Friday, June 28, 2013

Who The Hell Is Anthony Bennett?

We drafted THIS guy?
Well, that was a surprise.  It's always nice when Bill Simmons shits his pants in shock less than ten minutes into the draft.  What a fucking wild first round.  We should have seen this coming.  When everyone says that no one is any good then you can wipe your ass with all the mock drafts.

You should have seen me an hour before the drat began.  The wife kept telling me that I was being annoying because I was so nervous.  I REALLY didn't want Alex Len.  I would have been OK with anyone else living on the planet over Len.  You can steal my fucking sunshine out in Burke's territory, you bald queerbate (ELITE shitty late 90's song reference).  Actually, that's not true.  I would take Len over "Interviewer Shane Battier" who has to be the worst person at his job of all time.  He better not have gotten paid for that in anything other Giant Eagle fuel points.

So the Cavs took Larry Johnson's son.  Eh, he's a little bit more plump than I would prefer but he can definitely play.  Does anyone troll the media better than Chris Grant?  NO ONE saw that coming. I'm sure that Bennett will be fine.

Nerlens Noel to Philly for Jrue Holliday and a GUARANSHEED lottery pick next year?  HOLY SHIT THE SIXERS ARE THE WORST.

Cody Zeller is the most Michael Jordan pick of all time, isn't it?  I think that Zeller is better than he gets credit for, but a Zeller/Mullens frontcourt isn't going to scare away anyone but attractive women.

Booing the Commissioner at The Draft is a tradition in every sport that I love so much.  Stern is a cocksucker so it is even more fitting.   I can't wait to see how Bettman is treated on Sunday afternoon.

Trey Burke is taking his sucky ways to Salt Lake.  That's great.  We will never hear of him again.

Who called the Pistons taking Kentavious Caldwell-Pope?  THIS MOTHERFUCKER.

The top ten this year was one of the wildest that I can remember.  That was a fun hour+.  

I'm going to end this little--whatever this has been--after the Cavs pick at 19.  Anything that happens after that will be addressed in the comments.  I do want to mention that Brooklyn trying to get KG and Pierce is so hilariously awful.  That would be the worst and most pricy roster in the league.

Cavs take Sergey Karasev who they have been rumored to like for months.  He's KGB.  Maybe he can convince Bob to re-sign with the CBJ.  We OBVZ don't need LeBron now that we have Sergey Karasev from The Americans.

That's it.  Laugh about Anthony Bennett in the comments if you want.  I'm making the trip back to Nap tonight for Ribfest.  Should be a good time since Naptown Wolverine is out of town.  I'll be slaying ass with Danario Alexander and Duke Football's #1 fan, GSaul.  This post sucked...but not as much as Shane Battier: Amateur Interviewer.

37 comments:

Anonymous said...

First of all, I hope Slow Seal killed himself after Nerlens fell last night. I can only imagine how shocked he was when multiple teams passed on the skinny kid with a torn ACL and no offensive game. Shocking!

I was disappointed in not taking Burke, but a good wing scorer definitely was the biggest need....so, at least he addressed that. I really like the other two picks too.

Ape....congrats on getting Buckets!!!!!

--Drew

Grumpy said...

I think you will be happy with this pick in the long run.

You watch the NHL Draft?

Anonymous said...

Go away Drew - you obviously don't pay attention anymore and are just as worthless as you were when you posted regularly.

I could have cared less that Noel fell in the draft. I THOUGHT that if his knee was ok and cleared then the Cavs should draft him. But obviously multiple teams knew something and passed. Good for them. I don't care if a UK player blows after he leaves UK, as long as he is and was good when he played there.

Fun draft to watch with all of the surprises. Bill Simmons crying about Boston's trade for the last hour was hilarious. How terrible is New Jersey? And I agree that trade for Philly is so bad.

Seal

MuDawgfan said...

The Hawks traded for that 7 foot 1 kid with the afro. He's from Brazil, plays in Europe and weighs a 205.
At 7 foot 1, his point production is 5.4 ppg.


