this horrible post written by G$ just a scant three weeks ago? If you don't want to click the link and give this site unnecessary page views that it does not deserve, it was a premature eulogy for YOUR Cleveland Windians. It is the normal trash that you expect from this site and a blatant smear campaign toward the crown jewel franchise of Major League Baseball.
In case you haven't noticed, and judging by your lack of #Tribetown tweets, you haven't, WE ARE ON FIRE!
So I decided to rectify that today with an open invitation for all the haters to hop back on the bandwagon. We're back, BABY! The Windians enter Sunday trailing the Motor City Kitty Cats by just one game and are PRIME to overtake them for good by the end of the week. I've never stopped believing in these guys. I've been listening to that Journey song every day as a means to remind me to not stop believing. LOL! They don't call us BELIEVELAND for nothing! While G$ usually only does his lists as a top ten because he is lazy, I am a winner and will thus list the Top 25 Reasons Why The Indians Are Going To Win The World Series THIS YEAR!!!
1. Terry Francona is the best manager of all time. I mean, this guy ended the Curse of The Bambino. Now I'm not sure who this Bambino guy is but his signature was the main plot of The Sandlot and that is the best movie ever made. Hercules The Dog was just misunderstood. He can sit on my couch any time!
2. We've got great fans. Haters will point to our low attendance figures but that is just a lie. The fans who do pack The Prog are collectively louder and more passionate than every college football fanbase combined (excluding Ohio State because no one could match the one of a kind experience of The Shoe, of course).
3. John Adams is the best. There is not a finer top row of the bleachers drummer in all of baseball.
4. Carlos Santana the musician was named after Carlos Santana the C/1B. It's true. The guitarist had no name before the slugger came to prominence. That is a FACT.
5. Nick Swisher is the heart and soul of the team. We all wish that his numbers were better and that he had a better glove at first, but you have to love the passion with which he plays. He's just a kid out there! You would have to be a real jerk to not want to live in "Brohio"! LOL!
6. Yan Gomes is better than every other catcher in the league. It's true. I've done the research. And The Yanimal is our backup. We have an embarrassment of riches on the shores of Lake Erie.
7. We are all Kipnises! LOL! LeBron's got nothing on the premiere second baseman in the sport.
8. I have already started an online petition to have the restaurant/bar change it's name to Adobe Aviles. It currently has zero signatures but I expect it to take off in the coming weeks. I mean, why would anyone be against this?
9. Asdrubal Cabrera is back and better than ever. Yeah, he struggles a bit with his ballooning waist line but it is no secret that he is the superior Cabrera in baseball. No one denies this. You will never see our Cabby fly off the handle when someone throws inside on him like that Triple CLOWN Winner in Murder City.
10. Mark Reynolds hits Bombs Over Baghdad. Remember Outkast? What a group! We're sorry, Austin Jackson (Ooooooh), WE ARE FO REAL! Reynolds may swing and miss a lot but it doesn't matter because CHICKS DIG THE LONG BALL! LOL!
11. Lonnie Chisenhall is also back! By the end of July, Chisenhall will definitely surpass Smith as The Greatest Lonnie of all time.
12. Damman's nephew has a Michael Brantley shirt jersey so you know that he's ELITE.
13. We have the best outfield defense ever. So much speed that they outshine the SEC (but not the Silver Bullets!). And I just can't get enough of comparing Michael Bourn to Jason Bourne.
14. Drew Stubbs is a chick magnet. After two years of depressed eating by Grady's Ladies, baseball's best female fans have reformed themselves into Stubbs' Chubs and Tubs. Boy, do they love Drew!
15. If Ryan Raburn doesn't make the Utility Player All Star Game this year, I will eat my hat. He is without question the best free agent pick-up this season.
16. Even though he's already come and gone, John McDonald only plays for winners. We love you, Johnny Mac!
17. Jason Giambi is such a dynamic leader in the clubhouse. He was a cheater with the Yankees because they made him do it, but he is all class now. He's pretty much a player-coach out there and he does a great job. I've been calling him Giambino. I hope that it sticks!
18. Ubaldo Jimenez is an ace. He has some mechanical flaws that I've spotted and would love to tell him about and correct, but look at the guys that we gave up to get him--they all stink. We won that trade.
19. Justin Masterson is also an ace. This will not be contested by anyone. He's as great at pitching as he is at being handsome.
20. Corey Kluber, Zack McCallister, and Scott Kazmir are all borderline All Stars. Name 5 pitchers in the league better than these three; you can't!
21. The witch hunt against Chris Perez is over. We all shared a good laugh when some butthead tried to mail our closer's dog marijuana but that mess is done and Perez has rejoined the best bullpen in the league and is refocused on slamming doors shut.
22. Vinnie Pestano is back into his familiar role of 8th inning domination. I call him The Italian Stallion.
23. We always have that ace in the hole where if things get tough, we just unleash wave after wave of midges down from Canada. That always flusters fat, shitty opposing pitchers! LOL!
24. Matt Underwood deserves to call important games in September. He's always correctly challenging the umpire's strike zone and indirectly implying that the officials are in cahoots against Tribe Town. I love him because he is a fan and a straight shooter. I've heard that he loves a good thunderstorm, too, which is admirable.
25. Finally, Tom Hamilton is the best in the business. There is nothing better in this world than sitting on your porch on a steamy July night, watching the picturesque northwest Ohio sunset, drinking a cold beer, petting your dog, and listening to the dulcet tones of Hammy calling Tribe games. Folks, that's living the high life.
As you can see, it's all over but the championship parade. I've already got my chairs out on the sidewalk of Ontario Avenue. It is a done deal. Now I don't know much about basketball as jerks like The Iceman often point out, but I do like the style of local celebrity, Nick Gilbert. To quote him, "What's not to like?" Nothing when it comes to the Tribe, Nick, nothing at all.
OK, so at what point did you realize that this was not a Brady post but just the always great G$ using his warg powers and writing what Cakes constantly thinks? Cakes sucks yet I feel like I captured his essence perfectly. I also feel like he is the closest thing to PFTCommenter that we have here thus the similar writing style This is what he would have wrote had he not been a lazy shit. Although it would be littered with more references to Ohio Buckeye football probably. Urban Meyer! Recruiting! Now I'm done.