Friday, July 26, 2013

A-Hole Of The Week Returns!

ASSHOLE OF THE CENTURY
For today’s quick post, we’re going back to the sometimes-used feature, Asshole of the Week. Obviously we don’t do this every week, but it is more frequent than Dut’s bi-weekly poker night (has been held once in the past four years which makes sense coming from someone who says that running a fantasy football league is hard which it is TOTES not). But I digress. Here are the nominees for an All-MLB edition of Asshole of the Week:

Ryan Braun – Duh. I guess that his 100% innocence was not as 100% as he once thought. He receives nomination because he pulled a Lance One Nut and totally ruined that urine sample collector’s life even though that guy was right all along. I guarantee that he will never receive an apology from Big Brawn: Feminine Napkins (ELITE SNL parody commercial).

Buster Olney – I like Buster a lot but when you actually go on TV and say that Braun should apologize to the 2011 Arizona Diamondbacks team then you are a dipshit.  What are they supposed to say anyway?  I forgive you?

Matt Kemp – Of course he wants that 2011 MVP that he didn’t win. What a puss.

Alex Rodriguez – A-Rod was due to come off the DL on Monday but suffered some sort of quad strain over the weekend. His doctor revealed on Wednesday that there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with his quad. Terrific! He’s making up fake injuries while he waits for the ax to fall on his head. I’m predicting a full year. A-Rod apparently vows to fight the forthcoming suspension which will be hilarious.  This entire situation/battle between Rodriguez and the Yankees is equal parts bizarre and LOLZ.  What other company would prefer to pay someone 100 million dollars as long as they never saw him again?

Brandon Phillips – I’m not sure if you guys caught this, but Dat Dude has said recently that he was pissed that the Reds gave Joey Votto 200 million last year and he only received 75. He didn’t think it was necessary to re-sign Votto while he the first baseman still had 2 years left on his contract and he feels cheated by his deal.

Who is the Asshole of the Week? I’m giving it to Phillips (Tonya loves him and, you know, fuck her). You make 8 figures a year. Shut the fuck up. Votto makes more than you because he is better than you. Period. What kind of horrible teammate calls out the guy playing next to him on the field about his contract? That’s some big time pussy shit. That has NOTHING to do with BP. Make your choices in the comments. Not baseball-related but Johnny Football crying on SEC Media Day about how busy he’s been and how the travel has been a grind and then hopping a flight to the ESPYs is AotW worthy, for sure. See you all on Monday.

Almost forgot that this weekend is Iceman's bachelor party up at PIB.  Let's hope that he gets alcohol poisoning!

17 comments:

Grumpy said...

What if ARod just showed up for work? What would/could the Yankees do?

GMoney said...

It would be tremendous if he did. They would not play him, but his presence just standing in the dugout like an idiot would be Nene Hilario.

Jeff said...

Everyone must be waiting on you to post the live blog from you and Ape's tummy sticks outing.

Mr. Ace said...

Baseball players are the worst.

Jeff, don't be so jelly. And it wouldn't be tummy sticking. That is a mutual act. It would be rough anal because I was on fiya down the stretch. Although we both made significant improvement on the back. We also talked about Dut saying how great he is every summer and then being exactly as terrible as the previous. That guy.

Prime99 said...

A-Rod has lost his Mexican marbles. He is asshole of the week by a lot. He's going to fight to get back on the field for a couple games before getting a 1.5 year suspension? LOL

The Iceman said...

This will most likely be my lone contribution of the day because Yes. Today and tomorrow is my bachelor party. I welcome alcohol poisoning, actually. More time off work. That reminds me...don't expect a whole lot out of me Tuesday. Not that anyone would anyway. I feel I've done a pretty good job conditioning you guys to expect the worst every Tuesday.

Tonya said...

Ummm... can I put in my own nomination? ....G$.... That whole interview with Brandon Phillips was taken out of context. This interview was done while the front office was telling Brandon, whose contract was in the process of expiring, that they just didn't have the money while giving Votto such a large amount with time left on his contract. He wasn't saying anything negative about Votto, he was questioning why he was getting the run around and whether he was going to continue to be a Cincinnati Red or not. If you can tell me for one minute that you're ok with somebody lying straight to your face and you wouldn't have some choice words to say about that, I will retract my nomination.

Grumpy said...

And we haven't been disappointed.

The Iceman said...

Don't listen to Tonya. She's spent a large portion of her life defending Chad Johnson and his 4th grade antics. Zero credibility.

Aaron Hernandez said...

I'll nominate my own asshole as biggest after Tyrone is done with it.

Prime99 said...

Marge Schott's legacy reigns supreme! Pay the white man over the black man! No brainier, really.

Tonya said...

Don't listen to Tonya. She's spent a large portion of her life defending Chad Johnson and his 4th grade antics. Zero credibility.

Really Ice? Chad Johnson played for the Bengals for a maximum of 10 years which does not constitute a "large portion" of my life. Chad Johnson was comical, Brandon Phillips is being realistic. There is a huge difference between the two. And you would be doing the same thing if we were talking about your boyfriend, Tom Brady.

GMoney said...

Sorry, weasels, I just got off the diamond and enjoyed a pretzel bun burger lunch.

Tonya, my point is that you don't talk about someone else's contract ever especially when he's your teammate and an MVP. Did they lie to him? Who cares, he is still getting paid. It was an asshole move by a guy who is rarely an asshole and thus must be chastised as an asshole when he is acting like one.

SORIANO!!! I can get my shirt jersey back out and it will be relevant again! Now if we just dig El Duque out of the moth balls, I will double my wardrobe.

I played like shit yesterday which was expected. Long links courses are not my style. I lost about ten balls in the long grass. I have exactly one ball in my bag today so call me John Kruk.

Prime99 said...

The Cubs are doing well in sell mode. Build that system, Theo!

GMoney said...

You're paying 17 million still and got an average player back. GOOD JOB THEO!!!

GMoney said...

Watching Boy Meets World and pondering how much I would love to fist Topanga...NBD

Prime99 said...

That's probably Boy Meets World Season 1 you child molester!

The Cubs got rid of over $6 mil in payroll and Corey Black apparently can throw 100 from time to time.

The Cubs being active sellers is helping their future, unlike a team like the Giants that thinks they are still in it.