|Somebody get this chinaman off me.|
If you haven’t been paying attention, here is a brief description on baseball’s new import. He is sick. He has a cannon for an arm. He is faster than an Uncle T hip thrust. No pitcher can get him out. He has breathed life into a shitty franchise. Basically, he is a more pigmented version of last year’s awesome rookie combo of Harper and Trout. He is awesome. While Puig has only been in the major leagues for 6 weeks or so, there has been much debate as to whether or not he should be an All Star next week. His numbers and his impact say yes. Jonathon Papelbon doesn’t think so. Marty Brennaman said it would be a “travesty” if Puig went to Queens. Well, Papelbon eats shit and Marty is an outdated coot. They are both wrong. Fuck yeah he deserves to be there. Here is why:
First of all, SMDH at the traditionalists and old fuckers who try to hold onto this weird notion of “sanctity” or whatever. I can’t wait for these assholes to die so that the game can evolve into an actual entertaining product that doesn’t rely on vast unwritten rules and policing their own. Yasiel Puig is scorching hot on the field and in the media ever since the first game that he played. He has dominated the game from the start. Why this is apparently not good enough for some boggles my mind.
I like the All Star Game. I hate the Home Run Derby but I like the ASG. I don’t like the idea that it determines home field advantage. That has always been so dumb for real. But it does so what are you going to do besides win the game. And there is the main rub. Wouldn’t you rather have Puig playing the last 3-4 innings in what is actually a VERY important baseball game over Hunter Pence? Pence sucks. We already know this. Do you want to watch a lesser player based solely on something as dumb as “service time”? No, you do not. I want a reason to watch the last few innings instead of turning to Storage Wars re-runs.
I like Marty because he’s a straight shooter and way better than his son but I don’t quite get what makes this a “travesty”. Puig has been better than almost everybody. Bryce Harper missed a month and has worse numbers. He’s starting. Andrew McCutchen has been one of the few Pirates that has sort of sucked this season. He’s going, too. In fact, the only NL OF that actually belong on the team are Justin Upton, Domonic Brown, Carlos Beltran, and CarGo.
One of Marty’s arguments is that Puig has not been around long enough to “earn” his spot on the team. O RLY? You’re right, coming to this country on a floating screen door and dodging sharks and then dominating from the first pitch is pussy shit. This is so dumb. If you are in the camp that Puig shouldn’t be an All Star then you are a dipshit fuckface who is probably related to Joe Dumars. What other sport actively campaigns for the most exciting players to not be on the biggest stage? Baseball doesn’t get it. And the fact that Freddie Freeman currently leads the fan vote over Puig shows that the fans don’t get it either. Put the fucking Cuban on the team and try to develop another superstar in a sport that definitely needs them. A couple other notes on the All Star Game:
-Justin Verlander has no business being there
-The AL fan vote is hilarious. Steve Delabar is winning it right now! Who? I honestly have no clue. He probably fucks kids.
-Jim Leyland took three catchers and two of them are named Salvador Perez and Something Castro. Every team being represented in a game that means something is the dumbest thing ever.
-There is zero reason to have two White Sox and two Twins on the AL team. Leyland did a terrible job with the roster. Jesse Crain and Glenn Perkins! LOL! They’re TOTES better than Longoria and Beltre!
-Derek Jeter is still the only good SS in the AL. Hardy and Andrus are garbage and Reyes is made out of glass vaginas.
-I will post the Celebrity Softball Game rosters on Monday. It is one of my favorite events of the sports year. James Denton BRAH!
In conclusion, I really hope that Yasiel Puig makes the All Star Game because he is sick and actually makes watching a game fun and interesting. I even think that the haters would enjoy watching this guy fly all over the place. But I won’t actually vote in that contest because voting is for lame people. Justin Verlander sucks. Needed to be said one more time.