Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Mo Cheeks Mo Problems


 "You will not fire me...I'm totes smart...I know what I'm doing...You will not fire me..."



The Detroit Pistons have finally ended their extensive round of interviews for their vacant head coaching job that will most certainly be vacant again in 2 years.  And they decided to go with the decorated former Portland/Philadelphia head coach Maurice Edward "Mo" Cheeks.  Jesus Christ.  This organization's dedication to losing is fucking remarkable.  I realize at this point that the Piston's head coaching job isn't that attractive.  The city is a fucking sink hole and the team hasn't been relevant since 2008.  But you're telling me the best you can come up with was a fucking coin flip between Mo Cheeks and Nate McMillan??  Just shameful.

This whole "getting Phil Jackson involved" thing was a God damn disaster from the start.  And it ends in equally disastrous fashion with this pig shit of a hire.  Here's a serious question that I would love a serious answer to.  Just exactly what the fuck did Jackson do to aid in this coaching search besides make the Pistons look like a pathetic mess?  Seriously!  What?!  I heard basically all he did was make a handful of visits and eventually tried selling Dumars on Brian Shaw...a guy who played AND coached under Jackson.  So essentially Gores paid Phil Jackson to fly from LA, or wherever the fuck he lives, a couple of times just to tell Joe Dumars he should hire a buddy of his.  Impressive way to waste money, fuck bag.

I was never a fan of getting Jackson involved to begin with.  I heard a lot of mindless chatter from Pistons fans talking about how Detroit is finally going to get the right coach now that such a “great basketball mind” like Jackson is assisting in the quest.  This was my issue from the start.  If you’re paying Dumars to make these decisions that he has proven he clearly cannot make…then WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CONTINUE TO EMPLOY HIM?!  It’s not like the fans are picketing for Dumars to retain his job.  Everyone hates him and wants him gone.  Dumars has shown over the last 5 years that he has no God damn idea what he’s doing.  Bringing in someone to essentially teach him how to do his job 13 years later is flat out embarrassing for this franchise.  Dumars is an idiot.  Everyone knows that.  Instead of making a fucking mockery out of the team, do what should have been done 3 years ago and send his ass to the unemployment line.

So fast forward to yesterday and the announcement of Mo Cheeks.  Jackson was ignored every step of the way and Dumars made a dumb hire like he always does.  I just have no words to properly express my frustration.  I’ll never understand how guys who fail miserably as head coaches in the NBA continue to get considered for head coaching jobs when they have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt they don’t have what it takes.  Cheeks has been fired twice in the last 13 years as a head coach and has finished over .500 only twice and people only remember him because he bailed out some chick who fucking bricked on the National Anthem.  Yeah.  That’s the guy I want coaching my team.

The only thing keeping me from leaping to my death today is knowing that no matter who the Pistons hire they will always be better than the Cavs.  That is a FACT.  On a side note: Wheelz had her bridal shower…or whatever the fuck it’s called this last Sunday.  We made out like bandits and bridal showers are a definite check on the “pro” side of getting married.  For example.  We registered at triple B’s (Bed Bath and Beyond for the un-hip ones here), Target and Macy’s I think.  While walking through triple B’s thinking of ways to hurt myself just enough to put me in the hospital but not enough to do permanent damage, I stumbled upon the pillow section.  As a total joke, I grabbed that gun thingy they give you and beeped the softest most expensive pillow those fuckers had in the joint.  I actually remember laughing and saying out loud, “No one is dumb enough to buy this for me”.  I stand corrected, gents.  I fucking cackled when I showed up to the last 30 minutes of the shower and saw this $200 (not kidding) beautiful bastard staring me in the face.  THANKS IDIOT WHO BOUGHT THAT FOR ME!!  Now all we need is that Margartiaville Margarita maker I secretly slid in the registry and we’re all set.

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

Definitely a bad hire by whomever made the call. Doesn't make sense. At least they didn't re-hire Michael Curry.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

Nobody cares about the Pistons and I got you a toothpick holder.

GMoney said...

If you were the Cavs, you would have rehired Jon Kuester again! I agree that it never makes sense how these retreads keep getting dug up only for them to do the exact same thing that they always do...lose. And lose big.

I'm glad that you're on the bandwagon of Dumars being a moron twin with himself as the other twin (we're sticking with that reference). I've always felt this way. He's terrible at his job.

The registry is a great thing. However, cash is better. Don't let Wheelz put any fine china on that. Biggest scam in the wedding business.

The Iceman said...

I just assumed Grumpy would gift something he whittled out of wood on his front porch. But then I remembered Grumpy has a nature boner and probably would weep like a bitch if he ever found a broken stick in his yard.

I have a lot of lazy friends. A LOT. So I assume most of them will give me cash. I have no idea what Wheelz put on the registry since she went a full day without me. But if her taste in stuff is anything like her taste in TV then I can promise you there is fine china on that bitch. And I can also promise you it will be getting returned.

Anonymous said...

I'm giving you a half drank bottle of Wild Irish Rose, a can of almonds, and a Philly blunt. Basically, I am wedding shopping for you at the nearest Sunoco to your wedding.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

Serious question, has a retread coach ever worked out? Has there ever been a guy who was sub .500 for 10 years and then all of the sudden won a title or two? Teams are trying to play it safe, but instead are just playing dumb. So dumb fo real.