So, you know.....CHAMPIONSHIP.

GMoney said...

If you're going for a rebuild and the Sixers are then why would you dump your AS PG who is under 25??? Noel and MCW look a lot better on paper than they do in real life.

The Celtics LOL! Nice team.

I'd still rather be them than the Nets though. Deron! Joey J! Jelly Tits! Homophobe! Brook! JET! NO ONE ELSE! A terrible head coach! They will fail miserably.

I hope that some of you stuck around for the second round where Doc Rivers called Simmons an idiot after Simmons implied that Doc quit on Boston (which he did). It was AWESOME. I thought that the ESPN panel was wildly entertaining last night. And Fran Fraschilla breaking down the Euros always makes me smile.

Say what you want about Seal but there is no way that he is rooting for Archie Goodwin to succeed. That guy is SHIT.

Buckets was taken about ten or more slots lower than Johnny Threebler. LOL!

The Cavs should not have traded Allen Crabbe. That dude and his ears can mos def play.

I'm fine with Bennett. He's got a great frame to work with and with some good conditioning can maybe be a SF for us. He won't be a bust.

Either way, and Seal and I agreed on this over sexts last night, we are ALL IN 4 LEBRON. It is very OBVZ.

Mr. Ace said...

Fuck Buckets. Pop was just trolling and wanteed an additional bag boy.

I like the Livio kid...but I think we should have got somebody that was more NBA ready. The Spurs are going to make another run at the title next year and I'm not sure LJC will be a part of that. ANYTHING TO KEEP SPLITTER OFF THE FUCKING FLOOR.

I really wanted that Russian kid. Seemed like a perfect heir to the Ginobili thrown.

Drafting a tweener/undersized 4 with #1? That will work out well. He has range, but he is fat and still needs to put on some good weight to play the 4.

Pelicans made a killing last night. Sixers are now THE WORST organization in pro sports.

The Pistons pick was terrible. You have a kid who can't dribble and can't pass...and doesn't have a true PG to get him the ball. Joey D Forever!

Ben McLemore just seems like a fucking pussy. Sactown is probably a good landing spot for him. He has the most mentally weak appearance ever. And he shouted out his locked up brother. Very nice.

THAT DRAFT WAS FUCKING AWESOME!

Anonymous said...

Since a couple of you took me to task yesterday, and I laid out how they should pass on NoeLOL, and choose a 4, I essentially proved how ELITE I am at being a GM, and how WRONG you were at doubting my prowess.

Just let that sink in for a moment, I was right, and likely know more than you.

Ide

GMoney said...

And as Iceman laid out for you as well, getting Noel required a team to give up their well established AS PG for his services. And you never implied that the Cavs should take a 4. Quit lying to everyone, you hipster.

Ape, you like the Rusky that we took? SUPER BOWL!

No matter who we took at #1, there would be doubters. It was inevitable. But we got a guy who can score in bunches, is still a baby, has a good build that just needs some molding, and most importantly is Canadian and from the same town as Tristan Thompson. YES!

I am starting to agree on McLemore. He really does look like a mental pussy. I'm sure that playing with DeMarcus Prime will harden him up real quick.

Dawg, that Brazilian kid was the GOAT! I was not expecting anyone to look like that.

GMoney said...

By the way, with Atlanta and Boston both destroying their foundation (and to a lesser extent Milwaukee), that should allow some of the East bottomfeeders to get back into the playoffs. I think that the Wizards and Cavs (no Pistons) might be able to get in next year. Washington definitely. Every person in 'merica would watch a CLE/MIA playoff series. NO ONE DENIES THIS!

Jeff said...

CANADA CAVS!!!

Prime99 said...

"Saceemeno" is not a real place McLemore. Get it right before Cousins prison rapes the pussy out of you.

Tony Snell and Erik Murphy are fine picks for the Bulls. Murphy may be a little too white, but whatevs.

At what point will you be putting maple leaves on Cavs jerseys? Soon, right?

GMoney said...

They will be running out of the locker room to Summer Of '69 while their heads are flapping around South Park-style. I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND, GUY!

