the first half of the season and only the Pirates come close. And he has the numbers to back it up. A hot streak is a couple weeks. 34 games of hitting over .400 while playing ELITE defense is pretty damn impressive.

You sound like an old man. Even Big Ten football coaches think that baseball is out of date with their line of thinking.

The Iceman said...

People are justifying Puig in the Allstar game after only 34 games by saying the short amount of time doesn't matter because of what he has done, as well as being able to sustain it all year because he is that great of a talent. So yeah...people are rewarding him for future stats that haven't happened and production based on assumptions.

I'm not doubting what he is doing is impressive. But would you put Andrew Luck in the Pro Bowl if he became a starter in the last 4 games of the year and threw 14 TDS, 3 picks, 1200 yards with 4 wins over that span? You wouldn't. Because its dumb to even suggest.

Jeff said...

Puig should be in. No doubt. He's the talk of baseball and what everyone wants to see. Kid is a stud. Viewership of the All Star game would be much higher as well and, you're right, baseball needs more young stars to gain more of a fan base.

Jeff said...

Oh and Fuck senior baseball writers.

GMoney said...

This isn't like any other all star game because THIS ONE COUNTS LOL! So why wouldn't you want the best players playing in it? He is clearly one of the best players in National League and a YUGE draw for viewers.

Hell, the Dodgers were one of the worst teams in baseball before he was called up and now they are something like 2 games out of first. It is not a coincidence.

I promise that even someone like you would enjoy watching him. He would warrant quite a few INTENSITY gold stars.

MuDawgfan said...

Now Freddie Slaveman, that's another story.

My favorite player on the Mississippi Sambos!!!

The Iceman said...

This has nothing to do with who would and wouldn't watch him. This has everything to do with baseball thinking they operate with a different set of rules than any other sport.

Answer this: Is there any other sport where fans would make such a strong Allstar game push for a player who has played in 38% of the season?

No. Another reason why baseball is the worst and dumbest sport.

Jeff said...

"This has everything to do with baseball thinking they operate with a different set of rules than any other sport"

Yes the old timers think this way and you apparently side with them on this.

Baseball needs to evolve like other sports have to gain popularity that has been lost and Puig (the best player right NOW) playing in the ASG would be a step in the right direction.

I guess they do technically operate by a different set of rules since the game MATTERS!!!!!

GMoney said...

Bryce Harper and Mike Trout made the All Star team last year without playing anything close to the full first half of the season. When you are TRANSCENDENT, the rules do not apply.

Mr. Ace said...

Baseball is different because the season is 300 days long, or something. Is 38% in baseball the same as football? Uhh, fuck no. How many different teams has he played? How many different pitchers has he got a hit off of? This isn't Luck beating up on 4 defenses in consecutive games. Baseball is different. Of course he should be in, he's been the best player since he steppedIinto the majors.

GMoney said...

Also a friendly reminder that Jut Verlander is shitty. It's as if every start is a World Series game this year.

Anonymous said...

Thats why Max Sherzer is starting the ALL STAR GAME.

G$ is Totes jelly the Tigers are loaded with Cy Young winners and that he drafted the wrong Tiger this year....

I think I heard or read somewhere that Piug is having the best career start since Broadway Joe Dimagio.

Sounds like an All Star to me? Or he's just another import on Steroids.....

- J Saul

GMoney said...

Jim Leyland is clearly biased. America wants Steve Delabar in the first inning.

You have one Cy Young winner. And he can't get anyone out now. You can stuff your jelly in a sack, mister.

GMoney said...

I've been doing a lot of thinking about who they celebrity participants for the softball game will be. I think one is a guarantee (as well as Mike Piazza):

Mets stadium + Grown Ups 2 coming out = Kevin James being all fat and stupid out there and probably wearing batting gloves

Anonymous said...

Tickets are $6 for the Celeb game/ home run derby, I may just check it out. Queens is a shithole though.


Prime99 said...

Pug, pig, Puig... Whatever his name is.

The Iceman said...

Puig is from Cuba so he's probably 37.

Anonymous said...

He's black so he probably stinks too

GMoney said...

I think he's more of a Chicano.

Prime99 said...

Puig is related to AC Slater.