I registered for a buddha statue and fake fur rugs at BBB. Never got either. My friends suck and Mrs Aces friends know me too well.

GMoney said...

Hmmmmm...retread success stories...

It probably works best in baseball. Doc Rivers was a re-tread loser so he is probably the most successful off the top of my head. It will absolutely not work for the KC Chiefs.

The Iceman said...

I can't think of one, Ace. I would rather take a chance with some no name assistant from a different team than go with a guy who has never won as a head coach. From the sound of things, Gores really doesn't give a shit because his intentions from the start was to move this team to Detroit, build an arena downtown, then sell the team for more than what he paid for it when it becomes more valuable. Essentially he's trying to flip an NBA franchise. Glad the Davidons sold to this guy. /air wank.

GMoney said...

Nothing beats having a con man that isn't even good at hiding his con running the show!

Mr. Ace said...

G$, Doc was the only one that came to mind for me, but I couldn't remember how long he had been around before winning in Boston.

Ice, well, in order to make it more valuable they are going to have to be good. I don't think you can flip a franchise that has a half empty arena.

I just saw the Ochocinco court room video for the first time. HE GOT FUCKED.

GMoney said...

Easy on Ocho. That may be a big chink of tomorrow's post. Did I just write chink? I'm going to allow it.

Obviously, Belichick is the best example of a complete failure that succeeded with a second chance but if you have been living under a rock for the last 24 hours, you may not know that his entire resume and legacy has just been flushed down the toilet. I said that I would never write about Timmy Tenor again so I won't but I can comment on how utterly fucktarded that signing is. Josh McDaniels has done more damage to THE SHIELD than anyone else.

The Iceman said...

I want to comment on this chad Johnson thing so bad. But I will respect the blog.

I promise the only reason Billy B is chancing Tim Tens is so he can use it to troll the fuck out of the Jets. Oh....Tenor sucked in NY? He wont here because I'm better than you. U mad bro?

Semi related but someone unrelated to the Tens signing...John Feinstein is a whiney fucking cunt who needs to be ripped off the air immediately. We get it. You hate ESPN. Now shut your toilet.

Anonymous said...

Granted, I don't know shit about the NBA but I've always felt that coaches were OVERRATED. I just tried to think of 10 coaches and couldn't do it. There are like 6 franchises that even matter anyways. The others have no chance. This is why the NBA blows chunks.

J-Rupe is getting hitched! His bachelor party is going to epic I'm sure. I can't think of what part of this is more hilarious.

-Damman

GMoney said...

Good call! I forgot about Rupe getting engaged! The sanctity of marriage has been saved!!!

I don't believe that coaching is OVERRATED at any level of basketball because the good ones always win since they know how to make adjustments at the right times. The same shitty ones keep getting hired by low market turd franchises and then fired two years later.

I want to believe that BB signed Tenor only because he wants to cut him. But you know it is a favor for each one of their bottoms...Urb. You know damn well that Urb is behind this.

Mr. Ace said...

Can the Pistons tear up the Mo Cheeks contract and hire Lionel Hollins? That would definitely be a better hire.

The Iceman said...

Dammit!! How did I miss this J-Rupe news?? I'm usually on it when it comes to all things Rupe. The bachelor party will be in his apartment bathroom. Getting crushed on Busch reg and snapping as many middle finger mirror pics as the phone can handle. I have to get an invite...

Mr. Ace said...

Has anybody talked to Tonya? She is on suicide alert. I bet she is crushed by this news. Maybe Rupe will hire her as the entertainment for the bach party.

Tonya said...

Ahhhh, yes boys, it has been a rough day indeed. I've been stuffing my face with bon-bons and watching lifetime movies all day. I was able to muster up enough energy to get off the couch long enough to call my boss and take a personal day today. It is a sad, sad day for me. Sympathy gifts can be sent in the form of chocolate and porn if you feel the need.

Anonymous said...

How about a frying pan to learn on, so you don't have this happen again?

Man, I want this to end badly. Can someone find out who this broad is, so we can all laugh. I'm still currently blocked from J-Rupes account.

Ide

GMoney said...

We know who it is. B-Hampton. And don't worry, Tonya, he hasn't said his vows yet! I wonder if his fiancee knows that he could get pussy all the time if he wanted to. He is a slayer of vaginas.

Tonya said...

This will be her fourth marriage so I am positive that this will end fabulously. A frying pan will also work, Ide.

GMoney said...

Are you serious? She must be a real bitch. Obviously a looker though since J-Rupe wouldn't be caught dead (there is a good pun) with an uggo.

Prime99 said...

The RUPE IS ON FIRE!!!!

The Pistons are terrible. Zombie Chuck Daily would be a better hire.

Tonya said...

She definitely has her own sense of style... and a killer set of wheels, too!

The Iceman said...

Not that anyone but Piston fans care...but why was Laimbeer never considered for the job? I take him in a second.

GMoney said...

Being a former WNBA coach makes him too qualified to run the Pistons.

Prime99 said...

G$ +1!