Anonymous said...

The Q will now heavily feature Labatt Blue.

So I watched my very first episode of Big Brother. It is basically one of those Road Rules/Real World challenge shows. That Staten Island girls is TOTES annoying and I hope she is the first to leave.

My boy Nick looks prime to make a deep run. Also Seal, if you watch it, its crazy how much Nick talks like Adam. Just weird. And LOLS at him being an 'entrepreneur'. He is a youtube actor who works at a clothing store.

When does this show come on?

Ide

Anonymous said...

Personally, I loved watching David Stern troll the fans. I wish more commissioners were like that. I laughed when he opened the draft and insulted the host site by saying "Thank you for the warm Brooklyn welcome" as the fans were booing him.

I don't think the Cavs did terribly with Bennett. He is a big who can run in transition and score. Of all the guys in the top 5, he may have been the safest. Yes, he probably has a lower ceiling, but the guy is almost guaranteed to be a solid contributor.

I agree that the teams must have known something about Noel that we did not. For a guy to slide that for and get traded, tells me that A) he was overhyped, and B) his injury is scary.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

Ide, Big Bro is on every Sunday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. It is the gift that keeps on giving.

I have to admit, when Stern was getting ready to announce the Cavs pick and you could see him start with an "A", I had already cocked my laptop back in preparation of slamming it into the wall.

I'm going to miss Stern. He sure does love getting booed. I actually thought it was really cool that they brought Hakeem out for his final pick.

Fuck you, Prime, for not tipping your cap at that terrific Len - Steal My Sunshine reference. You know, I think that they are Canadian as well. MAPLE SYRUP ON ME!

Prime99 said...

I always disliked that song so you get no props from me on that reference!

Bennett and Thompson farting on each other like Terrance and Phillip would be the best! Celine Dion will sing the Canadian anthem at every home game!

Anonymous said...

Very off topic, but this one is for all you Napoleon football fans.

I was reading an article on an OSU site and came across this kid's name and it sounded familiar. It turns out Big Strut and myself coached this kid in pee wee football in Napoleon before he moved to Kentucky. As a soph he threw for 3000 yds, 32 tds, and only 3 ints. I taught him all he knows. He would have been a TE in Napoleon's offense.

http://247sports.com/Player/Elijah-Sindelar-32313?Institution=11797

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

Did Ape just say that Jose Calderon is not a true PG? LOLWUT?

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Isn't Calderon like 35 now? Which in Euro years is 45 because he probably turned pro at 16. And good luck with a finesse 6'6" wing. Drew reppin Calderon today and G$ reppin Walton yesterday. You know how I know your team blows?

Look for Mr. Sindelar to be filing charges based upon showering practices in pee weer football after his career is over.

Anonymous said...

I don't care about the draft, but it is apparent that slow seal is embarrassing himself as usual. His comment from yesterday flew under the radar...

"How about those underachieving Detroit Tigers? Most underachieving team in baseball again? Most underachieving team in baseball"

You mean the under achieving team that won the American League and went to the World Series!? If that's under achieving ill take that every year. Also, the Angels (who just kicked our ass) are 8 games under .500 and 10 games out of first place. The tigers are in first place. Id say that theyre a bit more under achieving. You, sir, are a moron.

Dut

GMoney said...

Now now, we all know and acknowledge that Seal is better than Dut. Dut is this site's Luke Walton. OK in very small doses but most of the time straight garbage.

That kid moved because he was tired of getting his oil changed by the Struts.

AB and Tristan farting on each other would be the greatest YouTube video of all time. That would blow up THE DIFF.

The Iceman said...

- Ben McLemore giving a shout out to his incarcerated brother last night tells me that he's ready for Sacramento.

- The Cavs took Jason Maxiell with a slightly better jumper as the number one overall last night. Let that sink in.

- Agree with Ace...Even though Calderon is a true PG, the Pistons need a franchise PG for the next 10 years. They had a chance to get one in Trey Burke and Dumars blew it. Even if he had no interest in keeping Burke he could have, at minimum, flipped him for 2 first round picks like Minnesota did. Dumars is so fucking dumb.

