|Hey, James Bond, are you excited for fantasy football season?|
I have been in five fantasy football leagues for the last two years. It ain't easy. Last week, I turned in my e-mail of resignation to the one I was in with FagNasty back in Naptown. It might be the oldest league in the world. We’re talking maybe thirty years. All I know is that as far as I can remember, my dad has always been a member and he isn’t even one of the originals. Well, since the league HQ is 2+ hours away, I rely on FagNasty to do a lot of the pick-ups and trading. He did nothing last year. At all. So I bailed. I felt horrible. I have never quit a fantasy league before. This was new. And the weird thing about is that I had to resign to my old defensive coordinator whose reply e-mail could have somehow been a punch in the face. He is that crazy. This is going to be a running theme throughout the rest of the FFF’s (until Dut gets the message): don’t be afraid to walk away and don’t be afraid to do what needs to happen to STREMPHEN your league. Nobody likes a half-ass. We all demand full ass.
So I’m back down to four leagues and with my recent worldwide domination of the sport, prepare to get Big Benned (put this in the sex dictionary as “getting a swirly while being sodomized preferably in Georgia”) by Big Daddy (me AND J-Rupe!). OK, let’s start talking draft dates, times, places, and members for the DFL, MSFL, and G$FL.
First of all, the only date that does not work for me at all is Saturday August 24th which is when my dreaded OTHER LEAGUE drafts. Considering that this league’s draft resulted in me passing the fuck out on my in-laws couch while topless at 6 pm last year due to Four Loko, I will not miss it for any of you scrubs. I somehow finished third which is amazing for how drunk I was.
G$FL – I would assume that we still have the same 12 in the league this year. No one has told me that they are leaving. Although with Ide being the defending champ, everyone should consider suicide. We usually have held this on Labor Day Monday but Shit Shegitz is going to be out of town without computer access so we need to adapt. Any bad days or thoughts on when this should go down? Fuck Ide? Yes. Also, the site has been re-upped for a week now. Start getting in.
MSFL – Since this is online, we can do this whenever. I’m not worried about that. For as horrendous as Mr. Ace is at fantasy sports, he runs a fairly decent league here (not sure if I can say the same for how he represents us on Twitter). The question is if everyone is coming back. It felt like Daniel was on the ropes last year and FagNasty hasn’t been a contributor here for years so who knows what he will do. Prime (as well as myself OBVZ) seems to have this league on lockdown since its creation. It must be the media’s west coast bias. By the way, I prefer Tuesdays or Thursdays.
DFL – Well, your REPEAT OFFENDER CHAMPION is ready to go for the 3Peat. I tried to discuss the league with Dut on Saturday but I was much too drunk for anything to register and he wasn’t wearing a tie which bothered me greatly. It said FORMAL ATTIRE on the invitation, you hiney hobbit! If I recall though, it did sound like Dut was willing to ask some previous owners to leave the league which gave me an erection that later was jammed in the ice luge. This needs to be done, BRAH. Trim the fat (but not me). I have already recruited Wardo, Lange, and Boz to show up this year. They will come. You just have to force everyone to be in the same room. Plus pre-draft golf is always clutch. Ide needs to know a date, too. How about 8/17? Does that work for most? There ain’t SHIT going on in mid-August. It’s best just to set a date early and let people work around it rather than trying to get everyone’s feedback.
You know what would be good, if we could do the DFL on the 17th and the G$FL on the 18th. It is actually a concession that I would be willing to make for—ugh—my champion, Ide. Then again, if it is a strong pollen day he might have to stay in bed. Queer. Let’s do some work today, doggies, and make some decisions. For the rest of you, let us know if you would like to be on the wait list for the Money Shot Football League. There will likely be at least one open spot and there is no way that you could be worse than Iceman (back-to-black worst team in the league, right?). Also feel free to discuss other topics of the day. I hear that Marshall Henderson got suspended again for failing a drug test. Some of you better have trolled him good. Out.