- Ryan Kelly was drafted before DeShaun Thomas. Let's never forget that.

- Simmons and Rivers little public spat last night was awesome. It's like they have little school yard crushes on each other.

- Brooklyn adding 3 guys 2 years from retirement and everyone thinking they are an instant title contender was one of the most hilarious things last night. That team will barely make the playoffs and get first rounded.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, it's really hard to figure out who got fucked in that trade. It was like Boston and Brooklyn colluded to tank their franchises for the next few years. Let's never forget that Rondo get super fucked out of all of this. Have fun dumping to Wallace and Sully!

I'm pretty sure parity wise the Eastern Conference took a giant step backwards. We can already lock down a IND/MIA conference finals repeat. Now there's talk of JR Smiff going to CHI on a trade. I can't wait to see how this shakes out.

Ide

GMoney said...

When healthy, the Bulls are better than Indy. At least they should be. But yes, those three teams are head and shoulders better than anyone else in the East.

I like Simmons on TV. He isn't afraid to get fired. His immediate reaction after Mempis T. Queerpuncher announced the big trade was dynamite. You could see him getting more and more furious.

LOL at calling Bennett Maxiell. That was a solid pick and you know it.

I don't even know who is on the Celtics anymore other than Rondo, Sullinger, and Jeff Green. They did TRADE UP for Kelly Olynyk so PROBLEM SOLVED!

The Iceman said...

Lets see....Bennett is 6'7". So is Maxiell. Bennett is what they call a "high riser". So is Maxiell. Bennett is too short for PF and too fat for SF. So is Maxiell. Bennett plays with a high motor. So does Maxiell...of at least he did at 22. Bennett is a terrible one on one defender. So is Maxiell. Should I keep going? The only difference is Bennett has a more developed jumper than Maxiell. And from what I understand...it's a good jumper not a great jumper.

GMoney said...

Some people say cucumber taste better pickle. Huh? What? Huh?

You forgot to factor in "Canada" which is a difference maker. Plus, being able to score makes a YUGE difference.

Who else is going to Ribfest tonight (besides LS)? It's not nearly as ELITE as our Ribfest but there are about a 1000 times more people.

Mr. Ace said...

I will not be at Ribfest. But I will be back in Naptown tomorrow fo the super awesome Class of 03 Reunion!!! Dammit.

Brady said...

I was at Jeds when the pick went down and there was an audible groan that came from the crowd. Cleveland is ELITE at disppointing its fans.

GMoney said...

Whoever they picked was not going to be universally loved. They should have been cheering wildly that we didn't draft another Chris Mihm.

Anonymous said...

I fucked Chris Mihm's cousin in college.

Ide

GMoney said...

I'm sure that you were the envy of no one. You probably fake banged her after taking her to a Gerardo show or something.

Anonymous said...

Envy of no one, because, as I later found out, anyone that would have envied me hit it already or subsequently.

She probably took more shots to the rim than he ever did.

Ide

The Iceman said...

Ide fucked Chris Mihm's cousin? He probably banged Steven Adams' burly, logger, shot putting sister too. I hope her beard didn't interfere with the sloppy BJ she gave you.

GMoney said...

I don't recommend reading the comment section of any site other than this one or Uproxx but this beauty at CBS made me LOL hard:

Any truth to the rumor that Noel didn't want to go to Cleveland just to take a pay cut?

It's funny beacause John Calipari is a scumbag who likes to spread his bat wing on Seal's forehead.

GMoney said...

I just want to reiterate that Shane Battier was goddamn atrocious last night. I would say "don't quit your day job" but I've been wanting that for a decade.

The Iceman said...

The best part about Battier's interviewing abortion last night was the Q and A session with a Russian guy who barely spoke English. Battier concluded the interview with, "Wow. That's great." One of the better moments of last night. It was second only to Battier's public dick sucking of that Plumlee kid with the Volkswagon chin.

GMoney said...

RIP Doink The Clown!